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6/23: Open HOLY HOLY HOLY SHIT Thread, Part 2

...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA WHAT?!?!?

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There are no words to describe that
I kinda called it...
USS Mariner went down

with the homer…

"I can't believe....what I just saw!"
greatest mariners homerun ever?

i think so

Yeah, even if it was off Horam it would have been.
Great game or the greatest game?

We’ll see I guess.

Greatest Mariner moment of the year.
HOLY FUCK I GO AWAY TO ANSWER ONE QUESTION AND I COME BACK

AND IT SAYS THAT FELIX HIT A HOME RUN… AND A DAMN GRAND SLAM TOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

greatest funk blast ever

must hear Dave’s call.

It's not much of a call.

Dave was absolutely stunned. Couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Life is good

at least today

Not only a grand slam, but an opposite field shot.

Holy shit.

Holy mother of God that is one of the greatest moments in Mariner history
The only way it could get better is if he throws a no-hitter to supplement it
You fucking jinxer.

Were you raised by WOLVES?

I am far too excited to use sound judgement right now
Hey the homerun we already called

So calling the No hitter helps

Shut up shut up!
Hell, I'll settle for a shut out.
MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE!
This IS the Mets you guys are playing
That WAS Johan Santana pitching.
The Mets are much better than the Mariners.

And Johan is still one of the five best pitchers alive. It’s pretty damn awesome.

One of the two.
I was being conservative in order to avoid a debate.
Nobody here's gonna debate against Felix.
Peavy and Webb are better than Santana
Hey and guess who's pitching on Sunday in San Diego =)
Obviously Cliff Lee is the best though.
NEED...GIF...
Holy shit that was awesome
Somebody needs to gif that shit.
King Felix for DH
Yeah fuck vidro

Felix for DH

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT

Felix Hernandez OPS career: .778

Season: 5.000

you’re not on MSN

I have myspace IM.

I stick to the Gmail IM. I dig it.
Amen

and amen.

Zomg... words cannot describe this
Top 50 Mariner Moments, 2008: #1

motherfucking THAT

No fucking duh.
No doubt about it.
1C

for me, but maybe because I didn’t see it on TV like 1A and 1B.

I'd only say this about Felix,

but he could do something better.

I swear, that moment just cured my hangover.
Felix just channeled Dan Wilson.
2008 Top 100 Mariner moments #1.
INSANELY LATE.
AND ALSO THE WRONG NUMBER.
That was 1000 times more awesome than anything Micah Owings has ever done.
This is just my 2nd post ever here

But I screamed in my cubicle at work and now my co-workers think I am insane.

I don’t care.

If you work in Seattle, your coworkers are the insane ones
Soothsayer

I know what the #1 moment of this season is going to be!

Whenever I watch a game at work

and talk with Graham over MSN, I make insanely good predictions.

I only ever predict bad things happening
AAAAH FUCK ME

I MISSED THAT HALF INNING TO UNLOAD GROCERIES

FUCK YOU GROCERIES

FUCK YOU FUCKING POPSICLES I SHOULD HAVEL ET YOU MELT

I can't believe he did this off of SANTANA!!!!
That's the kicker

for why this is so awesome.

Well, I imagine Johan's one of his idols...
"Well, I imagine Johan's his bitch now..."

Fixed.

Now he just needs to throw a gem.
Has anyone ever hit a homer and thrown...that before?
Is the no-hitter still intact?

I can’t remember anything past Felix’s AB.

You will be personally held responsible if he fails
Show me where that rule applies

in the second inning and i’ll take full responsibility.

I'm still hard.
I might have pooped a little.
For once I am at a complete lack for words
We broke LL for a second for me
USSM is the Bedard of the blogosphere.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.

Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.

I saw it and still don't really believe it.
ADFHASDLKJFHASIOEUAWWEARK,A90W857K345EFEFASESEI MASE;RIOAWU34RA
This is why the DH sucks balls.
Wrong.

It’s fun to see this, but the pitchers who are worth a damn as hitters are very rare. Basically, most of the time, watching a pitcher hit is like watching the 2008 version of Turbo hit, except even worse.

I am seriously doing cartwheels around my apartment right now
Wait - so this is you?

(sorry Nola!)

Oh wow I didn't expect that.

But I literally did one too.

