Nay, a mandate.
Could we drop the whole "Jeff Clement bat speed" thing? Forever?
The whole issue took on a life of its own that has persisted to this day. What started as "a scout thinks Jeff Clement has a slower bat than he used to" turned into "a scout thinks Jeff Clement sucks" which turned into "Dave Cameron thinks Jeff Clement sucks" which turned into "Dave Cameron and Jeff Sullivan think Jeff Clement sucks". I don't even know what the current incarnation of the story is now but I imagine it probably has something to do with Dave sending anthrax to congressmen and me designing an engine that runs on the blood of kittens and infants.
Look, I get that there are two factors in play here. One, most people can't read. And two, most people lack the ability to understand the subtleties and nuances of an argument and prefer instead to stick to extremes. But still, read these articles. I mean really read them. Look at the points. Look at the qualifiers. Look at the evidence. And most of all, look at the conclusion (which I will copy and paste right here for those who're too lazy to click a link):
Now, I’m not presenting this post as any kind of reason to jump off the Jeff Clement bandwagon. He was the #3 pick in the draft two years ago, so this isn’t some guy who scouts universally hated. He hit at USC, he hit in the Texas League, and now he’s hitting in the PCL. There’s too much history that says Jeff Clement can hit for me to buy the idea that he’s just a guy with marginal batspeed and his success won’t translate to the majors.
But I do find the entire conversation extremely interesting. I think it’s relevant information that Clement is loading up on Triple-A junkballers and struggling against pitchers with major league fastballs. I’m not sure what it means, but I don’t think it’s something we should ignore.
So, to be honest, I don’t know what to think about Jeff Clement. The numbers say I should be a fan - he’s a power and patience left-handed guy that looks like a perfect fit for Safeco Field, and after a long struggle, no one has been able to get him out for the last month and a half. But, traditional scouting can still see a lot of things that statistical analysis cannot, and in this case, there’s valid evidence of the scouting claim.
Is Jeff Clement going to hit in the majors? I don’t know. I think so, but I’ll be a lot more confident if he starts whacking the ball against some high velocity right-handers.
Do you understand what's being said? Do you understand that Dave was simply passing along the opinion of a scout (that is, an opinion that wasn't Dave's) that he found to be interesting? If you don't, congratulations, you're stupid. I'm surprised you made it this far.
And if you do, awesome. Now may this please be the last time this ever comes up.
1 recs | 141 comments
We all hate Jeff Clement
I’m not madly in love with him at all.
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
Can we just change it to Graham thinks Jeff Clement is terrible?
Robert - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement's bat is lsower than Jose Vidro's legs
fuck him, fuck him right in the ear.
JI - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement's bat is frozen in time
like a hackneyed plot device from a 1973 episode of Doctor Who.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
Then all we have to do is
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow
mcshark - May 2, 2008
must be something in the water
John Sickels had a moment today as well, banning a couple of posters in the process.
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
He should ban more
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
We should all ban more.
Thingray - May 2, 2008
Please dont ban me.
Slica - May 2, 2008
Are they that bad over there?
I don’t read the comments as much.
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
Roughly 0% of posters there would survive a LL-style idiot cleansing
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
You should rent out your serivces.
JI - May 2, 2008
That's saying a lot, and a little more
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement bat is so slow it was around for the invention of toothpaste
Robert - May 2, 2008
I think I remember that bat
pdb - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement has bat spasms.
Eyebrows - May 2, 2008
I see what you did there
Robert - May 2, 2008
"me designing an engine that runs on the blood of kittens and infants."
You say this like it’s a bad thing. Hello renewable energy!
Matthew - May 2, 2008
I didn't say it's bad either but you know people
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
bloods overated
in shock value, underrated in food.
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
It could be bad if we have food shortages
Engines are harder to consume and digest properly.
pdb - May 2, 2008
The engines are made of puppy muscle
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
that's different then.
Bring on puppy power!
pdb - May 2, 2008
this needs a visual for clarification.
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
Hold on, let me get my dolphin flesh camera
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
just use your condor feather pen dipped in squid ink
to draw us a schematic on goat skin paper. You can use my whale oil lamp for lighting.
Matthew - May 2, 2008
What's for dinner?
panda steaks on the grill. Deeeeeeelicious.
pdb - May 2, 2008
A whale-rib grill? Awesome!
PositivePaul - May 2, 2008
Only the best for me, sir
and whale ribs disperse the heat a lot more evenly, so the panda gets nice and tasty.
pdb - May 2, 2008
you're missing
the spotted owl reference in that statement, but overall excellent
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
the interior of that car
has to be made from baby seal skin
JI - May 2, 2008
they're stupid?
Matthew - May 2, 2008
And they suck.
A lethal combination.
pdb - May 2, 2008
Society is crippled by stupid people not knowing they're stupid
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
Or by average people thinking that they're smart, which is even worse
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
wait a minute
when did people start thinking? i missed this
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
You've just described 75% of NPR's audience.
pdb - May 2, 2008
Zing.
