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Lookout Landing

4/15: Open Game Thread, Part 2

BONDS BONDS BONDS BONDS BONDS BONDS BONDS BONDS BONDS

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Bonds?

Bonds.

vidro

will save us

Vidro Grand Slam!

hahahahahahahahahaha
those look like turds on the right :(
SAC FLY'D!
Wooo funk sacrifice fly.
Good enough

New pitcher now.

That sac fly

just bought Clement another two months in Tacoma.

And Turbo, some Fourthmeal
Whoa WT[s] happened?

I quit when [Smurfs] got pulled and we’re not [smurf]ed yet?

Come on richie

take one for the team you puss

Uh... 14K/1BB... and Richie at the plate

Do I need to say it?

14/1 K/BB

Sexson – uh oh

he's gonna pop it up
time to come up big sexy sexson
Nice swing you big [smurf]er.
Richie, you can head back to the dugout now
Joe's Tracer

Have you ever seen a strike?

I told you, Joe's Tracer broke up with the strike zone
SAC FLY'D!
solid, this is a game now
Nice throw, assface
Screenshot of that reaction?
did Ibanez touch home
Sac attack! (TM)
Yay.

Another Funk Sac Fly.

This team is a grit machine.

wow, a sac fly from Richie??

that was the last thing I expected.

Sims trys too hard
*tries
Leave Sims alone >:(
Why?

Sims is awful.

I love him.
No he's not!!!111!!1!

LAY OFF MY BEST FRIENDDDDD

Get used to Sims

Won’t be long before Neihaus falls down in the shower and moves on his reward (a memorial Dugout piece with outdated Jamie Moyer jokes)

Hey I had a friend who fell in the shower

And smurfed up his entire back, had to get it sewn up.

Be careful what you say (hehe, isn’t this ironic.)

You shut your filthy, whorish mouth
Sims ain't bad.

Better than Rizzs, at least.

LEAVE SIMS ALONE
I think we're now the ML leaders in SFs

we were down 3 to start the day

8 million dollar swing
Kenji needs more money.
Why do people in the dugout talk with new york accents, Dave?
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME!!1!
The guy I learned this game from, Rob Sposato, one of my true heroes

Was from New York, and he spoke the same way. So I guess I know where Mr. Sims may be coming from.

Wow.

This guy isn’t very good right now. We shouldn’t make a rash decision that could easily have waited until we know how he’s going to do.

Dammit Kenji, what are you doing
rescind the fucking contract!
Odds they PH for Broomstick?

somewhere between 0 and 1%.

PH with who? NOrton?
HOLY SMURF BALLS
HUH???

PINCH HITTING? THIS IS LEGAL?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
shows you
I call good things.
I'm having a really good laugh saying "Willie Broomstick" out loud by myself

I’ve never heard this one before… Thank you

WHERE IN THE [SMURF] WAS THIS LAST NIGHT???
Dangit. Willie.
HE'S HURT...CALL UP CLEMENT!!
Buh? That was a weird reaction by Johjima.
Funny bone? Been hit with a pitch there, it hurts
Injured? Bring up Clement?
Baek deserves the win tonight

and I can’t believe that someone hit our 8 million dollar man

someone is going to pay!

that would be us

Yup, we'll pay

eight million dollars…

....HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
YES, IT'S WILK!!!!
The final man in our 5-8 murder's row
More like DUI row.
petty vandalism row
Windows blue screen row.
it's a good thing Wilk bats better vs

right handed pitchers…

Wilkerson

channeling Kirk Gibson

Impending doom?

Or just that really bad outfield sign?

I smell a popup coming.

Can we have Gargamel

Or however they spelled it.

I forgot the smurfette is hot.
I think the blonde-on-blue was an artistic mistake, personally.
smurf y'all, smurf all y'all
Norton is a pinch hitter

and they bring in Wilkerson who’s been struggling all year….. typical.

I just can't believe they pinch-hit for Willie
BAT SPEED!!!!!!!!!!
And yet, we keep calling for Clement.
vintage wilkerson
Free Norton (from the bench)?
Whoa Cha Seung Baek

5 IP 1 H 1 R 3K 0 BB

Huh??

Baek is not a bad pitcher.
I never thought so, I just liked hearing the name Dickey more.
I know, I was just expecting much much worse when I quit the game in the second
I'm not calling you out.

Only using the reply button for a statement that I think needs to be remembered.

Oh, I know, just thought it was worth repeating

man everyone is on pins and needles with the Jeffcon level at “Orange – High risk of terrorist attacks”

Nah Jeff's fine

I be scapegoat.

The reason it is important

was because he’s the reason we didn’t NEED to make the Bedard trade. Something that was clearly overlooked by Bav.

Shoulda drafted Lincecum :(
Sims just called him Justin Doucher
More like "Duke-shire"
Do you think the ump feels uncomfortable being the only non-Asian in the picture?
Daric Barton does.
K Baek
Ironicly, the Korean emote for laugh out loud is 'kekekekeke," each syllable sounded with a long A sound

If I could go to M’s games when Baek pitched, I would take a sign that is a giant Zergling, and a string of “ke’s” would come out of the mouth to celebrate his strikeouts.

.....

a giant Zergling implying that Koreans pwn at Starcraft?

Not only that, but that by now the Zergling is the national animal of Korea

and the “zergrush” is the favored military tactic of the ROK army

You know...

It can be hard telling your wife what Wilkerson plays for the Mariners.

