SB Nation - Login for mobile commenting

Lookout Landing

4/14: Open Game Thread, Part 2

Zack Greinke career GB%: 36%
Seattle Mariners 2008 GB%: 42%
Seattle Mariners vs. Zack Greinke GB%, four innings: 69%

4 recs  |  931 comments

Comments

This game needs more Roy

This game needs less of the Mariners

And more May 2007 Alfred Jesusson

I really hope he rises from the dead

or we're boned

I would prefer he not be dead to begin with

This game needs more offense.

I can't believe I'm certain this team will loose facing only a two run deficit.

Orbison?

ROY HOBBS GODDAMMIT

who?

If you're serious

I hereby revoke your username

BWAHAHAHA I was hoping it was him who posted that..

Awesome.. simply awesome

yeah... not serious

although its actually based on this poster that I've had in my room since i was like 4

if there was ever a player that deserved that nickname

it was Griff.

Needs more Pat Burrell

This game needs to acquire Kenny Lofton.

Get Greinke on our side bitches

too... confident... to... pitch...

Brandon Roy?

Boo Huskies, but yay Blazers

I hate how all-star'ish teams look against us

Greinke doing his Webb impression, Tony Pena Jr. just got a hit to break an 0-for the season past the first game.. Olivo HR? Jesus.

Hit to Tony Pena ?

huh...

Ichiro should have nailed Pena in the back with the ball.

FUCK THIS SHIT

BRING ME SOME KNUCKLEBALLS

Washburn is powerfully boring to watch

We need a drinking game to make his starts more interesting.

For every pitch he throws....

game? who needs that

//opens new beer

Now you're just taunting Jeff

Jeff cannot drink?

I'm out of beer

Could be worse

My roommate is allergic to Gluten...no beer for him...EVER

(except really obscure Sorghum beer)

The only sorghum beer I've tried sucked ass

That's too bad

Maybe someday they will invent places wherein you can exchange currency for said goods.

One can only dream..

Explain.

see, when a man loves a woman, and a woman loves a man

she goes out and procures beer for him.

And yet beer is often a primary factor in acquiring said woman

the circle of life is a beautiful thing

I wish

it's usually fruity cocktails and a roofie. Beer would be much cheaper and more endearing.

If you club them in the back of the head in the right spot they lose their free will and you keep your money

I was in a rush to get home for the Sens game

FUCK MY EARS

proper prior planning prevents piss-poor performance

The seven P's in life I always say....

there's eight actually

but the other one is usually involved in bad decision making.

I'm going to stab myself to death with my own fingers

I pound them down when met with competition

Jarrod can't get strike 3 FUCK

He already used up his strikeouts for the week

Screw you Washburn.

FIGHT FIGHT! Come on.. make this game somewhat interesting.

You sound like me during the last five or six minutes of the Sens game today

I was not proud of my behavior

but I'd do it again

Yeah

I wonder if all of our calls for death to the opposing teams has put us on any watch lists?

If so

WATCH THIS MOTHERFUCKERS

(You can't see what I'm doing because it's a visual)

NSA is so burned

It's funny how fast this GT has died.

I am betting Washburn has a thing or two to do with it

good job Wash

Take that Royals!

Grass Creek will be ours!!!!

Pitch count?

Are we up to meltdown yet?

Meltdown meaning.... after the 3rd pitch?

Nah, I meant the typical 90 pitch blow up.

He was at 70 before an out was recorded

He has one more pitch

Then he's at 90 and every pitch he throws will go over the wall.

ROY

JOHNNY MAC IS CHANNELING MY BRAIN

Sit down Corco!

We want Dickey!

Finally Jeeze

bring on Dickey

A "mel-meeting"?

Haha, so clever Sims, soo clever.

My Toes...

are fucking cold.

Yeah, honestly I'd rather have Dickey

Maybe they're moving Dickey to the rotation so he is unavailable? Please?

It sounded like Mac

was leaning towards putting Dickey in the rotation if Bedard misses a lot of time.

They did say that according to Jose Romero on Baker's blog..

Dickey could slide in to Bedards spot in the rotation if it is worse than they think

must...resist...immature...jokes...

What slot

do you think Dickey will go into?

Well, I've had enough of Baek already, so I approve.

They'll probably bring 'em out for one more inning.

God I don't want to see an interview

with Kevin Colabro. He's the only part of the Sonics I'll miss.

Strike 1 [/Coach]

On that note, where the hell is Coach?

I think I scared him away by accident

what? how?

He's less scarable awayable than I am!

The second you admit that is the second he returns in all his coachy glory

He's probably lurking here at this very instant.

I still don't like you Coach

now that's not nice

People often mistake honesty for being mean

HAHAHHA

Nice pre-emptive strike

Somewhere feeling unloved.

Perhaps he's at the game

Section: I'm going to kill you all
Row: Die.
Seat: None of you will be alive tomorrow morning.

Seriously.. he got a bit crazy the last couple days before he ran away

That was strange

Social Anxiety Disorder?

Richie is so tall!

BONE! Hot damn he looks freezing!

Fun group of guys, Blowers?

You must have been the clubhouse buzzkill.

Blowers is probably really fun when he's not on the air.

I think Mrs. Blowers would beg to differ.

WILKERSON FOR UNCONDITIONAL RELEASE WAIVERS

Let's Joh! Let's Joh! Let's Joh! Let's Joh!

I quit.

And I screwed that up anyway.

At least it wasnt a ground ball, right?

WOW

This offense is offensive

Do they have to scream

obscure ethnic slurs every time they leave the box? What does Beltre have against "krauts" anyway?

At least get strikeouts so I can feel okay with this indentured servitude

I am starting to see the strategy..

Hit it to Grudz over and over until he gets so tired and quits. Big hole on the right side! GENIUS!

And hit him, too.

It's allllll comin together!

Didn't work for HGH.

There's pitch 90

Welcome to the Danger Zone.

