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Lookout Landing

5/3: Open Game Thread, Part 2

Stuff and things.

0 recs  |  934 comments

Comments

I like stuff.
I like stuffing.
Color me worried about this game.
Throwing strikes would be kind of nice
Mark Lowe says OK!
That was the best call by Cousin all day.
Outman is out, maybe now are bats are in.
All right times up lets do this thing
Let's do this, Joh.
Wlad's looked good today, needless to say.
Power pitch

C’mon Cmon Cmon

At least it wasn't a GIDP.
Good patience, Gutz.
GRIFFEY FOR YUNI PLEASE PLEASE
YES GOOD EYE GUTZ
Ohhhh.....nice take.
I appreciate walks.
We need a pinch hitter, NOW!
God dammnit they're letting Yuni hit

Please don’t ruin this Yuni… I’m begging you

OH NO

NOT HIM
ANYONE BUT HIM

I bet Yuni tries a squeeze.

On his own initiative.

There's not a runner on 3rd so that would prove to be interesting
Seems like a difficult time to squeeze.
Ghost runner on third?
It's Yuni.

No one has any idea where his head is at.

SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING! SWING!
Joke fail.
A's pitching coach: "Don't throw anything in the strike zone. He will get himself out."
Poor kid.

/Nationals fan pity

Why on earth would any self-respecting parent dress their children in Washington Nationals apparal?
It was cheap at goodwill?
0-2 counts usually bode well for Yuni..
Here comes a pop-up.
Ugh he actually got a pitch to hit and swung at it but couldn't do shit
Oh hey...an 0-2 count!

Shocking.

Wow there's a fucking shock
Could have been worse...
Yes, it absolutely could have been worse.
M's: highest average with RISP in AL.

…Yay?

Every time I see this graphic, I shudder in horror.
Ichiro please get a hit
Ichiro's time to shine.

C’mon!

I-CHI-RO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Way to go Ichiro!
Works for me!
HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE ICHIRO?
I actually saw someone post that Ichiro plays below-average defense.

Granted, it was in the Times forum, but I was still amazed.

Maybe he looked at his UZR - it's still negative this year, I believe (SSS, obviously)

Of course, maybe he’s just drinking haterade.

Positive now.
Right you are.

16 games, +1.5 UZR, 35.1 UZR150 for 2009.

It was a post explaining how overrated Ichiro is, so I'm guessing the latter.
Now we've got a motherfuckin ballgame!
I LOVE MY ICHIRO
Cmon Lopez!!
Dammnit I fucking hate Ryan Sweeney
Any outfielder with two legs catches that ball.
It would have been tougher for a bad outfielder
Dammit, don't hit it to Sweeney!
Dang it, enough with the pop outs.
That was a flyout.
And hit pretty deep the other way.
Good point, my bad.
That ball was smoked
Also, they're quite a bit better than groundouts
Well, 3-4-5 in the 8th for us, whatever that's worth
So, uh, Loafie learned to hit

go figure

It's the Pujols stance.
He did that last year.
Nice inning, lets tie this bad boy up

At least

Nicely done, Mr. Lowe.

But where are your offspeed pitches?

You're aware he pitches for the Mariners, right?
I hate one run game.
Groundouts, nice.
woooo M. Sweeney, let's do this.
Come one King Awesome you are still worthy of the name!
Wish our fucking hitters didn't suck
So our good hitters don't get any action?
I think you mean "wish our fucking batters didn't suck"
Beltre needs to start fucking the man again
Needs more Red.
Come on solo HR, it's our only hope
Pathetic fucking inning
Man, for a guy that walks as often as Branyan, he sure gets himself out alot.
Our last inning is going to be WLAD-Joh-Gut

This is starting to suck.

Griffey needs to hit in the 9th

I really don’t care for who as long as it’s not Wlad

But then who do you fucking hit for Yuni if the 9th spot comes up

UGH

OK, you save Griffey and he hits for Yuni if the 9-spot comes up

just don’t pinch hit Rob Johnson, for the love of God

Johnson? Chavez? One of the ball girls?
God what universe do we live in where pinch-hitting Endy Chavez is a good idea
Welcome to our world, welcome to our world
One where Shelton and Clement lie in Purgatory and one where Johnson and Joh frolick in the light of earth.
Should be Wlad-Griffey-Gutz
Should be

I don’t really expect it to be.

I think Endy should hit for Johjima and Griffey should hit for Yuni
Seems silly considering that Johjima is a better hitter than Endy.
Johjima is a huge rally killer - I don't want him up if Wlad gets on base
What exactly are you basing that on?
The fact that he kills a lot of rallies
Try harder.
I didn't know I needed a statistic to know that Johjima hasn't been a good clutch hitter for us sine 2007
I didn't know that clutch hitting exists

primarily because it doesn’t

There is no such thing as a good clutch hitter.
I don't understand
There is no such thing as a good clutch hitter

hitters are equally likely to get a hit in RISP situations as they are in any other situation

Seems pretty cut and dried to me.
All the great statheads have puzzled and puzzled over this

And they generally conclude that, although clutch hitting may very well exist, no one’s found a way to reliably quantify it statistically yet. So right now, saying someone is clutch or not clutch is almost purely subjective, which is a huge problem for evaluating what really wins ballgames.

