Maybe they could have a limo pulling up, and hundreds of screaming girls surrounding it, and then Lowe and Aardsma are looking on and pondering which superstar is about to get out of the limo ... and then Jack emerges and is mobbed by the fans.
Screw Matt Wieters and Jason Kendall, we need Jack Zduriencik Facts.
(my mediocre attempts below)
Alchemists have been trying to figure out how to turn lead into gold for hundreds of years. Jack Zduriencik figured it out in 2nd grade.
Jack Zduriencik haggled down the price of his Mercedes Benz to 5 pennies and a stapler (the stapler had a career year but was replacement level at best).
It was actually Jack Zduriencik, not Bill Clinton, who negotiated the release of the imprisoned American journalists in Korea.
Unlike Chuck Norris and Matt Wieters Facts, no Jack Zduriencik Fact is hyperbole. Jack Zduriencik is in reality unbelievably amazing.
When the Mariners named him, he was a longtime scouting director with no GM experience. I think the question “if he’s such a good GM candidate, why isn’t he already GMing somewhere?” had to be asked. Don’t get me wrong, it turned out beautifully, but this is definitely something I don’t think people should really be beating themselves up about. I think if you had 10 other guys in their mid-50s with lots of league experience but no GM experience, there’d have been a good reason 9 of them weren’t GMs yet and it wouldn’t have worked out.
"The Brewers philosophy may have been different than the Rays, but both teams have quickly, cheaply and effectively remade themselves through scouting, player development and a keen understanding that defense matters."
I caveated the damn thing, but it holds up well.
(And hey, Cameron wanted Antonetti, and either La Cava or Antonetti would’ve been good. Not sextastically awesome, however).
You’re not going to see him come in here and build his own DiamondView database, or talk everyone’s ear off about the importance of replacement level or swinging strikes.
Right - their big prospects haven't developed quite as well/as fast as yours, but they're still there.
If De Los Santos is still decent, if Gio learns to keep the ball down a bit, if Cahill improves…. their offense will still suck, but still, they’re going to be an interesting team for a number of years.
"We tried talking to Carlos, but he couldn’t quite grasp the idea of a daily diet under 7000 calories."
"Hey, you know in 9 innings in the Venezuelan League he has 2 strikeouts and 16 hits allowed, right? God he sucks."
"Anyway, I said to Hendry, you know, Silva might be a good fit for your ballclub."
"Can’t top this huh? Hmm, we’ll see about that."
I'm gonna try my best to stay away from him on the 9th, because I might just hug him.
Goose - December 18, 2009
Me too!!
Jack Zduriencik is my hero.
ARock - December 18, 2009
What are the odds that he makes it into a Mariners commercial for next season?
Janic - December 18, 2009
That would be cool!
ARock - December 18, 2009
Maybe they could have a limo pulling up, and hundreds of screaming girls surrounding it, and then Lowe and Aardsma are looking on and pondering which superstar is about to get out of the limo ... and then Jack emerges and is mobbed by the fans.
EnglishMariner - December 18, 2009
Someone make this happen
cedarA - December 18, 2009 via mobile
Rather than Lowe and Aardsma
I’d have Griffey, Ichiro & Felix standing around looking for a bigger star.
PascoJoe - December 18, 2009
Or he takes a Huffy and a double cheese burger and trades it for a Hover Craft
Or he takes the Mariner Moose and trades him for the Laker Girls
Or he takes Carlos Silva and trades him for Milton Bradley
moose_knuckle - December 18, 2009
No one'll believe that commercial.
James F'n X - December 18, 2009
Sounds good, the Mariners go to the limo thinking it's Jay-Z
Janic - December 19, 2009
Lick-suit, ahoy!
OlSalty - December 18, 2009
The only way Jack can get more popular is if he starts sharing cool hats with Simms or something,
EnglishMariner - December 18, 2009
I think he needs to win rally fries
And maybe dance with the groundskeepers too.
seattlecougar - December 18, 2009
That's it!
The only Jack can do to be even more awesome is abolish rally fries!
Eyeball Kid - December 18, 2009
*The only thing
Eyeball Kid - December 18, 2009
It's time to start the cult.
Who’s with me?
esoteric - December 18, 2009
I thought there was already a cult.
Have I been mislead by the Seattle Times again?
msb - December 18, 2009
I go out drinking
wake up around 1pm today, come on LL, and see Silva traded for Bradley. My hangover is gone. I love you Jack Z!
Fear - December 18, 2009
And Not Some Namby-Pamby, "Pure" and "Chaste" Love
No, no. We’re talking about a dirty, smutty, sexual love, with deep roots in forbidden desires.
robbbbbb - December 18, 2009
Is it really forbidden?
