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Lookout Landing

4/7: Open Game Thread, Part 3

Roy Corcoran striking out two Twins in two innings kind of takes away from Erik Bedard striking out eight Twins in five innings.

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M's pitchers have Kd 17 and walked 3 in 16 innings
I wonder if any team has kept that K/9 rate up all year
That is god damn beautiful
I hope that trend continues tomorrow!

………

All Twins.
Twins were a pretty good offense last year.
Actually they were pretty lucky
BAHAHAHA THIS IS PRETTY FUNNY NOW >:(
Goddammit I was enjoying the bird discussion.
I know you were.
Cold water is harsh on the skin.
Now I want a Reesy Cup milkshake.

Damn you, abender.

GO GET ME ONE BITCH
Baseball people are the least creative nickname givers in the history of all nickname givers
I like Pablo Sandoval as Fat Ichiro
What's that, A-bendy?
Fuck - comments are too fast to respond to...
Yes, but if his teammates nickname him or a commentator it will by Sandy
Although Sandy would be a good nickname for Bedard
Given his girlness
And his sandy chacha
Seriously!

Say what you want about his 8 k’s but only 6 innings? BAH!! Might as well pitch underhand

5 innings is even worse.
I call the lazy one fatty
Lies!!!

Did you never see the M’s commercial where they came up with the “y” nick names? That was tough work

In other news: Alfonso Soriano just hit the HOLY LIVING BEJEEZUS out of a baseball.

It came within 2 inches of flying out of Minute Maid Park altogether. Tied the game in the 8th inning.

That’ll teach you to rely on LaTroy Hawkins as your setup man.

The Astros were winning a game?
That should be rare.
pics or it didn't happen
I'm as surprised as anyone. But it was only 2-1, so it's not as if they were actually HITTING or anything.
Way-rod pitched well
He's quite the underrated pitcher.
Nice discipline Lopez
Wow, that swing was ridiculous. Rough night for Jose
Corcoran doesn't look like he feels good about himself

he looks like he’s kinda depressed

Are these game threads

always like, 3/4 pages long?

Typically three.
Huh.

This is much more fun than the USSM game threads.

No

Interest wanes as we suck.

Just wait until the losing starts
Sometimes longer if Felix twists his ankle covering home.
Or twisting his ankle covering first, or twisting his ankle fielding a foul ball

Or twisting his ankle getting a beer from the fridge

It calms down as we get further from Opening Day

but don’t expect things to be easy to keep up with if the team contends.

Or on Felix/Bedard days
For the start of the season yes

Since the upgrade to SBN 2.0 at least

I assume they're a lot smaller on Silva gamedays.
We like to be mad
It's inversely proportionate
they won't be in august. for now the novelty is still here!
Wait for the losing to begin
So this is where it gets really scary.
I've been nervous since the 6th.
s.c.a.r.y.

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Faster, Richie!

Kill! KILL!

Richie's greatest achievement in 2009

and i witnessed it in person

argh... 2008

but still better than anything this year for him

Agreed.

I really really want Aardsma to make me fall in love with him right now.

7 pitches in one inning!

There’s the M’s offense we know and love.

NOOOOOO PAT O'DAY HAS FOUND ME ON THE TV NOW
This is terrifying information
I love Sims' funny stories

that end with the punchline of Silva sucking.

Im scared to death right now about the next six outs.. blowing this game would send me back to a year

ago, and just demoralize me

Mummy I am scared

Remember what happened game 2 last year Queens?

:(

When does Cocro not strike out when Twins are invovled?
It's a shame this will be hidden by the masses
He knew the risks
Not if we make it green it wont
The only solution is to turn this fucker green
Like I said.

They feed from my palm

Shut it.
I want all my posts to turn gold once I pass Jeff.
'

I once had your profile in a similar situation!
I don't care the way you do
I only care because if you delete mine

 Whenever I sign up on a new blog they will only see several hundred bannings with no context

I'll give you all my star wars cards if you do it
You're inspecting his member?
Flawless
I would tell you to turn it green but like LL'ers need to be told that with me anymore.
David Aardsma is alphabetically the first player in major league baseball history, no?
Yep.
And looks like a white Raul.
Raul looks like a white Raul.
Good point, but you're not emphasizing his name's latin-ness. Raooouuueell.
As a person of latino descent

I take offense to this.
/pulls out switchblade
 Let’s go!

That's not a switchblade, you just stole my bike.
That's what happens when you come to the Sharks turf

/dances away with bike

He's better than Hank Aaron.
It's a black thing.
Isn't it always?
It was my last doctor visit. It's better now.
That's what she said

Now I only have 6 months to live :(

That's a good six month with a black thing.
Wow, Dave Sims is just scything.
I'm excitedto see this

I am convinced he is our future closer

Now is the time Aardsma.. dont fuck up
Ack!

Heart attack city already. I don’t want to see another ball hit that hard tonight.

Clocked at 96?

Gameday says 92. Uh.

Yeah, and located up and away in the zone

me no likey

Gimme a bucket o balls

cos we got a range mother fuckers

Twins are hitting in to some bad luck
NO MORE FLY BALLS AND LINE DRIVES PLEASE!
Gutierrez has a sexy glove.
Unbelievably sexy. So happy to see him patrolling out there.
F-Gut!!!

Such a nice change from the blackhole of suck out there named Raul.

Me likey power arm
He only has to face Michael Cuddyer and Justin Morneau.

What could possibly go wrong?

