SB Nation - Login for mobile commenting

Lookout Landing

A Request

Nay, a mandate.

Could we drop the whole "Jeff Clement bat speed" thing? Forever?

The whole issue took on a life of its own that has persisted to this day. What started as "a scout thinks Jeff Clement has a slower bat than he used to" turned into "a scout thinks Jeff Clement sucks" which turned into "Dave Cameron thinks Jeff Clement sucks" which turned into "Dave Cameron and Jeff Sullivan think Jeff Clement sucks".  I don't even know what the current incarnation of the story is now but I imagine it probably has something to do with Dave sending anthrax to congressmen and me designing an engine that runs on the blood of kittens and infants.

Look, I get that there are two factors in play here. One, most people can't read. And two, most people lack the ability to understand the subtleties and nuances of an argument and prefer instead to stick to extremes. But still, read these articles. I mean really read them. Look at the points. Look at the qualifiers. Look at the evidence. And most of all, look at the conclusion (which I will copy and paste right here for those who're too lazy to click a link):

Now, I’m not presenting this post as any kind of reason to jump off the Jeff Clement bandwagon. He was the #3 pick in the draft two years ago, so this isn’t some guy who scouts universally hated. He hit at USC, he hit in the Texas League, and now he’s hitting in the PCL. There’s too much history that says Jeff Clement can hit for me to buy the idea that he’s just a guy with marginal batspeed and his success won’t translate to the majors.

But I do find the entire conversation extremely interesting. I think it’s relevant information that Clement is loading up on Triple-A junkballers and struggling against pitchers with major league fastballs. I’m not sure what it means, but I don’t think it’s something we should ignore.

So, to be honest, I don’t know what to think about Jeff Clement. The numbers say I should be a fan - he’s a power and patience left-handed guy that looks like a perfect fit for Safeco Field, and after a long struggle, no one has been able to get him out for the last month and a half. But, traditional scouting can still see a lot of things that statistical analysis cannot, and in this case, there’s valid evidence of the scouting claim.

Is Jeff Clement going to hit in the majors? I don’t know. I think so, but I’ll be a lot more confident if he starts whacking the ball against some high velocity right-handers.

Do you understand what's being said? Do you understand that Dave was simply passing along the opinion of a scout (that is, an opinion that wasn't Dave's) that he found to be interesting? If you don't, congratulations, you're stupid. I'm surprised you made it this far.

And if you do, awesome. Now may this please be the last time this ever comes up.

1 recs  |  141 comments

Comments

We all hate Jeff Clement

I’m not madly in love with him at all.

Can we just change it to Graham thinks Jeff Clement is terrible?
Jeff Clement's bat is lsower than Jose Vidro's legs

fuck him, fuck him right in the ear.

Jeff Clement's bat is frozen in time

like a hackneyed plot device from a 1973 episode of Doctor Who.

Then all we have to do is

Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow

must be something in the water

John Sickels had a moment today as well, banning a couple of posters in the process.

He should ban more
We should all ban more.
Please dont ban me.
Are they that bad over there?

I don’t read the comments as much.

Roughly 0% of posters there would survive a LL-style idiot cleansing
You should rent out your serivces.
That's saying a lot, and a little more
Jeff Clement bat is so slow it was around for the invention of toothpaste
I think I remember that bat
Jeff Clement has bat spasms.
I see what you did there
"me designing an engine that runs on the blood of kittens and infants."

You say this like it’s a bad thing. Hello renewable energy!

I didn't say it's bad either but you know people
bloods overated

in shock value, underrated in food.

It could be bad if we have food shortages

Engines are harder to consume and digest properly.

The engines are made of puppy muscle
that's different then.

Bring on puppy power!

this needs a visual for clarification.
Hold on, let me get my dolphin flesh camera
just use your condor feather pen dipped in squid ink

to draw us a schematic on goat skin paper. You can use my whale oil lamp for lighting.

What's for dinner?

panda steaks on the grill. Deeeeeeelicious.

A whale-rib grill? Awesome!
Only the best for me, sir

and whale ribs disperse the heat a lot more evenly, so the panda gets nice and tasty.

you're missing

the spotted owl reference in that statement, but overall excellent

the interior of that car

has to be made from baby seal skin

they're stupid?
And they suck.

A lethal combination.

Society is crippled by stupid people not knowing they're stupid
Or by average people thinking that they're smart, which is even worse
wait a minute

when did people start thinking? i missed this

You've just described 75% of NPR's audience.
Zing.
I was going to say KJR, but it's much higher than 75%
I got a while lot smarter when I realized I was stupid.
It shows in your typing
at least "O" is next to "I"
well shit...
I consider those people to be stupid
Society IS stupid people not knowing they're stupid.
Galt's Gulch, here I come.
You're like James Watt and Jonathan Swift rolled into one!
That's the nicest compliment I'e receieved this month.
Better than Donald Watts and Robert Swift, certainly...
He's like Naomi Watts crossed with a Swift Fox.
I thought that said "He's like Naomi Watts crossed with a Star Fox."
danger danger too much awesome
Oh really?

Can't let you do that, Star Fox...
Curse you Andross!
Thanks to google image search

I just learned that the hippo was actually a hare.

Do a barrell roll!

insert dead meme here

Press the boost to chase
Your father squealed reeeeeeeallllll good-- BEFORE HE DIED
Hey, Einstein! I'm on your side!
God I loved shooting that fucker down.
I know what my next virtual console game is gonna be

Or is N64 emulation decent now?

64 emulation is fine
Any recommendations?
I use 1964 and Project 64 both because of the need to split SC and NonSC time trial results.
It's easier to go to your parents' house

and pull your brother’s 64 out of the attic.