I mean, judging from what I read ….
msb - December 18, 2009
The wounded Sexson logo seems more and more obsolete.
waldo rojas - December 18, 2009
Yes, We should change the lookout landing pic of Sexson
And replace it with Zduriencik!
ARock - December 18, 2009
No no no!
EnglishMariner - December 18, 2009
Never Forget
spikefriedman - December 18, 2009
STOP!
Kirk - December 18, 2009 via mobile
WE CHANGE IT AND THE GODS WILL PUNISH US
THATS HOW IT WORKS
Robert - December 18, 2009
For the 500th time, it's never getting changed.
It stands as a tribute to all that we have gone through.
Matthew - December 18, 2009
Yes. This is the best explanation yet.
Decatur - December 18, 2009
Seriously 2008 was the worst season ever and it shouldn't have been
We should never forget where such deep ignorance led us to so we never, ever go there again.
OlSalty - December 18, 2009
I hope it never gets changed, even if we win 2 straight world series.
redwolf75 - December 18, 2009
Ok that works.
ARock - December 18, 2009
I was not aware that was a thing, now I know.
waldo rojas - December 18, 2009
I'm already working the front here. You can juggle some balls or lick ass if you want.
Sec 108 - December 18, 2009
If only...
Jeff Kent could be coerced out of retirement. Then this team would be complete.
portablestsanzas - December 18, 2009
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
Robert - December 18, 2009
Jack Z to other GMs
CapSea - December 18, 2009
And yes, I made two David Thorne references within 24 hours.
CapSea - December 18, 2009
Screw Matt Wieters and Jason Kendall, we need Jack Zduriencik Facts.
(my mediocre attempts below)
Alchemists have been trying to figure out how to turn lead into gold for hundreds of years. Jack Zduriencik figured it out in 2nd grade.
Jack Zduriencik haggled down the price of his Mercedes Benz to 5 pennies and a stapler (the stapler had a career year but was replacement level at best).
It was actually Jack Zduriencik, not Bill Clinton, who negotiated the release of the imprisoned American journalists in Korea.
Unlike Chuck Norris and Matt Wieters Facts, no Jack Zduriencik Fact is hyperbole. Jack Zduriencik is in reality unbelievably amazing.
ChristopherA - December 18, 2009
Man, what a fun week to be a Mariners fan!
Not sure there has been a better one.
vj - December 18, 2009
First week of October, 1995.
robbbbbb - December 18, 2009
♥
lemonverbena - December 18, 2009
Does anyone else think that Jack Zduriencik is as cute as a little baby when he smiles?
Decatur - December 18, 2009
I just want to pinch his cheeks
Brian Floyd - December 18, 2009
Which cheeks?
Phil Hatzenbuehler - December 18, 2009
He looks like your grandpa who always buys you awesome birthday presents
and gives you candy when your parents aren’t around.
I Lick Squirrels - December 18, 2009
And good candy.
not that leftover Christmas ribbon candy in your grandma’s candy jar stuff.
msb - December 18, 2009
What is this strange feeling?
I feel so full of…what’s the opposite of shame? Pride? No, not that far from shame. Less shame? Yeah…
Phil Hatzenbuehler - December 18, 2009
I loved him first
Poochie - December 18, 2009 via mobile
No that was Graham
Robert - December 18, 2009
Told you guys
Graham MacAree - December 18, 2009
I thought he would be fired before we made the playoffs again!
Robert - December 18, 2009
What an unbelievable week this man has had.
Who in their wildest dreams could’ve imagined such a swift turnaround from the Bavasi cauldron of doom?
I’m running out of ways to express my adulation of this man and his work…Jack Zduriencik, you are the unquestioned “man” in baseball right now.
Thank you Armstrong, Lincoln, and shadowy ownership for making this man ours. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Omerta - December 18, 2009
I remember being disappointed when we picked him over some of the other GMs in the running.
Turns out I’m a fucking idiot.
joof - December 18, 2009
That was a common sentiment among the USSM / LL crowd
unless I’m mistaken. But I don’t think that it was idiotic, given the evidence we possessed and our knowledge of those doing the hiring.
pygmalion - December 18, 2009
Nah, that was fair.
When the Mariners named him, he was a longtime scouting director with no GM experience. I think the question “if he’s such a good GM candidate, why isn’t he already GMing somewhere?” had to be asked. Don’t get me wrong, it turned out beautifully, but this is definitely something I don’t think people should really be beating themselves up about. I think if you had 10 other guys in their mid-50s with lots of league experience but no GM experience, there’d have been a good reason 9 of them weren’t GMs yet and it wouldn’t have worked out.
Johnny Slick - December 18, 2009
Bavasi was just Lincoln setting us all up.