Keep runners off base please
92? 93?

uh

94!
That's like 94 with his righty deception!
Don't you fucking walk him Aardsma
If only he had this advice earlier in life
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Yea!!! Way to punch him out UMP!!
What the M's fans & the Twins fans have in common...

…when the game is over in our minds, the wave begins in our stands.

AHAHAHAHA!

Nice check swing!

Gone Bitch.
Whoa!

He definitely did not have the intent to swing on that. But FUCK YES!

AND HE GOES AROUND!
HOLY CONTROVERSIAL CALL BAT MAN
FUCK BATMAN IS ONE WORD NOT TWO
Dude's gonna get fucked if he pitches up in the zone so much with 93mph heaters
He

got lucky this inning. Both those hit balls were hit really damn well.

Payback call! Fuck off Cuddyer
Cuddyer pwned himself there.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Holy shit, Wlad u are an adventure
Aaaards!!! Regards!!
hahaha wlad... you are a scary motherfucker in the field.
Eric Cooper: M's Fan
the anti-Mike Reilly?
Oh my God

STOP THAT SHIT BALENTIEN STOP

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
FUNNIEST INNING ... OF THE ENTIRE SEASON ... SO FAR
Just a tiny bit of luck there for the Aardsvark
Twins are hitting the ball really hard. Thankfully to our players, though.
That was quick.

Thanks for making things exciting, Wlad.

How many line drive out have they hit in to off our relivers? 5?
A lot

It’s better to not think about it

AAAAAARRRRDDDDS
It's sort of like "BRAAAAAIIIINNNSS." It could catch on, you know.
That's a stretch.
buying...

…the jersey tomorrow

WLAD looked like he was running on a treadmill the first four steps

Scared me to death.

I've got an Aard-on
Maybe that is GMZ's idea... Felix is starter and everyone is in the bullpen. 1-3 innings a piece!

Now that is thinking outside of the box!

We were so close to that being a meltdown
Brandon Morrow next eh...
Dave Niehaus is making me sad.

He couldn’t tell if the ball was caught out in RF. He did something similar a couple innings earlier where he was unsure if the Twins 3B had caught or dropped the ball.

Maybe he's losing them in the lights... somehow?
The Metrodome is notorious for being hard as hell to judge flyballs under.
Dave Simms doesn't have that problem.
As much as I would like to believe that

I think it’s more like he’s losing them in the senility

Nothing a few cocktails won't make him unaware of
Part of it is that he looks down at his notes & scorecard, and then looks up over the glasses and loses the ball.

damn bifocals.

In case anyone is interested, Aaron Heilman is in for the 8th to preserve the tie for the Cubs....

….AAAAAAND he just walked the leadoff man.

He's pissed

He wants to start!

start sucking
Rick Sutcliffe JUST said that!
I missed 2 game threads already?

and you are NOT the ‘new girl in town" Nicole. You’ve been here a year. It would be very sad if you are still ‘learning your way’.

I know, right?
I want defense to rub its dick on me.
Why is our game 3 starter warming up?
Something about diabetes I think...
Insurance runs.

Now.

Am I the only one who still trembles a little just by hearing the name 'Ayala'
Trembles a -little- lot
when FSN re-played that clinching game last month

they ended by showing some of the clubhouse hoopla, with champagne showers and happy hinjinks — and there, stomping around in the background was old Bobby.

Luis Ayala's name would make tremble enough all on its own if you had seen him relieving for the Nationals last year.

But still, he’s no Bobby.

How much do your parents have to hate you to let you have a last name like Ayala
So this has likely been covered extensively

but man this line up would look so much better with Clement’s bat in it. hurry up, Jeffie.

Wlad doesnt swing at as much garbage as he did last yr
WLAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
Whooo....Wlad.

Okay, Yuni. Time to bunt.

Trade Wlad now!
Wlad to the bone
Wl-wl-wl-wl-wl blhugh that's hard
All right Wlad!
dont suck here Yuni

dont you dare fucking suck

WLAD touching bases?

New!

Wak doesnt like to bunt with Yuni in these spots.. back to back nights he hasnt done it
Yuni can't really bunt either
Hey, I just discovered MLB.tv can play multiple games at the same time

Angels have bases loaded

Whatever, someone's gotta lose

Even though I’d like the A’s to try to beat them

Yuni you boob
HACK HACK HACK HACK HACK HACK HACK...
This is a repeat of last night after the Joh single
Don't get cheated Yuni
Yuni determined to pop one up
We need a Wak
I don't get it
It cooks Asian things. With an O.
But I'm always hungry 30 minutes later

after eating Chinese.

Aaron, I'll let you handle this...
I want somebody to make a gif of Gutz's crotch that says "CAN YOU FUCKING FEEL IT?"
That is ironic
He takes a fucking pitch

and it’s strike 3.

That was a questionable strike
No fucking way
Ump punishing Yuni for not swinging.
if he didn't hit it, it must be a strike right?
if thats a strike

where the FUCK was Bedard’s pitch in the 5th!??!?!

What?

That was actually a good take by Betancourt for once.

Yuni's new nickname: Beltran
I hate this ump.
Why bunt there?
As opposed to Yuni
Doin' the little things.
ENDY IS SELFLESS AND ICHIRO IS NOT
AGAIN NOT A STRIKE
Bunting there? You're 3-4 today bro
Suddenly the zone widens.
Can Yuni not bunt!?!?!?!
I dont get that strategy
Huh?

Won’t bunt with Yuni and none out, but will with Chavez and 1 out?