Kenji's OPS+ this year is 2

2 is a nice number

apart from being a bad OPS+, there are lots of advantages to the number 2.

Did your TI-89 tell you that, you nerd?

Way to have blatant disregard for a human being by defining him only by a number.

Yeah there are all sorts of calculators in my mother's basement at my disposal

24 points higher than Player A's that one year

Wait, we scored?!?

Funk fielders choice!

On the DP that Ichiro outran, a run scored

Even the fat girl scores sometimes

more often than Corco >:(

I've said it before, I will say it again, that picture makes me laugh every time.

...in fucking tears...

fuck you

this is a sensitive subject :(

clearly, you should bring it up on internet message boards then

THIS ISN'T A BOARD

Don't worry,

It gets less sensitive with use.

So does his hand.

That's a sin

YOU CAUSED BEDARD'S HIP INJURY

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TOUCH YOURSELF

//Catholic Guilt

Want a tissue, Petunia?

no i'd rather have

her

We know how this goes

subthread closed

bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Jeff wins the fucking thread and then some.

This explains a lot...

Why do you think god made beer?

Indeed

To prepare the poor wingman for his duty to jump on the grenade

when the hell am I going to get that Purple Heart anyways?!

Not sure about the Purple Heart

but there's a good chance that at least some of your extremities may turn purple under her mighty girth

BAD MEMORIES!!!

As someone who's benefited from a wingman's service

I for one salute you, sir

Dear God this game is boring

J-ROD THE WASHBURNINATOR

Surprise Arizona

I bet that name leads to a lot of really annoying vacation phone calls.

KKKKKK!!!!!

A bad outing nonetheless

A quality start if he makes it through 6 IP and only 3 runs scored.

You know they're going to praise this as a stellar outing from Wash, right?

in all honesty, it's not that bad

I think.

I really haven't been paying attention.

It's not bad,

He looks like shit, but he's struggling through. The problem I have is they're going to talk about how awesome he was.

this is only a problem if you listen to conventional media

I've pretty much cut it out of my entire life except for forays to FJM and UEFA.com

I don't read a newspaper, don't watch TV news, don't read sports coverage except for blogs...

I do that with all media but sports media

Maybe it's time to stop suckleing the mariners propaganda teet.

He DID strike out 6 through 6!

6 K's

Jon Garland might get that by the all-star break.

of 2012

On the Gregorian calendar?

Fat chance.

"Need some help from the offense"

Hmmm.. Not too sure about that one Sims.

Morse...

had that same play in RF last night......

He broke his shoulder trying.

Really he did us all a favor there

In the long run

Not Morse's fault

it's Ichi's fault, he hurts the team by not covering left and right field when Ibanez and Morse are in

Well...Washburn hasn't

been horrible. Much more the offense's fault.

Well not too bad

But any time you get taken yard by Miguel Olivo, you can't be too satisfied with the work thats been done

ANOTHER GOD DAMN GROUNDER TO GRUDZIELANEK

Can we stop that please?

Score another for Grudz.

Miguel Olivo?

...seriously?

I thought it was part of my pass-out-for-25-minutes dream

He had a lil smirk rounding third too..

Smug prick.

Welcome back.

I had a dream last night where they combined cigars and ice cream.

I'm still trying to figure out if that's brilliantly crazy or crazy brilliant.

I am going to go with.. Yes.

Take it how you will.

See Bourdain, Anthony @ French Laundry

Tobacco Sorbet

Every time someone hits a grounder to Grudz.

Chug until he completes the play.

Be sure to keep emergency services on speed dial.

This reminds me

How in the hell do we not have a drinking game at LL?

We're old enough not to need reasons

There is one

Its called "Drink until you can't feel feelings"

GTE causes enough drinking as is.

That being said - I fully endorse this idea

My Weaver/Meche drinking game was potentially fatal.

And to think Baltimore, TB & KC seemed so nice 2 months ago.

Yeah Ichiro!

Ichiro really is amazing.

He's the reason to tune in night after night.

Dear Lopez

Ignore Pentland. Please pull the ball.

Thank you
Everyone.

I wasn't able to catch this game, but judging from the

scoreboard it looks dumb. And boring.

Especially the former

but especially the latter

scrub, rinse, repeat until October

Corco ripping taking place above

please join in

Oddly enough begun by Corco himself

There ARE some magnificent subthreads though!

For as bad as the game has been

this has been an entertaining GT

That's essentially correct

Oh wow... Just.. wow.

Heh. Double play.

fuck it all to hell

At least our double plays are getting more creative

Still involved Grudz.

askljksjklas

nice camera view assface

fuck everything the Mariners do

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Hooray for putting the game in motion

My favorite part is how that goes into the record books as a GIDP

man,

just go away Mac. I don't even care how anymore.

Ichiro for Player/Manager!

But he's putting the game in motion!

That's good, right? It was one of our goals out of spring training!

Except that runs contrary to goal #2

which was "don't suck"

Which is contrary to goal #1

Be family friendly

Aw, it's cute that you actually thought

we had "goals" going into the season.

Well my Yuni Bomber shirt finally got shipped

as confirmed just now by customer service after 2 weeks... so theres a silver lining I guess, for me at least

How do we get one of these?

Go to the LL Store

link on the main page I think?

Mental Signal'd

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE

Green is gonna be dead by July

There going to pitch him the rest of this game

and then he'll start tomorrow, and when his arm falls off they'll send him down

There goes our matchups that we wanted.

Oh good Green again

He's got more veteran grit than Dickey.

Hey look Sean Green's pitching.

Five bucks he's going to pitch the three remaining innings and be sent down to AA tomorrow.

Now imagine what its gonna be like

When we go up against say Beckett or Sabathia. Now that will be depressing.

so...who goes in the 8th? Green?

They'll pitch him the rest of the game

and when he gets rocked after throwing 50 pitches, they'll send him to Everett to work it out

Awesome.. Let's bring in Green - why not

Green will have more IP than Bedard by July

Can't wait.

what do you mean by? He's only 3.1 IP behind

So much for Mac's rule

of running out the pitcher who just warmed up...Corcoran...

