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Lookout Landing

Felix Hernandez, Seattle Mariner

Time to be rational. As rational as one can be under the circumstances, anyway. Which is not very rational.

  • Let us take this opportunity to thank everyone who played a part in bringing Felix to Seattle in the first place. Here are a couple good old P-I articles: Morosi and Andriesen. The key quote?

    "The money was good, and Seattle treated me the best," he said through an interpreter.

    Remember, the Mariners didn't offer Felix the most when he was a teenager. They were outbid. But Felix signed with the organization with whom he had formed the strongest relationship. Thank you to Luis Fuenmayor for noticing Felix at 14. Thank you to Pedro Avila, Bob Engle, and Emilio Carrasquel for both scouting Felix and developing a close relationship with his family. Thank you to Felix Sr. for serving as the younger Felix's advisor. And thank you to Freddy Garcia for unknowingly being Felix's idol at the time that Felix signed. This wouldn't have happened without all the organization's hard work, and it wouldn't have happened without a little good luck.

  • Felix was a bigger deal at 14 than any of us will ever be, ever.

  • Yesterday morning, I watched my favorite hockey team beat the crap out of a close division rival. Yesterday afternoon, I landed an absolute dream job and officially set in motion plans to move to Portland in a few weeks. And yesterday night, news broke of Felix Hernandez signing a long-term contract. I never thought the best day of my life would involve a complete stranger getting seventy-eight million dollars, but here we are.

  • It's funny. Had the Mariners received top prospect Scott Elarton instead of Freddy Garcia in the Randy Johnson trade, then not only would we have wound up with a worse pitcher - we may never have been able to land the King. In a weird way, the Randy Johnson trade is kind of one of the best moves the team's ever made.

  • So now we can all breathe easy. At the start of the offseason, I was cautiously optimistic. Then that dropped. Then, about a month ago, I started to get really good vibes. And now it's all set. In all honesty, by yesterday a Felix extension seemed more a question of When than If. But all along there was always that little shred of nightmare potential, and so to get this sewed up...I didn't think a Felix contract would make me this happy. Not in a million years. I could run a naked marathon.

  • I would not be the least bit concerned about how the negotiations went. That $45m/4yr offer that broke a while back, for example - that was just a starting point. Today, Baker mentions that the M's wanted four years and Felix wanted six. It'd be easy to read that and think, "What? They only wanted four years?" But, for one thing, there aren't any details included. Could've easily wanted four guaranteed years with fifth- and maybe sixth-year options. And for another, this is how you negotiate. If Felix wants six and you're comfortable with five, you offer four and meet in the middle. You don't just cave to the other party's demands. Even when it's Felix. If you start with five, you run the risk of hitting an impasse - "If you can do five, what's the risk of one more year?" Go with four and there's an obvious compromise. I urge everyone to give the front office the benefit of the doubt, here. At the end of the day, they got their man locked up.

  • There's been a little bit of disappointment among fans that there isn't a sixth year. I get it. This is Felix. I would've done six, too. But remember that, historically, long-term pitcher contracts haven't worked out very well. When pitchers are involved, it's hard enough to predict what's going to happen one year down the road, nevermind a half-dozen. I would say that this five-year contract is the absolute ideal. It's both long enough to keep Felix around for a while, and short enough to reduce the odds of an albatross. A sixth-year option would've been cool, but you can't ask the world to be perfect, and we already live in a reality in which Felix Hernandez is a Seattle Mariner through October 2014.

  • When people would ask him about his future in recent months, Felix would sarcastically repond with statements like "ask the Mariners" or jokes about how he was being traded to Boston. Now that's all out the window. In 2010, we get to watch Felix Hernandez pitch stress-free. Make no mistake: he is happy to be here. He wouldn't have been open to an extension if he weren't. He is happy to be here, and before long the Mariners are going to give him a taste of the playoffs.

  • In the past, I have expressed concern that the front office wasn't going about handling the Felix situation in the right way. I take it all back.

  • Dear Boston and New York,

    Yeah, there's a team way over here. I know, right?

    Sincerely,

    The Team With More Felix Hernandezes Than You

  • I don't even...seriously. Seriously? In 2008, the Mariners paid about $51m for Richie Sexson, Jose Vidro, Carlos Silva, Jarrod Washburn, and Miguel Batista. Now our long-term contracts belong to Felix Hernandez, Franklin Gutierrez, Ichiro, Milton Bradley, Chone Figgins, Jack Wilson, and Dustin Ackley. I think that means we're doing better.

8 recs  |  597 comments

Comments

Bob Engle is so awesome.

I don’t think he gets the recognition he deserves.

Suddenly all eyes turn to this El Salvadorian
Salvadoran, I think.
Maybe he can be El Salvador of the franchise's pitching prospect problem
Why would you want to salve a door?
Somebody slammed it
Truly.

It’s hard to comment on all of the things he really had his hands on, because he’s only listed as the signing scout with so many guys, but it seems like every year we have someone break through to become a legit prospect in the organization despite being a relatively low-dollar signing that no one thought much of at the time. Michael Pineda is the example I’m thinking of at the moment, mainly because I’m not sure exactly how good Erasmo Ramirez (actually an Engle signing) is quite yet.

Now we just need Jeanne Zelasko to ask Felix about signing with Boston next winter
Dream job?

What are you doing in Portland?

I'd prefer to keep that off the website
But I can't communicate with you without the website.

Because you don’t exist – You’re a blog.

But seriously congrats - I may actually get to meet you.
You're going to work for Voodoo Donuts?
A real dream job would be Voodoo Donuts working for me
I'd be huge if I lived in Portland

Seattle has great food. But boy do I love Portland. Whiffie’s Fried Pies, Pine State Biscuits, Bunk Sandwiches… I’m getting hungry right now and I just ate lunch!

Pine State is so good it makes me want to kill people.
I thought it was just the line that made me want to kill!
I have yet to eat at Pine State because I don't want to wait in those weekend lines

but I hear it’s amazing.

I could so make love to a reggie deluxe right now
Welcome to in market games

and the city with the highest tiity bar per capita ratio

Damn.

I finally delurk myself and look forward to watching the M’s smacking down our MLBapprovedhatednaturalrival Padres with the LL gang… And the gang leaves town. At least the weather is prepping you for Portland today!

Also, FELIX!!!!

June 11-13th?

May fly down for that.

While awesome, Jeff is only one of the LL SoCalers.
I leave my responsibilities to Teej
When he yells at Griffey, it won't be a hate crime.
Man, I thought I'd at least get a share of it

or Chinn

Affirmative action right here
Got it, boss.
True.

But it’s never too early to get you guys fighting over who gets to run the show down here, now is it?

Daddy's still here

Go play outside.