BrianL - May 2, 2008
I was going to say KJR, but it's much higher than 75%
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
I got a while lot smarter when I realized I was stupid.
JI - May 2, 2008
It shows in your typing
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
at least "O" is next to "I"
JI - May 2, 2008
well shit...
Robert - May 2, 2008
I consider those people to be stupid
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
Society IS stupid people not knowing they're stupid.
Eyebrows - May 2, 2008
Galt's Gulch, here I come.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
You're like James Watt and Jonathan Swift rolled into one!
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
That's the nicest compliment I'e receieved this month.
Matthew - May 2, 2008
Better than Donald Watts and Robert Swift, certainly...
PositivePaul - May 2, 2008
He's like Naomi Watts crossed with a Swift Fox.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
I thought that said "He's like Naomi Watts crossed with a Star Fox."
Robert - May 2, 2008
danger danger too much awesome
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
Oh really?
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
Can't let you do that, Star Fox...
Fett42 - May 2, 2008
Curse you Andross!
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
Thanks to google image search
I just learned that the hippo was actually a hare.
Robert - May 2, 2008
Do a barrell roll!
insert dead meme here
bluemax - May 2, 2008
Press the boost to chase
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
Your father squealed reeeeeeeallllll good-- BEFORE HE DIED
JI - May 2, 2008
Hey, Einstein! I'm on your side!
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
God I loved shooting that fucker down.
JI - May 2, 2008
I know what my next virtual console game is gonna be
Or is N64 emulation decent now?
Robert - May 2, 2008
64 emulation is fine
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
Any recommendations?
Robert - May 2, 2008
I use 1964 and Project 64 both because of the need to split SC and NonSC time trial results.
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
It's easier to go to your parents' house
and pull your brother’s 64 out of the attic.
JI - May 2, 2008
It's pretty hard for me to go to my parents' house
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
I downloaded it onto my Wii
Fett42 - May 2, 2008
n64 emulation has been good for a long time.
BrianL - May 2, 2008
Dammit that's how I read it too...
BrianL - May 2, 2008
Its May 2nd
Robert - May 2, 2008
welcome to the other third of the joke
Matthew - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement's bat plays 3B when it pitches.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
I don't care how slow his friggin' bat is.
I just would like to see him, you know, not swing at the first friggin’ pitch he sees once in awhile…
PositivePaul - May 2, 2008
wasn't his third AB last night
like 8 pitches or something? And I don’t think he swung at the first two.
Eyebrows - May 2, 2008
In his mind, he's swinging at the second pitch
that’s how slow his bat is ZING.
pdb - May 2, 2008
I'm amazed that he managed to draw a 0 pitch walk, then
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement's bat violates the law of nature AND baseball.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement's bat hurts this team by being slow.
Thingray - May 2, 2008
Jeff Clement's bat slows this team by being hurt.
Eyebrows - May 2, 2008
This bat hurts being by slowing Jeff Clement.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
Bob Dole, Bob Dole, Bob Dole.. BobDole... bobdole....
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Thingray - May 2, 2008
What kind of mileage does that kitten/infant engine get?
Just saying, if it beats 4 bucks a gallon
thewyrm - May 2, 2008
kittens and infants
are far more renewable than crude oil, so there should never be a panic about “Peak Kitten”.
pdb - May 2, 2008
Oil is less likely to rise up and eat us.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Skin_of_Evil
Eyebrows - May 2, 2008
Noooo not Tasha >:(
BrianL - May 2, 2008
Know that I'm flying my nerd flag here
but I was a kid when that first aired, and it scared the crap out of me.
Eyebrows - May 2, 2008
if we never allow the kittens and infants to age past 1
that won’t be an issue.
pdb - May 2, 2008
Kittens stop being kittens at about 6-7 months.
That’s even more renewable.
Jed MC - May 2, 2008
What about bunny blood?
I mean, jeez, rabbits are way more notorious for their procreating.
PositivePaul - May 2, 2008
The cuter the animal, the better their blood fuels war machines.
Jed MC - May 2, 2008
Finally..took you long enough to post this
Your posting is slow
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
I have my doubts Jeff can blog in the big time.
Matthew - May 2, 2008
is that your opinion
or a scout you seek info from?
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
I read every other letter of my last fortune cookie and then consulted my magic 8-ball
Matthew - May 2, 2008
you know
lately those fortune cookies has purposefully been stuffed with two fortunes to make you feel double lucky.
eknpdx - May 2, 2008
The Internet creator Al Gore says Jeff Sullivan sucks at typing
That’s what I heard
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
Jeff Sullivan types.
You know who else typed?
Josef Stalin.
Does Jeff Sullivan keep lists of people loyal to him so he can contact them discretely?
