Hypothesis
This team couldn't possibly be as bad as it was four years ago.
Evidence
-The pitching staff's a lot better. We have a 4.34 FIP so far in 2008, as opposed to 4.96 in 2004. Even with a bunch of solid innings turned in by Freddy Garcia and Bobby Madritsch, that wasn't enough to save a lousy group. And while the back of our rotation has completely tanked so far, at least this year's edition of the team has quality pitching depth to...um....step in and...zuh...
-The offense is a lot better. The 2008 team's .309 OBP and .384 SLG run circles around the 2004 team's .331...and .396...this doesn't...but depth, we have depth, right? Clement and...and the...
-The defense is a lot better. You'd rather have a .312 BABIP than a .289 BABIP, right? Except...hey wait...but I thought...
Conclusion
oh shit
Biggest Contribution: Ichiro, +2.8%
Biggest Suckfest: Miguel Batista, -30.0%
Most Important AB: Ibanez DP, -10.7%
Most Important Pitch: Inge homer, -15.7%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -36.5%
Total Contribution by Hitters: -18.4%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +4.9%
(What is this chart?)
(Note: I don't actually think we're as bad as we were in 2004 but man oh man would that ever be hilarious. And in Pythagorean terms we're right on track.)
0 recs | 72 comments
JI - May 22, 2008
You know what would make this funnier?
If you deleted the frames in which Raul reappears.
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
This was the edit I liked
don’t fuck with my creative vision.
(j/k hugs, the video is available below, knock yourself out).
JI - May 22, 2008
It's still super awesome
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
as much as I like him dantily scampering after tha ball
I’m beginning to think you’re tight.
JI - May 22, 2008
I trust your software more than my software
Make it happen.
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
I think it's perfect.
Teej - May 22, 2008
It can be perfecter.
JI - May 22, 2008
By removing Raul?
I just don’t see it. Raul running in from the right and disappearing is what makes the whole thing. For me, at least.
Teej - May 22, 2008
Agreed
Watching him chase the baseball like an elementary kid chasing a soccer ball is hilarious
Brian Floyd - May 22, 2008
Removing his second appearence.
...in other words we want and endless loop of him wiping out—but it’s not working each time I try to alter the gif the speed is all wrong and the picture is distorted and it’s not working.
JI - May 22, 2008
God dammit
):<
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
The video is archived in fanshots if anyone else wants to take a stab.
I don’t have a good video editor to take out the frames from the original source.
JI - May 22, 2008
Make sure you do not remove the ball bouncing for a while.
See if you can cut right before he reappears, so the ball is rolling for a while… RAUL … rolling…......... cut.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
Absolutely.
The long lead-up to Raul flying by is what makes it so funny.
Teej - May 22, 2008
Yeah, that's what I attempted
but it looked like an acid trip
JI - May 22, 2008
I'd help, but I don't know anything about computer software,
let alone .gif creation.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
No, not by removing Raul altogether.
By removing when he reappears afterwards, so it is just a brief instant of the ball going right by him and him stumbling.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
Oh, I got it
yea this way would be amazing
Brian Floyd - May 22, 2008
Oh, OK.
I can get down with that.
Teej - May 22, 2008
I don't know why I can't get this to go faster
Jeff Sullivan - May 23, 2008
Still a lot of fun to watch.
CapSea - May 23, 2008
If anybody feels like grabbing this and increasing the frame rate, that would be awesome
Jeff Sullivan - May 23, 2008
You got the original video, right?
JI - May 23, 2008
Yes
Jeff Sullivan - May 23, 2008
That's good.
JI - May 23, 2008
Hey, that's alightly worse than what mine enfed up like.
JI - May 23, 2008
Yes. Yes it is
Graham MacAree - May 23, 2008
One of these days I'll seize admin power
and my posts will make slightly more sense.
JI - May 23, 2008
alightly more sense
Graham MacAree - May 23, 2008
that would happen less often
JI - May 23, 2008
There's a good non-acid trip version of this in your inbox.