Awww! Cmon!

I was hoping to see a three way cage match between Teej, abender, and seattlebruin.

We will gang up on Teej but then Teej will just call his gangbanger friends and destroy us
You realize you can't summon the vampires in real life, right?
That is one diverse cage match
It's pretty simple. Once a year, you e-mail everyone and tell them to meet at Bondi Bar in the Gaslamp Quarter.
This is why Teej is the new leader
I let y'all know about the M's-Padres brewfest at Hamiltons last year, but noooooo....

~cries

It was in the middle of a weekday!
I was in the Bahamas!
Your feeble excuses are not accepted
It was during a workweek, I lived in LA, and 25% of my brain was in the Bahamas.
Can you just give us the address?
612 Wharf Avenue.
Right next to the gentlemen's club?
Ahahaha,

Win.

I think you mean wprf
Shit what is that from again?
I Need Candy!
One of my favorites.
If you get a chance to see him live do it.

He puts on a killer show

Do it for da shorteez
All I want to know is how your new job effects your time dedicated here?

I imagine you won’t have as much time to devote to your work here.

Congratulations on the dream job. Not many people get to do it.

It will in no way have a negative effect on my work here
I'm guessing that you are going to be an announcer for a Portland strip club
Most. Thankless. Job. Ever.

Strip clubs have announcers?

That was my question
WEIGHING IN AT AN EVEN 115 LBS, FROM SPEARMINT RHINO, CINNNNNAAAAAMONNNNNN.
Only the cheesiest ones.

Avoid.

HEYYyyAtshasheenthiFLAmmserbrahccccccrrrrrYYYSSSTAAAALLL!!!!
It's always an Australian accent isn't it? Or am I wrong about this
I don't think so. I've never been able to understand it.
Things that may surprise you about the PDX

Portland is low on:
- Black people (unless you’re in North Portland)
- Sunshine
- Fake boobs
- Liquor stores
- Angels fans

Portland has a surplus of:
- Asians
- Rain
- Hairy legs
- Brew pubs
- Antipathy about pro sports

I live in North Portland and it's about .000001% more black than the rest of the city

This is seriously the whitest big city I’ve ever seen in my life.

So you're saying Jeff is going to love it there?
My burb is often referred to as Lake No-Negro (instead of Oswego)

When I lived in St. Johns it seemed there were a lot more black people than the rest of Portland, but that was 10 years ago.

Saying "there are a lot more black people than the rest of Portland"

isn’t saying much.

Fair enough.

I’ve often wondered if the Portland Trailblazers organization account for a noticeable percentage of the black people in Portland. By noticeable, I mean more than 0.1%

Never been to Salt Lake City, huh?
There's not a large black population, but SLC has a surprisingly large non Caucasian population
Yes, the hispanic community is pretty large.
Mormons are like black people

No, wait, they’re like the opposite of black people.

A black guy helped us park once outside of a bar
You should have said that to Metsgrrl
Growing a beard and buying a bicycle, for starters.

He also needs more ironic t-shirts.

Putting a "Keep Portland Weird" sticker on the back of his bald head.
I hope he likes being nude in public.
congrats Jeff on the dream job

whatever it may be

Becoming my mortal enemy
This is the greatest day ever.

I don’t even mind being hungover. 5 more years of Felix!

My favorite quote from that post:
In 2008, the Mariners paid about $51m for Richie Sexson, Jose Vidro, Carlos Silva, Jarrod Washburn, and Miguel Batista. Now our long-term contracts belong to Felix Hernandez, Franklin Gutierrez, Ichiro, Chone Figgins, Jack Wilson, and Dustin Ackley. I think that means we’re doing better.

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

I honestly got a little choked up reading this.

The turnaround has been so fast and so thorough that it boggles the mind. . . but somehow Jeff summed it all up in one sentence. Kudos.

Agree!

We’ve come so far.

Bradley too!
Whoopsadoodle
Aw you know I think the world of you
Arent there only 2 years left on his deal?

That wouldnt count as a long term would it?

Wilson's also has 2 years left.
YAY FELIX!

Also, congrats on the job, Jeff. Good news for you.

This all goes back to the Langston trade.
I think that one gif needs updating

You know the one I speak of

I remember being so upset by the Langston trade

But how was I to know that we would get Felix from the trade.

Gene Harris was the cherry on top.
And Brian Holman's near-perfect game not too bad
Bullshit.

And original Mariner Bill Stein!

Welcome to the Pacific NW.

One step closer to Seattle!

Pacific NW really falls under the same umbrella

Portland-Seattle-Vancouver is basically the same I think.

Not even close
Well, sort of close. I think.
geographically sure

but culturally I find Portland to be vastly different from Seattle, and while I haven’t spent a ton of time in Vancouver recently it’s also pretty different from either Portland or Seattle.

I meant geographically mostly,

but even culturally, I think they’re far more alike than different. I mean, I think Seattle is far more like Vancouver and Portland, than say San Francisco, Billings, LA, Salt Lake, etc.

Which is the point I was getting at.
Whatever differences there are

they all are the same place when compared to say, Nassau County. Trust me.

This is undoubtedly true.
I can't totally put my finger on what makes Portland feel so much different than Seattle for sure

Sometimes I think it feels like you took Seattle and then removed all the rich and poor people, made it a lot whiter and increased the number of people in their 30s.

Portland is a far less aspirational city than Seattle is

People move to Portland because they feel like it’s a place where they can live however they want and not have to join the rat race or always aspire to the bigger house, bigger car, etc. People here are totally cool with their lot in life for the most part and don’t care about much else other than doing their thing their way.

And I say that as a very good thing not a knock
Yeah I think that sounds right
Funny, I was just thinking how I would never aspire to be a regular poster on a famous blog.

Too much stress!

There are neighborhoods in Seattle like that though.

I think of Portland as Seattle if you removed most of the CBD

And Broadmoor, and Magnolia, and Laurelhurst
Nobody likes those people anyways
Yeah, what kind of loser would live in Broadmoor
Somebody that nobody likes I suspect
Broadmoor had covenants

Prohibiting the occupation of any house there "by any Hebrew or by any person of the Ethiopian, Malay or any Asiatic Race" — and that lasted into the ’60s.

The stench of that still clings to the place, and no quantity of golf towels can scrub it off.

And let's go ahead and close this subthread now just in case
This is exactly right, and why I want to end up back in Portland.
Portland is now the setting

For a show on the CW. The CW. I think I’d rather have “Frasier” than “Juno meets the Gilmore Girls” but whatever the case, this officially marks the point at which Portland has been “discovered.” The artists will be leaving shortly, as the city has clearly jumped the shark.

Portland has been the darling of the NYT for about two years now

nobody’s leaving because nobody here cares.

