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My Favorite Part Of Any Article

The agent.

On Gary Matthews Jr.:

"They know where we stand," Matthews' agent, Scott Leventhal, told FOXSports.com. "Gary wants to play every day, and he wants to play center field."

"He's still got an amazing amount of talent," Leventhal said.

On Jacque Jones:

"I think any team will be impressed to sit across from Jacque Jones and reach out and shake his hand," Lapa said. "He looks as if he took his uniform off two weeks ago -- probably the best that I've seen him look. He has a lot of baseball left in his body, and he's looking for a team, hoping to make them look like geniuses."

On Rich Harden:

Tellem added that Harden, who has a history of shoulder problems, is healthy. "He’s fine," the agent said. "If the team had been in the race, he would have been pitching (at the end of the season). No health issues at all."

If a sportswriter is going to quote a player's agent in a story, then in the interest of being fair, he should also have to quote a guy whose wife the player hit on.

0 recs  |  31 comments

Comments

I think Tiger is too busy to comment on every free agent

Sorry, it was too easy.

Is Tellem saying that Harden only pitches if the team is in contention?

Once his team is mathematically eliminated, Harden shuts down, pretends his shoulder hurts, and then gets healthy again once the season ends. I think this is what his agent is saying.

He was referring to how Harden didn't start over the last few weeks of the season
If Harden did operate in this manner I am not so sure it would bother me.
Yeah if I signed Harden to a 3 yr deal (wouldn't but just as an example)

That is the strategy I’d use.

I forgot Jacque Jones even existed
Beer out nose...

Thanks Jeff, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks…

""He's still got an amazing amount of talent," Leventhal said."

“you ought to see him juggle the two chainsaws and the bowling ball”

I respectfully disagree.

I think this gem was the best part of that article:

Mike Cameron looms as a secondary option for the Angels. He has said he would move from center field to left for the right club, and the Angels would qualify — he is good friends with their center fielder, Torii Hunter.

“He fits,” a rival executive said of Cameron.

Someone involved in the synthesis of that idea is stupid, or Torii Hunter, possibly both.

If Mike Cameron and Adrian Beltre both play for the Angels at the same time I will give myself a tracheotomy, roll around in blackberry bus, draw a bath of rubbing alcohol and seal the deal by immersing a plugged in toaster in the tub and sticking my dick

in it

Luckily they won't come close to being able to afford both

But either of them signing there is a pretty crappy outcome.

Beltre to the Giants and Cameron to the Yankees would be just fine.

My favorite Camemories involve him destroying the Yankees.
Explain?

I enjoyed him going ape rape on the Chi Sox.

`

uhhhh.... I think you messed up there.
Thank god

The post before included the words ‘ape rape.’ The following GIF would be nothing but traumatic.

It was only statutory ape.

Just ask Jarrod Washburn.

He was saying "Grape Ape" - with a "G."

Aw rats
You got more recs out of it then you would have if you did it right.
Speaking of smelly people

Jacque Jones hasn’t played since 2008 and he looks like he just took his uniform off 2 weeks ago. Gross.

Especially gross if he hasn't put anything on since then.
These are speed holes. They make the car go faster.
From FOX rumor mill:

DeRosa, who turns 35 on Feb. 26, is seeking a three-year contract for between $21 million and $24 million, one source says. His agents’ response to those who question awarding such a deal to a player his age is that DeRosa has been lightly used for most of his career. Thus, from a baseball perspective, he is effectively younger.

I predict this strategy will destroy Viagra sales.
No, Fucking. Way...

That might be the worst I’ve ever heard. That’s like saying Griffey is still in peak physical shape since he’s been injured since he was 31. Or that it is safe to Jaime Burke to a 10 year deal since he has spent most of his career on the bench.

"But I'm only thirty in baseball years"
Agents are like lawyers...

They have to get creative to “win”.

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