It's pretty hard for me to go to my parents' house
I downloaded it onto my Wii
n64 emulation has been good for a long time.
Dammit that's how I read it too...
Its May 2nd
welcome to the other third of the joke
Jeff Clement's bat plays 3B when it pitches.
I don't care how slow his friggin' bat is.

I just would like to see him, you know, not swing at the first friggin’ pitch he sees once in awhile…

wasn't his third AB last night

like 8 pitches or something? And I don’t think he swung at the first two.

In his mind, he's swinging at the second pitch

that’s how slow his bat is ZING.

I'm amazed that he managed to draw a 0 pitch walk, then
Jeff Clement's bat violates the law of nature AND baseball.
Jeff Clement's bat hurts this team by being slow.
Jeff Clement's bat slows this team by being hurt.
This bat hurts being by slowing Jeff Clement.
Bob Dole, Bob Dole, Bob Dole.. BobDole... bobdole....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

What kind of mileage does that kitten/infant engine get?

Just saying, if it beats 4 bucks a gallon

kittens and infants

are far more renewable than crude oil, so there should never be a panic about “Peak Kitten”.

Oil is less likely to rise up and eat us.

http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Skin_of_Evil

Noooo not Tasha >:(
Know that I'm flying my nerd flag here

but I was a kid when that first aired, and it scared the crap out of me.

if we never allow the kittens and infants to age past 1

that won’t be an issue.

Kittens stop being kittens at about 6-7 months.

That’s even more renewable.

What about bunny blood?

I mean, jeez, rabbits are way more notorious for their procreating.

The cuter the animal, the better their blood fuels war machines.
Finally..took you long enough to post this

Your posting is slow

I have my doubts Jeff can blog in the big time.
is that your opinion

or a scout you seek info from?

I read every other letter of my last fortune cookie and then consulted my magic 8-ball
you know

lately those fortune cookies has purposefully been stuffed with two fortunes to make you feel double lucky.

The Internet creator Al Gore says Jeff Sullivan sucks at typing

That’s what I heard

Jeff Sullivan types.

You know who else typed?

Josef Stalin.

Does Jeff Sullivan keep lists of people loyal to him so he can contact them discretely?

Is Jeff Sullivan planning a great famine to kill millions of Ukrainians?

We don’t know.

He’s not saying.

Grahams in charge of that list
When was the last time you saw a Ukranian?

yeah, looks like Sullivan’s way ahead of you.

I've seen Geoff Baker blog from my terrace club seats

That man is fast….and crazy animated in his key strokes

must have seen a new message from Resin
STAB STAB STAB
His name is Logan

get ti right

I endeavour to get ti right at all times
You think this would encourage me to double check

what I type before I hit post.

Today Logie is bashing park factors.

Fascinating stuff.

I wish he had his own talkshow.
I hope he's not a pilot.

Weather has no effect on this plane! NONE!

That would be entertaining.

He starts foaming at the mouth every time Dave Cameron blinks.

He could also once again regail us with tales

about how he saved a police office from getting his ass whooped by some young punk.

So I should pick him up for my fantasy team?

I haven’t been around long enough to make that joke… but someone had to

Graham's already claimed him.

Robby Johnson might be available though.

Rob Johnson

makes being a no-hit AAA catcher look good.

A request. Nay, a mandate...

I’m going to be saying that tonight to my GF. If you don’t hear from me on Monday, send a search party.

I know where to start not looking for you
Always the last place we look (or wanna look).

Which means we’ll find you in Oklahoma.

Everything is in the last place you look

or else you’re a goddamn retard.

Hey I found my keys in the cupboard!

Maybe I can try to find more of my keys…

but how long did it take you to find the cupboards?
was there a midget there too?
The midget faints again...
Stupid midget.

Stay the fuck away from my Trix.

Please specify which cupboard
Surrree if you wanna get technical.

But those are buzzkills.

Dufrane...search party of 3
Bush, search party of three

you can eat once you find the Dufresnes.

No politics?
Hope the Dufrenses aren't black......
Dammit Hedberg
He happily haunts us from the grave.

If I had known it would be free, I would have ordered…. nay, MANDATED a bigger sandwich.

If I may offer a hypothesis

The source of Jeff Clement’s supposedly slow batspeed could have been due to graviational time dilation resulting from being near Vidro.

(who could potentially form a black hole in the non-baseball sense at his current hot dog consumption rate)
Alternative hypothesis

When Jeff Clement swings the bat, time slows down out of respect.

great sub threads. as always they provide endless chuckles to my afternoon.
On this whole mess that took on a life to its own

I think this mangled game of blogosphere telephone is a microcosmic illustration of a bigger conundrum, that of blog readers and commenters taking thoughts and opinions of blog writers, blowing it up into something different and more concretely derisive than the authors intended, and suddenly you can’t have a conversation on the subject without the wall of distended dogmatic ivy that is the argument blown up into something other than it was intended to be falling down all over you the second you try to objectively discuss the issue.

I wish readers would be more objective with the material they receive, but likewise, the blogsphere is a microcosm of the world we live in. Misinterpretative stances are a byproduct. This is the world we live in, and we have to manage.

Fuck

My comment was so AK-like. Ironically, I feel dumb for it. I’ll try and distill this into simpler language later.

The Important Part

Jeff, I need to know. Do you have to mix the kitten and infant blood? If you can tweak that engine to use twice as much kitten blood I think we have something marketable here.

Nay, world changing….

So, uhh, can you get to work on that engine?

I got like 30 infants and 30 kittens over here and I don’t know what to do with them.

Start draining them slowly, but enough that they can replenish.

Blood holds well for a good time refrigerated.

You can create a stockpile, then you’ll be ahead of the curve, and when others run out of blood, you can even sell your leftovers for profit!

You must Login with your SB Nation account and be a member of Lookout Landing to post a comment.