The concept of "clutch" is imaginary
Well it is absolutely impossible to argue with rock-solid evidence like that.
I'm glad you came around to the logic so quickly!
Well that's based on a lot of solid evidence right there.
Are you saying you haven't noticed that Johjima grounds into tons of double plays?
He's only grounded into 1 this season
I'm saying that GIDPs are no more predictive than GB% and that Kenji is a better hitter than Endy.

Pinch hitting with a hitter worse than the one you’re taking out is insanity.

Interesting - I'd say they're about the same right now.

Fangraphs’ projections average about ~.305 wOBA for each hitter. Unless you think Joh’s true talent is closer to 2006-2007 that people are generally giving him credit for, I’d say it’s a wash at the moment (or platoon). What say you?

I say that Johjima is a better hitter than Endy based on the fact that Johjima's season last year was absurdly unlucky.
May be worthwhile to get Endy in there with a RHP on the hill and to get some speed on the bases

but that’s about all I can think of

I suppose I'm in the minority at LL but I don't really base what I say on these statistics because I'm not familiar with them

It was just an opinion – I feel more comfortable with Endy up than Johjima

If you're going to make statements like that here you've got to be able to back them up when challenged.

Not trying to be a jerk, that’s just the nature of the beast.

It was strictly an opinion so all I can back it up with is how I feel about it

And holy fuck I was wrong about Kenji

And hey, look at that.
God going retard
That's a perfectly acceptable opinion.

“Kenji gives me the willies” is fine. What will get jumped on are declarative statements like the ones you started with about rally killing without any real logic or proof.

Ok - I'm still fairly new here by the way

My apologies

And pinch hitting carries a huge, huge penalty with it.

It’s almost never the right call to pinch hit.

WRONG BITCH!
Indeed I was, but who could have predicted that
That was a whole hell of a lot more likely to happen with Kenji than Endy

which is the point I was trying to make.

I'll just be the first to say - if they score this inning this game is over
Really going out on a limb there.
Why was Branyan playing that far off the line? jeebus
Orlando Cabrera's swings are rather dramatic
Damnit I forgot these Sunday games generally start earlier.

I see we’re in the midst of yet another one run game.

Sit down!

Kelley is the man.

We need a rally!

LETS FUCKING GO MARINERS!

BRING ON THE BATS!

IT WORKED FUCK YEAH
Just not when SB posts it.

My pup only listens to me apparently.

Bless this dog.
RALLY PUPPY STRIKES

RALLY PUPPY RALLY PUPPY WEEEEEEEEEEE

This dog must be some kind of magical counter to Scrappy
Russ Springer closing for the A's?

We have a chance.

Devine is sick.
Err, Ziegler.
Now it makes sense.
If this goes to extras, I am going to get food.
Don't worry, you'll be able to get food here in about 5 minutes

And you won’t even miss any of the ‘game’

Fucking hell
Damn you O-Cab.
God fucking dammnit, I wish they had Yuni instead of Cabrera
MORE HITTING
OH FUCK YEAH JOHJIMA
fuck yeah bitches
JOHJIMA!!!!
KENJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES

PINCH HIT FOR THAT BITCHES

HOW ABOUT JOH!!!!!!!!!
Joh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did not see that coming
OOOHGHHHHHHF H HF?KENJI!!!!!!!!!
KENJI FUNK BLAST

THATS WHY WE DON’T HIT ENDY!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUSS SPRINGER CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!

AIIIIIIR JOHJIMA
AAUUUUUUU DAMN!!!!!!!
POWER PITCH FUNK BLAST
SUCH A FUCKING RALLY KILLER!
HOLY CRAP! KENJI!

I NEVER WANT TO SEE ROB JOHNSON AGAIN!

HOLY FUCK I FELL ASLEEP AND WOKE UP JUST IN TIME FOR HIM TO DO THAT!
HOLY SHIT KENJI THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
JOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING NO CLUTCH HERE
WOOO I TUNED IN AT THE RIGHT TIME
BUNT!!!!!!!
WAK BALL WAK BALL WAK BALL HAHAHAHAHA
WAK BALL BITCHES!
BUNT!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

BUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gutz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy fuck, the momentum has shifted rather nicely
Momentum?

REC'D FOR APPROPRIATE TIME TO USE
This is horrifying.

And therefore must be rec’d.