I had an epiphany..
That was the most excited I've been this year times 1,000,000,000.
Last time a pitcher hit a GS?

Anybody?

about 5 minutes ago
Willis did it in 2006

But Felix doesn’t suck ass at pitching.

Didn't Mike Hampton do it in like '99 or something?
That was ridiculous

Damn you David Wright

Can you imagine what Felix player win value will be??

IF he pitches well?

IF? IF?? More like WHEN...
Opposite field... with 2 outs... SERIOUSLY

What are the odds?

And that was his first time facing the mets.

And he hit it out on the first motherfucking pitch he saw.

WOW

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Still coming down from that.

It's all because I have my Felix jersey on.

I knows it.

COME ON GAMEDAY
That was the first ever HR by a Mariner pitcher

according to Mets broadcast

I believe it.

Has an M’s pitcher hit a homer since 97?

Not until today.

Paul Abbott hit one in spring training.

That’s it.

Felix Hernandez 4, the Mets nothing.

That’s why you are a Hall of Famer Dave, fucking brilliant.

Did you guys hear that?

Felix Hernandez 4
Mets 0

Sweeeeeet.

HAHA

Dave: Felix Hernandez 4…Mets nothing…

I cannot believe I have to leave and stop watching this game.
I CANT STOP CUMMING
Arent you at work?
OMG I'M SO SORRY!
That goes without saying

Anyone who’s still not in mid-orgasm isn’t a true Mariners fan.

A ROUTINE FLYOUT IS THE WORST THING SO FAR
24 pitches

Pretty nice work

I LITERALLY COLLAPSED IN THE MIDDLE OF A SALE
I want to shadow you at work some Felix start or Seahawks game.
You'd have a good time

it’s really fun watching Robert while at work just bust into a random shouting match with the tv

I thought you did nothing there.
Things happen on occasion
so, how was Dave's call for the slam?
more suprised than anything

I think he thought it was going to be a flyout

MY VOICE IS VERY HIGH PITCHED
What, it's not baritone with a British accent?
I always imagined it was anyway.
Felixmania!

Last start: Strikes out the entire side on 9 pitches.
This start: Hits the most awesome grand slam ever.

MY LIFE JUST PEAKED
sad
ENTIRELY NOT SAD
Indeed.

We all have peaks, he’s just fortunate enough to recognize his. Scrffy’s probably passed unnoticed in a bathroom stall somewhere. Alone.

You mean this morning?
Checking in

A Felix grand slam off Johan is harder to fathom than 9/11.

And is even better!
It's really not that hard to do something better than 9/11
well

exactly.

He didn't say better,

he said “harder to fathom”.

Holy shit fucking rec'd hahahahahaha
Wow....holy fucking adrenaline rush batman
I no longer have a reason to live
needy chicks on CL?
Felix hitting a grand slam has eliminated my desire to seduce women

I am forever completely fulfilled

Your lack of ability eliminated your ability to seduce women
NOT THE TIME FELIX
I'm the Willie Bloomquist of dating

lots of desire, no ability

I never said I had ability
You shouldn't reveal things about yourself that make this comment a bit hypocritical.
The embarrassing stories are funnier fodder for LL than the good ones.
Is that all you view yourself as?

LL Fodder?

I mean it’s a great life but I want more out of it

...

Good luck there

I already have more
So, sorry about my lateness,

but WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just got LL pulled up.

THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MHY LIFE
we need to get you laid tonight

Just add to the excitement

Please don't tell us about it.
Was that Bedard in the dugout who got really excited? strange to see
Just saw it on Gameday video

Bedard looked like he went crazy when it happened

What an asshole.
Selfish bastard.
He was just jealous

Another reason he is a terrible person contributing to a terrible clubhouse chemistry

Could you .gif it? I missed it.
I should call Dave Niehaus right now
FUCK MY FIRST BORN HE AINT DO SHIT
Speaking of which

Yeah. There’s no way my first born isn’t named Felix at this point. Even if its a girl.

Last time a pitcher hit a grandslam?

Off a pitcher who has won multiple Cy Young awards???