The A's DFA'd Fernando Hernandez

Damn straight.

who??? Did I miss something?

I probably should've explained that he threw me off one time as F. Hernandez

That would've made this make more sense

I thought it might be something like that

Don't know who that is but that's a fantastic name for a ballplayer

It needs to be more white

Why do you think the A's DFA'd him?

Hyphen sighting.

RR-S needs to head to the team store and buy himself a Green jersey.

and he just got himself an EOF jersey too

Going back-to-back days is a requirement.

Holy shit

Is that asshat actually squinting with sunglasses on?

Green didn't pitch yesterday

why is he being in the game such a big deal?
Potatoes and Corcoran pitched yesterday.

He pitched 40 due to GMJ two days ago

I shan't need to explain the rest

Green looks tired. Weird.

Walking John Buck?

RED FLAG RED FLAG EXHAUSTED

Mariners on their way to being 0-3 in games that they never have lead in

Does any team have a winning record for games they never lead in?

It'd be impressive

Not even the laws of mathematics can defeat them

And the Mariners trail 3 to 7i...

speaking on complex numbers

...

Depends on the bribe.

It's possible to win a game

one has never led in. Say it goes scoreless for 18 innings, and one manager eventually forfeits.

I was wrong. Jeff doesn't win the thread.

hahahahahahahahaha

If you take out all those games, they're 6-5.
Are we going to have to wait until October before Squinty is fired?

October of what year?

a Johnson v. a Bocock

It's too bad Randy johnson never got to pitch to Rusty Kuntz.

Bring in the knuckleballer to defend the bunt!

Mac's making a pitching change?

Shock.

Green has the worst luck, I swear

RJ with 7 K's, 4 walks, and 1 ER through 4....

Errr I guess none of those runs are earned.

"Totally crazy"

So...uh...our bullpen sucks.

Both of those singles were poorly hit

Green's always a little wild but he pitched fine.

Yes, I know

I'm just wishing we could come in and shut teams down at times.

Green didn't do that badly.

Though I want to remind people yet again that Norm Charlton sucks.

Haha Simms is so sad

And Blowers too.

So this is fun

I should have stayed asleep

Or had a rhinoplasty

No problem, we'll just bring in

one of our stud set up tandem of Raffy Soriano and GS52. Oh...wait...shit...

Why does Wilkerson look so slow.

Does he just run funny or has his speed dropped?

His body's kind of fallen apart over the years

like Discobolos?

Quite a lot like that

SUBTLE SUBTLE HINTS

So I was somewhat dissappointed that my soccer game was going

to run over game time tonight. Now.... yeah, not so mcuh.

Lucky bastard

God I miss George Sherrill.

I miss Erik Bedard

and my childhood friend Professor Happiness, who hasn't made too many visits over the years.

that's disturbing out of context

it's not that much better even with context.

He brought me popsicles

STRANGER DANGER

Did you watch the Little League World Series with him?

I discovered that Family Guy is actually funny on mute

About 70% of the time it's funny with the sound on too.

like the start of Saving Private Ryan

You laughed too?

People were giving me funny looks.

Yeah, it's right up there with Grave of the Fireflies as best comedy ever

Schindler's List.

No doubter.

I beat you to it

the hell you did

They sell the candies the girl was eating in Japan

They have a picture of her little starving face on it. Priceless.

That was actually the saddest movie I've ever seen

Agreed.

I own it.

My buddy got taken to that movie the day he graduated from boot camp

That was funny

You know the final credits of Schindler's List?

Laugh. Riot.

erotic too

I reccomend this comment.

Yeah, I wasn't really sure what to do with it.

if you ask Professor Happiness

he's "more than happy" to show you what to do with it.

I'm sorry I said this

You really set yourself up on that one...

You really set yourself up on that one...

But especially this one

Read the comment, 34 seconds later I have stopped laughing.

It's for the best.

There's about a 97% chance anybody named "Professor Happiness" is a pedo.

next time throw it at Olivo's head

This'll probably go down as another bullpen implosion

when we look at the papers tomorrow. No mention of the missing offense yet again.

It will end up 7-4 or something

7-4 M's!!

Yeah.

At least I'll have BSG Razor downloaded by the time the game is over.

I have Knocked Up downloading right now thanks to the subthread in the first game thread

That will be done when this is over.. bright side!

I got busted by comcast for dowloading that twice

How did you get busted exactly?

torrent tracker

I'm on Verizon FiOS.

It is made of win.

Please explain

I download a lot of stuff, and don't want to go to jail

What happened? Marginal fine?

This is much more interesting than the game going on

Nasty letter

I've gotten 4 or 5 of them so far. Hasn't escalated yet

That's barrels of fun

Good thing I never check my mail.. :-\

No shit?

Comcast tracks downloads? Did they know what you downloaded? What did they do to you?

They track downloads?

My old high school physics teacher goes "uh oh."

This is awful watching from the east coast

I can't keep staying up for games like this.

you shouldn't.

Free yourself, my friend. Go to sleep.

At least you're not in England

This is the sort of game any sensible Englishman sleeps through
I feel your pain

Jersey here. It sucks.

But, that's why New Castle Brown Ale 12-packs were created. For the sorry east coasters who root for the M's.

IIRC that was their original slogan..

newcastle in bottles?

not a fan.

It's glorious

I'm also a beer enthusiant and a dire alcoholic

So take it for what you will.

Bottled Newcastle = slumming

appropriate every once in a while.

Like right now

Watching this offense do it's work

So... it's the drunk bar slut of beers

I have three empties sitting right here on my desk

its been quite a night

I love Newcastle

but I've never liked it bottled. It tastes noticeably different to me over tap.

It's much better on tap

hahaha good point.

..help numbs the pain of no offense

When Sexson catches pop outs

he makes the catch a fraction of a second sooner than most other first basemen.