AHAHAHAHA GUTIERREZ BUNT
PINCH HIT NOW PLEASE
Wak ball in the 9th!
And I can confidently say that none of us expected that at all.
Here comes a GDIP.
See what happens when you take our Rob Johnson?!
GUTIERREZ IS A FUCKING AMAZING BASEBALL PLAYER FOR A PORN STAR
Wow, really?
WHAT A BUNT!!!
Fuck Rob Johnson.
Great

I went to LAST night’s game.
I think baseball is trying to break up with me…

You know what? I even have faith that Yuni won't GIDP here.
Sex-in-Mid-Air is now "Sex-up-the-first-base-line"
Betancourt :(
Ichiro on deck...

no bunt?

Is that a higher win expectency move?

Or is that a higher Wak expectancy move?

Debatable higher WE move.
Yuni says suck it.
THAT IS A BALL YOU FUCKFACE
Betancourt's a slasher?

That’s news

Why do you think he had to leave Cuba?
.

Jesus Christ you are fast.
Kind of a cheat honestly.

I already had the butcher knife and the apron cut out for an unrelated project. I just slapped them on Yuni when I saw this comment.

Strange strange man
That was quick
More like a butcher.

Which is equally apt.

Yuni is a walking facepalm.
Why no PH?
I FUCKING LOVE THIS TEAM
JUST STRIKE OUT YUNI

Leave the heavy lifting to Ichiro.

C'mon Big Top
Yuni is a such a slasher
YUNIYUNIYUNI
That was unexpected.
Holy cow, even Yuni got a hit!
BETANCOURT!
Is it shitty Mariner redemption day?!
The Dodgers are winning a game in which

Manny, Furcal and Martin didn’t start and Juan Castro, Juan Pierre, Chad Billingsley and Brad Ausmus all have hits.

I say today is shitty player redemption day.

THAT'S OUR BOY!
YES YES YES
Yuni bats better than Beltre - ease up folks
LOVING THE W/E CHART
I TOTALLY PREFER THAT TO MY PROPOSED STRIKEOUT
DO IT ICHIRO
Wow, Wak pushes all the right buttons. If I were manager

Johjima and Yuni never get to hit in this inning

Well this is fun suddenly.
I can't believe how many games lately have come down to the last few outs.
I WANT AN ICHIRO WALKOFF TO SEE HOW HE REACTS TO THE MOB
He would out run them.
They would not dare mob him.
NINJA SMOKESCREEN THEN VANISH
Truly if we ever needed that Ichi-blast, this would be it.
We needed the blast last night.

Any sort of base hit would suffice here.

NOOOO ICHIRO

Up to Lopie

WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
Lopez v. Springer rematch
Wow, Russ Spring strikes him out
Lets go Lopez!
End it here! I gotta jetsoon!
Well that wasn't a good swing

Lopez-Springer rematch

Well that wasn't a good swing.
Well that sucked

Shut up all them idiot kids though

"Suck it kids!" -Springer
Goddammit Jose.
DO IT AGAIN!
Well that was faster
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, Springer wins round 2
And extras.
Well, that wasn't a 14 pitch at bat.
Holy shit this is a good time to join the thread
The more likely and more predictable outcome this time!
Good thing we just pumped through the top of the order.
So much for that, crap.

Extra inning time.

FUCK YOU LOAFIE
Now our bullpen will blow up! YAY!
Shut up
Yeah seriously shut up. Do NOT jinx this.
This is 2009

I hope our bullpen realizes this as well

Extras!
WE DID IT LAWD ALMIGHTY WE DID IT
Let's face it

Russ Springer completed dominated Ichiro

He fooled him on one pitch.

That’s hardly a Pacquiao-esque domination.

Good God MLB.tv NICE FUCKING TIME TO DIE
I'm okay with this: it puts Branyan in position for the game-winning 3 run home run
Boy, it sure is interesting how quickly tides can change here.

A few nights ago, we wanted to fellate Jose Lopez.

Now, we wish him dead.

The nature of GTE

I still want relations to occur between us.

Who is left in the pen?
Aardsma, Vargas, Batista
Well at least Vargas and Batista

have the stamina to go several innings if necessary…

Because multiple innings of Batista is the best possible outcome
Unless I missed something terrible yesterday, Batista just isn't that terrible.
Vargas, Batista and Aardsma
Has Vargas been in yet?
Late, but in reverse alphabetical order

can’t decide if that makes it better or not

Batista, Aardsma and Vargas.
Aardsma and Batista?

Batista really, since Aardsma must be gassed from last night.

Forgot about Vargas
I wanted more Kelley. He's the only guy I trust
Vargas is the only lefty in the pen.
Aumont
Silva has some energy left
That was very unexpected. Springer is terrible.

Two of our most hapless hitters humiliate him with line drives. Then he strikes out our best hitter, and gets our most clutch hitter to hit a wimpy little groundout

AAAAAAAARRGGGH

AAAAAAAAAAAARRDSMA

I guess I'm not going to make it to the gym before 5 tonight.