I can't wait they start showing umps their pitch f/x results

They will make this umpire cry

Nothing says "Endy Chavez" quite like a perplexing sacrifice bunt.
Guti!!!!!!!!!!
MOTHER FUCKING GUTZ EN LA CASA
THAT'S WHY GARETH!!!!!
Gutz is a fuckn monster
!!!! FUCK YES GUT
YEAHHHHH GUTI!!!!!!
WOOO INSURANCE RUN
WE NEVER GET INSURANCE"""
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

Guiterrez is quickly becoming my favorite Mariner.

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

IEREZ

FRANKLIN!

i want to love your man parts

Gutz is making me all hot and bothered
YES!!!!

This F-Gut fellow is quite good so far

I love the Putz trade

LOVE IT

I AM BUYING HIS JERSEY
i am buying his first born
That doesn't sound very legal
That was a stupid pitch to throw
WOOOOOOOO! GOOTZ!
Das ist Gut!
Very very Gutz.
I think I'm really going to love this new team.
Thats why you bunt.
That's how you get lucky when you bunt

Still shouldn’t

Results based analysis...

tsk tsk

WOW GUT

YOU ARE LOVED BY MANY

IF ALL GAY PRON STARTS ARE AS SEXY AS YOU JUST CALL ME KING OF THE BOTTOMS
This GTE was unexpected.
This will make the Morrow meltdown even more painful
SEE IT WORKED

SIGN GUTIERREZ TO AN EXTENSION ALREADY

Yeah, Sweeney just loves high fives.
Veteran leadership.
He's one Highfivin' motherfucker
High Fivin' White Guys?
High Fivin' Jesus.
Oh, could we bring them back? To Safeco?

I’d like to see that.

and kissing his bros, apparently.
Oh yes oh yes oh yes!
Such a gut boy.

so, when do we get out those old “2 out, so what” placards?

Here comes the control wizard.
Please please please don't suck
FLASHBACK TO GAME 2 2008
MORROW DO NOT SUCK REPEAT DO NOT SUCK
TWINS MUST SURRENDER MEEKLY
Morrow in

Game over but yet still somewhat sad

MORROW MORROW MORROW
Can't wait to play the LAAs and out-small-ball them.
We have Endy

They do not!

Hudler's head will explode.
Holy shit the picture in picture game thing with the ability to instaswap is amazing
I don't think Trevor Cahill should be in the bigs
Brett Michaels is coming to EQC and I'm stuck on the wrong side of the mountains

WHY???

If Morrow was Erik Bedard's son his name would be Morreau
His name would be Bedard
that would explain him

being such a fucking pussy

Why would he take the maiden name?
Well I'm stupid
Please don't trade for Josh Hamilton in the next five minutes
Fuck I had erased that memory
DON'T CRUSH MY SOUL MORROW
Okay dammit, slam the door Morrow.
I WANT TO SEE 100 MPH HEATERS
Eh, 97 MPH.
Morrow dominating for one inning at a time is not the worst thing ever, but still.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy
You have been warned, folks....

Boy, must suck being psychic.
>:( >:( >:(

>:(

You bastard
This could have been Tim Lincecum closing this game....
I wonder how many quitting opportunities the quitter will have before he decides to quit before the quitting rush starts
At least it's because he's a pussy and not because he's an idiot.
Pussies are idiots

Have you ever talked to a girl?

What do I look like, you?
Robert, I swear.
I hope his Pancreas quits

Oh wait too late

Blyleven the geography professor
Curse your intestines PITCHf/x
HIS ACHILLES HEEL

Copper bowls??
You have no idea how dangerous hammered bowls can be.
I know how dangerous bowls can be when hammered.
Drive hammered get nailed?
I am confident. I think.
I will utter this phrase after out 3
Well that's just being a revisionist.
Why does Gameday seem to be missing so many pitches?
Meaning the pitch f/x data
Nasty fucking pitch.
Will Morrow supplant Wilford Brimley

as the Diabetes spokesman?

Pfx only works every so often.
SIT YOUR BITCH ASS DOWN
K

Two more outs.

GOODNIGHT MOON
DOWN GOES CREDE
Good night, sir.
Morrow's pretty filthy eh?
NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXT.
Blyleven just yawned
THEY ARE ALL SWINGING LATE
because they aren't fast tracked
Wow, perfectly positioned
PFX is crapping out
Morrow's breaking it with his awesomeness
WE OWN YOUR [FLY]BALLS
That wasn't a K :(
No balls, Brandon.
No walks god damnit no walks
What the fuck Brandon, stop with the bullshit
Contrary to Sims' warning, he WANTS to face Kubel.

He’s just that much of a man.

Z IS A FUCKING GENIUS
No no no no no no. I don't want this.
Whooooo Smokey!!!
Wow he got owned on that second strike
Here comes Mr. Slidey
Finish this guy..
COME ON MORROW

DO IT! DO IT!

STFU Blowers.
He needs to STFU so bad.
Someone has to be the hero
GIVE ME ONE MORE OUT AND I WILL FUCKING SNORT YOU LIKE THE SEXOCAINE THAT YOU ARE
there it is
I think you missed something
If you mean "funny", then yep! There it is.
Fast ball is getting slower
Someone get him some sugar.
Motherfucker fucking ass
Ass balls shit butt
NOOOOOO(O(OO
ugh what a coward
Intentionally walk him
So it begins
Wiiiiiiiiild Thing!
Kubel vs. Morrow

FIGHT!

