There used to be eight of them. Called themselves The Herd. They'd met each other and become friends at school, and for a time they were as inseparable as any good friends are at that age. They'd all sit together. They'd all eat together. They'd all go to 7-11 together after class, and they'd all go to movies together on the weekends. They were eight very different individuals, but they each belonged to the same group, and they each enjoyed each others' company.
The parents all met, and The Herd lived on with its original eight members for quite some time. Only gradually did it begin to dwindle in number, and at the heart of the dissolution - as is at the heart of every dissolution - was the lure of girls. It was a lack of girls that had brought The Herd together, and it was the attraction of girls that was, ever so slowly, breaking it apart.
Diamondbacks was first. Diamondbacks grew impatient, and showed up one morning wearing all the evidence of a haircut and a trip to the mall. It wasn't long before he had a date to the luau, and from that point on, he grew more difficult to reach. He was just having trouble finding the time. The Herd said they understood.
Angels was next. Angels had gone to the luau with the rest of the group, but found himself separated towards the end. Alone and uncomfortable, he found company with a girl he knew from rhetoric, and the two hit it off. They made plans for homecoming before saying goodbye for the night.
And one by one, The Herd continued to disperse. Astros found a big-hearted soccer player, to everyone's surprise. Rockies met a girl from another school during a piano recital. Rays was able to land one of the popular ones, but Rays had been lifting weights and had grown out of The Herd anyway, long before the formal split. For weeks, he didn't seem to fit in anymore. The Herd understood. There just wasn't enough time. No one ever has enough time.
-----
The three of them were sitting by a bench outside of a classroom. They'd all arranged to have the same 1pm free period Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and during this particular free period they were playing Fight City, a card game that Nationals had received from his aunt for his birthday. Mariners was leaning forward, picking the cards up off the ground and placing them into a haphazard stack, while Nationals double-checked the rules on the back of the box.
"I can see why they call themselves Cheapass Games," Mariners remarked, turning cards in his hand. Nationals smirked.
Rangers leaned back against the bench and looked left, towards the parking lot. His eyes lit up, and he turned to his friends.
"Oh hey, you guys," he said as a girl approached. She was not too tall and not too short, with olive skin and bright, engaging eyes. Mariners glanced over as Rangers reached his arm out, gesturing hither.
"This is Michelle."
Mariners looked up, then down, and then back at the cards in his hand. "Hey." Michelle smiled.
"Yeah, I ran into her in the library," Rangers went on. "I guess Mr. Davis assigned us both the same project so we were trying to check out the same books." Michelle kept smiling. Mariners thought it was a weird time to keep smiling.
Nationals kept staring at the box. "You guys want to play?"
"Actually," Rangers said, pushing himself to his feet, "we're gonna go try to work on this presentation in the library. Since we have the same topic, you know, we can probably help each other."
Mariners shuffled the cards in his hand. "K."
"All right, so, hey, another time, right?" Rangers put on his backpack and turned with Michelle towards the library. "I'll catch up with you guys later."
Mariners mumbled, looking up as Rangers and Michelle walked away, exchanging what looked to be cheerful smalltalk. They walked with the same pace in a diagonal across the lawn.
Nationals kept reading the box, bringing it closer to his eyes. He turned it over to each side before looking at the back again and setting it down on the ground.
"So, you want to play again?"
33 recs | 95 comments
I always imagined them playing pogs
theNmarie - October 27, 2010
:((((
GiantBrass - October 27, 2010
Sorry about the lack of subject line...
but this is the saddest thing I’ve seen today. This blog is starting shove the A’s out of the place in my heart for favorite AL team.
GiantBrass - October 27, 2010
Just awesome. Y'all will meet a chick someday soon.
The Nats are fuckin ugly, so y’all will easily get a girl before them. And when y’all do, it will be an awesome girl that you can bring home to your mom and wont be ashamed. It won’t be some dumb random hooker like that ritzy Yankee douche always purchases. You can only lose your virginity once, and the longer you wait, the more awesome it will feel.
booyakasha - October 27, 2010
What?
chezbergrur - October 27, 2010
Rec'd for yankee hate
JamMasterJesus - October 27, 2010
If you wait too long you lose the ability to perform though
Plus nobody wants to see elderly folks naked.
HititHere - October 27, 2010
Chilling
No more Judy Blume before bedtime for you, young man.
lemonverbena - October 27, 2010 via mobile
I don't get it...the Astros are a girl?
jonthefon - October 27, 2010
Oh gawd I suck at grammarising things.
jonthefon - October 27, 2010
Girls can be soccer players too!
GiantBrass - October 27, 2010
This is an alien concept to me.