A matter of degrees

Portland is a lot closer to Seattle culturally than, say, Dallas or Knoxville.

Yes, there are significant differences. I don’t think they would be readily apparent to those from outside the PNW.

Portland is where native San Diegans move to completely escape nice weather
Twenty five years from now

Felix Hernandez will be known as the best pitcher who ever lived

Which would suck because that would mean he'll be dead by then.
So

Lackey gets 5 years for 80+ million.

Felix gets 78 million, not counting the incentives.

Pretty good stuff there, Jack Z.

Well, Felix had two years of arbitration

But still, yeah.

Ahh duh.

Good point!

But Felix is also 8 years younger.
And a total cartelua.
More Felix Hernandezes

Than everyone in the league combined.

1. Move to Portland.

2. Go to Pine State.
3. Order the Reggie Deluxe.
4. ?
5. Profit.

The last point sent chills down my spine.

What a great, young, solid core to build around. In my 29 years, I don’t know if I could have dreamt up a better scenario for my hometown team.

Ichiro is 36
Ichiro is ageless

I challenge you to find a 36 year old who enjoys tickling that much*

*-That isn’t loading large bags of candy into his windowless van at Costco

Jesus Christ this is hard to believe.
Yeah, in human years
When 900 years old he'll reach, look as good he will not, hmm?
Its hard to believe he already had a Japanese HOF career before he even got here.

And that he’s already been here 9 years. I’m starting to dread the day he declares that its time for the R-word. Thankfully that will probably be in another decade give or take a year.

In 3 years Bob Engle will sign another young stud

and this kid will want to play for us because his favorite player is felix!

Well there was the signing of the 17 year old El Salvadoran that was reported yesterday.

Let’s see if that will be him.

Here's my question:

How much does the Felix signing have to do with Chavez devaluing the Bolivar by 50% last Friday?

I’m thinking Felix saw everybody freaking out around him, going out and trying to safeguard wealth by buying real assets like TV’s, Washers, Dryers, etc. He sees this crap going on and he thinks “I need to get as much money as I possibly can, and I need to get it now!” Hence the deal.

Thoughts?

Nothing at all

He will be paid in dollars

Maybe we fooled him into taking space cash
This

Athletes that play American sports get paid in American dollars.

He was paid in venazuelan whores
No he wasn't

he was paid in USD.

Of course they do

but he has extended family living in Maracaibo.

Why would Felix take a different amount of money based on the exchange rate in a different country?
The extended family will not be paid at all

they do not play for the Mariners

I'm just sayin

That country is in chaos right now, financially and politically. He provides for his extended family…… I know it’s quite a leap.

Yes, but he provides for them in the American dollars he gets paid in
The point is about timing; if he signed the deal to get something *now* rather than wait it out

That is, would he have signed this deal 2 weeks ago? It’s a counterfactual that no one knows the answer to, but the whole “he’s paid in dollars” thing doesn’t address the original point, or at least what I interpreted the original point was…

Thank you marc

Chavez is also setting exchange rates differently for wealthier people transferring dollars in and out of the country. I think those rates will not be kind to a $80 million man.

Except that the vicissitudes of Venezuelan currency have nothing to do with what he will get from the M's.

Felix knows that and if not his agent does. And as for psychological motivations – needing security now rather than later and so on – this line of questioning cannot lead anywhere.

The vicissitudes of the currency *could* impact his motivation to sign right now.

If you think the line of questioning is meaningless piffle, that’s fine, but again, saying “he’s paid in US dollars” doesn’t exactly shut off that line of questioning – it merely ignores it.

I’m not generally interested in armchair psychology, but when we’re talking about Felix, I’m a bit more, er, open-minded.

Welcome to the NW, Jeff.

As a transplant myself, you will learn to really love living here.

But do watch for people being less outgoing than in other regions.
"Less outgoing" is a polite way to put it.
I plan to nod politely if I see him.
And they were saying the people in the NW aren't outgoing... pshaw!
It's safer than waving.

If you wave and the person doesn’t see you, you just look dumb.

I plan to wolf whistle
THAT'S WHAT THAT'S CALLED
"Conversational minimalists"
"Socially hesitant"
"Interaction-averse"
"Laid-back"
Please stop talking to me.
"In his or her own little world"
That's what the earphones are for.
Because I'm a social butterfly
I think you have to live here to know exactly what I mean.
I'm friends with Matthew
Be ready to play a lot of eye games
And Graham?
Well yes
How about Robert?
Stop
I don't get what this means but see if I offer to kill myself in order to help you get a job promotion again.
You're refering to the 'Seattle Freeze', I'm assuming.
Yes, I had forgotten that term but that's exactly what I mean.

People will be polite to you, but then they do not really make any effort in knowing you or befriending you.

Okay, but to defend Seattle

You are absolutely right that people don’t go out of your way to get to know you, but no one dislikes other people. They just don’t need them around because they are satisfied with the people they already know. I don’t think it’s a conscious effort to not enjoy the company of new people.

That is true. I do not think its intentional

Its just obvious enough that people have coined a term for this.

Absolutely. Visit any other city for a day and the number of non-drunk people that try to talk to you is astounding.

In Seattle it’s so rare that you know there must be something wrong with the person, and you’ll usually be right.

I think people thought there was something wrong with me when I attempted to be outgoing after first moving here.

Now I’ve kind of been beaten into submission to where I conform with this Seattle friendly/unfriendliness.

Well, it's a rightfully deserved defense mechanism now.

As I said, people are not generally outgoing, so if someone is outgoing (thus deviating from the cultural norm) there is a good chance they’re a little funky in the head. And I’d say in like 95% of cases, that’s accurate. The people that are normal have learned to keep to themselves, because it is more common for normal people to follow the social rules of the city.

Don't succumb to it! Everywhere I go I meet interesting people.

Then occasionally certain friends talk about how they never meet anybody interesting. Whenever that point in the conversation comes up I just stare at them.

I totally agree.

Usually I give people the benefit of doubt but most times the conversation starts to take a turn and I begin to reach for my purse to find my pepper spray.

I guess I will avoid you at the next LL event then.
Unless you tell me you want to tie me up and beat the living hell out of me

I assure you the pepper spray will not be needed.

So most of your conversations pertain to you tying you up and beating you up?
This is a conversation that can't go anywhere good.
Depends on the time of the day.
I dislike many other people
Holy crap me too.

But I’m also a massive elitist.

If you lost weight then you'd just be an elitist
6'0, 150.

So I guess I’m a lean elitist?