No no no no

Can we not do this please

Shit Brandon, shit
WELL HELLO THERE how was the meeting sucker
LLLJ
DID ANY OF YOUR OTHER MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE A MEETING DURING THE MARINERS GAME
I think that fixed it
Fucking hell

This feels stomach-churningly familiar

Dude throw a fucking strike.
Walk this way!
I hate the 9th inning stomach ache.
But it means we're winning
Oh yeah.
But it means we may not be soon
Yeah, that's the problem.
Carlos Gomez is worth pitching around
It's almost like you mean the opposite of what you say
1 MOre Morrow. 1 More!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF YOU'RE SACRIFICING BEING VALUABLE YOU HAVE TO NOT FUCKING SUCK
Thank god Kenji's out to settle him down
Way to quite on that at bat Quitter
YOU WANTED IT THIS WAY BITCH

FINISH IT

Gameday is broken...wtf is happening??
Balls
That's both an exclamation and an explanation
WHY THE FUCK IS GAMEDAY CRAPPING OUT?
ok, time for the Putz treatment,
Who's on deck?
A walk here is not the end of the world
But holy shit he's nowhere close.
Jeebus fuckstick throw strikes Morrow
BRANDON ELIZABETH MORROW MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU
Kubel's winking at us
Cocky motherfucker.
I hate you .I hate you. ahhhhhhhh.
TOO MUCH FUCKING ADRENALINE YOU PIECE OF COCK
god fucking damn it
WALKING THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the shit is that shit Morrow?
Morrow doesnt have the balls to close ballgames
WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING?

GAMEDAY IS BUSTED AND I HAVE NO FEED RIGHT NOW.

You're lucky
I second that
HR

Griffey grand slam

World, Walking the
I NEVER SHOULD'VE POSTED THAT PIC
Damnation Morrow

This isn’t cute!

FUCK FUCK FUCK NEW CLOSER PLEASE
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS
WHAT THE FRACKIN' A

ADAIR YOU FUCKER WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM

Morrow will always be like this.
NOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONO

No clue how to throw strikes to a lefty
I hate you Insulin!
ugh I don't think this guy is ever going to make it as a closer
NO NOT TITS TIME EVER
STOP SUCKING, BRANDON

STOP SUCKING

Seeing Batista warming up

makes me want to puke.

GET OUT OF THIS BATISTA IS WARMING UP
Beluga Tits sighting!
That insurance looks a whole lot better now.
Christ Mcbuttballs this is not good
Batista's warming up
Make me happy Morrow.
Splendid Splenda is fucking it all up
That's it! Take away his insulin pump!
So he could walk off here.
That's not nice
BATISTA WARMING UP awesome
Batista warming up, we're saved!
More like doucher... am I right?
Beluga Tits poetry reading time.
I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi
I don't think Morrow is 100% yet
This is somehow predictable.
You can see the quit in the whites of his eyes
SOMEBODY FORCE FEED HIM SOME CAKE SO WE CAN GET A NEW PITCHER
Ahhhhh no not Batista
Ruh-roh

Beluga Tits up and throwing in bullpen. No good

Morrow needs to suck much less RIGHT NOW FUCKER
Hey it's the Safeco opener all over again
Oh Jesus fucking Mesa don't say that
He is nowhere near the fucking zone
6 outside pitches in a fucking row
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MORROW.

Bring in diabetic number 2!

MANAGE YOUR INSULIN BETTER
Hmmmmm.....
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WHY IS THIS HAPPENING
?

would you Facebook your mom with that caps lock?

GTE MOTHERFUCKER
probably not but who gives a fuck
You are harshing my mellow, Morrow
oh god not batista
I think Sims

just said this was a nut twisting inning. And he’s damn right.

HE DID IT

CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

STRIKE ONE MOTHERFUCKERS YEAH
Strike! Howaboutthat
See, the solution is to THROW THE FUCKING BALL FASTER, BRANDON
YES THAT IS MORE LIKE IT

FAST THINGS

Finally remembered where the plate was located.
AAAAAND its gone
Somehow I doubt that he actually forgot where the plate is located
Gameday is unbroken

But it should have just stayed that way so I didn’t have to see.

Wow this is so 2007
Oh well that fake pickoff changed everything
Batista is ready to go
How can it possibly be that we are actually calling for Batista to enter the game?
Three words

Brink of defeat.

22 pitches?

Sweet goggly moogly!

STRIKE TWO!!!!!!
One more strike pleeeeeeease
One more of those
Thank you thank you thank you please one more please fucking one more strike please
Strikeout ... plese
Oooooooh yesssssss.
Fuckityfuckityfuckity
I am bleeding out of my soul
GODDAMIT MORROW!
This is dumb
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE YOU BRANDON MORROW
Oh fuck fuck fuck shitballs assrackets
HARD AS YOU CAN UNTIL YOU HEAR SOMETHING SNAP
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu
I JUST STEPPED ON YOUR BOTTOM OF INSULIN YOU GOD DAMN QUITTER
TRADE HIS ASS!
Has the bat even left his shoulder?
Another fuckn lefty..just great
He can't locate anything vs lefties
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Ah, nice pitch...
(I have missed Dave so much.)
Just throw one over the plate

who the fuck is Buscher anyways?

Gameday died again, can somebody PLEASE actually mention what is happening instead of just cursing?
count full to Busher. Two out two on.
Although I too am in the dark, I think its better this way
This is retarded
Gameday is being dumb

Update please?

Morrow gone back to his old self
3-2 count

Morrow just bluffed Gomez back to the bag.

Morrow is stretching himself out

for his new role as a long reliever.