He saves time and therefore money.. Richie is worth every penny!

Adds up...

over the course of a season. Saves pitchers 10s of calories over the course of a season. That gives them more energy to last longer.

16,751 attendance hahaha

But they just said that was a good crowd!

They wouldn't lie to us, would they?

I wonder if we'll see Lowe again before JJ gets back

Haha

I totally forgot he was on the team, it's been a while. The things Johnny Mac can make you forget

The thrill of victory?

Eh, he pitched on Friday.

Our offense sucks

why am i still watching? I should just play MLB the show and win 130 games (I traded Silva and Vidro for Adam Jones BTW)
or watch Lost season 3 on bluray, just got in the mail on monday

I always end up playing a game or two on MLB 2k8 after a shitty Mariners game

Just so I can make correct decisions and win a game..

Nice work, Hyphen.

Pretty minimal damage there

Thanks Butler you moron

RRS is awesome

I still like our bullpen

RRS -- pretty rusty.

3-0 count?

THE POTATO FAMINE SPREADS!

...wait, our bullpen didn't blow up.

EOF IS THE REASON WE LOST EVERY GAME! SEE WHAT HAPPENED JUST NOW, ONLY ONE RUN SCORED. EOF WOULD HAVE LET EVERYONE SCORE!

SEE I WAS RIGHT! EOF SUCKS!

We'll be seeing that tomorrow.

Go back to the PI boards noob!!!!!11!!!!

RRS is still a badass....

I hope he gets ton of aussie poon when he goes home.

Maybe if he played a real sport

Like Rugby

When do you guys think we will see Rhodes?

Sometime this series or next?

9th inning.

To close if we miraculously take the lead.

In Yankee Stadium

Repeatedly

Good save, Sims

His endless optimism is a god send for a team as frustrating to watch as this one

I wish I could hear him ask WHO WANTS TO SEX MUTOMBO

just once. It's my dying wish.

Contact the make a wish foundation

make that your first wish after wishing for infinite wishes.

It would be his third wish

After wishing for a lifetime with Eliza Dushku

No, only the prime years

Good thinking

Its always good to be clear with these genies

2,3,5,7,11,13,17,19,23,31, etc?
Especially 13

rawr

I want to see the CURVE

Unfortunately he doesn't have it tonight

At least the offense isnt fuckin around.. finishing this game quickly.

Mariners rack disciprine

Jesus Greinke is unstoppable

And his brother Zach is pretty good

lol, this game was worth this comment.

Zack Christ is not

We need to send more than one batter up there at once

it'll make Greinke more socially anxious

Just tried that with Pepe and Jose..

Didn't work.

If Greinke was Joe Saunders I'd shove a pencil into my eye

"Grienke grinding on the Mariners"

Sims rehearses this stuff. I am convinced of it.

the mute button

does wonders for tolerating watchign the Mariners.

Hey Dave Sims rocks

Sims I tolerate

Niehaus is who I mute.

Is there some sort of button

that allows you to keep hearing Niehaus but makes him just a teensy bit more comprehensible?

I did the same thing.

Watching "Crash" on TV because that is better than listening to my computer tell me we suck every damn moment.

I'd rather be told I suck every four seconds than watch that film again.

It's a tossup, but we have plenty of sucking to appreciate the rest of the season.

When I finish this movie, I won't be tempted to watch it for another 6 months.

Dave is a poet

You are made of evil

Sims is awesome.

So I can keep watching this game

or I can start watching Ghost in the Shell again.

Shitty game, or animated cyberpunk epic?

The show is far superior to the movie

It's more true to the tone of the Manga, and a lot better to watch.

this reminds of 2005

except without the beating kansas city part

and without Snelling or Soriano.

She isn't as hot as some of the other rally fry girls

5 year olds might not.. but I think that Dad might

Great.

Now we're going to do pedophile jokes.

It reached that point with the Mr. Happiness thread..

That's Professor Happiness to you

Or just to you......?

He had a doctorate in deflowering?

No

a pathetic masters

That's just lazy

What's become of our nations pedophiles?

With the economy the way it is these days...

This reminds me of Mr. Pal (South Park)

The guy who goes to see Jimmy when he starts getting random boners... "and if you'd like, we can take off our shirts and kiss"

Old enough to bleed

old enough to breed

Thought the R was an L and i laughed.

I love the classics.

If that little bitch doesn't lose some weight dreaming's as close as she'll ever get to a boy

I was just thinking that

well, if she doesn't

you can always look her up in 15 years and take care of that problem you mentioned above.

dude if I get that desparate

seattle.craigslist.org is my friend

I'm gonna corco bait you on craigs list

haha that will fail

www4m

Like moths to a spotlight

holy fuck Robert is on fucking fire

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Mmmm...BBWs

with 5 kids, no money, and an aversion to showering

And Newcastle in bottles

WOOOOOO

How do you know of this fact?

I check occasionally

Anytime there are available single girls always check the source. It's remotely possible a diamond will show up in the rough

You are joking

Sadly, I have a feeling this is more serious than not

Keep believing that Jeff

It'll help you sleep

More likely a rough will show up in the diamond.

Wait

What?

"Sexy 21 year old blonde chick looking for a good time"

turns into "400 pound 40 year old pedo looking to rape horny college men."

More like

55 year old dude with tits and backhair looking for a cheap thrill...

Holy mother of God

That is all

Screenshots

we require proof

Somehow, despite this game, this is turning into the greatest game thread in LL history.

I was just typing that its own thread..

Total agreeance.

More like in spite of

I think piss poor games require us to entertain ourselves more

I've never met a girl

and I've never listed myself, I just occasionally browse the listings

But see, that's really pathetic

You go to college.

yeah I browse those girls too

browse=drunkenly fondle them

Do you ever, you know, *talk* to girls?

Like in person and stuff.

oh yeah that too

Less browsing

More test drives

Sign and drive?

sign *THEN* drive!

