Lookout Landing

It was an 0-2 count when he hit the homerun

Which is what he’s asking about I think. It was a fastball in the upper right corner of the zone.

GOD

FUCK

0-2

Do more of that!

Woo!

A K!

RYANK

Only 71 Pitches

Through 6. Not bad really.

4 walks though. . .

And 1 K

In other news... my other favorite team has just given up 11 runs to the Padres

In one inning.

That's really hard to do

Yeah.

I could look it up, but I'm too lazy.

Who?

Braves.

The Padres offense can't be stopped. Like asking the wind not to blow.

Only 1 out!

I know. Horrific inning.

Don't worry, Jason Heyward will just hit three grand slams with one swing.

Actually... I wouldn't be surprised.

Dude’s a stud.

Wait:

Other favorite team? You can do that?

Why of course!

Only if they're in the NL and you never root for them over your main team

Go Dodgers! (I’ve been living in LA for 6.5 years or so)

bluemax - April 12, 2010 reply

Braves are my team (I'm in Atlanta)

I adopted the Rockies as my "other team."

Did you adopt them

during that storm of god awful bandwagoning called “Rock-tober?”

Since moving to Wyoming I've tried really really hard to become a Rockies fan

I just can’t do it for some reason- the team just isn’t likable

Do they even have any good hitters not named Adrian Gonzalez

I can’t remember

Kyle Blanks?

Spring Fair in Puyallup = Furry Convention?

Don't even joke about that.

I worked at the Marriott during a furry convention. And…well, ew.

Bahahahha

That’s funny

Tis a shame.

RRS looks like he could get through at least eight innings. Where for art thou offense?

Ummmm another long commercial break?

Should be back on.

Here comes some runs!

… I hope…

Hey guys, the top of the order is coming up!

Is it too much to ask for either Ichiro or Figgins to get on?

Yes. It is indeed too much.

And steal three bases?

Our lineup is more roundish

Ichi-bomb! Please?

Or not!

Come on Chone!!!

If the Padres can have an 11 run inning, so can we.

The Padres don't have Rob Johnson.

Shit. You're right.

We could have a 12!

Is anyone else's FSN Comcast feed

producing a totally crap picture? I haven’t heard the broadcasters mention it.

My click feed looks good

No mention of Comcast from the broadcasters

Cl!ck

Clear as day.

HD feed in Portland is having issues.

All other channels are fine.

I'm in Federal Way. No issue at all.

Mine was, so I turned the TV off

Especially noticeable with the text in their graphics

Chone.

Get. On. Base.

DAMN IT FIGGY

No ONE is hitting the ball.

This shit is amazing.

Well minus Guti.

GOOD GRAVY

Fuck Dale Scott!

Ball four asshole.

Aberdeen

I wonder if the South Dakota version is as pleasant as the Washington version.

PITCHF/X disagrees with that call.

Poo balls.

I give up.

As far as I can tell you gave up at 1-2.

Probably more accurate.

Wow

Douchwater has a 1-hitter through 6. This is fucking embarrassing.

Doucherer?

We are looking really bad offensively

No way

He knew that was a ball.

Took him like 20 seconds to ring him up.

Figgins thought it was a strike. He hesitated after turning away and just stood there waiting for the call.

This is terrible. Can someone PLEASE hit the ball?

This is getting awful.

HEY JACK CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE US AN OFFENSE THAT DOESN’T SUCK ON WHEELS BECAUSE WE’VE SEEN THIS FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW AND IT’S REALLY GETTING ANNOYING.

My thoughts exactly...

You can play defense until the cows come home, but if you can’t score, you can’t win. Sick of this shit!

This team is so fucking depressing

aussie_chop - April 12, 2010 reply

A little league team

filled with 14 year old paraplegic swiss girls could produce more runs

I call bullshit.

They would probably get a pity run.

If they're not in their wheelchairs, TINY strike zone. Lots of walks.