Let’s go Mariner. Best team in baseball history.

I'm a little pissed at the fans at this game.

Bottom of the ninth, your team just tied the game with a homerun and is threatening to win the game with a base hit… and you can’t get off your ass and cheer?

You're just noticing that this is a trend?
No.

I guess it’s just hard to believe that they’re still so lackadaisical. If I were there, I’d be without a voice right now.

Safeco crowds are tame.

Just the way it is. If the Mariners keep winning they’ll get louder.

Sunday day crowd. Little league game.
I agree.

I am cheering my heart out here in solitary confinement at the Mariner Mental Case Hospital.

This is why we deserve the shit teams we've had

We have terrible fans. There are a few guys like us, and then the masses who suck.

This is total, utter bullshit.
I wouldn't say we have terrible fans, but they could stand to be a little more excitable.
Completely wrong.
I remember some pretty fucking crazy crowds back at the Kingdome

The team hasn’t been good for a while, give it some time and I think the masses will come around.

Lets go Aardsma!
Guys I think Aardsma is a flyball pitcher
WE perfectly captures how I feel that we needed to win it there in the 9th.

Coming back from a huge hole in mere minutes. Instead, hopes climbing back.

I feel like we deserve this one after what happened yesterday
I'm calling a Beltre walk-off
Russel Branyan walk-off, you mean.
Alert all outfielders!
Good thing the ballpark is large and expansive
Bahahaha

that defensive sub backfired. Cust for Davis against a righty

I feel so blessed.

Miss the first 8 1/2 innings through forgetfulness and I still get to hear the game! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

You know what would be neat. If Matt Holliday made a goodwill-ambassador visit to Phnom Penh

So that someone can write the headline “Holliday In Cambodia.”

I guess
Trust me, it would be totally sweet.
Has every M's vs A's game this year, been a 1 run result?
We won 8-5 in the first series
I hate it when biased jerks write about how good Adam Jones is

http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/adam-jones-emergence

THAT WAS A WAR CRIME
Let's waterboard the ump
That's also a war crime.
WHERE THE FUCK WAS THAT UMP!?
How the fuck is that not a strike?? That's right down the middle
The Casino tracker agrees.
WHAT THE FUCK???
Fuck the heck?
Interesting use of the word.
firejoemorgan.com
So that was the worst missed call ever
THAT WAS RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE!!
K

Now lets kick ass

K! MOTHERFUCKER!
GOT HIM ANYWAY
What the fuck you shit faced ump
WHERE THE FUCK WAS THAT BLUE?
THAT'S RIGHT THAT WAS A STRIKEOUT
Wow.

Was that as blatant a fuckup as gameday says it is?

It sure was.

That was the worst call all year.

Maybe even worse.
The Baseball/Mariner Gods are shining on Mr. Aadrsmavark.
He thought it was low
It took two strike threes, but he did it well.
Also: wow, David Aardsma
Fuck you, Davis.
GOD DAMN YOU SLAM DICK THAT WAS A FUCKING STRIKE LICK THE F5 OF MY SCROTUM
You spelled skrotum wrong
*insert usual witty comment by Robert*
*insert Fett mentioning how he hung out with Felix*
*insert :(*
*insert 100+ rec .gif*
Stop inserting things. It's distracting.
That's what royalcurve said!
You're not even trying anymore
Weeee mlb.tv is at least a minute behind
If you are using NexDef, you will always be behind.
Not using nextdef
It must be your connection

I’m fine

I'm on a non-Nextdef lab computer

And I’m six or seven seconds ahead of GAMEDAY with the video feed.

Well I am not behind.
Yeah MLB.tv has been troublesome lately

Somebody here can explain it more.

MLB.tv thinks it's the ninth inning for me
Suck on that one, GO AARDSMA!
And it's one two three ... four strikes your out at the old ball game.
What is the WE at the beginning of an inning in extra-innings?

It looks like fangraphs puts it at 50%, but that doesn’t make sense to me given that th ehome team has a chance to score if the visitors score first.

Um.

Yes, it’s 50%.

So there's not advantage to the home team in terms of WE?
At the start of innings, no.
Fangraphs puts us at 64% right now
Someone like Rajai Davis should not need to be struck out twice.

In fact, Rajai Davis should probably just come to the plate with two strikes on him already, to save time.

Sweeney runs funny
The thread grows mysteriously quiet as the Mariner approaches the place.
I'm concentrating.
only as quiet as most of our bats
I've needed two hands free for other activities after Johjima's homer
Like what activities?

It almost sounds like you are being ambiguous on purpose

You have to hold the glass while you put ice cubes in it
Definitely some Mariner Masturbation.
I'm focusing my mental power on pushing AB or Russell into hitting a jack
Incredibly, MLB.tv thinks Yuni is up in the ninth inning
Only for you, bucko. Only for you
He got a hit and so it broke.
mlb.tv

exploded for me.