If she's deaf

I suppose so

Good fucking Jesus

*dying*

i approve of this

This is the greatest thread in LL history

Matt Thornton had to die someday.

I'm done even responding

I'm just trying my hardest to take it all in

I'm just sitting here laughing my ass off.

Very hilarious!

Sadly I am too late to join in.

New meme born?

If by "browse," you mean

"touch yourself in front of," then yes.

Holy shit. Classic.

Those are the boys you take home to ma.

I am reccomending this entire FanThread or whatever the fuck it's called

Brilliance

21 year old hot blonde looking for road sign cos play

when this girl shows up

my life will be completed

I've always wanted to do binary cos play

I'll 1 your 0

favorite craigs list prank

I posted my friends name and number on m4t. 20 minutes later he gets a phone call:
"Caller: Q, your looking for a tranny?"
"Friend: WTF? NO"
"Caller: Oh cause your listed for that on craigs list"
"Friend: GOD DAMNIT ROBERT"
"Caller: Yeah thats what I figured"
...
awkward silence
....
"Friend: Wait why were you looking at tranny classifieds"

Hahahaha

classic

OH shit that is hilarious. I will have to remember to do this sometime.

Hilarious!

Plus Corco, I am in college, you shouldn't need Craigslist man, maybe 10-20 years you will. For now, use the "im related to a seattle mariner" line.

yes Blowers, I'm sure that sign will get us runs

especially when we're pitching.

I think Vidro needs to stop eating the rally fries

chunk

Seems like "Guys" would have been a better rhyme for "Fries"

but they went with "Boys"... a curious choice

not curious. stupid.

Yes... that too

not necessarily

they may have intentionally decided that the rhyme would have taken away the youthful innocence of a 5 year old

This team is playing very sub par-iner

Oh thank god...rally fries

Yeah, lets get this KC rally going

We're saved.

So obviously Teahen and the team are witholding

Zach's meds again

I <3 Wyoming.

I would like to visit Wyoming

Never been there. Maybe even Battle Creek, where it seems to be a split between M's and KC fans.

Grass Creek fool!

Sorry.

I knew it was something Creek, didn't feel like checking.

The parents totally made that sign for her.

Fuck that shit, Rally Fries degrade us all.

Make sure Halo Heaven doesn't get a hold of this one.

Their 5 year olds are being touched by

Michael Jackson

That was supposed to finish that comment. I'm not sure what happened to it.

Pops is smiling nervously. What's he hiding?

That sign was actually made of the blood of a 5-year-old boy his daughter was thinking about??

Pops looks like Jeff Foxworthy

You know you're a redneck when you DIE DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH

Corco is pretty good

If I were a GM I'd hire Bavasi to build my bullpen.

Bulid but have zero trade authority

Antonetti for GM '09!

and Bavasi for Bullpen GM.

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SHORTSTOP YUBET

YOU ARE MAKING ROY L00K BAD

Annnnnd the team gives up.

That's money in the bank.

A defective piggy bank.

The ol' statue of liberty

YuBet wasn't ready for it.

"Money in the bank"

I blame you for this, Dave

Sucking makes the alcohol that much easier to swallow

I don't even care anymore, innuendo at will

Oh come on don't boo Lopez on that one.

J.Lo is not very good.

Last Fan! Defend!!!

He's found better discipline and is a super defender and kills puppy punters

Score.

Way to be on the ball.

Also this video was actually about Lopez:

JoLo

That was prompt.

Kudos.

Not really sure what people are booing on that

Randy Johnson's final line:

5.0 IP
3 R(0 ER)
7 K's
3 BB's
2 hits

Not a bad line, all things considered.

Would of been better had the defense not decided to take a shit for 3 innings.

Did he end up with more balls than strikes?

Pretty close.

I think Randy defined the term

"effectively wild"

I just had a flashback to 1992.

Still good despite his age.

It's too bad there is a strained relationship between M's and him, they could use his ultra-veteran grit.

Annnnnd this sucks.

I don't mind losing

But good lord is this team flat right now.

DICKEY'S WARMING UP!

Yeah, this is not going to be a good season.

All I could think was "uh-oh, someone's about to stroke a long one."

GIVE ME DICKEY! GIVE ME MY KNUCKLEBALLS!

DICKEY DICKEY DICKEY DICKEY

God dammit MFAN

-- you jinxed Corco.

This game just might take a turn for the entertaining

Corcoran says fuck the defense

I'll just doing it myself. I like this fella

Heart of the Lineup!!!

Comeback Time, Baby

Strikeout, load the bases with singles, hit into GIDP.

That's what'll happen.

Hopefully they just don't tease us

like they did all last season with pseudo-comebacks.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooo

Mariners!!!

Let's start a charity to raise money...

and pay off Sexson's contract when he is cut.

Better... Let's start that,

but instead use the 7 or 8 million dollars and divide it amongst ourselves.

At least Greinke is cool

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RI-IGHT

Come on Zack

do something a crazy person would do

Willing subject themselves to an entire season of Mariners baseball?

There's crazy and there's suicidal...

Wait, nevermind I think he's both

No beer and no good hockey make Jeff something something

Go crazy?

Don't mind if I do!

I tried to get an image of Marge reacting to that...

Theres some pretty interesting Simpson's porn pictures if you do an image search with no filter...

You say interesting, I say terrifying.

Of course this does reveal the fact that I have, indeed, seen Simpsons porn, but oh well.

To each his own, I guess...

Fuck Hitler

I think the longer a LL subthread goes, the chance porn is mentioned nears to 1:1.

Yeah but that was just a casual observation

porn was already mentioned a long time ago anyways

Coach Owens?

No, wait

That'd be no good taste in hockey

YOU LOOK LIKE A FISH

I WILL CATCH YOU WITH A 100LB ROD AND HOOK

Insert "no friends"

and you're close.