Is closing so cool now you dirty sonofabitch???
Good thing I got a new pacemaker recently

Otherwise this game might end with me in the hospital

C'mon MOrrow you're more than halfway there!
WE ARE LIVING ON A PRAYER

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Why does Gameday keep breaking?!?!?!??
The one dude who is entering balls and strikes went for a pee-break.
This is torture
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
i wish you would quit this game
Brandon Morrow is a bigger quitter than his pancreas
I FUCKING HATE YOU GAMEDAY WHY ARE YOU BROKEN AGAIN
STOP STALLING YOU FUCKING YEAST INFECTION
WE CLEARLY NEED MORE CLOSERS CUZ MORROW AIN'T CUTTING IT
dont do this morrow
ZOMG

just end it already!
fuck! its God damn april and im already too worked up

Bases loaded.
ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS
Walked the fucking bases loaded
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
THESE ARE THE MARINERS WE KNOW AND LOVE
What happened?

Did he walk Buscher?

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
fuck me in the brain
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GODDAMIT SEND HIS ASS TO AAA!
:LK^JSDF:LJKJSTWOEITJ:LKNSM<>XVNOIJWE
SOB

GET HIM THE FUCK OUT

FUCK A DUNK WITH A BIG BLUE TRUCK

FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE

We're boned, aren't we?
END END END!
Hahahahaha

Batista in, game over.

FUCK YOU BRANDON MORROW AND YOUR COMPLETE AND TOTAL LACK OF CONTROL

I HOPE YOU GO HOME AND GET HIT BUY A TRUCK FULL OF BREAD

Sugar

It’s more ironic

Fuck it.

Go Beluga Tits

Here come the teary eyes.
Miguel Batista.

Jesus Christ we’re fucked.

FUCK ME SOFTLY

OH GOOD MIGUEL BATISTA THIS IS GOING TO END WELL

batista??????
Damn it!

Beluga Tits?!

I'm dissapointed in you, Brandon.
Beluga Tits!
Brandon Morrow has control problems?

OH GOD NOT BASTISTA
Well I might as well turn it off now

Batista is in. Fuck you Mariners. Fuck you to hell.

THISHISFHASDHFIADSHIFHSIADHFIADSFHIASHF
HEY EVERYBODY LETS SOLVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM BY POURING FUCKING HORRIBLE ALL OVER IT
See that little step? We're so fucked
TITS TO SAVE THE DAY

“We are so fucked”

THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER
Should've left Bedard in to pitch a complete game
Belgua tits!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I WILL INCREASE MY PANCREATIC FUNCTIONS JUST TO SPITE YOUR QUITTER ASS
I'm rec'ing this

for the biological smack.

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR FORSAKING STARTING, BRANDON.
DIABETES CAUSED THIS

DIABETES CAUSED THIS

FUCK YOU BRANDON
Sad, that I support this move
what the fuck was that little dance step?
A terrible Snoopy Dance.

Which is a move the team should utilize after victories all year.

Terrible. It was terrible.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT MORROW WOULD STRUGGLE WITH CONTROL ITS NOT LIKE HE'S DONE THAT HIS WHOLE FUCKING CAREER
Tits in

Game over.

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK
Oh blumpkins!
No blumpkin for Brandon tonight.
I can't believe they yanked him
WAIT BATISTA
NOOOOOO

I NO LONGER REGRET MY REC
MY BETA CELLS ARE FUNCTIONAL YOU QUEER
COME GET A TASTE OF THIS SWEET SWEET INSULIN
THIS WILL NOT BE LIKE 2008 NO FUCKING WAY
TITS TITS TITS TITS

Brandon Morrow you cocksucker….

Morrow as the closer was a brilliant idea.
I liked Morrow more as a starter.
Yanked for Batista.

Amazing.

Actually, I'm pretty sure Batista will come in and get the out.

Then he’ll take over the closer position and wait until a later day to break our hearts into little pieces.

It just makes sense.

You poor, poor soul. Is this what being a Nats fan will do to a man?
TITS will gets the job done. Just watch
Or he'll walk in 3 runs
HEY REMEMBER WHEN WE DONT AHVE A LEFTY IN THE FUCKING PEN RIGHT NOW THATS NOT SO GOOD
Morrow's BB/9 must be like 20 or something.
So, the "turn off the tv during the 9th" technique that worked with Putz does nothing for Morrow.
Don't worry. Miguel has this shit!
Believe. We must Believe!!!!!!!!
The gods have forsaken us!

We have turned our backs on their mercy offering of Cordero! Repent! Repent!

Tits, just get a popup
Tits has ice in the veins.. he's gonna get it done

rec'd
Pleasure doing business with you!
I BELIEVE IN YOU BELUGA TITS
FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

WALK THE FUCKING WORLD

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

The kid sharing some wisdom with morrow.
Aww Griffey consoling Brandon.
I feel ill
My gut was right.
DON'T SUCK DAMN IT PLEASE
Fine. Go Batista.
LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!
Good Role Model...

This is why you can never have to many closers
Our hopes and dreams rest in the god damned avenger of blood
OH MY GOD IM GOING TO EAT MY OWN FACE
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SPAN YOU LUCKY FUCK
Oh my god.

Fucking someone seriously kill me.