Just think of the crap he's gonna catch in the clubhouse for giving up a GS to a pitcher.
I'm so glad I didn't miss this
That almost makes up for everything we've been through this season

Seriously. All of the shit we’ve had to go through…

FELIX HERNANDEZ JUST HIT A MOTHERFUCKING GRAND SLAM OFF OF JOHAN SANTANA LIKELY ONE OF HIS BOYHOOD IDOLS AND ONE OF THE BEST PITCHERS IN THE GAME!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit. I’m still in ABSOLUTE SHOCK!

That instantly made this whole season worth it.

When people ask me “Did you watch that awful 2008?” I’ll say “Yep, and I saw Felix hit a Grand Slam off of Johan Santana.”

Raul is making him work
Or is Johan making Raul work?
Santana's HR/9

Over 1.5

Santana's HR/opposing pitcher faced

Probably low

not saying it wasn't impressive

just arghj;kfdlsfj dsf d FuCK

Oh, almost Adrian.
Good

A homerun there would only spoil what Felix had done.

Have you seen our bullpen lately?

Let’s just hope Felix goes 9 for the win.

HURRY UP TINY PIC
I think Felix broke gameday.
I love David Wright

without your temporary fielding ineptness, that would have never happened

Three fly balls at least at the warning track so far

Of course one out.

THERE WAS JOHAN AND THERE WAS FELIX AND THERE WAS PEOPLE ON BASE AND THE BALL WENT TO FELIX AND FELIX HIT IT SEVERAL HUNDRED FEET
He hit it so far it was out of Citi Field
We should just start with the Felix Hernandez facts
Felix Hernandez is God
Felix Fact:

On June 23, 2008, Felix was batting against one of the best pitchers on earth and hit a MOTHER FUCKING GRAND SLAM AND CAUSED EVERYONE TO FUCKING EXPLODE WITH JOY.

BTW

Just in case anyone was wondering Rick Wise in 1971 picthed a no hitter and hit two home runs in the same game.

I bet if Felix pitched in the NL (and had more AB’s), he would surpass that at least once ;)

How about a grand slam?
Riggleman said he’ll mix and match in the ninth, which means Mark Lowe, Sean Green and Arthur Rhodes could all work.
This game…they better not fuck it up…
Mix and match in the ninth meaning Felix.
I like life

I like life
Life likes me
Life and I fairly fully agree
Life is fine
Life is good
‘Specially mine, which is just as it should be
I like pouring the wine and why not?
Life’s a pleasure that I deny not

I like life
Here and now
Life and I made a mutual vow
‘Till I die
Life and I
We’ll both try to be better somehow
And if life were a woman
She would be my wife

This is almost as good as the last time I remembering my team playing at Shea.
I hate you even more
I gave you the Endy Chavez gif.
That was one of the most single sadess moments of my life
It took me about 10 second to figure out what happened but when I did I yelled fuck so loud that the windows rattled.
Eight in a row, Felix. KING. GOD.
GROUNDBALLS!!!!!!!!!!
Wooo grounders!
I just realized

There’s a replay of this game later tonight if you want to re-watch or DVR it.

Please let this be true, PLEASE!
Putting up with this team for this whole miserable season has now been completely worth it
Agreed in full.

Thank you Felix.

YOU DID NOT HIT A HOMERUN JOHAN

YOU ARE WORSE THAN FELIX!

GET HIM A NEW GOD DAMN CONTRACT!!!
blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck

blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck blankcheck

I WILL KILL PEOPLE IF HE LEAVES
I WILL KILL PEOPLE IF HE STAYS AND DEMANDS IT OF ME
Is it just me or has Felix been ruthlessly efficient so far in this game?
It's not you.

A lovely outing so far. I can’t stop watching. I’m glad the Rays and Fish are off.

32 pitches over 3 innings.

One flyball, I believe? Yes, he’s just mowing them down.

I AM SO GLAD I LEFT WORK EARLY!
I AM SO GLAD I REMAINED AT WORK
Felix is omnipotent. God calls him God.
Just turned the game on

cool, we’re up 4-0. Wonder how we scored… what the fukclkasvczkxj;zxlkj;lkjasd??A??SADF??

Felix is God

WHY DID YOU WAIT TO TURN ON THE GAME
I had to go walk my neighbor's dog

I figured I could hustle home from work, get that out of the way, and then get to Felix-Johan.

Never. Again.

WOOOO FELIX!

Today is a great day!