Robert - December 18, 2009
I'm just blown away by how different this team looks than the 2008 Mariners.
Teej - December 18, 2009
That's how I felt after last offseason.
Jack has taken it to a whole other level that I never thought possible.
Wilder. - December 18, 2009
What's an appropriate number for a Jack Zduriencik jersey?
edddgar - December 18, 2009
69
Robert - December 18, 2009
No room for a number what with all those letters in his last name
pdb - December 18, 2009
1
Gihyou - December 18, 2009
Speaking of which
Mariners twitter
lemonverbena - December 18, 2009
15 was Matt Lawton's number
Corco - December 18, 2009
#15 is a sacred number
Poochie - December 18, 2009 via mobile
#15 is a sacred number
Poochie - December 18, 2009 via mobile
I had that ready to go to.
Jeff Sullivan - December 18, 2009
This one is less my fault than usual.
Poochie - December 18, 2009 via mobile
Endy Chavez is a free agent.
Johnny Slick - December 18, 2009
Z
InSpokane - December 18, 2009
I was torn between 09 or 10; went with 10.
sigalert - December 18, 2009
26
from an alphabetical point of view.
Eyeball Kid - December 18, 2009
My thoughts exactly.
Even Zoidberg would agree.
bmxnw - December 19, 2009
29
representing the number of General Managers he’s considered to be better than
mwalter - December 18, 2009
95 because OMG 95
Corco - December 18, 2009
I used to be an atheist, and then Jack Zduriencik showed up
Gihyou - December 18, 2009
I like that.
qrsouther - December 18, 2009
?
Aaron Campeau - December 19, 2009
?
Aaron Campeau - December 19, 2009
Perfection
royalcurve - December 19, 2009
You complete me.
You… complete… me.
jameslcrockett - December 18, 2009
You had me at....Gutierrez
ARock - December 18, 2009
I just heard it annouced on ESPN and I literally screamed "WHAT!?!?! WHAT!?!?!? HAHAHA!!!"
Even the Cliff Lee deal didn’t do that to me.
SethGrandpa - December 18, 2009
I like how we were so cautious when Jack was hired:
If only we had known at the time…
EnglishMariner - December 18, 2009
On perhaps one of the most pivotal days in franchise history, this was the insight into Zduriencik that I had to offer:
Teej - December 18, 2009
.
Graham MacAree - December 18, 2009
" Jack Zduriencik is one hell of a talent evaluator I’d be thrilled if he got the job. "
marc w. on Oct 16, 2008
marc w - December 18, 2009
"All things being equal, I think my pick would be La Cava"
marc w. on Oct 16, 2008
Graham MacAree - December 18, 2009
Aww, snap!
Manzanillos Cup - December 18, 2009
"The Brewers philosophy may have been different than the Rays, but both teams have quickly, cheaply and effectively remade themselves through scouting, player development and a keen understanding that defense matters."
I caveated the damn thing, but it holds up well.
(And hey, Cameron wanted Antonetti, and either La Cava or Antonetti would’ve been good. Not sextastically awesome, however).
marc w - December 18, 2009
To be fair, it's difficult to trust anyone after being raped repeatedly
Milendriel - December 18, 2009
Oops
Corco - December 18, 2009
Yeah, instead you are going to see his Assistant GM go on the air and talk about tRA!
ARock - December 18, 2009
Technically Z has done neither
Jeff Sullivan - December 18, 2009
Yeah that guy sucks
pdb - December 18, 2009
He has stressed the importance of not having swinging strikes on balls out of the zone
Corco - December 18, 2009
That's what Blengino is for
OlSalty - December 18, 2009
Hooray technicalities!
Jeff Sullivan - December 18, 2009
I told you we hit the floor.
ThundaPC - December 18, 2009
Zduriencikism anyone? I'm converting.
.Taylor - December 18, 2009
Bavasi wounded me deeply…. it’s like we’re being rewarded for our suffering.
We deserve a little happiness.
Cablinasian - December 18, 2009
Happiness is using a subject line!
pdb - December 18, 2009
Sorry
I apologize, it’s hard to keep track of the different SBN blog rules.
Thanks for the heads-up.
Cablinasian - December 18, 2009
I live to serve
Welcome to LL!
pdb - December 18, 2009
True, but unless there's an SBN blog where
subject lines are banned or chatspeak is required, you can make it easier on yourself by just observing those rules everywhere.
iglew - December 18, 2009
Actually, the basketball blog Pounding the Rock
is anti-subject line. While not strictly prohibited, it is somewhat frowned upon.
Cablinasian - December 19, 2009
Yeah same deal at McCC and LGT.
Which I don’t get, but hey.