FUCK YOU FIELD TURF
The fuck?
zdkVGASKDGHFKLVJSDFLZHVGU;HALCGVIDL
FUCK YOU FUCKING ASTROTURF JESUS CHRIST
HORRIBLE CUNTS
what the fuck that carpet is so fucking stupid
GOOD GOD WHAT THE FUCKFUCKFUCKINGFUCK
Fucking articfical turf
That hit dirt not turf first
NO FUCK BALLS SHAFT COCK
Fuck the Metrodome
FUVKING BLIND SQUIRRELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BELTRE ISN'T 10 FEET TALL, BITCH
YOU THROW THE BALL YOU DUMBASS DOMINICAN
REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID TO GET YOUR RAFT IN THE OCEAN???

THATS WHAT YOU FUCKING DO

welcome 2008

I missed you

Jesus Mary Mother of FUCK.
FUCK THIS GOD DAMN BAD LUCK SHISTHHDIDFUCJKJSDFSASLUT
FUCK FUCK FUCK

Yay high LI innings for Batista
THERE IS NO FLOOR!
What the fug?

Ugh! Kick my balls in

I root for the Mariners

FML

Fuck this shitty fucking turf
Griffey to Morrow

‘if we lose this I’ll shoce sand up your ass and fuck you"

I think that would be more unpleasant for Griffey than Morrow
time for a beer run

fuck baseball. fuck it in the ass

NO IM GOING TO HANG MYSELF WITH MY OWN NOOKSACK
I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Ugh

What a horrible game

ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FUCK THIS SEASON
god fucking damnit

season over

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT
MOTHERUFCKERSONOFALESBIANNEGROASS
.

HE GOT A FUCKING GROUNDER IF MORROW WASN'T A WASTE OF SPERM AND EGGS WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS
DJFI EJFI JOIF UCKFHEHATEE EI HATE EVERYTHING
THERE IS NO FLOOR
I CANT TAKE THIS
Well, fuck me

That was no fun.

THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING
fuck my dick
Oh cockshaft
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

FUCK BASEBALL

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

no one will speak
RIP A HOLE IN MY BRAINS
FUCK YOU BRANDON FUCKING MORROW I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU HAVE PISSED IN MY MOTHERFUCKING CORNFLAKES
thanks Morrow

now go quit closing

UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE.

Bedard should beat Morrow with a sock full of bolts.

IF HE DOESNT ILL DO IT
Morrow you piece of SHIT
well, that was horrible
TWO FUCKING YEARS INA ROW
ITS THE FIRST EVER WAK OFF
Oh

my fucking jesus fucking ass christ. I feel like the season is over. Is that rational? Or not?

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

All things considered 2008 actually treated me quite well.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT WAKAMATSU
ERIKKKKKKKK IS A BIGGER MAN THAN MORROW!
MARINERS~!~!~!~!~!

Jesus H’

I am so depressed. I hate you, baseball.
Fuck Josh Hamilton.
BRANDON MORROW SHOULD BE KILLED
His body is currently trying
THIS IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING
Clearly we do not have enough closers
Josh Fields Will save the day
...
“After seeing’s Brandon implosion today I realized that we needed someone who is lights out and has control.” said Wakamastu on Morrow’s performance. “That’s why we decided to convert Felix into a closer, he has the stuff and has the bulldog attitude we like. Morrow will stay as a reliever until he can figure out his control problems”
Tell me we didn't just lose.
We just lost. With the bases empty and two outs in the ninth
FML.

Son of a bitch.

You know, someone needs to post this little episode on that site. This is pretty awful.
What happened?

Gameday is sucking as I’m sure the M’s are too.

GREAT ITS 4AM AND I NOW HAVE TO TRY AND SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT
DRINK HTE HEMLOCK
i want to kill children

and baby animals

MORROW IS MY NEW FAVOURITE TERRORIST
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT BATISTA AND BRANDON MORROW
You'll get them next time

I HOPE QUITTER'S MOM LIKES THE HPV VIRUS CAUSE SOMEBODY IS GETTING A YEASTER SUNDAY SURPRISE
This almost makes it ok.
I WANT TO FUCKING KILL TITS SO HE CAN'T WRITE ANY MORE SHITTY CRIME NOVELS AND RUIN OUR SEASON
He was hardly the problem in that inning
Cool.
WHY THE FUCK IS MORROW NOT CRYING?

HE SHOULD BE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE CRYING.

Brandon Morrow understands his body, and apparently it is not suited for baseball
Miguel Batista

-.821 WPA

WHY IS THIS MAN SMILING?

HE WON'T BE FUCKING SMILING ONCE I'M THROUGH WITH HIM
We need to hang Morrow's jersey in the dugout tomorrow.
Dammit!Dammit!Dammit!Dammit!Dammit!Dammit!
Maybe this is why Aumont is being converted

The Z is an oracle.

He's on a 'fast track' too
ALSO, FUCK YOU SPAHN YOU PRICK
Well I'll see you guys tomarrow night i guess
I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THIS
This would have been funny last year.
IT IS NO LONGER LAST YEAR
WHY ME???????
Because Scrappy hates Brits.
BURN DOWN SAFECO ARSON ARSON ARSON
FUCK YOU MARINERS.
Can i take a time machine plzzzzzz???
All the good vibes... right down the drain.. and now Silva tomorrow.. FUCK
The Mariners have a problem with control in their bullpen?

Can’t wait until Strasburg’s our closer by August.

The mariners have a problem with a batista in their bullpen
Batista didn't walk the the world in that inning.

That, and “RHP with decent fastball but bad control” describes a good chunk of the bullpen.

Quitters never win
But not quitting doesn't guarantee winning
Two games has to be a record for shortest amount of time in which to rip out my soul
Did we really not have anyone better than ol Beluga Tits

in the pen? Fer fucks sakes

So Erik, what did you think the ninth tonight?