Now I feel bad

I just wanted to make fun of his and dislike of beer and love of the Red Wings

My girlfriend who is learning baseball just watched Wilk hit...

And said, "who is that, he sucks"

She's wrong

He's the best RF in the AL.

Oh ballsack

That summed it all up right there.

Good God

we can't buy an extra-base hit today.

Fuck this, I'm going to get some sleep.

Wait is Dickey pitching this inning?

I'll stay up for that.

what a load of syphilis

FUCKING KENNY LOFTON

I hate you Safeco

I feel like I just had an abortion through the eyeballs

Where's your rally fries now?

so we have a potential 9th inning matchup of

Gobble and Dickey

....

On a related subject, not enough people employ the term "cockgobbler"

I'm more a sausage smoker myself.

Uhhh....

:-\

My reaction too

English Mariner came to my mind first.

I approve of this message

Believe it or not, but I actually use that term way too much.

I kinda wish most Office Space jokes would die, but cockgobbler should never go away.

I hate Safco

...oh sure, let Miguel Olivo hit one out but not Yuni.

Dickey time!

I'll stick around for this.

EAT DICKEY, SUCKERS

One out

and I already love him

stands look rather empty

Were they ever filled?

Its a Monday night against the KC Royals

I would bet not.

that's what your mom never said about her vagina

Wow Jeff.. went for it all right there!

He needs a beer

Are you sure you didn't start the night without any beer in the fridge?

Whats with you and the sex jokes tonight?

Fortunately they have been good.

For some reason, this "Dickey" guy blows

in and everybody's just sex, sex, sex. It really makes you throb...er, think.

good show ol' chap

you really bollocksed my bells there!

Let's not be mardy

Needs more Flapping Dickey

Seems like hes curving to the right today...

87-88 Fastball and a knuckler.. love it

Jesus he's got a lot of movement

I like Dickey

and not in a gay way

I don't care if the way I like him is gay

I just love him,

That was sick.

DICKEY DICKEY DICKEY DICKEY!!!

Meh.

That's pretty much my reaction to Dickey.

you have no soul

Apparently.

I'm just not enamored with the knuckleball like everybody else is.

And it remains to be seen weather he's actually any good. His career would suggest otherwise so far.

Dickey in

game sexier

I'm guessing these pitches that MLB keeps calling changeups, sliders and curves

are in fact Knucklers.

R. A. DICKEY!

Robert Allen, huh? I was hoping he was a Richard

That last pitch was SICK NASTY!

DICKEY FOR STARTER 5!

All right Dickey for everything

that was encouraging

"The Dickey Knuckler"

That's got "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson" all over it

That was Dicktastic!

photoshop imminent

Heavens no

Heads up:

Don't type in Dicktastic in google

Dually noted

AAAAAAAH

OH GOD OH GOD

That sounds like a wager.

nooooooooooooo!

I could imagine this is one you can swallow a loss on

Puns are so cool

There's a band called The Dicktastics?

I can't wait to see him start a game.. hopefully not in Bedard's slot

1-2 punch

King Felix, R. A. Dickey!

Could Dickey be a spot starter?

I totally hope he takes Baek's place, and Baek never comes Baek.

Welcome to the team

That was by far the most entertaining portion of the game

Sad that it took so damn long to get to it

(that took place on the field)

(goes without saying)

(I just wanted to type something in parentheses)

{what now mofo}

[suck on this]

)what on earth is he doing(

≤whatever he wants≥

"character map: god damn"

(those don't work either)

I see what you did there

(those parentheses don't work)

| I totally beat him |

(classy)

ҖҝџююґўюШ

I always like to use curly brackets for Victorian themed emoticons

Mortified :-{o
Devishly coy :-}
All aboard for the free mustache ride ;-}

Ah, but you just admitted to using emoticons,

and are therefore pointless.

I fibbed

I've never actually use them, but I've always wanted to

I use them:

(_|_)
(______|______)

If you reverse the two asses

you'd have a pretty good illustration of Matthew's wingman experience

The first one said "standard butt"

The second said "Britney Spears in 2 years."

Damn HTML

I can't wait til the Mariners store sells Dickey jerseys

And Lowe jerseys, dont' know why they don't have those yet, and i hope they have it in adult small, so I don't have to buy a youth large...

Dickey for being totally awesome.

HOLY FUCK.

Did anyone see the slomo of Dickey's face? I would have sworn he roared as he threw out that last pitch.

He's a Lion DIck!

I cannot believe this guy pitches like that AND he's a starter.

I'm glad I stuck around for Dickey.

He'll always make it worth your while.

That was sub par.

I feel it should also be mentioned

that Dickey is sporting a boss playoff beard

If nothing else, we've got Dickey.

He looked great

Make no mistake about it

There's nothing else.

Its too bad the R doesn't stand for Richard in RA

Greinke just hit 96mph in the ninth inning.

Mother of tits.

Beluga tits!

We probably could have traded for him for cheap 2 years ago.

Today was so not tits

the recap for this game

is just going to be reviewing the awesome parts of the game threads.

You'd think so

but I've decided I'm not going to write a recap.

Not even to talk about the triumpant dickey?

You will if my fist has anything to say about it *knuckle crack*

You guys said mean things about Professor Happiness

you don't deserve my effort

But Dickey does.

Mister SlippyFist?

smell the glove

Hey, he's the one who touched you,

not us.

How do I upload a MS paint file?

Flickr.

Pretend I'm retarded. What's a flicker?

A site where you can upload photos etc

www.flickr.com

free photo uploading, run by Yahoo

After you have uploaded said photo, you can link to it.

how do i link to it?

Man this better be worth it

it isn't. But maybe the next one will be!

"blank"

May in fact be the actual recap of this game.

Fucking Fuck.

Go. Go. Greinke.

I think it would be funny if Greinke strategically avoided the postgame handshake

Greinke wants to make this quick

So he can get back to the hotel and start slitting his wrists

Its too bad

Greinke doesn't look more emo, like CJ Wilson.

fuck you Olivo

Yea,fuck you

why could you hit like that for the Mariners!