Yeah, but they would have massive holes in their swings

only in a neutral runscoring environment

theboyirish - April 12, 2010 reply

Can't believe there've only been 2 hits in this game.

Thanks a lot

This 3 up, 3 down bullshit is depressing the fuck out of me.

Xux - April 12, 2010 reply

Looks like our 1-2-3 hitters

did not take the hitters’ advantage from their first two trips to the plate

Ryan

Seriously, wtf dude. Throw strikes for God’s sake.

Sorry

Misspost

It's only April. I'm not worried yet.

That is all.

InSpokane - April 12, 2010 reply

Don't bring your rationality into the game threads

you’ll upset people.

This is frustrating though. We had a chance to get a runner in from third and we couldn't do it.

That's just one time though.

The offense is being incredibly frustrating right now but this in all likelihood will not continue.

ChristopherA - April 12, 2010 reply

I would be less worried if the offense would show some shred of competence. Like, real soon.

Fuck you Rob Johnson

I don’t care, I’m not amused

DID ROB JOHNSON JUST BLOCK A FUCKING BALL?

HOLY SHIT.

I THINK I JUST SAW A PIG FLYING BY MY WINDOW.

Way to not fail Robby.

RRS is however making me pull out my hair.

What?

Johnson blocked that?

Time for the hook.

RRS gets to 2-0 and just says fuck it I'm walking him

Anybody up in the pen?

Man, when Ryan decides to walk someone

He doesn’t mess around

Malcontent1 - April 12, 2010 reply

Oh dear this could be a bad inning.

Whoa, new scoreboard over the bullpen! It has colors!

Dear Hyphen,

Throw strikes. Sincerely, your fans.

P.S. Don’t throw balls.

Just got here, why is the picture so jaggy?

Because not even the producers want to watch this fucking team on offense right now

Are you in Portland?

Seattle-ish area on Verizon FIOS

Comcast looks terrible in Portland

Most people have said it looks fine

But, yeah, jagged here.

Hmm alright, I hope this isnt a consistent thing.

Rosales

The goofiest mother fucker ever.

Eric Byrnes esque?

Goofier.

Byrnes thinks he’s cool, while Rosales just looks like the lanky nerdy guy who got a wish granted to play pro baseball for a day.

Fuck guys!

No one covers 3rd?

It's Lopez, what do you expect?

Shouldn't Jack be running to third on that play?

No, he covered 2nd

Kotchman charges on the bunt, Figgins to 1st, Wilson to 2nd.

That leaves 3rd as the only base to cover.

Inexperienced 3B.

It hurts.

I'll chalk it up to growing pains for Lopez.

That had DP written all over it. Damn.

As Roger Dorn would say

STRIKE THIS MOTHER FUCKER OUT.

Or "This guy" if it's on netowrk TV

Because "guy" totally lines up with the lip motions of "mother fucker."

That'll work

Yes.

More of this, Ryan.

That really is a pretty pitch

But where the fuck has it been?

No idea, but I agree with you

0-2 what is going to happen?

His last 0-2 ended badly

PLEASE RRS.

Good pitch choice

Only problem is you’re throwing to Rob FUCKING Johnson

I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKER

Why

DrunkAmerican - April 12, 2010 reply

Because he's bad.

BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING TERRIBLE

WHAT THE FUCK, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS

I knew he was bad. Just didn't know that that was the only reason you had to hate him.

DrunkAmerican - April 12, 2010 reply

Seriously

I seriously didn't know.

DrunkAmerican - April 12, 2010 reply

FUCK YOU ROB CATCH THE FUCKING BALL

RRS actually has pitched a decent game

I’d like to get a win for him

Decent?

Only given up 2 runs

He’s not exactly getting lit up like Snell

F. I. P.

6 BB?

Say what you will about our anemic offense, but that is ugly.

Ok nevermind

I spoke too soon. I hate me.

FUCK. ROB. JOHNSON

DAMMIT ROB!