JI - May 23, 2008
ahahahahahaha
rec’d
Gomez - May 22, 2008
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CapSea - May 22, 2008
It's come to this
I actively root for the dramatic and spectacular failure of this team. I enjoyed this nutcrusher of a series in Detroit WAY more than I did the Padres games that we won two of.
I don’t feel any conflict in the least about it. I only hope that the players I do like (Ichiro, Beltre, Wlad, Felix, RRS, Lopez, Putz) turn in good performances, and the rest of these douchebags get run out of town, from the top down.
Does anyone really disagree that the Sexson fight hasn’t been the best moment of the season? All that rage and frustration, focused into smashing the face of an idiot Texan, is really the only feeling that I associate with these 2008 Mariners.
Jordan of Boise - May 22, 2008
At this point I'm afraid that brawl may have to account for like ten of the Top 50 Mariner Moments of 2008
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
#4
(since nobody reads the fanshots)
JI - May 22, 2008
off the top of my head
3 Sims hat collage#2 Burke keeps Washburn’s ERA under 12
#1 The Raul lawndart.
JI - May 22, 2008
Why not do a top 50 best worst moments of 2008.
Where you list in descending (ascending?) order the most embarrassing moments/plays of 08. That would be hilarious, and I bet you’d enjoy doing it.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
Because I present the list in the offseason and I prefer to be happy in the offseason
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
You don't find this funny yet?
I find it funny.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
This will not be funny in the offseason when I want to be happy
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
You can use gifs.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
I do like gifs...
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
choosey Jeff chooses gifs
Matthew - May 22, 2008
...wow.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
rec'd
JI - May 22, 2008
This warrants a "fucking rec'd"
BrianL - May 23, 2008
You are wittier any anyone could ever imagine.
I think I laughed too hard at that based on what it is.
Anyway, rec
BrettJMiller - May 23, 2008
Agreed
At least the more we lose, the more it sends signals to the FO that this team needs to be blown up.
Besides, it’s already practically a dead meme, but c’mon – Strasburg.
Katal LM - May 22, 2008
only thing is, the team doesn't need to be blown up
the FO does.
Matthew - May 22, 2008
I root for their failure.
Though the Sexson fight is not number one, as there was no frustration left at that point. It was just funny. Well… I mean… I guess it could be number 1 in terms of overall hilarity.
CapSea - May 22, 2008
I couldn't bear to watch today.
But I wanted to do something similar.
I had a colonoscopy.
Paytheline - May 22, 2008
DEFENSE!!!!!
Hey, it matters!
Matthew - May 22, 2008
I forget:
Why did we release Bobby Madritsch?
pup - May 22, 2008
Arm exploded
Jeff Sullivan - May 22, 2008
Now I remember
That was sad
pup - May 22, 2008
because his shoulder exploded?
Matthew - May 22, 2008
at least Franklin was happy
JI - May 22, 2008
Did anybody see Churchill's comments about Beltre?
He said the M’s have no shot at re-signing him and that it’s more than just a hunch. Not that it surprises me, but what would we do without King Awesome?
Happybelly - May 22, 2008
Carlos Triunfel, meet 3rd base. 3rd base, Triunfel
Meanwhile, you hope/pray that Tui grows up really quick.
Gomez - May 22, 2008
How's his defense?
CapSea - May 22, 2008
His defense at short right now is [pukes]. He really struggles in the middle infield since you have to be able to cover so much ground.
His future probably is at 3rd. No one knows how he’d play it because, obviously, he hasn’t.
Gomez - May 23, 2008
Sorry, I meant Tui.
Or are you talking about Tui?
CapSea - May 23, 2008
I'll be jumping off an overpass now.
BrianL - May 23, 2008
Aw fuck me
Nick S - May 23, 2008
meh
Matthew - May 23, 2008
I hope red doesn't see this
Brian Floyd - May 23, 2008
so...Mike Morse is starting at 3rd in 2010
MFAN - May 23, 2008
2004?
ThundaPC - May 23, 2008
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