Bad.

ok NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Hah.

Wow, I totally saw that coming. Welcome to 2008 redux.

FUCK IS NOT A STRONG ENOUGH WORD
Wow....uh...ouch.
This is Ichiro's fault!
Yes, Angie. Thank you for the recap.
TURN THAT SHIT OFF BEFORE YOUR BRIAN MELTS
HEY BRIAN WATCH OUT
YOU MAY MELT
Done. thank you. My reflexes are dulled by the depression, familiar ache and 1000 yard stare.
STRASBURG HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Oh wait… that was last year…. fuck.

I forgot what this feels like
seriously i just lost my enthusiasm for the season

it couldn’t be any more like last year

Yea, it's silly to say it, but that makes me just not want to tune in tomorrow, especially given who is starting
Morrow has to have hurt his ribs
He had to give one up to make Bedard.
In the horror this excellent comment is going unnoticed
Welcome to my life
It really is sublime.
I feel like my fucking life just got ended.
If you feel feelings then no you don't
MORROW SAID HE LIKED THE PRESSURE OF THE NINTH BUT IT SEEMS MUCK THE OPPOSITE

WHAT A SHITLOAD OF FUCK

I want to rip open the space time continuem, Anybody want to help?????
On the bright side, this'll make a win probability graph that will look like Mount Rushmore.
The bullpen:

11 Straight outs. 3 Straight Walks. 2 Straight Hits.

Tomorrow Brandon Morrow recieves 100 cases of Pixy Stix
'

I DON'T GET IT
Is he holding a lock of hair with a hole in it?

or a kazoo?

It's a board with a nail in it
Ah...

…still don’t get it.

At least I had a feeling this would happen
I'm sure glad we have Carlos Silva going tomorrow

Gives us a good chance to rebound from this painful loss!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

your kidding right?

I don't think he is
Holy Jesus

Is that the floor or the ceiling I’m staring at?…

HAS TO BE THE CEILING

THERE IS NO FLOOR

I WANT YOUR MOTHER TO CONTACT JOHN CONNOR SO SHE CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND QUIT YOUR GESTATION IN THE FIFTH TRIMESTER
I can't wait to see the chart today

Fucking hell.

So did Morrow even get two outs?
Yes, Yes he did.....
2 outs and the L
We still have the Sounders!
The Mariners are .500. That's great!
There is only one way to settle this

It is quite clear that those responsible for the loss must have their nuts crushed by an elephant. It’s the only way. Set an example. Just like in the Bronze Age.

So, Brandon, about that closing thing?

I think we need an updated cockpunch picture here.

I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO TRUST THE ASS CUNT
I think this is what a mild seizure feels like
I'm sorry to say it's not....
i need more beer

and a hobo to kill

AT LEAST MAKE BRANDON GO THROUGH THE FIRE

WHY BRING IN TITS?

I really hate hating Morrow.....
YOU CANT SPELL QUIT WITHOUT QUITTER
Three fucking walks.. i can live with hits... but this fuck walks the bases loaded with two outs
The nerve of this fucking fuck... is un-fucking-believable.
shouldn't make fun of people with diabeteth i'm brandon morrow
I NEED MORE FUCKING BEER TO DULL THE PAIN
BRB

gotta go walk the world

Who slipped him a Twinkie in the 8th?
Hey everybody, we signed Zimmerman....
THAT WAS THE ONLY INNING I SAW ALL NIGHT
IT'S YOUR FAULT
Yeah, thanks alot.
I AGREE LETS GET HIM
I MADE THE TOWEL DAMMIT
FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK
Check your blood sugar and check it often.

Honestly, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

I think I’m growing cynical. Sad.

It hurts because it's Morrow.

I expect this sort of thing from any of our other relievers.

The anteater above made things better for me.
Ari Gold rapes ant eaters for breakfast
I wish I was souless like you.
The trick is to become a lawyer.
I also don't agree

that hurt very very badly

So, is this Morrow guy supposed to be bad?
ugh

Nice rug.
Aquaman sucked.
Queen's Boulevard was solid
Ok I can think rationally now.

THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY AND MY NEXT DAY YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. I’M GONNA WAKE UP FEELING LIKE SHIT IN THE MORNING ALL FOR NOTHING.

I WANT TO BECOME RICH ENOUGH TO BUY A MEMORY WIPE FOR MYSELF AND RESURRECT AS A RED SOX FAN.

SERIOUSLY I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY DID THIS TO US – AGAIN – AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR IN GAME 2.

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING TO DO TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER OTHER THAN CUTTING MY FUCKING WRISTS.

Sleep, Gareth. And dream of large women.
I can't sleep now wayyyyyy too angry and aggitated and restless.
I guess the only reason this sucks so bad is

I forgot the Mariners were the Mariners for a while. that’s a shitty reason.

That is going to be one steep downward line on the win expectancy chart.

Godammit Morrow.

the question is

will it be worse than lowe’s -89.7 last year?

Fangraphs says no
I wonder which one of us is incredibly attractive because god always seems to want to rail us.
It's gotta be you.

It sure as hell ain’t me.

God is Ms. Jeff?
Just for the record, guys, I was busy doing stuff and only able to watch two innings of the game

the bottom of the fifth and the ninth.

You’re welcome!

Chad Cordero

is smiling somewhere. What a sadistic bastard.

Chad Codero sucks
Remember that Aumont is now on the fast track.

That means he’ll be here next month, apparently. So, Chad’s screwed either way.