Batista is warming up, probably for the better
Sweeney has an ugly swing.
But his wife is from Tacoma!
Come on Fagdrian Fagtre try not to hit the ball all faggylike
Ah, that was a funny swing Mike
BATISTA WARMING UP!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on Beltre!
Any day now Adrian
Oh God Batista's gonna pitch the 11th - Score please!
Yahoo Sports also appears to believe the game ended in a 4-4 tie
Maybe they think this is an all-star game
Definitely looks like one doesn't it? BEAUTIFUL GAME.
Id take that result
Batista warming up

END IT END IT END IT END IT END IT

So 2 guys got their 1st HR of the year today...

Let’s make it 3.

Hooray for Gio Gonzalez
Russell Branyan is going to win this game for us.
Ugh - just off the outside corner isn't a good pitch to swing at 3-0
Ball four.

Ball five.

Someone needs to insert bone spurs back into his ankles.
I think five was a strike.
3-0, can't even hit the ball
Good gravy, Adrian

Stop being a retard for a few seconds

Damn it Beltre stop swinging at junk
The umpire called something entirely within the zone a ball

I can’t say I blame him for swinging at anything within 5 feet of the plate.

Hi, what did I miss?
Kenji hit a jack in the 9th inning to tie the game.
Also, David Aardsma was pretty sweet in the top of the 10th.
Yup..struck out Davis twice!
Rally puppy strikes again.
Yuniesky Beltrecourt
Watch your mouth
Clap Clap Clap

Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap

Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap

Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap

One of these pitches has been in the zone.
God dammit
I THINK HE'S PITCHING YOU OUTSIDE
AWAY, AWAYAWAYAWAY

AAAWWAAAAAAAY, AAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Hey that last one was a strike!
JESUS ADRIAN
Lopez Friday night repeat, please!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh wow a single!
Oh shit it paid off
BROKE THROUGH
FOUL FOUL FOUL

FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL FOUL

Well that's just like walking!
Better for his batting average
FORTUNE SMILES UPON YAYDRIAN
BELTREEEEEEEE SINGLEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Dave Sims: It's got eyes!

Way to go Beltre!

That was the least deserving hit in the history of hitting.
Glorious.

I love that he fucked up that much, fought back and got a hit.

Beltre says

“Walks are for pussys”

Just like orange vests.
BRAAAAAANNNNNYAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!
IT'S A JOSE LOPEZ SPECIAL
Branyan

be our god again

GODDAMN

DON’T CLAP IT ONLY ENCOURAGES THEM TO SWING MORE

Don't fail me, Russell.
The Beast walks to the plate.
What a hit Beltre ... more dramatic way to get the same result
That AB was Bloomquistesque

Grinderiffic.

Except Bloomquist hits for more power than Adrian.
Bloomquist has a homerun this year!
COME ON MUSCLE
It's either a homer, or a sombrero here.
Or a third thing
Shhh...we don't talk about those things
Get on your fucking feet, you bums!
I believe in Russell Branyan.
STOP SWINGING AT PITCHES NOT STRIKES PLEASE
Launch me to happy Sex Cannon
If we just didn't swing I'm pretty sure he would walk in the winning run
Branyan, listen to me for a second.

We need you. Please.

The intervention fails.
I normally never resort to that :(

I hate that it failed

DAMMIT!

Thought he did it again.

So much for that.
Gio has a big ass curve.

Too bad he doesn’t throw strikes

NOT ENOUGH EXTRAS LETS TAKE THIS FUCKER TO THE 20TH INNING WHERE MAGIC HAPPENS
Ahhh, youth.

By the 20th inning I would be near death.

19th

not 20th

wHAT WHY NOT
I stand by my capitalization
Mike Cameron, fool.
A new day a new way jackass
I don 't think he was born yet.
Well that pitch should have induced something far different.
We're boned
Oh god

Wlad.

Wlad has been hitting pretty well as of late
Not this inning!

Although, to be fair, I glanced casually at gameday and mistook Beltre’s line for Wlad’s; hence, this post.

It's going to be fun in a few years, when Zdurenciek assembles

a whole roster of Branyans. Big power, OBP skills, lefties

Note to safeco

if this happens, move the fences in.

Those guys are usually quite expensive
That's the complete opposite of this roster, oddly enough.
Give him time
you speak as if that's a bad thing
Just playing the role of Capt. Obvious.
Wlad makes contact with a breaking ball!
Wlad looks much better this year.
Buhhh
Until that last ridiculous swing
Come on, Wlad.

Time to be a hero.

And there's the Wlad we all know and love.

Here comes Batista.

I can only respond with a deep sigh.
Fuck you Wlad.
Oh god. It's hang on time.

Get out the adult diapers.

Strike out on a ball, sweet.

And Batista is coming in, CRAP.