Aaron Campeau - December 19, 2009
As a Ranger fan, I hate this move. I must say though, the 2010 West is shaping up to be one hell of a race
oc - December 18, 2009
Enjoy Rich Harden.
We dont care anymore.
ARock - December 18, 2009
The M's signing Harden would not have precluded the Lee trade. It's still a hell of a pickup by the Rangers.
Decatur - December 18, 2009
I imagine it would have.
Teej - December 18, 2009
Not really. He doesn't fit their ballpark at all.
.Taylor - December 18, 2009
It really is - probably the most interesting in baseball, though I'm biased of course.
It’s going to be fun for many years.
marc w - December 18, 2009
The A's have done very little, but give those guys another year of maturing and holy shit
oc - December 18, 2009
Right - their big prospects haven't developed quite as well/as fast as yours, but they're still there.
If De Los Santos is still decent, if Gio learns to keep the ball down a bit, if Cahill improves…. their offense will still suck, but still, they’re going to be an interesting team for a number of years.
marc w - December 18, 2009
Ahh front page post overload!
Manzanillos Cup - December 18, 2009
Z !!!!!
Eyebrows - December 18, 2009 via mobile
Oh god if you stare at the middle of this atrocity his eyes look really really...gross.
Phil Hatzenbuehler - December 18, 2009
However, I still rec'd it.
Phil Hatzenbuehler - December 18, 2009
Where is the middle?
Wilder. - December 18, 2009
Hey look I forgot to resize.
My bad.
Eyebrows - December 18, 2009 via mobile
And mobile double posts!
I am succeeding on all levels.
Eyebrows - December 18, 2009 via mobile
You cute bastard
royalcurve - December 18, 2009
yeah I hate that
Poochie - December 18, 2009
That thing is spinning way too fast...
ARock - December 18, 2009
What does Mrs Jeff think about this?
.Taylor - December 18, 2009
She understands
seattlebruin - December 18, 2009
Mrs?
Oh shit
Jeff Sullivan - December 18, 2009
I thought I'd missed something
royalcurve - December 18, 2009
Go Jeff go!
.Taylor - December 18, 2009
Our General Manager Is Better And/Or More Attractive In A Sexual Way Than Yours
Smegmalicious - December 18, 2009
Emphasis on the AND.
ARock - December 18, 2009
This needs to be the new tagline.
craig3410 - December 18, 2009
.
PositivePaul - December 18, 2009
.
PositivePaul - December 18, 2009
.
PositivePaul - December 18, 2009
Translation:
“I love you, too”
PositivePaul - December 18, 2009
.
PositivePaul - December 18, 2009
Loook at meeee. I am Freeeench. Hoh hoh hoh.
.Taylor - December 18, 2009
Zduriencik: "My nose is very sensitive. I know a stinky deal when I see one."
ThundaPC - December 18, 2009
Paul, you are a genius with the camera.
Are you going to be at FanFest? I’d love to see if you could snap some photos of me and the family while we’re at Safeco.
JLProck - December 19, 2009
I should be there Saturday, yeah.
PositivePaul - December 21, 2009
Zduriencik: "Now if you find me a CF then I might be able to make that deal happen..."
ThundaPC - December 18, 2009
Zduriencik: "You see, the GM doesn't know he's being ripped off yet."
ThundaPC - December 18, 2009
We will crush them and rip their feathery little wings off.
InSpokane - December 18, 2009
"And then I grabbed him by the balls... juuuuust... liiiiike... this!"
Kermit. - December 18, 2009
"And leaned over to Tony 'cause he was laughing, and said 'Watch what I do to these motherfuckers!"
Kermit. - December 18, 2009
"You sons a bitches know whats good for ya', you'll take this deal... OR ELSE!"
Kermit. - December 18, 2009
*Does Robert DeNiro impression
Kermit. - December 18, 2009
Zduriencik: "I start of with, 'have I got a deal for you'"
ThundaPC - December 18, 2009
"If they refuse, I grab the guy in the nuts and say 'I thought we had an understanding.'
By then the trade is usually done."
CapSea - December 18, 2009
I love this photo.
It’s looks like Jack seizing the POWAH!
JLProck - December 19, 2009
"We tried talking to Carlos, but he couldn’t quite grasp the idea of a daily diet under 7000 calories."
"Hey, you know in 9 innings in the Venezuelan League he has 2 strikeouts and 16 hits allowed, right? God he sucks."
"Anyway, I said to Hendry, you know, Silva might be a good fit for your ballclub."
"Can’t top this huh? Hmm, we’ll see about that."
Manzanillos Cup - December 18, 2009
This was a reply to the photos, which I screwed up.
Manzanillos Cup - December 18, 2009
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