Maybe Cordero can start.
Twinkie Town's Game Thread had 89 comments

The our pain to their pleasure ratio must be about 35 to one.

so... what now?
Beer.

And lots of it.

I almost bought Budweiser American Ale!
we try not to kill ourselves until tomorrows game
Season over buddy. Go find something else to jack off to for 6 months.

Go get a Red Sox cap or something.

There is no toMORROW.
Heh. Indeed.

Strengths and Weaknesses

If you’re wondering why Chris Jakubauskas and Shawn Kelley made the roster, perhaps we need look no further than the walk rates for the rest of the relievers – Morrow, Aardsma, Batista, Lowe, and Corcoran all struggle to throw strikes consistently, and that’s essentially the high leverage portion of the bullpen. If a starter gets in trouble and needs to be bailed out of a bases loaded situation, Wakamatsu’s options for relief range from Guy With Bad Command to Guy With Horrible Command. You’re going to see several late inning bases loaded walks this year. Given this group of relievers, it’s inevitable.
Fuck.

Why didn’t you send Waka that before he opened the gas can?

Because Waka has no non-gas can options in the bullpen?

Basically, the M’s bullpen in composite = JJ circa 2004. OK, but there will be some days where they will make you take the gas pipe, because they won’t be able to throw strikes and they’ll lose games because of it.

If the A's beat the Angels

we’re still in first place! At least!

…right?

The rest of the division still sucks, at least.
You know what's hilarious...

Beluga Tits will get the blown save.

I think Morrow does.
Nah...

It’s one of those quirky stats that goes to the guy who is in the game. Even if the runs aren’t his.

That's fucked.

I’m sending a letter to the commish.

it says morrow got the loss

and tits goy the blown save

You know what’s hilarious…

Beluga Tits will get the blown save.
Morrow gets the Loss though
Our entire bullpen sucked tonight.

Realistically there is no way there should have been no baserunners innings 6-8.

Ah, well ...

we have Silva and Washburn to look forward to.

I want Brandon Morrow to choke on my honey-dipped dick

I look forward to seeing some great .gifs tomorrow

why cant felix just pitch everyday

then we would be set

The starter wasn't the problem.

Bedard did pretty well. Nonetheless, I agree.

Cards Fan Here

Just wanted to let you Mariner fan’s know it is a lot better the next day. I feel your pain

You have won championships
and u have moderatly ok players
You get a freebie.

Your team won it all recently.

When your team has won 9 Rings and has the best hitter since Bonds those things have more meaning.

We have 8 closers and the possibility of more closers.

None of which can close.
But cheers anyway.
I will take all the sympathy I can get

It looks like we’re going to need it.

Best of both worlds!
Yes because we're not used to this at all.
Both teams blew 31 saves last year!
Damn, I wasn't expecting someone else to have the same avatar as me on here...

Also: Fuck Brandon Morrow, he’s done nothing but anger me lately.

This is an excellent SN, by the way
The unnecessary comma screams COACH!!!
There are nothing wrong with commas
There IS something wrong with using them incorrectly.
Good lord.. I don't think you can ever say that to a Seattle sports fan
I think if we win tomorrow behind Silva

all will be forgiven in my mind.

I really did forget what this felt like

And after last year, I didn’t think it could feel like this again. I hate baseball so damn much, and I always come back. Fuck…

I love baseball but hate the team that I support.

Which absolutely sucks dome.

Well yes

I too love baseball, but it always seems to kick me in the nuts.

I AM GLAD YOU HAVE DIABETES AND I HOPE IT GETS WORSE, BRANDON.
Fuck this I;m gonna try and sleep for a bit.

Hopefully the murderous rage subsides when I wake up.

i hear the word fuck more every night in these threads

more than i hear it in everything else combined ever

It's almost like you're on a Mariners blog
Cards fan here

You guys should settle down, we had a lousy bullpen last year too, but you have to shake those things off. We were picked to finish at the bottom of a bad division and we were competitive all year long!

pfft Like Mariner fans no anything about fucking
What the fuck is your fucking problem your fucking puritanical fuck
Ow my freakin ears!
I would expect that type of language at Denny's, but not here
Listening to the post-game show

Some genius called in saying Bedard is not suited no be a SP and he should move to relief.

This is why I don't listen to sports radio.
Yeah I don't either typically

But it’s on in the background and man, there is a reason I stay away from it.

Although...

Shannon Drayer is a nice change from FSN’s attempts at analysis. Normally I just turn it on mute and stare at Nicole’s Zaloumises

Willie you motorboatin' sonuvabitch!
I hope acblue doesn't read that.
Way to make me sound like a Goddamned killjoy.
Are you sayin yer not?

I keed, I keed. Qaulity movie though. On that note, top 5 clown movies

5. Killjoy
4. IT
3.Shakes the Clown
2. Raze (Tommy the Clown is the man!)
1. Killer Clowns from Outerspace

Was it a LL reader in jest?
I sadly doubt it

The knowledge level of casual fans is rather scary

And just when I thought the Mariners were going to actually be good this year

Fuck it up.

I wasn't expecting this team to be any good.

So .500 is OK with me. And better they find out right away if Morrow is a bust. Gutierrez looks good meanwhile, Endy Chavez, Griffey, Beltre…

and now Silva and Washburn with greatly improved OF defense!

Fuck.

How many more years is Gutierrez under club control?
So it sounds like the mariners acted like

the mariners?

Blowing games after 8 2/3 innings of being pretty much perfect is not usually our modus operandi

Most of the time we just suck the whole way through.

Seeing as Putz was our closer the last 3 years...not really.

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