Batista in

Game fucked

Well fuck my nipples
Or, you know, strike out.

the fuck do I know.

Has it already been mentioned that Crawford got 6 steals today?
I'll just be happy that it's not Silva coming in
But that would mean he's been demoted to the pen.

Silver lining.

There is that
God help us all.
Tits in

Game over, unfortunately

Except for the part where he's been quite good.
Regression?
Nothing about his performance seems unsustainable at this point.
Batista doesn't scare me anymore.
12 pitches, might have gone with Aards to start inning.
Yeah would've made sense with only two pitchers left in the pen
I'm terrified
I already chalked this game up as a loss when we fell back 4-2
Nice job Balentein
Someone hold me
I'll do it.
Ok

That wasn’t as painful as it easily could have been, but we’re going to run out of arms here real quick….someone better hit a bitch pretty soon…

Nice Wlad.
Oh God.... please Batista
Man, that was one shitty-ass pitch
Fans appear to be good and silent, like all good Seattle fans.
Awesome. Don't we have anyone else in the pen?
I think Vargas is it.
Lead off hit, sweet.

Where is Jason Vargas?

Folding towels
Eating pancakes
Verbing plural nouns
That was a wild throw
Why didn't he led Aardsma pitch one more inning
He's our closer, 1 inning max
Ugh, Petit has been brutal this series
Yeah. He's rapidly making his way onto my list.

Once there he’ll be among annoyances such as Mike Napoli and Jack Cust.

Where did the two old ladies behind homeplate go.

I was oddly fixated on them througout the later innings

TMI
What?
Your sexual proclivities are your own damned business.
I was watching sit there silent and emotionless on the Joh homer.

It angered me

They've been waiting in line at the women's restroom since the ninth.
Me too!! They probably died waiting for the M's to lose this game.
This Gregorio dude has been nothing but a fucking pain this series.
Nice! Our WE went up 2% because of their bunt!
How bout throwing strikes?
Strikes anyone?
I think Batista should take longer to decide on what sort of ball he wants to throw, anyone else agree?
YES WE HAVE TO WIN NOW
Thank goodness ....
Holy shit, he got him out
Feel the Mariner Juice FLOWWW through you, Titsta
Courtesy www.miguelbatista.net

ahahahaha this is brilliant
LL Cool J's still got it
IT BURNS
Are you kidding? This picture is constructed of pure awesome
Pure, burning awesome?
What, you think he doesn't have a sense of humor about this?

He’s dressed like a stereotypical gumshoe, tossing a baseball. It’s clearly in goofy fun.

He has Xanadu lights around him.

It hurts me regardless of its intent.

I'm with you sister.
Also, he's holding a fucking bowling ball

Why why why

Wait, nevermind

I was blinded by the lights

Gumshoes do NOT wear crushed velvet purple cap-jackets.
This one does, sonny.
Is this for real?
Of course.

From the best website on the internet.

God I hope so
Wow you aren't kidding either
He looks to cool
So sad and true.
This makes me happy
If he keeps pitching in relief the way he has, he may even earn this pic.
I think this music is what he listens to before he pitches.
God he is creepy
What a terrible website.
I love how white he looks
AHAHAHAHA, a direct quote from his web site:

“In 1992 he made his major-league debut, he has been one of the greatest players in world baseball ever since”

"Dominican by birth, pitcher by profession, poet by vocation"
sums up Miguel Batista’s life in a nutshell. To really understand who he is, you have to dig a little deeper than his fame as a Major League Baseball player, and get to know his human values. You have to immerse yourself in the thousands of pages he has penned as a poet and novelist, revealing his heartfelt passion for the written word."
What the hell is up with the whole native american thing? First the music, then this:

This is the worst thing in the history of mankind.
The only thing that could possibly dull the pain of this is toilet wine.
We have stumbled onto a LL gold mine.
I would like to point out

That that website hasn’t been updated since 2006. Also, I’m surprised that more people on here don’t know it exists…?

Oh, we've mocked it before. It just hasn't been mined at length.
Ha!

OK, got it. Oddly, 2006 is also the last time I remember Batista not sucking like a Dyson…

He was aight in 2007.

At least compared to Dream Weaver.

Or dreamy Rick White!
By the way

Weaver got called up to the Dodgers yesterday!

It’s WEAVER TIME, bitches!

He is Jazz, Poetry, and the Civil Rights Movement all wrapped into one lithe frame of Tits.
Oh my God yes yes yes yes yes
It occurs to me that this site is like what we would be photoshopping anyway without us having to do any work
It's fantastic
Now when Batista is sucking you can cheer for him to find his spirit guide.

So many replies.....
More like Landon Gayell
Batista is pitching circa 2007
Miguel Batista, auditioning for Carlos Silva's rotation spot.
There needs to be an audition?
He got a spot start for me today when Jaku sprained his ankle in warmup on MLB 09

4 innings of work, he was comfortable

He can have it.