Didn't even realize the game finished..

The subthreads are much more fun

Dickey for Right Field!

Dear Zack,

My fantasy team thanks you, but fuck off.

Sincerely,
Seth

Also signed,

Will

I wrote this to GS52 a week ago.

God we got owned tonight

Last time two Royals went CG in back to back games?

2000. Who were they? Mac Suzuki and Blake Stein.

On the bright side

our Japanese players went 4-7 tonight

How... efficient?

Oh yeah Washburn started today

Speaking of perverse last names.

Wouldn't it be incredible if we signed Kosuke Fuk-u-do-me!

Congratulations

You're the last person on the internet to make this distinction.

I knew that before.

I am probably the last person to mention it.

He should be nicknamed: The Dicktator.

Well Done.

I support this nickname.

Does he dick Potatoes around?

I don't see how he *couldn't* be nicknamed the Dicktator

how long do we have to wait

to waive the white flag on the season?

You arent't already?

for the most part I had

but there was still an outside hope with the easy schedule to start the year..... and since they're getting absolutely owned in the easy part the tough part isn't going to be pretty.

'til Bedards MRI?

I'm waiting to see what's up with Lackey and Bedard before completely flipping out

even with Bedard healthy

this offense and defensive absolutely horrid.... look what they're doing against crap teams, imagine playing the good ones?

Clement and Wlad will make up some hitting

if things continue like this but the pitching staff gets more wins.

Offense: 4.43 runs/game

AL average: 4.36 runs/game

When you use statistics you can prove anything!

the level of competition

gives the M's the 4.43 runs/game

That will be going down considerably when the competition level goes up.

Angels =! good competition?
Someone

Has already made the McLaren / Uwe Boll connection, right?

Fuck Squinty and Uwe Boll.

⌠à⌠â⌠é⌠ had a great night!

Huh?

What is "The New Washburn"?

The pitcher that makes all of us stop caring about the game altogether

And make the thread we did tonight.

The old bartolo colon.

ˆ ˙øπ´ ∫´∂å®∂ ©´†ß ∑´¬¬ ßøø˜.

å˜∂ ∑´ ߈©˜ ∫å®®¥ ∫ø˜∂ß.

ì£Θ■ƒçÖï®ÃÙ you!

ˆ ¬ø√´ åππ¬´ çøµπ¨†´®ß. ˆ† µå˚´ß †¥πˆ˜© ¬ˆ˚´ †˙ˆß ßø µ¨ç˙´å߈´®.

I wish I had a reason to be pissed off.

Manager needs quotations.

anyone remember

when Bob Melvin and Brian Price were the worst things in a Mariner uniform? Wonder what those two would do for this craptastic team, considering what they've done with Arizona.

I expected us to be managed by an inbred, cross-spiecies, fas baby with downs syndrome from Montana by the year 2014.

Or Ichiro

Player-Manager biz-nitch.

To this day, I still don't understand what people's problem with Bob Melvin was.

Besides running Bobby Madritch into the ground. And since he's never done anything remotely close to that again, I chalk it up to rookie manager mistake.

I'm sure we had our reasons

completely rational reasons, as we are wont to have.

uhhhh Willie Playing first, bad bullpen managment, not Looooooooou

he's not great, but not horrible either

Good gravy it's like he aged 30 years

and just how low was his hairline before the recession anyway?

Mac looks somewhat tough in that photo

More like he's trying to eat his own face, but close enough.

Poor Squinty.

Squinty: Gosh I just don't know what's wrong with this team. Our lineup is filled with veteran hitters who've been through the wars and our pitching rotation is rock solid. I guess the only weak link is the bullpen and those damn kids who just won't learn their roles. I can assure you we're working to address that. Billy's looking over the waiver wire to bring in some veteran talent as we speak.

there's something wrong with Ichiro. After he got that fat raise, he got fat and doesn;t want to run. [/bakerposter]

Poor Baker

I agree

He has to deal with casual fans while trying to put a positive spin to everything bad about the M's. That's got to be a stressful job.

I can't believe the crap Baker has to wade through in his blog.

Why not just banhammer Mr. X?

Oh my god, I hate Mr. X.

Mr. X can go fuck himself

then hurl himself into a vat of acid.

Resin isn't Cheating can do the same.

You mean Logan?!

He's the best ever. He's a(n) (unintentioally) hilarious dude.

X is signficantly worse.

Though Resin does piss me off. Thank god for Adam.

Yes, Thank GOD that Adam exists.

I regret never buying his book.

? Adam has a book?

I don't know who he is, other than he echoes the correct points most of the time.

no Logan

(aka Resin)

I'm intrigued.

Tell me more.

I second this.

see my reply below

He put out a Cafepress book last season under "Pedro Calderon", I would have bought it but I didn't want to give that asshole my money, name, or address. I somewhat regret it now though, it would have been funnier than sliced bread..

This... may in fact be the funniest backstory of any commentor on any blog thus far.

Any of you go to Baker's blog meetup thingie?

No, I'd probably be burned alive if I went.

Wondering if anyone saw Mr X and co. in person.

I think Brett and someone else did.

Like the trolls will show themselves in person.

That was me

We weren't making any friends

You must have had a grand old time.

Who's Logan?

The guy who used to run Mariners Revolution

He since changed his name to Pedro Calderon and claimed he is Cuban (in order in enhance his baseball street cred) and now runs "Baseball Mistress".

He posts as Resin Isn't Cheating, hates the entire blogosphere, has the maturity of a 3 year old, and is dumber than Mike Morse is graceful.

His site(s) are the most hilarious on the web.

Drama overload.

He also wants to kill and/or make sweet love to Bavasi.

That guy still posts?

the world is better for it

I like to keep my bullshit detector sharp.