I think it’s the fourth or fifth “fuck” that shuts down the female brain.

four or five "fucks" in one day?

damn, thats impressive

After you've had a kid...

That’s impressive in a week.

haha I can imagine...
Maybe from now on Squinty McLuster[smurf] will remember that Baek exists
Cha Baek 4 Cy Young
Props due.

Good work, Baek.

Cha Seung Bedard
hahahaha, funniest comment all night
thejew4u
Did you see him??
aww... they didnt show his singing

I guess they never show the 7th inning stretch

:( too bad

We’ll ask Red for a recount tomorrow.

Hey where is Jeff anyway? Just out for the night?

can't watch Batista
Dear god no...

Anyone who denies bacon can tell me nothing of heaven.

totally

Im not sure how I feel about that

It combines my two favorite things (well foods at least), but it sounds pretty gross at the same time

Sac Fly Attack! Let's Go!
That would be pretty rad if we won the game solely on sac flies
This team just saps my energy.

If you threw those files my way...

I could make it fit a bit better. Noise ninja and oversharpening of the Smurf, plus a motion blur to the M’s logo, could pull it all into something that looked much more natural.

That would dilute the point, of course, but it could be done.

Your second paragraph really nailed it

The enthusiasm was appreciated, but catching yourself was even moreso.

anna, anna, anna, anna, anna nicole
You know what sucks?

Having to leave your beloved (-ly terrible) Seattle Mariners to go take 2 huge friggin Antibiotic pills for your sinus infection.

You know what sucks?
Having to leave your beloved (-ly terrible) Seattle Mariners to go take 2 huge friggin Antibiotic pills for your sinus infection.
Not bad...

You’re my favorite. I’m keeping you.

STOP SWINGING AT PITCHES OVER YOUR HEAD
what

you can hit those

Ball four.

Several times over.

Yuni, you're killing me.
This AB

Casilla: “Damn you, WALK!”

Yuni: “NEVER!!!!”

Another power swing, Ichiro?
Stop swinging at shit
Time for Ichiro to tie it up again

Only to lose it in the bottom of the inning

[Smurf]ing Yuni

Ball 4 – Swing
Ball 5 – Swing
Ball – Swing

GAHHH

Lopez please make me love this team again.
Where's Jeff in all of this?

He actually does stuff on Friday nights?

I asked about half the page up.
What a dick that guy is
Thanks Lopez.
2 out rallies died in 2001

Just end the inning, it’s lost already.

FALSE HOPE FALSE HOPE FALSE HOPE
Four for Four!
It's been a silent 4-4, seeing as he's always stranded.
mclaren will be calling for a sacrifice bunt here
That's the smart thing to do

gotta manufacture those runs

all solid basehits...a couple line drives. wahoo
Colby + 2008 Lopez =

Mancrush.

Wait, was that just props to self esteem?
I LOVE YOU LOAFIE WILL YOU HAVE MY CHILDREN!!!
Jose is [smurf]ing the man/

Hard.

Lopez!!!

Dear Raul, please dont fuck this up

Do we have anyone on the bench to pinch-hit?

Or just let Ibanez give it a shot?

What bench?

nyuk nyuk nyuk

Norton.

But Raul is hitting regardless. Face of the franchise and all.

Nah, I know.

Just pretending in my head that something smarter might happen.

Raul Ibanez=Sacred Cow
This dilemma is false
Yeah, I agree.

We don’t have addtl outfielders anyway. He has to stay in.

Do we have anyone on the team to hit?

If we had anyone on the bench who could hit they’d find a spot in the linup.

Well, if we had sane management. And in that case, the team wouldn’t look remotely like this.

gently caress this entire matchup
I love continuity jokes

You’re my favorite too.

Surpise sex isn't funny.
We got an Oregonian here

Quick, before he gets pulled, RAUL!!!

How about johnathan sanchez for SF?
Ibanez, any year + LOOGY =

Outs.

Embree is a Hawks fan!

someone has their priorities straight.

RJ gets career win # 285.

Oh hey we’re still losing? Awesome.

Does he get to 300?

Discuss.

If he can stay on the mound, then yes.
If he stays healthy?

Does he stay healthy?

...

If he pitches well enough this year he may come back for one more.

Don't think so
Sweet.

I really want him to get to 300.

And Maddux—Maddux could conceivably get to 400.

He's at right around 350 isn't he?
349
wow i was close
He would have 350 a day or two ago,

but Hoffman blew another save.

Career. Over.
It's looking that way.

His fastball looks about 5 mph faster than his change.

Seriously... Its sad to see guys like that keep going and going and tarnish their legacy

I mean the guy’s had an amazing career, but most people will remember the one-game playoff from last year as the defining moment

eeh

he still had a pretty good year

I don’t think anything he does can really ruin his legacy, short of being run out for 20 blown saves.

I think the modern record is 363.

or whatever Warren Spahn has.

Upton running into foul territory was a little scary there
Raul should do what I did when I played baseball

crouch and foul pitches off until the pitch walks me

I didn't even notice the back of his jersey

I was thinking that was a pretty old looking “kid.” How long has Allen Embree been around?

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
False hope wooooooooooo!
yes! let's go beltre!
RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL
FALSE HOpE FALSE HOpE FLASE HOpE
my keyboard does strange things.
I though you were trying to send a secret message.

Damn that false hoe!

It wasn't intentional?
Single = TWO OUT LIGHTNING!!!

WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! TWO OUT LIGHTNING!!!

FUCK, ADRIAN
whoa dude
Comma separated value.
I used a comma...
Hey I was quick to your aid, where's the love?
here
No brownie points for butthol?
yes you did
We're not swearing today.

Today is positive thread day.

smurf yeah it is.
I am excluding myself from this event
No you're [smurf]ing not
We shall see

...we shall see

That was an incredible AB by Beltre
Prepping self for disappointment
well that was fast
Rally failed.
damn, look good off the bat
Raul got a hit off a lefty??? Runners Stranded???

That picture is disturbing beyond words.
I find it amusing.
Is that you, Gomez?
It's my poor mutilation of Gomez, yes...

Morphed with the original Surprised Face.

Is it just me or does Mark Lowe coming in not exactly fill you with hope right now
it's his last night before flying to Tucson tomorrow

who leaves tonight for Bedard?

Corco?
Lowe?
Morrow?

$25 says Lowe
I may take you up on this.

Let’s see how his outing goes.

I reserve the right to retract this wager if Lowe gets everyone out for once
Let it be Cairo.

Oh please let it be.

Beltre isn't clutch.
Pirata Morado, is that you??

//MarinerCentral-SportSpot joke…

gently caress you Jason Isringhausen
you are the mayor of blown saves
Time for ironically batless?
This music is pretty intense.
Feels like I'm about to face a boss in Double Dragon.
Next inning

Sexson
Vidro
Johjima

Why couldn't Baek keep going at 73 pitches?
Wait what

Baek started? or did beluga get pulled way early? Enlighten a brother who just turned the game on…

The second one.
Tits pulled a groin in the 2nd after walking 5 and giving up 3

Baek pitched six strong innings

Gotcha

4 runs on 3 hits would be hilarious if we weren’t losing

Lowe in...don't know what to think
happy thoughts

pre-surgery Lowe is a good idea

Does Sim's wife say "well stroked"?
Sims corks his bat.
Or does he bat his cork?

...

He corks his bat.

It gives him the power to hit one up the middle into the gap. His problem, though, is that when he tries to take it home, he all too often gets caught in a rundown and loses his hot streak.

He gets his hot streak back though

When he switches positions before the big leagues.

That company is getting sued the bejeezus out of, BTW.
Thank God

when I think a commercial goes over the line, who dilly it must be bad

So he makes it soft and flexible?

But hey, maybe she enjoys it “faster”...

What?
Does Sim's wife say "well stroked"?
Lowe looked good there
Jeez -- best outing from Lowe yet.

Standing O for Cha Smiley

I'm glad I don't watch TRUtv
Butthol = Coach Owens?
Coach would never dream

of using such “salty” language.

I don't think I used any smurfing language in here, did I?
If you were actually Coach,

your username would be “behindhol.”

I approve this.
rearendface
OH, got it.

You’re my favorite too. I’m keeping you.

no love for butthol?
Are you giving love back, JI?

:) I hope so. Then I’ll feel welcomed here.

Well I know how much this curdles your hearts for me to say this, but I need to get off

It is 10. I will be here tomorrow for those that could miss me.

I hope this didn’t sound cocky at all, really, wasn’t meant to be.

sigh.

Sit down JJ.

Watching Vidro Bat is like getting surprised sexed in the smurf.
Yeah that is way too optimistic to have JJ up
We need Cairo to DH

he used to be a yankee and that means something i guess

FUNK ERROR!

PINCH RUN PINCH RUN PINCH RUN PINCH RUN!

HAHAH DEFENCE!!!!!!!!
That swing was horrendous...
Defense...something.

Whatever.

DEFENSE WINS THINGS
WHAT THE SMURF IS YOUR PROBLEM MAC!?

WHERE THE SMURF IS THE PINCH RUNNER!?

Speed Never Slumps.
You know what Vidro's problem is?

He’s worried how he’s going to do next year if he doesn’t have a contract. Quick! Sign him now for 4/48!!!

COME ON RICHIE!!
Smurf you, Barton!
Barton smelled hotdogs coming at him and he flinched.
MARK KATA!
No Cairo pinch running?

Alrighty then.

Vidro is on fire!!!
Vidro is done

If he plays for us next year… well of course he will play for us next year, thats what happens

C'mon Cunningham
Dave seems to always think its a good time for a home run
So we pinch run Vidro if he makes it to 2nd?

What if Sexson doubles off the wal…... Wait, that won’t happen.

Vidro is so clutch right now
here comes a K.
I bet we drop Cairo for Bedard.

For all the wrong reasons.

Wow shocker, Richie.
Smurf you Richie.

Smurf you in your smurfing ear!

Meg Griffin-style?
Watching this offense stings

It burns like a sonofabitch.

well stroked!
Wait... How does it make sense to do that now?
Mac is awake!
Richie just violated our no swearing game thread...
why do you wait for an out to make the change for the runner?
MARINERS OFFENSE FAILS
What the [smurf] is going on.

Why in the [smurf] is Mac using his bench [smurf]ing now?

bahahhahahaha

pinch hitting for the 24 million dollar man

wow, Kenji gets pinch hit for
But...what about the money?
Wait

why would you wait to pinch run? AND PINCH HIT for the guy who got extended today?

HUHHHHHHH???