Is Jeff Sullivan planning a great famine to kill millions of Ukrainians?
We don’t know.
He’s not saying.
Llewdor - May 2, 2008
Grahams in charge of that list
Robert - May 2, 2008
When was the last time you saw a Ukranian?
yeah, looks like Sullivan’s way ahead of you.
pdb - May 2, 2008
I've seen Geoff Baker blog from my terrace club seats
That man is fast….and crazy animated in his key strokes
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
must have seen a new message from Resin
thewyrm - May 2, 2008
STAB STAB STAB
BrianL - May 2, 2008
His name is Logan
get ti right
JI - May 2, 2008
I endeavour to get ti right at all times
Graham MacAree - May 2, 2008
You think this would encourage me to double check
what I type before I hit post.
JI - May 2, 2008
Today Logie is bashing park factors.
Fascinating stuff.
BrianL - May 2, 2008
I wish he had his own talkshow.
JI - May 2, 2008
I hope he's not a pilot.
Weather has no effect on this plane! NONE!
Jed MC - May 2, 2008
That would be entertaining.
He starts foaming at the mouth every time Dave Cameron blinks.
BrianL - May 2, 2008
He could also once again regail us with tales
about how he saved a police office from getting his ass whooped by some young punk.
JI - May 2, 2008
So I should pick him up for my fantasy team?
I haven’t been around long enough to make that joke… but someone had to
LongLiveTheKings - May 2, 2008
Graham's already claimed him.
Robby Johnson might be available though.
PositivePaul - May 2, 2008
Rob Johnson
makes being a no-hit AAA catcher look good.
Edgar for Pres - May 3, 2008
A request. Nay, a mandate...
I’m going to be saying that tonight to my GF. If you don’t hear from me on Monday, send a search party.
Thingray - May 2, 2008
I know where to start not looking for you
Robert - May 2, 2008
Always the last place we look (or wanna look).
Which means we’ll find you in Oklahoma.
Slica - May 2, 2008
Everything is in the last place you look
or else you’re a goddamn retard.
Matthew - May 2, 2008
Hey I found my keys in the cupboard!
Maybe I can try to find more of my keys…
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
but how long did it take you to find the cupboards?
pdb - May 2, 2008
was there a midget there too?
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
The midget faints again...
borgy - May 2, 2008
Stupid midget.
Stay the fuck away from my Trix.
Thingray - May 2, 2008
Please specify which cupboard
Slica - May 2, 2008
Surrree if you wanna get technical.
But those are buzzkills.
Slica - May 2, 2008
Dufrane...search party of 3
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
Bush, search party of three
you can eat once you find the Dufresnes.
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
No politics?
pdb - May 2, 2008
Hope the Dufrenses aren't black......
kentroyals5 - May 2, 2008
Dammit Hedberg
Jeff Sullivan - May 2, 2008
He happily haunts us from the grave.
If I had known it would be free, I would have ordered…. nay, MANDATED a bigger sandwich.
Thingray - May 2, 2008
If I may offer a hypothesis
The source of Jeff Clement’s supposedly slow batspeed could have been due to graviational time dilation resulting from being near Vidro.
Fett42 - May 2, 2008
(who could potentially form a black hole in the non-baseball sense at his current hot dog consumption rate)
Fett42 - May 2, 2008
Alternative hypothesis
When Jeff Clement swings the bat, time slows down out of respect.
Alex B - May 3, 2008
great sub threads. as always they provide endless chuckles to my afternoon.
InSpokane - May 2, 2008
On this whole mess that took on a life to its own
I think this mangled game of blogosphere telephone is a microcosmic illustration of a bigger conundrum, that of blog readers and commenters taking thoughts and opinions of blog writers, blowing it up into something different and more concretely derisive than the authors intended, and suddenly you can’t have a conversation on the subject without the wall of distended dogmatic ivy that is the argument blown up into something other than it was intended to be falling down all over you the second you try to objectively discuss the issue.
I wish readers would be more objective with the material they receive, but likewise, the blogsphere is a microcosm of the world we live in. Misinterpretative stances are a byproduct. This is the world we live in, and we have to manage.
Gomez - May 2, 2008
Fuck
My comment was so AK-like. Ironically, I feel dumb for it. I’ll try and distill this into simpler language later.
Gomez - May 2, 2008
The Important Part
Jeff, I need to know. Do you have to mix the kitten and infant blood? If you can tweak that engine to use twice as much kitten blood I think we have something marketable here.
Nay, world changing….
kva15 - May 2, 2008
So, uhh, can you get to work on that engine?
I got like 30 infants and 30 kittens over here and I don’t know what to do with them.
dbroncos31 - May 2, 2008
Start draining them slowly, but enough that they can replenish.
Blood holds well for a good time refrigerated.
You can create a stockpile, then you’ll be ahead of the curve, and when others run out of blood, you can even sell your leftovers for profit!
Faux - May 2, 2008
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