Just not on a permanent basis, just until we come up with a better solution. (Olson or Baldwin from Tacoma or RRS when healthy.

NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW
Alrite, you did it Tits!!
Escape! Now lets please win this thing before it gets ugly.
Well, our 7-9 hitters ought to do some damage.

Sigh

We survive Batista once again!
Wow I just learned from his website that Miguel Batista has the same birthday as I do
You should feel honored.

Or…dirty…

Pizza hut delivered the pasta!

OMFGYOUGUYS!!!!!!

WHOA!! How did we GET HERE?!
Pinch hit
Don't we have a pretty good left-handed bat off the bench.

I forget his name.

Power Pitch Power Pitch Power Pitch Power Pitch Power Pitch Power Pitch Power Pitch
Damnation
Make some magic happen, dudes.
ENDT HIS NOW GUTI
I hate the fucking 2-0 pussy pop out
WHOA! He actually composed and is playing his own music for MiguelBatista.net
And he loves Kenny G.

Seriously

As Master Matthew would say:

Use the reply button

MAKE THEM PITCH A LOT OF PITCHES SO THAT THEY RUN OUT OF PITCHERS AND HAVE TO RESORT TO UNUSUAL AND WACKY STRATEGY
Im glad Bailey and Wuertz appear to be fragile like Morrow and can't

work back to back days

A pitching catcher?
Serious Question...

Am I the only one who finds that Qwest commercial with the kid in the tight PJ’s a little unnecessarily creepy?

JI likes it.
He loves it, I think
That's what I heard too.
I really don't enjoy it.
Negative.

It’s been jeered at length here.

Good...

I have to wonder if that director has some kind of an odd fetish going on.

Several questionable scenes, to be sure.
I do not like where this subthread may go
Oakland has a lot of pithcers left

We have 1 non-starter, Vargas….

Vargas can go 7 innings if need be
Zdurencik signed Jerry Owens to minor league deal

by the way

Oh that's who it was I couldn't make out the name on the radio and subsequently forgot about it.

Good pick-up.

I have no idea where he's going to play.

We just got Saunders back in Tacoma.

Tennessee?
He's reporting to Triple-A
Maybe Saunders is being traded.
Why on earth would we trade him?
I hear Carl Crawford is available.
This sounds like a Robert comment
Jack Z...

spends more time on the waiver wire than Silva does at the buffet table.

LOLZ WHAT A FATTY
One of these days I'm going to break down and use "amirite" but it's not going to be today.
You're confusing people...
Carlos Silva is so fat, he ruined fat jokes on a popular Mariners blog
Detect-O-Vision?
he is awesome bench player in baseballl mogul
Nice job Franky!

Good eye…

SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING

SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING SWING

Don't forget the taking of strikes
This guy has exactly 1 pitch,

A 4-seamer, that’s it….

Can we not bat Gutierrez 8th anymore?
We've been doing OK as long as I let this delightful Native American music play from Titsta's website.

Truly a good luck charm of some sort.

Nevermind MUSIC OFF.
MOVE HIM OVER YUNI!

So Ichiro can end this!

Well that was unlucky
GREAT JOB YUNI!
GREAT JOB YUNI!
Nice work Yuni!
How predictable was that?
Yuni In!

Soul Crushed!

Yuni sucks.
Do we have a pitcher available

who can pinch hit for Yuni?

DANG IT YUNI!
Well, that was well struck and down the line.

That’s a double if they aren’t playing doubles defense.

Well if we can hold them in the 12th - top of the order next inning
Even if we give up 20 runs, Ichiro will still lead off.

But I like your idea better.

Sorry.

That was just sorry.

I admire your courage, sir, delving into the essence of Yuni.

But remember: “if you stare into the Abyss long enough, the Abyss stares back.” Be careful.

Yuni grounds into a double play?

WE GO TO THE TWELFTH!
Yuni, Silva just pulled up in the bus, you and Johnson get on it.

You’re all going to Tacoma.

MLBTV IS BACK
Ive had it the whole time
Ain't radio glorious?

Just like the 30s

Maybe we can send Yuni to the Royals

I mean, the did snag Willie. Then again Bloomquist is actually doing pretty well so far …

SIT THE FUCK DOWN ASS HOLE
Woooooooo!
Wow, Miguel Batista is impressing me.
That almost makes this feel more ominous.
I don't imagine it takes much

Miguel Batista not allowing a walk in an inning would impress a lot of people

That's over...
And then of course he goes three straight balls to Jack friggin' Hannahan
Four pitch walk? Eep.
Batista is a MUCH Better reliever than starter...
Jack Zduriencik likes the way you think!
So is Phillipe Aumont!
I'm very glad Giambi and Cust are no longer in this game
These two offenses could be here for days
Boy, it's a good thing that Geren removed Cust and Giambi for Jack Hannahan and Rajai Davis.
Jack Hannahan has an OBP of 1.000 in this game
YOU WALKED TO GET TO MATT???
Sweet, walking Hannahan for Holliday.
That was retarded.
Okay, so that wasn't very impressive right there.
It's basically each team waiting for the 2-3 somewhat talented hitters

in each lineup to do something.