Well that doesn't sound as cool at all.
A lean, mean elitist machine!
Dude, eat a sandwich
Whereas Graham has no elitist tendencies whatsoever
I said "also."
Ah yes I see that now
I like the people I know, but I am always happy to meet new people. It's harder to do that in Seattle than many other places I've been due to, what seems to me anyway, as a total fear of confrontation with anyone new.
It's not "fear of confrontation with anyone new"

It’s the respect of leaving you the fuck alone. When I go other places I can’t believe how often random strangers seem to think I’m interested in their boring pathetic lives and their stupid ignorant opinions; even worse, they frequently seem to think my life and opinions are going to be somehow interesting to them. It’s called small talk for a reason: it’s all a huge waste of everyone’s time. I’m always so glad to get back to Seattle where I can go out to a restaurant or a bar or a coffee shop and not have to talk to anyone beyond ordering my food or drink.

I prefer to think we aren't fake nice to people just for the sake of being nice

Except when trying to merge onto a freeway. Then NW are obsurdly nice.

That's not nice;

that’s dangerously passive.

Haha, true. Thats a better term

But I bet Jeff’s chances of dying in an accident drop by about 500% since people in California can’t drive worth shit.

So he'll gain 5 lives every time he goes driving?

Life isn’t a video game, son.

It's raining outside!
Bookmark this comment

you can use it every day here between now and June!

It's people up here that don't know how to drive.
Jeff is going to have fun when it snows!
Nobody drives when it snows

well, except for the buses

I was actually driving by this as it happened.

It was somewhat frightening.

I went through there less than 5 minutes before

That was the day I quit my job!

This was two blocks from my place

I talked to a bunch of the kids on both the buses. They were yelling at the driver the whole time the idiot was headed down that street (and the whole time he was wandering around on Capitol Hill, for that matter). The crazy thing was that the second bus had time to see that the first bus was doing something stupid, but he followed him down anyway and knocked him out over the freeway.

Speaking of Portland and snow and driving

They most definitely attempt it, they just don’t succeed.
And Portland gets those lovely Ice Stroms, too.

Maelstroms
I used to play pinball there about 30 years ago.
People in Southern California are bad drivers because they hate you;

People in Oregon are bad drivers because they’re stupid.

There are more bad drivers in Southern California because there are more people in Southern California
Also, lots of Asians
Fucking slanty eyes
This is racist, not racial
But it's funny, so go fuck yourself.
Maybe being in berkeley skews what I see?
It's hard to speed in cars that run on yogurt.
There are so many priuses around here its insane.

If you aren’t driving a prius or riding a bike I’m pretty sure all native Berkeley hippies probably hate you. (or using some other golf cart electric thing)

Oregon is way worse than Washington
I would completely agree with this.
People in Oregon can't handle snow so there's that
People in Oregon can't handle merging at speed either
Well neither can I and it's not so bad
it's bad for those of us that realize highway speed limits are minimums as well as maximums
This is one of my favorite things about Oregon, or...was pre-2002

Is the fact that Speed Limit signs don’t wear the word “Limit.”

The sign has a different connotation without limit, even if the law is the same in practice. “Speed Limit 60” implies that you can’t go faster than 60, but slower is fine, when really it’s not. “Speed 60” implies that 60 is the speed you go to drive on this road, which to me is much better (unless it’s snowing).

Regrettably, a lot of municipalities in Oregon are replacing their “Speed” signs with “Speed Limit” signs since Oregon legalized it in 2002. I wish the reverse was true and the rest of the country would drop the word “Limit” from their speed limit signs

That makes a ton of sense. I would be in favor.
Too often people feel that it is a maximum only

which leads them to trying to self police the roads. Watch out for the people driving 60 in the far left lane trying to control the traffic around them.

These people are the most dangerous people on the roads

I maintain that on freeways, the notion of “Keep Right Except to Pass” is THE MOST important law to follow, without any question at all.

It can be tricky on highly urban freeways, but the left lane should ALWAYS be moving faster than the rest of the flow of traffic, except at very peak rush-hour times

I've been behind people going 55 in the carpool lane before.

If you’re going to 55, what’s the fucking point of using the carpool lane? Seattle can be so annoying.

I've argued with people about this.

Their contention is always that the carpool lane isn’t necessarily a fast lane; it’s merely a lane for multi-person vehicles that just happens to be on the far left end of the road.

They would be incorrect

The SOLE intent of the carpool lane is so that it will move faster than the flow of traffic during rush hour. In which case it’s moving faster than the flow of traffic, and that’s fine

Road designers would be absolutely retarded and completely ignoring every established safety protocol

If they asked slow moving traffic to cut through fast moving traffic to get to their lane

Road designers put onramps/offramps on the left side of the road

so they might be retarded.

Only due to design constraints

And to appease carpool lanes, which has nothing to do with road designers but if I were to explain why it would get political, if that explains why

Yeah I usually understand why they do it

but it totally fucks traffic flow.

They also put a 90 degree right turn ramp off a bridge.

So, yes, they are retarded.

But if it's in rush hour traffic, wouldn't it still be under the speed limit?

Thus proving the people who are driving at 55mph correct?

That's the problem; it has nothing to do with speed limit

It has to do with speed of flow of traffic.

If traffic is moving at 80 MPH in the right lanes, it doesn’t matter if you’re going 60 in the leftmost lane even if it’s the posted speed limit, you’re a danger on the roadway.

If traffic is moving at 10 MPH in the rightmost lanes and 30 MPH in the carpool lane, then the leftmost lane is moving fastest relative to flow of traffic, and that’s not dangerous

Speed limits are an arbitrary design

The actual safety on the roadway accounted for by people designing the roads is that the inner lane should move fastest, no matter what.

You don’t cut through lanes moving faster than you to get to a slower lane. This is applied in every single country in the world, for good reason. Because it works.

Totally agree, by the way. Only playing devil's advocate.

Why doesn’t the law reflect the intent of the people who designed the road?

I can't answer that without getting political

If that answers your question

Also I don't think the original designers of carpool lanes had any concept of the smug douchebag who uses it because he can
That's our Corco!
Fair enough.

Thanks for the discussion.

This is one of the most blatantly untrue statements I have ever read in my entire life
You really think so?

I think everybody I’ve talked to from around the country has agreed CA drivers are some of the worst they’ve seen.

Everyone from around the country doesn't fucking know how to drive

also, drivers in the Bay are much worse than in SoCal

Yeah Berkeley = International Students = asians

I can’t speak for SoCal. Can’t they just cut this state in half already so that I can make broad sweeping statments about where I live that make sense.

Oh further evidence

I just got a car down here and called to get insurance. The guy on the phone chuckled and said I qualified for a good driver discount and said he was surprised since he didn’t see many of those in California so my opinion isn’t totally based on my personal road rage experiences down here.