This is good...

because I have Greg Norton in Beat the Streak tonight*

  • - Don’t actually have Greg Norton in Beat the Streak tonight.
how did you do that?
Oh my god pinch hitter!!!! oh my god!!!
Norton in

spyware detected

What would happen in McAfee Stadium???
TAAAAAAKEEEEEEE
So Graham, Norton???
Why doesn't Norton like that pitch?
This hope feels less false.
Don't lie to yourself.

It feels just as false as every other inning.

Brad up

Inning over.

WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK WILKERWALK v

Who wants to bet Mac bunts here?

Anybody?

Ok Wilkerson, I gotta head to work.

So either hit a homer or GIDP.

Wilk. Please.

Please.

Cmon Brad Wilkerson try not to hit like Brad Wilkerson
HIT LIKE WILLIE!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WILKERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, inning over, yeah
"Wilkerson has struggled the entire month"

All the more reason to lock him up now!

The sad thing?

I’m hoping Wilkerson strikes out just so Yuni gets up.

Yuni will just swing at balls again
I'm hoping this team loses every game all season so everyone on this team gets fired.
No matter what happens

Chuck and Howie keep their jobs.

Whatever.

Maybe we’ll get a GM with balls.

yeeeessshhhhh

that was close.

That was the same place as strike 1.
uhhh lucky call
Wla-ad Bal-en-tieeen

Clap Clap ClapClapClap

Jer-’my Re-eed

Clap Clap ClapClapClap

Leverage at 5.18 right now
Yes! Lucky new bat!
"Pick me out a winner, Jimmy."
Why isn't he trying to just blow him away?

Did Dave call him Curtis Wilkerson earlier?

He just did it again hahaha.
TAAAAAAAAAAKE
Goddamnit Wilkserson, your gonna make me late for work.
DID HE KILL CHUCK!?
Did it hit Armstrong?

DID IT HIT ARMSTRONG????????
Hope they put him on the DL

oh shit..come on Yuni
WALK! WALK! WALK!
Good eye.

Good AB wilk

Best possible outcome!
This is the last batter I'm watching.
Just tell them traffic was bad.
Wilkerson is worth 8 million tonight

well done

So the Carnials score two in the first and surrender three in the ninth

if you’re gonna kick me in the balls Mariners do it now, I’m numb.

Please Yuni do something good

please please please please

bradtastic!
Mr. Clutch Hacker up.
Wilkerson could not have done better than that
DONT SWING AT SMURF PLZ
And I was mocking my friend in the 2nd inning

for going to the game instead of watching the new Harold and Kumar movie….

WHAt NEW HAROLD AND KUMAR MOVIE
Oh smurf not a groundball hitter
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Smurf

I fucking hate you Mariners.
There. I did it.
GOD SMURF IT!!!!
GOD DAMN YOU
GHAHAHAHAH, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

YUNI BROKE SMURF

And I'm outta here.

Smurf this team.

THAT HOpE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE LESS FALSE
FONK THIS CRAP!
Please, please don't summon the Fonk.
ojnwpeirgn-49245g45g95gun45g die yuni die
SMURFGOBBLER
swinging at strikes

that’s soooooo overrated.

Old Yuni says hello
unreal, this is an unlucky team. I miss 2007
only slightly unlucky
I don't consider that "unlucky"

so much as “retardedly bad”

'retardedly' is a word that should be spoken more
well yeah, that too
What a smurfing dipsmurf
ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

SMURF

SEND HIM BACK TO CUBA
Game over.

This team doesn’t tie/win games in the 9th.

Actually this team doesn’t tie/win games period.

only this team

could score 3 runs while giving up a mere 3 hits all game and still fucking lose

I'm so godsmurf tired of this bullsmurf
I AM SMURFING GOING TO SMURF THE SMURFING SMURF OUT OF THIS SMURF SMURF TEAM
At least we didn't trade for Shaq and see us get swept in the first round of the playoffs.
Hmmm....

.. a double-out sac with one out already does not seem like the best of plans …

Smurf this team in the smurfing smurfs

smurf smurffffff smuuuuuuuuuuurf smurfing smurf smurfs

Well at least Huston Street sucks.
our offense is WAY worse
This offence is all smurfed up
*offense
It's okay.

This is a British English welcome zone.

Again

It’s Seahawks draft day tomorrow.

Tim Ruskell is good.

Be happy.

SOME OF US DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT FOOTBALL UNTIL SEPTEMBER
its time..and we'll have MLS next year DURING the baseball season.
this makes me happy
draft starts at noon....so we'll pick around 4pm?
Good news: The lineup turns over in the bottom of the 9th.

Bad news: We still lose this game 4-3.

Note to broadcasters:

Speak highly of Yuni, since he just blew chunks at the plate last half inning.

If the M's break up my marriage...

Can I sue the team? Seriously, she’s getting pissed with my bitching.

MLB.tv just shit out on anyone else?
1984, reenacted by the 2008 Mariners

“Imagine a boot, stomping on a human penis, forever”

Somewhere in the world, this man is going on a murderous rampage


But I thought LaRussa had a breathalyzer lock in his car now
walkity walk walk
wiggity walk
...back to the minors
throw strikes
Lowe for a second inning

that pretty much tells me he’s heading down tomorrow… burn up the guy you’re not keeping so your other guys are fresher.

GOTTA WALK THE WORLD BRB

This game seems to be a wierd one...
its normal, really
This game makes me wish the liquor store took xbox games for trade-in credit
It's normal.
Smurfing smurf is an understatement

Smurf this team.