His last post on Baker's blog:

"I really wish a reporter could get a straight answer why Ichiro needs a sacrifice or hit and run to get to second base. Is it Ichiro afraid of injury or does Mac doesn't want to steal with Ichiro?"

To be fair

Mac did say he was going to have his team run more and Ichiro is probably the only person starter capable of running on the team.

That's nothing

compared to his articles about how the M's were moving to another city (from last year), or that Bavasi was plotting to mentally abusw Jose Lopez because he didn't hand him the starting job in 2005.

This is great.

But please never write my biography.

being Cuban gives you street creds??

Only if you're a percussion player in a jazz band.

Or you are a purveyor of Cubano sandwiches

He fancies himself a Cuban scout.

This only gets better.

I think either is Mr. X

(which, bravo, brilliant-- but used your talents for good), or he is so stupid he doesn't realize that Mr. X is a) a fake, and b) mocking him.

either *he* is

anyone else bored of my typos?

I'm okay with them.

But I'm inclined to believe Mr. X is a real person.

He's a fake.

The little war him and Jason Churchill had a few years back was most entertaining.

Yeah, that caused him to tear down the Revolution

and go into the blogger witness protection program.

I think he's a Runner

That Donovan chap is also awesome.

That dude has been playing that character for years.

I can't believe people still fall for it.

Is AkMarinersFan AK1984?

You know, that might actually be my fault.

I prodded people who were bashing on LL and USSM to actually post over there with some serious questions.

I think AKMarinersFan was one of them. He posted here, but failed to bring the serious questions.

AK1984 was an old timer.

Came before I did.

Well thank God.

At least I'm not responsible for that abortion.

I wish his mom was.

I don't think so

what in the hell is a Mr.X?

Some douchenozzle on Baker's blog.

Recurring Baker Commenter

IQ of our estimated wins this season.

Damn. I'm surprised he's capable of typing.

IQ of 25?

That's legally retarded, yes?

Legally retarded is 70. Considered "mildly retarded"

50 is moderate, I think 25 is extreme.

He qualifies for moderate, since he has the physical ability to type but otherwise is just vomiting all over the keyboard.

Dude he's a smart guy.

He might waste all his intelligence, but he has that character down to a tee.

Yeah, he's not.

162!?!?!

I'm optimistic

GUUUUMMMMPPPP

You are a god damn genius. You must have an IQ of 160!

Realize

we're posting on a blog about people who post on Baker's blog.

Everyone experiments in college.

I recall reading this crap.

FUCK, I'm out of beer...fucking mom, buy more.

Under 21 right?

I feel ya, it blows.

actually I'm 22

I was just making a dumb joke :(

I had Olde Suffolk English Ale last night.

It was delicious.

What are people's opinions of Lou?

Considering most here have hated on our last three managers.

At least Lou would be entertaining.

Squinty just takes naps in the dugout.

Speaking of Lou

See the new Pepsi commercial? Would've looked better if it was at the Safe with Lou in an M's jersey. Ah the glory days.

(Aquafina)

I liked the (aquafina) commercial.

So given that you're somehow still awake

how would you best characterize your current emotional state?

(A) rapey
(B) not not rapey
(C) !=rapey

And if you choose C I know you're lying

I'm surprised Prof. Happiness didn't enter into my choices

I think Professor Happiness is dead

at least we still have Admiral Wrists.

The captain of the HMS Toaster?

Tonight, the maiden voyage!

It's like the Love Boat

except instead of simply wishing you were dead, you ARE dead :D

Man, people who are actually suicidal are so crazy

Crazy? Perhaps

Profitable? Admiral Wrist's banking on it

Even if I ever do want to kill myself

I won't be able to because I'll be laughing too hard about this entire conversation.

Everyone else reading this thread must think we've finally gone off the deep end

This game thread

has officially been my baptism into Lookout Landing.

This has definitely been an abstract gamethread

Look what you've done to us Paddock

LOOK

It'd be hard for him to see

with his head so far up his ass

... too easy?

At least he hasn't had to watch the playoffs

):<

Well that hardly seems fair...

This actually reminds me of one of my favorite conversations of all time.

I also like comment #3

although #5 is pretty intriguing.

cure to suicide:

!

That is one tiny link.

Almost certainly the eventual cause of my suicidal insanity:

Nimble, probing hands!

I have now officially lost my wits

The raccoon menace should not be underestimated

You've been warned.

Pfft...Admiral Wrists

would never command a royalist ship.

Jeff, there are people who can help you.

You just have to tell the police officers the truth.

either A or C

Thats a pretty good commercial

I was too young and naive to evaluate his managerial skills when he was here, but he is pretty damn entertaining, you gotta give him that

Good for Minnesota

Great hustle by Rolston on the game winning goal

3-2?

That's like three too many goals for a Minnesota game.

I have a softspot for Minnesota

I think it comes from them losing the Northstars

Ok... So I had to

I did it!

Ha, that's the crappiest MSpaint job ever.

But I love it anyway.

Seconded.

I would suggest investing in photoshop.

I do have photoshop. I'm just lazy and have never used it

No excuses.

It's still awesome.

Would've looked better if it said "Dicktator"

I suppose save it for when he starts.

Certain things are much better when MS Painted

I would argue that a good fake

would enhance this.

...but it is great as is.

The Dickey filephoto is made of win.

You should have done it on KidPix

God I miss KidPix.

YES!

KidPix was awesome!

Awesome.

need more photoshop

Would totally photoshop Christopher Walken

but I am too lazy.

Christopher Walken dances better than you.

Christopher Walken is the father of all creation.

I'm waiting for him to co-star in a movie with Samuel L Jackson

Best 1-2 punch ever.

You would too

if you had a watch stuck up your ass for two years.

I hope you're referring to the Fatboy Slim video

He'll be on Dancing with the Stars soon enough

and put the Star in Dancing with the Stars.

What the hell happened here tonight
Glory. In all of its horrible baseball game game thread glory.

You must Login with your SB Nation account and be a member of Lookout Landing to post a comment.