Yeah walking Hannahan to get to Holliday isn't the best move
4 pitch walk!

Back in the Batista comfort zone!

And he walked him on 4....

Oh well…

What are they chanting...is it pro-Oakland?

Strike them down Safeco chattel!

Watch he's now going to destroy Matt Holliday
He got him to swing on two absolutely terrible pitcher's pitches.

Holliday is probably pressing because he’s 0-for-5 (now 6), but still….well done.

That strike one was reasonably nasty.
THROW THE FUCKING BALL
YES! Now they don't have any good hitters for 2 more innings
MIGUEL BATISTA FOR THE STARTING ROTATION UNTIL RR-S GETS BACK
His pipeflute playing has bewitched you.
Way to go, Tits. Two scoreless from our $10 million dollar long man!
0 is Oakland' s favorite number today....

no runs on no hits and no mariner errors, 1 left….

Alrite, their one good hitter is now eliminated. That should buy

us another 2-3 innings

Kurt Suzuki has been mashing the ball against us
Somewhat ironically, we are virtually out of relievers
Time to add to our list!
Whoohoo. Lets end this before it gets back to Suzuki + Petit please.
Strategic thinking by Batista there to get rid of Matt Holliday in a low leverage situation.
I NEED TO WRITE A MINOR LEAGUE REPORT PLEASE WIN NOW
Plus laundry.
LL LJ
To be fair I have no clue.
Other people don't know that.
I have to be even-handed.
I wouldn't worry too much; nobody reads these anyway.
Oh they do.

I got my “warning” earlier. No dirty talk.

What the goddamned fuck are your talking about
My you're impassioned.
I was simply pointing out that dirty words are a-ok
Nothing wrong with bad language, we just don't want to hear about your bowel movements
Well that certainly saves me a lot of work

Thanks!

Always happy to help out.
Offense?

Time to do things, offense.

They should put Silva's money and Batista's in a pile and make them fight to the death over it.
Rally Jig!
These Neihaus Mariner inspirational commercials are hit or miss.

Sometimes I feel inspired to lose money at Safeco. Other times I just pine for hilarious Edgar/Buhner commercials ca. 1998.

RALLY PUPPY

IT ALMOST WORKED
You should not be allowed to post this.
There's still time!
THIS IS ADORABLE AND HELPS CALM MY GTE ANGER
I still can't believe Johjima hit a home run
STOP MAKING IT SOUND EXCITING
He must be wearing Dave's glasses or something.
That's better than a fly ball some A's player hit in the late innings (10th? 9th?)

In which Rick helpfully described Gut’s actions as “back to the track, to the wall, looks up…and catches the ball.”

GOD DAMN SO CLOSE ICHIRO
I wish we could interchange contracts and get rid of Silva when sexypants comes back.
FUCK THAT..I HATE OUR BALLPARK!
That wouldn't have been out in most parks.
Ah, fuck this ballpark
THIS GAME IS GOING TO GO FOREVER.
I wonder if they'll sell tickets to the game tomorrow morning.
Dang, that was close...
Apparently a competition to hit the same "almost there" distance.
That foul ball may be the farthest Jose has ever hit a ball to the opposite field
Fuck you Holliday
Cmon Sweeney
Stop trying to hit home runs
Dammit, we're going into the 13th, guys.

It’s inevitable.

And our at bats get worse and worse as the game moves on
The Sweenster! We are looking for a hero indeed.
Sweet son of sam
GOD DAMN IT CABRERA
Lucky 13....
Fuck Orlando Cabrera
Five pitch inning
That was amazing.
13th INNING GO
Ok, guys

Wrap this shit up. Seriously. I have a hair appointment pretty soon, and this is getting dumb….

Gettin' your hair did?
I am getting my hurr did, as a matter of fact

It sucks right now…but I don’t want to go until this game is over. Bah!

Great play

But it sucks….

I hate Cabrera.
I would want to molest him if he played for the Mariners
The good kind of molestation
This is going to be a shitty game to lose.
Approaching four hour game time....
So who's throw day is it?

Erik Bedard?

"who's?"

seriously? And it would be Bedard or Silva

Haha, we got a starter in Vargas sitting down there. That dude can go 100 pitches

if necessary

At least Batista and Vargas are capable of pitching multiple innings.
The "I already gave you extra minutes" mom scares me.
What is it with us and catchers
Or plays involving them
WHAT THE HELL KENJI? AND WHAT THE FUCK YUNI WHERE WERE YOU?
Oops wrong thread.

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