HAHA Golden Sombrero
One pitch out of six was in the zone.

yay tracer!

Nice pitch.
I'm rooting for your team now.

Actually, I’m not. I’ve decided to root against the Mariners

New fans are always welcome. ^_^

But I wouldn’t give up on the M’s just yet.

This is not GTE talking.

I’ve been considering this for a while. I can’t be an Angel fan, but I can hope that we do sooooo poorly that we hire a better GM that can fix 2009.

Having experience with Bavasi built teams...

it will take 3 years.

... It is year 4.
I meant 3 years after he LEAVES.
Also, you'll need a new head coach.
Or manager, even.
Well... yeah... that's my point.

I want them to do so badly the whole team gets fired.

I hate to say it, but doing that badly

would require things to happen that I really don’t think you want. I’ll refrain from naming names, but you should know what I’m talking about.

Felix can get the only wins for the team.

I don’t think there are any other players I’m that attached to.

That guy and Ichiro

are what I’m talking about…

They can lose 100 games

and still have Ichiro and Felix stay healthy. Felix gets all the wins, and Ichiro gets all the singles from which no one else hits him home.

I really hate Safeco music and the 'make noise' bullshit

I’d put up with a whole season of sucktitude if those two things would go away

Its like a cattle prod for the crowd

without the mild electrocution

good job Lowe!
$10 we don't win this game.
I can predict a loss if you like

it guarantees a win for us

I'll pull a Corco.

Over/under on winning this game?

How can you have an O/U on a proposition that has two possible outcomes?
It's possible if you're Corco.
welcome to the punchline
Uh... 3.

:-/

I can feel it...

M’s will find a new and fun way to blow this 9th inning.

Sinlge, single, single

TRIPLE PLAY

Submitted without comment:

2 Stoners and a Cougar
Harden: "Boy, I'm stoned. I need to head to the DL and crash for a bit, brb."
I thought it was just a wonky thing with his gameday photo

but look at his smurfing teeth

Yaaaaahhh....

So the A’s are 3 outs away from winning this game on 3 hits.

Oakland has more run than hits.
Wow, that was some epic fail by Jack Cust on that double...
I suggest a new tradition

We dedicate every win to a beer, we dedicate every loss to a hard liquor. I nominate Johnnie Walker Black Label to commemorate this three-hour, televised anal fissure.

Don't write us off yet

we got Ichiro and bizarro Lopez

What happens if we actually win?
you're still drunk
We get a win in the win column.
Wow.

The only reason this team is doing “okay” is because of all the walks.

It only leads to disappointment....
I'm sick of closers

giving us false hope.

Lopez bunt coming.
Ichi-balls!
ICHIWALK

DO NOT FUCKING BUNT MCLAREN I WILL SHOW UP AT YOUR HOUSE AND PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE

FUCK YOU

I hate this team

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
Smurfing smurf

Smurf you Squinty.

Yea, Bunt.

Great idea.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

god dammit MAC

Stupidest fucking shit ever
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

fuck fuck

FUCK!!!!!!
DO NOT BUNT
TOO LATE FUCK STICKS AGHGHGHGHGG
WHAT A FUCKING WASTE
How stupid can Mac be

can it get any worse?

Fuck John McClaren.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck smurf.

Have a 4-4 Lopez bunt, nice.
I have a feeling this game will come down to Turbo.
HE IS 4 FOR 4 ON THE DAY DO YOU HAVE THE BRAINS OF A WOMBAT
THE NUMBER TWO HITTER BUNTS

HE IS THE BUNTER

THOSE ARE THE RULES

MCLAREN FUCKS HIS PICNIC TABLE

IN THE FRONT YARD

THIS TEAM IS RUN BY BRAIN DEAD FUCKING SMURFS
this is fucking dumb
Wow, I heard Raul cuss

weird

4-4..killing the ball...Street a little wild, and you have him bunt.
Dear Ichiro,

Please steal second.

Thanks,

Lookout Landing
... and third..... and home.
He's 4 for smurfing 4.

smurf you squinty. let the man smurfing hit

Shades of 2006

Hey Mac...

you want Ichiro to swipe 80 bases…..

WHY DON’T YOU GIVE HIM A FUCKING CHANCE…..

BELTRE YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE

CAPS LOCK ON PERMANENTLY

Beltare ....

.. remember, sac flies don’t work with 2 outs.

Or with runners on 1st base.... now 2nd.
This team is so predictable.
Oh crap

Miguel Cairo on deck.

Beltre you have full permission to swing for the fences
Cairo in...Game Over

for us.

Are you smurfing kidding me

Why the smurf would you have Jose 4for4 Lopez bunt in that situation…we don’t have outs to give you smurf.

that was a mighty swing...

if he had gotten any piece of that…

A BUNT??? A SMURFING SMURFY BUNT???

I’d rather have Ichiro thrown out stealing with a 4-4 Lopez up to the dish than a frickin’ stinkin’ bunt.

Oh NOW he steals?

Screw this swearing ban.

Fuck McLaren.

HAHAH, Season over
I can't even fathom how bad this team is.

So bad.

FUCK YOU CROSBY YOU FUNCKING CUNT SHIT
Say what you want about that

Sims’ call was awesome.

Too bad they hardly are in our favor
I really like him

Fuck the haters

fuck that, fuck everyone
Saying SMURF isn't the same as saying FUCK!!!!!!!!
I hate the A's

almost as much as I hate our offense.