See ya Santana!!!!
THIS IS ENTIRELY TOO MUCH AWESOME
OVERLOAD OVERLOAD OVERLOAD!
GRAHAM MAKE A gayRA SO I CAN PUT MY FEELINGS INTO NUMBERS
Infinity billion, you win
NOBODY JINX THIS ANYMORE.
FELIX!!!!!!!!!
I'm kinda hoping Felix throws one of those games now

Not gonna say “perfect,” but one where he allows no baserunners over 9 innings

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS THE ROMO PLAY
THAT MOMENT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
THAT MOMENT MAY NOW BE #2
Dude I was there for that and this was fucking better
almost?!

Better.

This is way fucking better!!!
THAT PLAY WON US A PLAYOFF GAME
But it's football.
BUT ITS ROMO
FUCK YOU DONT MAKE ME DEBATE THIS RIGHT NOW
DID NOT INVOLVE FELIX!
FELIX>PLAYOFFS

EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING AWESOME AND IT IS THE LOUDEST PLACE I’VE EVER BEEN.

FELIX FELIX FELIX FELIX FELIX

This is better
Pay Felix A-Rod money
When is Felix up again.. cmon!
IF WE HAD TRADED FOR JOHAN INSTEAD OF BEDARD THIS NEVER WOULd HAVE HAPPENED
So THIS is what Postive Game Thread Emotion is like.

More, please.

It sure has been a while.
Feels soooooooooooooooooo good.
I had forgotten what it was like.
FELIX IS A BETTER DH THAN VIDRO
Come to think of it.

All of our pitchers are better DHs than Vidro.

I DONT EVEN CARE THAT RICHIE SEXSON SUCKS!
FELIX IS BETTER THAN YOU RICHIE
Well we've known that for a while now
Was that the first GS for the M's this season?
Mets have not had one

since ‘06

Odds Felix goes yard Again?
Richie Sexson

This a preview for me, because I know the Mets will sign him when the M’s release him.

Remember that commercial from the 90s where the Mariners have a team of Ken Griffey Juniors?

We should do that with Felix, because it would be glorious.

10 FELIX

5 BELTRE
5 CLEMENT
5 ICHIRO

This would be extremely awesome.

We could have a rotation of Felix Felix Ichiro Felix Felix

Ok, so can the AL dump the DH now?
But Mr. Hanky will get upset!

lol

Who are you...?
Please no.
yes yes yes
I love that baseball can still surprise the living hell out of you!!!

THIS IS THE GREATEST GAME EVER!

THIS IS THE CEILING
THE JOYGASMS STILL HAVE NOT STOPPED
CURRENT WORK PRODUCTIVITY = ZERO
I haven't closed LL since the game started
You normally close LL?
As it should be
SOMEONE GIVE FELIX A CONTRACT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS AND INFINITY BILLION DOLLARS
Cede him the entire state of Washington
I hope you don't mind being put on the backburner for the rest of the game, Jeffie
I'm pretty sure he understands.
ALL YOUR JOHANS ARE BELONG TO FELIX
I like it. Rec'd.
God damn Felix was calm for what he did there.

Amazing

Bring Felix back out there

Woo!

FGH';LKJHUGYTFRTHJKL;LKHJGFDXFGHJKL
GUESS WHAT I JUST USED TO TYPE THAT
Aren't you still at work?
SURPRISE
I hope no one ever buys anything at your store.
With him working there that's a pretty safe hope
MY GOOFINESS HELPS SELLS THINGS

AND I GIVE OFF THE ILLUSION OF INTELLIGENCE

Please tell me it wasn't your wang...
Colon
Why would he use an obese pitcher?
Knowing our FO, it won't be long before we start giving Felix reps @ 1B
HAHAHAHA

ALREADY UPDATED FELIX WIKI!!!!

Awesome
Hernandez hit his first major league home run, a motherfucking grand slam, on June 23, 2008 off Johan Santana.
There we go. Thank you.
Welcome to Wikipedia. Although everyone is welcome to make constructive contributions to Wikipedia, at least one of your recent edits, such as the one you made to Félix Hernández, did not appear to be constructive and has been automatically reverted by ClueBot.
Try "motherloving" or something.
Needs more GTE.
EL CARTUELA!!
OH SHIT I HAVE TO GO PICK UP MY WIFE

BUT CAN NOT TURN MY EYES AWAY LEST FELIX DECIDES THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE BIG ENOUGH LEAD!!!!