So instead it's based on an insurance salesman making a sweeping generalization while trying to make small talk?
Haha, I know its stupid

Just confirmed my existing opinions. I’ll try to begin with a fresh mind though now that apparently I might be wrong.

According to an insurance survey in like 2006, drivers in the state of Idaho are the best in the country

I refuse to believe this is true. They’re excellent on snow, but put them in a city and it’s ridiculous. I know 50 year old Idaho natives that are excellent drivers in adverse conditions, but get flustered driving around Boise. Boise!

Insurance Companies and the truth are two separate things.

Obviously this is just my experience,

but Los Angeles is the only city where I’ve experienced more frustrating rush-hour traffic than Boise.

It's because Boise drivers (especially the Canyon County commuters)

all are blissfully unaware that their city is big now and still haven’t figured out how to drive in a larger city

Also, because Boise boomed so quickly, I-84 is a disaster, or at least was a couple years ago. It was just sort of a bypass before, then it suddenly got shoved into primary commuter artery service. They’re working really hard on it right now though, and that should make things better.

There's also a neat mix of driving styles

You have lots of Denver immigrants, who drive really fast and like idiots for no reason, lots of Californian immigrants, who drive really fast but not like idiots, lots of Seattle/Portland immigrants, who, well, drive like pansies, lots of Salt Lake drivers who have no real reason to drive like idiots but do anyway (here in Wyoming, we give Utah, Colorado, and Texas plates lots of extra space when the roads are bad…despite that Utah and Colorado drivers should know how to drive in snow, they remarkably have no idea…Texans obviously get a free pass (they have no reason to know), as would most Washingtonians), and then lots of people who have no clue whatsoever how to drive in a city, which makes it fun!

California drivers are batshit scary if you're not used to them

But drive for 30 minutes in SoCal and it’s not so bad once you realize that they drive really aggressively, but predictably aggressively

I’d say they’re actually pretty good- SoCalers are the best mergers in the country, hands down

I actually do like driving on the freeway in CA

Everybody drives nice and fast. I think people tend to be more focused and like you said, are predictably aggressive.

The key is to not give off any outward signs of impending movement

Where as a typical Seattle lane change might go-

Activate turn signal
Check mirror
Look over your shoulder
Change Lanes

an LA one needs to go
Check mirror
Lean forward in mirror to check your blind spot (if you look over your shoulder it’s clear you intend to change lanes, and then you’re a pussy)
Activate signal
Move car before the guy behind you gets a chance to speed up. Your signal shouldn’t flash more than twice

Also don't move to the edge of the lane before changing lanes- that's a sign of weakness

As long as you don’t hesitate and show no signs of giving a shit about the other cars around you (even if you actually do, and you should, the key is to be subtle) it’s pretty easy

haha, I like it

Yeah I think a typical NW driver probably eases into the lane they are going into for about 2-3 seconds. In comparison, everything else looks like Indy cars.

To be nice to Seattle drivers, I essentially plucked the Seattle method right out of the common driver's education instructions on how to properly perform a lane change
I actually miss driving in Seattle sometimes

On I-25 north of Denver where the average flow of traffic is like 85 and everyone tailgates I actually have to be slightly aggressive, rather than just being slightly aggressive on I-5 for fun to scare Seattle drivers

That said, I think Denver drivers are really bad because they're really agressive but unlike...say...Chicago drivers, there's no predictable function to their aggressiveness
Driving west of Denver was an interesting experience

after going through Wyoming and being the only car on the road sometimes.

I don’t know if Denver drivers are unpredictably aggressive so much as maybe irrationally. When I see cars going ~90 and weaving in between semis that have their flashers on as though it were the most natural thing in the world, even I get a little intimidated.

My main concern is that you'll be going 85 in a line of cars

And then, without hitting any other cars or an interchange, you suddenly find yourself going 55 for no apparent reason.

I’ve never seen drivers with less of a grasp of speed control

But you're right

Where my parents live in Idaho, the primary access is via a windy state highway that follows a river canyon.

 A good chunk of the travelers are from Colorado.

The most common demographic that ends up in the river, dead, are mid-40s Colorado males driving pickup trucks with snowmobile/boat trailers. They simply drive too fast on mountain roads.

I will say that for a couple years I drove a 15 passenger van routinely on the freeways in Tacoma/Seattle

And when you’re driving a large vehicle Seattle drivers really become a lot meaner- they do not want a 15 passenger van in front of them and will step up their agression significantly to prevent you from being allowed in in front of them

Driving I-5 from Tacoma to Seattle in a Chevy Express

is a significantly different and more difficult experience from doing it in a 2002 Jeep Liberty or a 1990 Dodge Colt

I am kind of a dick to people who are so apprehensive and uncertain on the freeway because I feel like they're making the freeway less safe for all of us.
Good
I also find that by doing this they fear that you are someone crazy and thus get out of your way.

If someone does something worthy of a honk in Seattle, always honk. They’ll yield to you. I wouldn’t honk anywhere else I’ve driven though, because I value living.

I'm pretty horn heavy everywhere when people are being dipshits

Ironically, the only time I’ve ever had problems with it was in Tacoma.

One night I was on an onramp to get on Route 16 heading towards I-5, and some dipshit passed me and cut me off on the onramp with about 6 inches to spare. I honked my horn.

I got on 16. This car was in the right, I got in the left as the right was moving too slow for my tastes, then I-5 north, then got off at I-705. As I was on the offramp to I-705, this car appears out of nowhere, passes me, and slams on the brakes. I had to go from 65 to 10 in almost no time, and my brakes squealed.

That mofo was pissed I honked at him

You're in Tacoma

You’re lucky he didn’t shoot your cracka ass

I was quite nervous about that happening, actually
What?

I found the people of Seattle to be off-puttingly friendly.

They’re far more outgoing than Canadians.

God I hate Canadians.

Smug assholes.

Canadians are all afraid of the dark.
Seriously?

I haven’t met a mean Canadian. Not in Vancouver at least.

My boss is canadian.

And my high school basketball team only played canadian teams.

Kiefer Sutherland is Canadian.
I was at the Tulalip outlet mall and an employee at one of the stores was going on to me about how Canadian customers are just the worst.

“So rude!”

That took me by surprise.

From what I've seen

At least half of the Canadian customers at the Tulalip outlet mall are Vancouver Chinese. The men go to the casino while the wives shop. I’m not saying that correlates to rudeness; I’m saying the sample at the Tulalip outlet mall is not representative.

I think he was quoting someone who was using Canadians as a code word for black people
No, it's Hispanics

Damn frostbacks.

As a native of Seattle and current resident

I’d have to say we’re friendly and pretty chill but as far as making friends, all of mine are from my childhood or high school days. It could also be because I’m generally pretty distrusting of most people.
On a high note though, I’d have to say Seattle folks are a helpful bunch.

