Lookout Landing

Hey. I know it's been a little while, and for that I apologize. It's just that, y'know, I've had a lot to think about. A lot on my mind. I should've gotten in touch with you sooner, but after all of our arguments, I needed some time to myself. Some time for me to dedicate to introspection. I've said a lot of mean things to you in the heat of the moment, and while I know I let my emotions get the best of me, I had to figure out what was just emotion and what contained some element of truth. I hope you understand.

Look. There's no easy way for me to say this, so I'll just say it. I love you. I've loved you for longer than you'll ever know. And I wish I'd done a better job of showing it. I just got spooked, you know? I knew you were wonderful from the start, but then my boy Mike made this offhand remark about how you might be a little too big for me or something, and while I didn't really pay him any mind at the time, it started to eat at me and I lost sight of all the good you do and how great we are together. I know it sounds stupid, but everyone has their doubts, right? Everyone at one point or another wonders whether their partner is good enough.

It's not something I'm proud of, but I'm not going to lie to you. There have been times when I wondered. Wondered whether you had a good enough figure. You said you wanted more honesty, so I'm being honest. I thought about it for ages, too, which is why we wound up fighting all the time. I wasn't yet ready to commit to this. To commit to us.

But then I was able to step back and do some real soul-searching, which led up to an epiphany I had tonight. And you know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever having been such a hurtful, superficial jerk. The truth of the matter is that I love the way you look. I think I always have, too; it's just that Mike made me care too much about what my friends were thinking instead of what I was thinking. And they can't even say anything anyway, because you've treated so many of them so well. I remember Paul telling me you really helped him out when he was down. You're wonderful and you're beautiful, and I don't know that I could ask any more from you than you gave me. Though you can be harsh at one moment and silly and forgiving the next, I love that kind of unpredictability about you. It keeps me on my toes.

You're good for me. You've always been good for me. For a while I was just too stupid and immature to realize it. I want this to work. I want us to work, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Bigger parks need loving too, and I want to be the man to provide it.

I love you. I love you, and I'm sorry.
-JS