/chauvinist.
jonthefon - October 27, 2010
Bullshit, everyone knows girls don't care about soccer
Aaron Campeau - October 27, 2010
Isn't one of the Aston Villa blog mods a girl?
seattlebruin - October 27, 2010
Who the fuck are Aston Villa?
Aaron Campeau - October 27, 2010
The sentence structure you use here indicates that you know Aston Villa is a soccer team
Dewey N - October 27, 2010
Grammer has betrayed you once again.
JAH - October 27, 2010
Naw he just forgot the ampersand.
ToddK - October 27, 2010
Aston Villa sounds like the name of a fat dyke.
Robert - October 27, 2010
acblue?
Whatever happened to her?
baetown415 - October 27, 2010
Sex change went swimmingly
Aaron Campeau - October 27, 2010
One of my friends had a theory about girls who play soccer
He said that any girl who plays soccer is given one additional point on the hotness scale. For whatever reason, a girl who was an 8 and played soccer was kicked up to a 9. And if the girl was less fortunate looking, it still didn’t hurt to kick her an extra point.
Trenchtown - October 27, 2010
I have a friend with a similar theory
called “Breeding Stock”.
Big Seahawk Loser - October 27, 2010
Mike Huard?
Sec 108 - October 27, 2010
All this needs is to be set in Maine and a supernatural horror stalking them and this is a Stephen King novel.
JAH - October 27, 2010
I hate and love this at the same time.
Goose - October 27, 2010
MARINERS!
JAH - October 27, 2010
Fuck Rangers & Michelle's a whore.
She’s just teasing Rangers, she’s going home with Giants after Rangers does her homework for her in the library.
DHforHOF - October 27, 2010
Pat Burrell’s already got her number.
Lies and Perfidy - October 27, 2010
Love the icon.
Subject line please. It’s standard policy around here.
JY - October 27, 2010
Please
I invoke the right of subject line! According to the Code of the Lookoutlanding, set down by the pirates Jeff and Mathew, you must use the subject line every time!
Trenchtown - October 27, 2010
It is a site rule and has been for a long time.
pdb - October 27, 2010
Thank you?
Trenchtown - October 27, 2010
The Herd wouldn't be so small
If you let the guys back in who dated a girl briefly in 1982 but haven’t seen her since.
Kyle Lobner - October 27, 2010
The only character this story might be missing is the short, silent kid with the hoodie that says 1994 on it
you know, the kid with no friends whatsoever who doesn’t even talk to the Herd, much less the rest of the school, because he’s afraid someone might notice him. The one who always has his hood up, who walks down the hall like he’s afraid of his own shadow. The kid who doesn’t grow up to be anything of note – not a criminal, not a genius, nobody. He just looms in everyone’s memories forever, and it takes everyone a couple minutes to remember why.
pdb - October 27, 2010
Pirates?
they haven’t won since way before then though, right?
tsunamijesus - October 27, 2010
Hint: The Pirates didn't win the World Series in 1994
pdb - October 27, 2010
No one won the World Series in 1994.
JY - October 27, 2010
BINGO
pdb - October 27, 2010
Montreal!
bluemax - October 27, 2010
Did we go to high school together?
LonelyintheBleachers - October 27, 2010
(That kid in the hoodie is actually the ghost of the Expos 94 team)
That’s how close we were to hanging out by ourselves!
Kenneth Arthur - October 27, 2010
He tends to wander around muttering about some guy named the kid breaking some stupid home run record.
sanford_and_son - October 28, 2010
And now I'm depressed for the rest of the day.
huskies2010 - October 27, 2010
Aww... I don't wanna hang out with the Nationals!
Kenneth Arthur - October 27, 2010
They had that cool toy for a while but then it broke.
JY - October 27, 2010
Spoiled brat got another cool toy right after that though.
Kenneth Arthur - October 27, 2010
Whoa. Mindmeld.
ThomasG - October 27, 2010
It's just his parents trying to compensate for the divorce a few years back.
JY - October 27, 2010
Back when his father had a dalliance with a nice senorita from Puerto Rico
ThomasG - October 27, 2010
But the brat traded it to a guy who seemed cool at the time, but ended up being a complete douchebag.
Jed MC - October 27, 2010
But their mom bought another cool toy.
Unfortunately he has to wait until Christmas to receive it.
ThomasG - October 27, 2010
They said they would have it fixed in a year or so, though
if only that companies’ replacement program didn’t take so damn long
seattlebruin - October 27, 2010
Aren't you missing the part where Mariners introduced Rangers to Michelle?
seattlebruin - October 27, 2010
It'll be OK guys; the socially-awkward misfit always grows up to be the most handsome and successful of the group.
We’re going to be the envy of 10-year high school reunion.
ThomasG - October 27, 2010
I don't have 10 years of this left in me.