That's what I think it is

I think people have the same friends from childhood, so they do not see the need to reach out to someone they aren’t familiar with, therefore, the Seattle freeze.

I've tried to explain this phenomenon to others.

It doesn’t usually go over that well, and it’s only since I’ve moved away that I realized how odd this is.

It's happening to me now.

It’s not really intentionally, it’s just that when you get in a new group of people that all don’t really want to talk to each other more than maybe saying hi it’s difficult to make any sort of lasting friendship.

All I can say is that it takes time.

Really. Stick around for awhile and you might find yourself pleasantly surprised.

Interestingly

I’ve seen this term applied more to the dating scene but that’s for another day and thread.

Absolutely. On both counts, since this thread would be off topic.

But yes, to your original point, absolutely if not more so.

This is why I moved
"It could also be because I’m generally pretty distrusting of most people."

That’s true of the NW in general. Afterall, this is the land of serial killers — and if they’re not home grown, they come up to visit like the Hillside Strangler.

Though lately

It just seems to be random stabbings and shootings by the mentally deranged, and not just of cops (though they’ve been taking the brunt of it).

I imagine Jeff will miss seeing girls walking around in bikinis.

 I’m not gonna say NW people are ugly but I would say we are not the most beautiful people ever. I think it has something to do with not caring what people think and not seeing the sun.

And during his first winter here will become severely depressed. Sunny every day to not seeing the sun for 6 months will probably be traumatic. Just learn to not be a pussy and deal with it.

You're confusing me with somebody that goes outside
Gotta go outside to get to the good beer bars
He's confusing him with someone who goes outside and stays there longer than the trip between the car and the door
is that possible?
Hey I spend 90% of my time in a basement or asleep in CA right now

and when I went home for Christmas I was amazed how grey and depressing the weather was. The best way I can describe it is that its like dusk all day long.

On the plus side, the rain and jet stream make it so that there is pretty much no pollution so the air quality is fabulous.

Only piece of advice I ever give people about enjoying the PNW.

Go outside even if it is raining. It is the only way to stay sane.

Its so true.

Rainy walks are the best.

Yeah I just haven't met many people who are from southern california

who learn to love the rain. I could tell a lot of the people at UW from CA got depressed that first winter they were here.

My advice? Pick up skiing or snowboarding. It'll make the winter go by a lot faster.
Or you can drink enough to forget most of it.
Or both!
Ah, yes. The hip flask is your friend.
I need to purchase a Mariners flask
I got a flash called Plan B for christmas.
For celebratory drinking OR crushing despair drinking!
Occasionally simultaneously!
"I’m not gonna say NW people are ugly..."

Well, then I will. Being one of them myself. But it happens pretty naturally: if you’re good-looking in the NW you move to NY to model or LA to act. Meanwhile, if you’re anywhere else in the country and looks aren’t your strong suit, you probably move to the NW.

There is nothing wrong with Northwest people.

The only difference is that they are neither tan, nor dress in a manner that one would describe as “sexy.” If they did, they would be equally as attractive as most non-LA/SF/NY/HI cities.

*Eastern Washington excluded.
That's kind of my point

“non-LA/SF/NY/HI cities” I’m not good-looking enough to be gay in Seattle. I’m not good-looking enough to be straight in San Francisco. Or LA. (NY is kind of an odd case, because if you’re ugly there you can go the artsy/intellectual route and claim a kind of perverse Woody Allen attractiveness. Or you can just have money. You see some pretty ugly guys with good looking gfs there. It’s kind of the opposite of Seattle: you see a lot of very plain women here with mountain-god bfs. It may just be a supply/demand thing, though: excess models and model-wannabes in NY; excess rock-climbing white-water paddling studs in Seattle)

I have to say the lack of makeup here is nice, though, from a truth-in-advertising perspective.

I think the women of Seattle are generally beautiful if you are willing to forgive the lack of flattering clothing.

And considering I’m one sexy mo’fo, I don’t see the problem with the men here either.

Not to mention that, personally,

their personalities are a lot more attractive than those of the average LA/NY woman. We just need more puck bunnies in town.

More puck bunnies that don't currently go to high school
Some of them will eventually graduate!
When I was in HS in suburban OR I loved all the Californians moving up because they would bring their daughters.
The average NY woman's personality is pretty bad.
Physical attraction is entirely subjective and so saying "women/men in City X are more attractive than women/men in City Y"

can never ever be seen as anything but personal opinion. For the record, the city with the most people I’ve found physically attractive per capita is almost certainly Portland.

Rec'd

Well put. I could go on and on about this topic but for the record, I find PNW men to be physically attractive.

Well, duh.

We’re outdoorsy hunks.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves now.
I haven't left my apartment on the weekend in six months and I can balance a beer on my gut
rawr
No that's definitely not the noise it makes
Get your ass out for some disc golf with me and we'll work that gut off.
I'm not sure why, but the women of Chicago never disappoint me.
I could see that.
I feel like they don't try as hard in other ways like working out so that they can fit in a bikini

That’s ok though. Like mentioned below, I like that they don’t wear that much makeup and I think in general the personalities are better since they often are less superficial.

Of course they don't.

Behavioral economics at work. There’s less opportunity to display your body in the PacNW due to the cloudier weather and colder beaches. Ergo, less incentive.

Works both ways.
What in the world is with your anti-NW crusade?

This has become bizarre.

What if I'm good looking from the NW and moved to LA not to act?
So, does that mean we see you for Opening Day?
You'd better!
Swing by 108 and I'll buy ya a beer.
Great news on Felix.

And welcome to Oregon Jeff.

Portland?!!

YES YES YES!

Absolutely wonderful. I think I may actually have pride in this old carcass somewhere.
Speaking as someone who has lived in the PNW their whole life

I say welcome! and hope you will find the region as adequate as I do!

Jeff informs me that he anticipates being whelmed by the area.
So since we're big fans of ambigously inappropriate.

I think we should change our site tagline to:

“Glory to the brave nation which shook off the yoke”

(So this makes sense I'd like to add that it's the opening line of the Venezuelan anthem)
Tweet update:

@KenDavidoff: Felix ‘s deal with the M’s features escalator clauses based on Cy Young voting. Multiple CYAs=big raises in later years.

Welcome to Portland

maybe we can grab a beer at Belmont Station sometime.

First Portland LL meetup should be at the Green Dragon!
You know, I've never been.
Me neither

I’m in

If you like Belmont Station

you’ll love the Green Dragon. About 40 taps, all rotating regularly and at least half local, and decent food as well. Belmont Station’s a great place to buy bottles but the GD is a really fun place to go drink.

See

I get out, but I usually drink at home. Of course, that might have something to do with my aversion to sunlight and company.