No offense

But it was the A’s with “no offense”.

Three hits??!!!

A’s have the best BP yet this year. Casilla and Brown, still unscored upon. No earned runs against them.

None taken

but the fact that the A’s only needed 3 hits highlights my point further.

Ichiro would have only gotten to 3rd

and both he and Beltre would’ve been stranded by a first pitch popup.

if it got past crosby?

I think he might have scored

It dribbles to shallow center

and they get it back in.

He was running hard with two outs

I think he scores.

I think it's close at best

There would definitely be a play at the plate.

Not if he didn't get a glove on it
Crosby would've had to have been pretty slow not to
Ichiro would have scored easily if that got by Crosby.
All we managed were three sac flies.

This team is pathetic.

Again, I've been saying this a lot:

I don’t know if I can root for this team anymore. They’re actually ruining baseball for me.

Its too extreme for me to say...but I have tix tomorrow

and when Bedard is scratched tomorrow morning, I doubt I’d wanna go.

This is important...

Because baseball is one of those few things that I enjoy. Even when I’m pessimistic, I still usually enjoy baseball. But they are actually ruining the sport for me. I can’t enjoy watching this.

Hey even for the winners, it was too painful...

Errors, overthrows, and a Golden Sombrero (four K’s for Murphy). Cust muffs a catchable “double”.

I turned it off after Brown walked two. Just checking back now….

Take your sour grapes

ferment them and pass around some drinks

Please don't come here and try to console us.

At this point, none of us would care what kind of mistakes the Mariners made as long as they won.

Oh, and fuck Oakland.

Right, but we're not talking about a bad game.

Your team also has young potential, half our payroll, and is overperforming overall.

We have a completely incompetent management system from top to bottom that not only makes some poor decisions, but has actually ruined this team for years to come. Not just this year, or next year… YEARS.

This is not the same thing, nor is this really a comment on this game.

I’m not trying to call you out or anything… I’m just saying that my frustrations are not something current, only coming to berth due to the recent mistakes. This has been something that has been happening for a while, and I don’t know if I Can take it anymore.

I feel yah; M's baseball is literally painful to behold.
FFFFFUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Happy Birthday, A's.

How nice of us to hand-deliver a win for them.

I kinda laugh

Every game…EVERY GAME…Mac does something that makes you say…”Seriously, who does that?” Its unreal.

I would of walked Beltre with Cairo on deck
I got home at 10 pm

and turned on the TV just in time to see Yuni dribble that shin-high pitch into the inning ending GIDP.

Same here

Fuck this team

Just need a screenshot of a anal fissure to follow this one ...
TOS

TOS!!!!

Just need a screenshot of a smurf fissure to follow this one.
Fuck that, I'm depressed AND broke.

Desperate times call for desperate measures

No, I don't have any change
For you, I recommend

needs less sugar and way, way more alcohol
This isn't GTE because I'm sure I'll feel this way tomorrow

But I don’t think I’d object to watching McClaren’s entire family die in a fire.

He'd call in the police to put the fire out
No he'd probably call for a bunt
Fire at the McLaren residence

Mrs McLaren: Help, help, the house is on fire!
SIRENS
Firemen: Don’t worry ma’am, we’ll take care of this!
The firemen begin attaching hoses to the nearest hydrant
McLaren: No, no, no! Use these buckets and start a line up from the crick!
Firemen: Sir, we have a hydrant here and we can get this fire out if you’d get out of the way..
McLaren: Listen, rook! There is a right way to run a crew and I won’t stand for any shenanigans! Get these pails in motion or I’ll get someone who will!!
Firemen: No offense, sir, but this isn’t the 19th century, get out of the way!
McLaren: muttering I wish we had the ol Eff-Dee-Enn-Why here. Those boys would take of this the right way… beginnig to sniffle, releasing a single tear Those brave, brave boys… so special.. I’ll never forget

That makes it better.
Great to hear

Fosse and Kuiper laughing at Mariner managing.

On a personal note, I got to watch both the Sharks and M’s lose by 1. Pro sports suck.

Baek did not show us 94.
3rd straight 1-run loss.

Hey, remember last year when we won 5 straight 1-run games?

clearly the lack of veterans is the problem

also, fuck

Again

another thing they use to justify the losses – “oh, it was only by 1 run, we were so close.”

No.

plus, the leadoff man has reached in the 9th all 3 games.
There's been a lot of eating shit and dying from the team lately
Regression to the mean.

Regression is mean.

Lets face it

This team is never going to be competitive with Lincoln and Armstrong at the helm

This team will never fire Lincoln and Armstrong because of ownership.

We are the new Montreal Expos.

Then there is only one thing to do

We must kill Hiroshi Yamauchi. Who’s with me?

It's already been competitive with those two at the helm.
Were the competetive because those two

or in spite of those two?

No,

We’re the new old Angels. The ‘spos had no $.

You DID hire Bavasi.

So that’s probably not too far off.

Yeah

Bavasi ruined the Angels. So I don’t see why Bavasi would not be to blame for everything going wrong with the M’s too.

I know it is their fault

but Bavasi really needs to grow testicles and not make blatantly wrong choices.

Excuse me, I mean:

I know it might be their fault.

I still think Bavasi and McLaren are unbelievably incompetent.

Bavasi can't.

Lincoln and Armstrong aren’t going to keep anyone on staff who doesn’t agree blindly with what they say.