SeattExPat - October 27, 2010
At least you aren't a Cubs fan.
Sec 108 - October 27, 2010
Cubs were the jock hero of high school
But that was like a million years ago and now he works at a gas station. Everybody at the bar laughs at him when he gets shot down by chicks over and over.
lemonverbena - October 27, 2010
Uncle Rico.
pdb - October 27, 2010
He used to hang out with White Sox and Red Sox all the time but they cleaned up and got real jobs
so that they could finally get a girlfriend?
Sec 108 - October 27, 2010
This is depressing
Especially considering my best friend just got a girlfriend and he hangs out with her more. :(
And my other best friend is in Australia: I am lonely. :(
beastwarking - October 27, 2010
You aren't allowed to have two best friends
Matthew - October 27, 2010
Bullshit
Robert - October 27, 2010
It doesn't count if one of them is imaginary or John Carlson
seattlebruin - October 27, 2010
That's why I'm not counting them.
Robert - October 27, 2010
Yeah, me and someone else.
Kirk - October 27, 2010
This isn't true
Dewey N - October 27, 2010
I'm available
I like Yo Gi Oh, Fun Dip, and Cinnamon Colgate. I have a lot to offer.
HititHere - October 27, 2010
You can't even spell your obscure interest correctly.
Double06 - October 27, 2010
Another interest I didn't include is commiting typos
HititHere - October 27, 2010
Or maybe I'm interested in this
HititHere - October 27, 2010
Shouldn't there have been a reference to Cliff Lee in there somewhere?
Mariners and Michelle had a class together last semester, but Mariner’s BO drove her to another seat that happened to be by Rangers….
HititHere - October 27, 2010
Yes, there are a number of ways this could have been done differently
Why just those eight? Why was it only those eight people who wound up being friends? Why not nine? Where was Marlins in all this?
Jeff Sullivan - October 27, 2010
My assumption was just that Marlins was a lot younger and successful more quickly
and thus he never really got a chance to bond with the Herd, like his brother, Diamondbacks.
I just kinda figured that Diamondbacks felt like he would never be able to be as good at sports and pick up girls like Marlins but then he figured it out too after the Herd had been close friends for a few years
seattlebruin - October 27, 2010
Fuck Marlins and Diamondbacks.
Pricks left the group way too early. I’ll still hang out with the guys that went through years of anguish once in awhile.
Kenneth Arthur - October 27, 2010
What, like Rays,
who were the retarded one of the Herd for all those years until one day they tried pitching for the JV team and found out they could throw 92 MPH?
seattlebruin - October 27, 2010
Maybe anagrams for the names too.
“Tosin Anal” for the Nationals has a nice ring to it. Or maybe “Satan Lion.”
Also, you should have found a way to integrate explosions.
HititHere - October 27, 2010
Jeff > Michael Bay
SeattExPat - October 27, 2010
:( Thanks Jeff
royalcurve - October 27, 2010
Good. Good.
section331 - October 27, 2010
Dateless in Seattle
Jeff, you are masterful.
nathaniel dawson - October 27, 2010
Wonderful Jeff, you're a very talented writer.
It makes me truly happy that you are able to make your living doing this.
BigR - October 27, 2010
You have a low threshold of true happiness
lemonverbena - October 27, 2010
Being easily amused is the true path to happiness.
Sec 108 - October 28, 2010
The 2014 Mariners-Nationals series is gonna be AWESOME.
I mean, come on, Felix-Strasburg in game 1? Fuck yes.
Craig341 - October 27, 2010
And I predicted the Rays making the 2008 WS in like 2005, so you know I'm gold.
Craig341 - October 27, 2010
2014
The world will have ended two years ago, man. John Cusask wouldn’t lie to us.
THolt - October 27, 2010 via mobile
I think BA predicted the M's in the world series in '08.
With a rotation fronted by Felix, Clint Nageotte, and Travis Blackley.
JY - October 27, 2010
1 for 4 isn't bad!
Mariner John - October 27, 2010
Yeah, cause my summer wasn't shitty enough already.
I can’t even get sports right now. Blah. I’m tying a noose up.
THolt - October 27, 2010 via mobile
If that is some refrence to the Dynamo winning 2 championships after the Astros started sucking
Then I would like to point out that 85% of the city of Houston didn’t care whatsoever when that happened. Snobby? Yeah, I’ll admit. If that wasn’t a reference to our soccer team, than carry on.
.Bonzo - October 27, 2010
Who the fuck are the Dynamo
Jeff Sullivan - October 27, 2010
I understand
I will be leaving now
.Bonzo - October 27, 2010
A team that cheated to beat the Sounders in the playoffs last year.
Robert - October 27, 2010
A Cheapass Games reference, I'll be damned.
sanford_and_son - October 28, 2010
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