I drink at home a lot too

but there’s too many good bars in Portland not to go drink at them every now and again.

I'll have to brush up on my appropriate conduct when in public

It’s been a while.

Pants.
Good. Good.

I’m learning.

Rec'd for obscure Simpsons quote.
Well, it was my major.
BA in Simpsons Pop Culture?
Actually, I'm John Swartzwelder.
As long as you're not Ian Maxtone-Graham, you're okay in my book.
I would be richer and stupider

but richer.

Totally agree.

Let’s make this happen.

And here I thought Spartacus wasn't hiring.

Portland is a charming city run by a drum circle. If you like culture, Portland is awesome, but if you like paved roads or an understandable tax code, you’re fucked.

Crazy enough

Although I’m trying to avoid moving there – I may be working for a company in Portland.

How about that

Portland is hopping. We’re gonna rule this town!

Why would you want to avoid it?

We have people here whose job it is to pump your gas!

No reason other then I'm 5 minutes from both sets of parents

With some crazy Grand parenting fantasies.

That's a valid reason!
Wouldn't you prefer to pump your own gas?

I do. It drive me nuts waiting 5 min for some dipshit to make his way to my car.

I was being somewhat ironic

I actually hate that I can’t pump gas myself here.

It's a great opportunity for some awkward banter with gasdude.

“So….pumping gas huh?”

But it leaves open the question "so... how's the pumping game going?"
yeah it makes for top notch conversation that you really can't get anywhere else
I'm never sure if I should tip them if they actually wash my windshield like they sometimes do
you sure as hell don't have to tip them if your car doesn't require its windshield

to be cleaned but the retard feels the need to do it anyway. That should get a kick to the junk not a tip.

Did a gas guy touch you when you were young?
I can't say no for certain... but I don't think so
This made me laugh/cry.

Not sure why. Bravo, good sir.

see I take the opposite stance

nothing wrong with the guy cleaning the windshield, it’s a nice touch and it’s not like the homeless guys in Times Square that used to do it with squeegees and snot rags. It’s not making it worse.

Man, in Baltimore our car was mugged like three times on the same street

I’ve never seen such a run of window washers.

Is not washing your car more than a couple times a year a NW thing or were my family and I just lazy
It's a NW thing I think

My sister in Arizona washes her car twice a year.

Twice a month I mean
I'm lucky if I do it once a year.
Ok so we can all agree

Plus side of all the rain is not washing your car.

Why muster the energy to do so when you can have mothernature take care of it.
I have trouble being upset when a service person tries to do something nice for me, even if completely unnecessary
I don't find any value in the service

they are supposedly providing.

That doesn't mean you need to crap all over the person providing said service though
My brother was gas dude for a while

before he retreated into the New Hampshire foothills perhaps never to be seen again.

So are you supposed to tip them?
I have been told that for gas service alone, no

it’s the windshield-cleaning bit I’m unsure about.

I always feel awkward in the situations where someone performs a service for me that I neither want nor require.
Like taking my fucking luggage in a hotel.

It has wheels and I’m not 80 – It weighs fucking 20lbs just let me carry it.

I never have

but I don’t carry cash. I’m not Mr. Pink, but I don’t go out of my way to tip people.

Or buy Street Roots.
Agreed.

I’ve always wondered what they print in those things. But I can use that dollar for parking on Sundays now.

He said never to be seen again.
My brother and I rarely talked

I don’t remember him ever bringing it up.

Our conversations were always short, usually about whatever video game he was playing and peppered with one way accusations of faggotry.
And how did that make you feel?
Like most interactions with my brother

afraid for my life.

He bigger then you?
Huge skinhead

and four years older than me.

I seem to remember this.
Since I have Idaho plates I always start doing it myself and when the yell at me I plead stupid
I'm pretty sure it's a joke
it's like we share a brain
well played. And i hope you don't share a brain
You took way more than your half this morning, asshole
I left you the Twilight third so there's that I guess
Does the transitive property apply to brain sharing?
Thanks for proving my point.
This is getting bleek.

It’s already established that Teej and I share a brain, and it’s fairly clear that SB and I do as well. By transitive property of brain sharing, we’re all working with a quarter.

That's an upgrade for me so as long as we don't find anybody else I'm set
We have like the most racially diverse brain ever

1/4 Asian, 1/4 black, 1/4 Jewish, 1/4 white.

Wait… are we Tiger Woods?

I have never had extramarital sex

but there’s still a 75% chance we might be.

How do you know what the other 3/4 of your brain is doing?
I don't, that was my point

I can only speak for my 25%.

Apparently I didn't get the math portion of the brain today
At least you weren't born with a rod in your forehead.
Scruffy: Go run naked through a supermarket.
Would it surprise you if I said I have?
I don't think that would surprise any of us, Scruffy.
Takes me back to my childhood.
The clever thing

Is that they made the state large enough that it’s difficult to drive through without stopping for gas. Which means if you’re trying to travel between the actually legitimate and useful states of Washington and California, you have to stop somewhere in Oregon and employ someone.

One thing I’ve noticed about the gas dudes, though: if your car is nice enough and you get out as soon as you pull up, they pull the nozzle out of the pump and then hand it to you to put in the tank so there’s no risk of them messing up the car. Either they’ve learned from experience or it’s an explicit policy, but they obey the letter of the law without chancing an irate customer.

You're on a roll. Oregon became a state just slightly before gas stations. I'm sure they knew what they were doing when they defined the boundaries, though.
Nostradamus was from Portland, you know
You're thinking of Michael Doleac again.
Oregon is a lovely state.
Fuckin better be
They like their beer. You'll be just fine.
He's coming from San Diego
So what is the worst thing about San Diego

I have a couple of friends who live down there and love it. Is there anything actually bad about it.

You know how people talk about how there's nothing to do in downtown Seattle and the whole thing shuts down at 5:00 PM?

Think that times a billion and replace all of the cool neighborhoods with Bellevue.

Well that doesn't seem fair
I'm confused

by this “great beer but everything rolls up at 5 pm” theme. It does not make sense to me.

Well, downtown does.

The neighborhoods don’t.

It rains too much.
The Mariners sign closer David Aardsma for $2.75 Mil

The Red Sox sign closer Jonathan Papelbon for $9.35 Mil. Talk about the value that the Mariners are getting for a pitcher to finish games. I can almost guarantee you Aardsma will be long gone in a trade before the Mariners ever pay him $9.35 Mil per year.

There's an Aardsma thread below this one
Yeah we're talking Portland and regional driving difference up in here!
LL has been so great at content lately, it is hard to keep up

The difference is that every one in Portland is stoned. They are looking to change the Washington law and legalize pot, so their won’t be a big difference soon.