Then FUCKING QUIT

You’re a fucking whore if you don’t fucking do any fucking job. If you’re just their fucking puppet, quit the fucking job and get their hands out of his fucking ass.

Err... I mean...

Smurf?

He's pulling a paycheck by just saying "yes" all the time.

Can’t say I blame him.

As long as Lincoln and Armstrong are here, this club is never going to have sustained success.

But that's what makes him a whore.

If Bavasi was not a whore, he would not be a bad GM, and thus he would get a job with a better team and possibly bonuses

Because he is a whore, this is his only job.

Also, I still think he sucks at everything. I don’t think he’s whoring himself, I think these are his poor decisions, the same bad decisions he made with the Angels.

It really doesn't matter

the only GMs that are going to be hired here are whores and shills for Armstrong and Lincoln.

That's fine. I'm okay with that statemnt

But Bavasi gets no free pass, nor should any of the blame not be on him. He deserves all the crap he gets for being that whore, even if he was hired for that reason.

No one in this organization deserves a free pass.

It’s fucked from top down.

So "Bavasi Can't"

Is really “Bavasi Can, but because he doesn’t, he’s a fucktard.”

I'm not going to argue with that.

Every word is true.

You and I get along really well.

I’m glad you’re here.

Beats the hell out of the PI forum.
I'm not he's being puppet strung

I think he seriously believes he is making the right decisions.

* not sure he's
Frankly I can't bring myself to care.

This team will forever be incompetently run.

On a side note

Fuck Miguel Batista.

At least Batista's injury means more knucleballs.
it was only a mild case of suckitude

he’ll be back

Hilariously ironically we currently have a +8 run differential

I think I’m going to go play FIFA and get drunk. Smurf the world.

No wonder we lost

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

poor Krueger, our prophet true
our doom in that we’d not heard you
damned by the gods to waste away
the Cassandra o’ our modern day
would that our lieges hear your words
we’d not `ave a boxscore full o’ turds

Damn the check mark..if we get 3 X's don't we win something?
Kreuger was overruled by the producer.

If I follow the argument correctly:

“What we need to do in order to win is to win.”

we reshuffled the deck?
I think Krueger lives in a different realm.
I just poked myself in the eye...and it really hurts

I blame the M’s.

I don't care how Johjima feels.
I'm rich, smurf!
Is Jeff Clement gonna have to choke a smurf?
Nope.

He’ll be traded within the next two weeks for a bullpen arm.

Smurf yo' couch!
Clement: ROB JOHNSON!!

Rob: [punched in face]

Squinty...

I hate you.

He's going to be the first one fired.

I’m banking on him getting the pink slip June 1st.

yep
No

One of the sub-coaches will fall first – the BP coach if that component continues to hemmorhage (even if the blame can be pinned on Mac’s mgmt skills)

Charlton?

I doubt that.

If this season goes south

the field manager will be the first to be fired.

How far under .500 will we be, you think?
Mike Hargrove says

“unlikely”

Great call on KJR...guy was hilarious

Calling out “baldy” bavasi….i wish i could copy the whole call. epic stuff

Does this team realize that "Sacrifice flies" are really just a way of saying "Hey, you fucked up, but it's okay we scored."?

Why do they act like popping up is some kind of skill?

Hey!!!

It’s the JEW4YOU!!!!

HE’S GETITNG INTERVIEWED!!!!

Who is the girl behind him?
HEY, HE DIDN'T GIVE AN LL SHOUT OUT!!!
Maybe they gave him a Mariners Mafia talk before the game
Ban him
To think I could have voted for the cute girl.

And we had one friend in common on facebook. I was in!

I wonder if it was as good as this or this.

Haha, I love how Vedder sings "buy me some crack....."
I'm not sure wheter he said "peanuts" or "smurf"
lol

Definitely -> peanus

Thank god for that
Well this is something I didn't consider.

Good point.

Heh. Take a look at what Resin isn't Cheating posted over in Baker's blog

“If I had a baseball in the stands I would have hit Brendan Weitzman in the mouth for making a mockery of “Take me out to the ball game.”

oh Logie don't ever change
You'll have to link to that the next time he posts.
If he could hit the target, we could probably get him a bullpen spot
To be fair

I’m pretty sure Logan has threatened to kill me at one point or another, so it’s not like this is some sort of shocking revelation.

Sure are some grade A douchebags on Baker's blog.

This is his site.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh man…This guy has a completely irrational hate of statheads, doesn’t he?

Too bad he locked the really good stuff up.

His best work was when he accused Bavasi of mentally abusing Jose Lopez.

...and that the Mariners were leaving Seattle.
The important thing is that I have his email

Rather, the scientologists do

Jesus Christ

this guy is hilarious.

..and he didn't know how to calculate a batting average
Boy he really hates stats, doesn't he?
only because people who can do math make him look silly
So how exactly does he evaluate talent?

Magic 8-ball?

This is good

“Bavasi wants to burn the farm down”

BURN THE TREE

DELETE_FUCKING_EVERYTHING

Ah reading his site makes me feel a little better.

Humor is good for the soul.

This is his C material

I wonder if his book is still for sale on Cafepress.

Oh sweet Jesus

he had a book?

It's not there

it was the Mariners revolution guide book or some shit.

I regret not buying it.