Ever hear of radio?
Ever hear of radio?
One more.. just for extra emphasis
Not everyone lives in Seattle.
FUCK MOTHERFUCKER
Nooooooooooooo
shit shit shit
NOOOOOOOOOOO
Noooooooooooooooo!
error error error
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Guh.. Oh well - now we see how well Clement can throw
Nice hit, pussy.
I really can't imagine the Mets scoring any runs

but we do have Endy Chavez in the lineup, so I guess anything is possible

My submitted headline to Fark.

“Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez hits a Grand Slam off of Johan Santana for his first career homer. All Hail the King.”

I blame the people in the first thread that JINXED this

You know who you are.

String 'em up!
CHANGE THAT TO AN ERROR
STILL FACED THE MINIMUM
Still on pace for only 27 AB's though
AHAHAHA

STILL FUCKING PERFECT IN MY BOOK

Well the game is ruined now

dammit.

I will still settle for a shutout and be fucking ecstatic.
W/ the mininum number of batters.
Still facing the minimum!
10-1 GO to FO

for Felix.

I HAVE THROUGHLY DEBATED THIS AND I AM NOW SAVING MY SELF FOR FELIX
Bad day for Mr. Wright so far.
They cut off with "Felix Hernandez leads"

Which pretty much sums it up.

Fuck

I lose my connection, and he gives up the no-no

hahahahaha, suck it Wright
Felix, you are my God
He's everyone's god
38 pitches

There’s a sign

Fuck yeah 2 more
FELIX CANT SURPRISE SEX ME IF IM WANTING IT
HE ALSO CAN"T SURPRISE SEX YOU BECAUSE HE"S ALREADY GOING TO BE SEXING ME
FUCK YOU I WILL KILL YOU TO A INCH OF YOUR KILL LEVEL
KILL LEVEL?

HAHAHAHAHA

He's enough man to surprise sex the both of you
Why would he want a squirrel's sloppy seconds when he can have me?
Bizzaro Bloomquist is still in the house.
HAHAHAHAHAHA

look at that replay!

LET HIM SWING!
Those are boos of love, Felix.

Boos of love.

boos of envy
Fuck Willie, I want to see Felix swing again.
ALL THAT REMAINS OF MY HEAD IS HAPPINESS AND SEMEN
Bloomquist with a single
Felix has more extra base-hits than Willie this year, right?
Uggh fuck you WFB

Should have gotten out like normal

Felix really is good at everything.
Hah. Almost safe on a bunt.
Felix lets the Mets have a pity out

What a nice guy.

Okay, successful bunt.

Good job, Felix.

Actually, it might be ok, it keeps his OPS at 5.000 right?
4.500
Oh fuck you then Princess Willie.
Nah not the SH

SF would have affect on obp

bunts don't count against OBP
I always thought sacs of any sort counted against OBP, not AVG.
Just sac flies.
good job Willie, hog all the fucking glory
And he can bunt, too
Damnit Ichiro!

C’mon…turn it on.

On the ground Ichiro

hit the ball on the ground.

As far as amazing feats go, this has been one awesome year for Felix Hernandez.
WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL NOT WRITING IN CAPS
FUCK YOU I HAD A FRIEND DIE IN CAPS
If it was an Angels cap he probably deserved it
I WILL KILL MYSELF AT THE CONCLUSION OF THIS GAME
MAKE IT SEPPUKU.
I WILL PUSH YOU INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC
Girl texts me after GTE leak/explosion:

“because of a baseball play? well you and felix will be very happy together. bye.”

My reply?:

“Stfu. Felix is christ.”

All that needed to be said there. Needless, I am not putting up with her shenanigans anymore.

KILL HER DEAD
Two overreactions are always better than one.

Please sidebar this or the gameday picture so we can have it forever.
Needs more resolution.
Looks fine to me.
God it's too beautiful for human eyes
Ichiro doesn't like being overshadowed.
Now he's safe at second!
That was a gritty slide.
The good thing about that run

Is that now the national commentators can’t say that Felix was the only contributor to our win, and that someone that good needs to play on the east coast.

5-0 Mariners!

Remember, you’re playing the Mets.

You are retarded.
Felix Hernandez hit a Grand Slam off Johan Santana.

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