Except you can go to a ballgame stoned in Seattle,

whereas in Portland you can… eat a donut with bacon on it.

You can also go to a ballgame stoned in Portland

and AAA ball is cheaper!

I would be willing to be you could go to a ball game stoned, then eat a donut with bacon on it.
That would be the ultimate.

…not that there isn’t plenty of good stoner food at Safeco already.

All food is good stoner food
You're harshing his mellow.
But some food is better stoner food than other food

So a relative scale must be made, and that is how some food could be classified as “good stoner food” and some could be classified as “bad stoner food”

I've never been a big fan of salad when stoned

You need meat or something equally filling goddammit

Pretzels and chicken nuggets are the best

Taco's are good

Not a pretzel fan.

Especially J-Box tacos
That is what I was thinking when I wrote it

I keep on thinking of the stoner ordering 99 tacos

One of the few things I miss about living in Seattle

Is that I am now 110 miles from J-Box. I used to live 10 blocks from J-Box. When I was stoned/drunk, a 3 block trip was so much easier to make than a 110 mile trip (which, frankly, is too far to even try to make)

Even for a case of serious munchies, that is too far of a trip

For me, the good news is that I live within 5-10 minutes of a half a dozen fast food restaurants. The bad news is that I live within 5-10 minutes of a half a dozen fast food restaurants.

I live right in the fast food district of Laramie

My apartment shares a driveway with Wendy’s, which is right next door to Burger King, which is right across the street from McDonalds.

I can see a Taco John’s, a Taco Bell, an Arby’s, a Sonic, and a Carl’s Jr from my apartment complex plus two takeout Chinese places

It’s glorious for being intoxicated

and I'm right across the street from TWO liquor stores (next to McDonalds)

It’s magical

When you were looking for an apartment, you planned well

As you know, we have no Sonic’s around here, restaurant or basketball wise (fuck you Bennett). The liquor store is located next to my gym, which is convenient because it burns the calories from drinking.

Puyallup isn't that far.
I think there's one in South Tacoma now too
I think there's one in South Tacoma now too
3 = 10
I may or may not be stoned right now
Have you walked over to eat at one of the fast food restaurants in the last 30 minutes?

If the answer is yes, then you are probably stoned.

I've been strongly contemplating it for an hour while sitting on my couch eating Ritz Crackers with Cheddar 'n Bacon flavored Easy Cheese
See how this goes round and round and everything is related

This started by someone mentioning eating donuts with “bacon” on top and now you are eating Ritz Crackers with “bacon” flavored cheese on top.

It’s the Circle of Life.

THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING!
Not true. If the food is really dry it just makes things worse.
But from my experience, the ballpark is full of cheats and low-level hooligans.
Not to mention lil bitches.
And on Thursday night, frat boys and skanky women!
Thirsty Thursday is the worst thing to happen to PGE Park. EVER.
No that would be Timbers Army.
Thirsty Thursday is far, far worse

At least the Timbers Army has a sense of humor about itself most of the time.

Just trying to stir the pot.
It will be very odd when the Timbers get to MLS

because I will actively root against a Seattle sports team for the first time in my life.

And I will hate you at least 2 days out of the year.
Reciprocated!
You can go to a ballgame stoned in Seattle too.
So I will be having near heart attacks again this year.
Aw shucks and I thought you were going to move back to Hartford
Arbitration Figures

link

Felix asked for $11.5M, the team offered $7.2M

Casey Kotchman asked for $3.9M, was offered $3.135M
Brandon League asked for $1.325M, was offered $0.9M

Good news does come in threes

Congrats on the new job, Jeff.

Looks as though Felix got a tattoo. Awesome.

I hope that's not Jennifer Pankratz
Stop that now.
Player A ruined tattoos for me forever
Jack is due up on KJR ca. 6:05pm

at the (formerly PI) Sports Star Banquet

I was misled.

Jack is up later.

So this turned into a traffic thread
Well...

Corco….

Incredibly, it wasn't Corco's fault at all
My fault

Back to baseball….

Actually I was reading something about MLB insurance policies on players (?)

Here is a good place to start.

It would be interesting if these insurances options existed. It would make it less risky to sign SP to expensive long term deals.

This is a bad thing?
Off-topic...more like off-road!!!

Thank you! Thank you! I’ve got 2 more shows at 8:30 and 10 pm. Remember to tip you waitresses.

FELIX HERNANDEZ IS A MARINER FOR THE NEXT 5 YEARS
Wait, what? When did that happen?

I got caught up in all this traffic talk and haven’t been checking ESPN lately.

SPEAKING OF TRAFFIC I WANT TO BACK A DUMP TRUCK FULL OF SEX UP TO FELIX'S HOUSE
John Heyman with breakdown of Felix's pay

$3.5 mil signing bonus

2010: $6.5 mil
2011: $10.0 mil
2012: $18.5 mil
2013: $19.5 mil
2014: $20.0 mil

via Twitter

Saves us about 5mil+ in 2011
Fir payroll purposes that's $10mm this year, correct?
Frontloading the bonus seems to be pretty poplar.
I think thats the attraction of getting a signing bonus

Otherwise it wouldn’t be any different than making a higher salary.

It will get paid out immediately but, for payroll purposes, count against each season, I believe
So we may very well have more payroll room now than we were assuming we would had Felix gone to arbitration?
Boy is there semen on my face
You are spot on Lieutenant Laggy
Ok

I hate trying to understand their retarded system.

I believe the bonus was prorated ovr several years

I think people were expecting Felix to collect 10 this year and if the bonus is spread out it ought to leave about 8M to play with.

There is nothing more interesting than traffic conversations.
Enjoy Portland, Jeffrey. Or Jeffingham. Or Jefferson.

Although I can never look at Oregonians the same way after reading Sometimes a Great Notion.

Was this supposed to be humor? Self-loathing creature that I am, seriously, wtf.
Since I'm uneducated, I had to look up that book. Wikipedia's description is, well, odd.
The story involves an Oregon family of loggers who cut and procure trees for a local mill in order to oppose striking, unionized workers.

Emphasis mine.

I was more referring to the fact that Ken Kesey wrote glowingly about them while on acid.
Can workers be unionized, though?

I’m not positive…

It's possible they meant to type "onionized," which would make sense as they had little access to onions.

But un-ionized workers seem like they would look very odd. I think he means union-ized, as in they formed a union.

I figured that was the case.

My “I’m not positive” was a poor attempt at an ionization joke.

Actual chemistry jokes were so 2008.
A cation is a positively charged kitten.
Even if we don't resign Felix again. he isn't even half done with his time with the Mariners
That is a wonderful notion.
Another reason why I hate Portland is because it ruined the Felix is resigning thread

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