That revolution would undoutedly end in cannibalism

and dustbowl farming communes

Must...refrain...from...Ron...Paul...joke
lol redundancy lol
Bavasi move = bad

Bavasi player = bad

Logan claims to be a Cuban scout, therefore Latin player = good (if it was his idea to play him before he made it into the lineup).

He has long held that Jose Lopez would be the saviour of this franchise, that it was his idea to sign Beltre, and that Betancourt was the FOTF, and that Ichiro is a worthless singles hitter.

His irrational hatred of Ichiro

is hilarious. Even Baker’s bloggers call shenanigans on that.

You'd think with a name like Baseball Mistress, he'd be a Thai or Filipino scout
He invents his own stats like PHA

(which is basically ISO, but he refuses to acknowledge this)

Dishonest little douche.

Couple of days ago Adam and I brought up Prospect Insider to back up our evaluation of Clement’s defense.

I thought Logie was going to blow a freakin gasket. He was absolutely livid we used PI.

That's because Churchhill embarrassed the shit out of him over there.

He wants to kill DMZ, Chruchhill, and Bavasi. It’s pretty hilarious.

What'd Churchill do to him?

I can probably imagine what Derek did to him.

lol

“I will not use sabermetrics, socialize with prospects, rely on unreliable insider information, and the word of anonymous front office executives. As a result scouting reports will not be sugar-coated or clouded.

I am passionate about evaluating players with the use of fundamental scouting techniques and raw baseball statistics you can find on the back of any baseball card.”

They still make baseball cards?

I can confirm this.
Damn.

All I need are baseball cards to evaluate a prospect?

YOU’VE LIED TO ME, DAVE CAMERON! LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Socializing with prospects, lol

ESPN Insider reports that Jeff Clement is a boring guy, and after a few beers, kind of a racist. Sources close to the team also report that Nick Green farts all the time, and he just doesn’t care who is in the room with him, ever.

So no political statement then?
He didn't practice

He has a background in theater.

Oh my god.

There’s a poster on Baker’s blog who thinks we can trade Burke for Griffey.

There's optimism...

and then there’s whatever that guy is on.

You're TheOptimist

you tell us how we can trade Burke for Griffey :).

DISCLAIMER – this trade cannot involve Jeff Clement or Carlos Triunfel

Or Felix

Or Ichiro.

They can have Cairo.

What he forgot to mention is that Felix was included in the package.
Sure

If he means Craig Griffey.

Post game update:

Well, no black label in the house, but I do have half a bottle of capn’ morgan tattoo and I’m working on it, some pyramid hefe too.

This song perfectly captures everything I feel about the Seattle Mariners tonight – A burning desire for the destruction of the world, originating from a personal wound and the betrayal of my trust by someone I loved

I got some Maker's Mark I might have to open
So...

Are we as bad as San Francisco or are they as “good” as we are?

They've had better luck.

Well, that and a better bullpen.

Who is waiting for it?

We all know Bedard will get scratched tomorrow

Waiting? It's a foregone conclusion.
THis is the part where I would HHroll someone if we weren't at Jeffcon 4
I think he'll approve of this gamethread...the smurf thing was great

but even Jeff knows what happens when retarded management meets up with the Mariner’s offense.

I think HaloRoll should be the offical name.
I'm just waiting for the emergency Dickey callup.
morning wood?
I wouldn't have it any other way.
In all honesty

I’m resigning myself to the idea that Bedard will be Harden here…great when he pitches, but unreliable when it comes to making his starts.

If/when the Bedard trade blows up

we [statheads] will still be wrong, won’t we?

Yep
No one loves us :(
Did you catch the end of the game?

How are your feelings about it? Killed an innocent animal yet?

No, it was a final when I woke up

I’m really glad I haven’t seen any of this crap.

Did you get caught up with the Kenji debacle of a contract extension?
Yes.

It led to me comparing someone with a badger turd and telling them their only experience with culture was a recurring yeast infection.

I am not happy.

Wow it's like reading the script for "Extras"
I greatly enjoyed the manner in which you dealt with that dipshit.
Listen

We’re all on the same team here. We all read each other’s blogs.

Who’s getting sent down for Bedard?

Why does this team make me want to staple my nuts into a saloon door instead of watching them sometimes?

Mariner fans are masochists.

A lot of masochists enjoy torturing themselves in ways as you’ve described.

I was more pissed at the end of this game than I have been in a long time.

More pissed than when Memphis blew a huge lead in the national championship game. More pissed than when the Seahawks blew that big early lead at Green Bay. In fact, I think the last time I was this pissed after watching a sporting event was Super Bowl XL.

I think it’s because it finally sunk in that this team will be exciting to watch once every five days, with ten to fifteen minutes of worthwhile action every other game or so. The only time I felt anything resembling emotion was when Lopez squared to bunt, which caused me to fly into a rather unexpected rage.

If they were terrible and interesting, I’d be okay with that, but they’re mediocre, boring as hell and predictable in the ways in which they are going to piss me off.

At least you aren't a UCLA Bruin fan

their top two QB’s get carted off today…buahahaha, Go Ducks!!

The UCLA Bruins have won 100 NCAA championships.

I’m not going to lie, the boos and angry words for this sign are starting to taper off. I also wrote “Give us Jeff Clement” on the back of the Bonds sign too. Even common M’s fans on a bobblehead night seemed to side with me more than ever.

So the whole Johjima thing is actually my fault guys

I ordered a jersey last weekend.

I’m really sorry.

holy crap!

How did u know Clement would only play 9 games for the Mariners…creepy!

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