Way to hang on Robo Rob

GODDAMIT ROB!

FUCK FUCK FUCK

ROB FUCKING JOHNSON

CATCH THE BALL YOU POINTLESS FUCK

LEARN TO FUCKING CATCH!

Rob Fucking Johnson.

Robo Rob

has a glove made of steel

God damnit Rob.

Rob fucking Johnson

I HATE ROB JOHNSON

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is all.

Our pitchers are masochists. They love fucking Rob Johnson.

This could read two ways, I just found out.

You don't fool me

Might want to rephrase that

Wish we had an editing function

I don't.

They just love Rob Johnson fucking them

Oh dear.

ROB JOHNSON.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU ROB

Oops?

Oh my God.

I’m fucking speechless.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck

ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm gonna go kill myself now.

THERE IS NO FLOOR

2-160

Oh Bradley.

WELCOME TO SEATTLE

THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN A STRIKEOUT LONG AGO FUCK YOU ROB JOHNSON

I blame Rob

Remember when Hyphen struck him out, but Rob Johnson fucking dropped it

When was this

I dunno; gonna have to be more specific.

WHEN RRS FUCKING STRUCK OUT GABE GROSS BUT ROB JOHNSON DROPPED THE FUCKING BALL!

I vaguely recall this occurance

NEEDS MORE CAPS!

WOW

FUCK YOU ROB JOHNSON YOU CUNTY PRICK BASTARD

WHO SUCKS ON SHIT FUCK ARGH

DFA NOW!!!!

aussie_chop - April 12, 2010 reply

Thanks Rob. Thanks Bradley.

Both runs score either way

Yeah but since when do we congratulate errors?

Catcher dropped foul-tips that should have been strikeouts should be counted.

So everyone knows how shitty Johnson is.

It's Rob Johnson, they'll go down as wild pitches or something.

"Well, it hit him right in the fucking glove, but it's Rob Johnson. Hmmm. Must be a wild pitch."

Run expectancy lost from Johnson's dropped third strike is probably something around .5

What a douche.

SELL SELL SELL!

Upgraded defense?

A couple of Raul-esque moments for Bradley.

This can be easily resolved by making him a DH.

No one wants Bradley hugging them

And less dead weight on the bench.

But then who would play left?

Langerhans or Saunders.

And Byrnes.

NOT A SERIOUS QUESTION!

Thats reaching for it on the sarcasm detector.

Byrnes or Saunders.

Rob Johnson's fault.

Bradley does not understand spin.

Which should be a prerequisite for playing left field. In T ball.

Oopsies

Remember that one time when we were actually out of the inning but Rob Johnson fucked it up?

That's never happened.

Griffey:

5 run homer next inning. You just wait, you.

He’s the pick to click, after all.

Fuck that zombie*

We need that Jack Wilson to step up and take one for the hamstrings

*Bill Kreuger

Dave Sims calling out Rob

YES!

Jack Z only cares about defense when it can be measured by UZR.

I just got in to see Rob Johnson cost us 2 runs

That was absolutely hilarious. If we have to lose, I’m glad we lose in a way that completely validates my hatred for a player.

It should be 2-0 right now. This is BULLSHIT.

Correction

It should be 2-1. But yeah, I get what you’re saying

Yeah, we would still end up shut out, but then we could lose by less.

ARock - April 12, 2010 reply

I'm giving this another half-inning before I bail.

My new Netflix movies just arrived and I’m dying to check them out.

Wow

The more I watch the Mariners, the more I hate Rob fucking Johnson.

We need Rob Johnson gifs

We have them, just not sidebar'd

We just need less Rob Johnson.

Okay. Here's Johnson as a kid

Bearskin Rugburn - April 12, 2010 reply

Oh, that is fucking cold.

I hope Torii Hunter came to his birthday.

AW SHIT YEAH

This makes me happier than it should.

Am I bad person?

The real Rob Johnson would miss the candle

I used to like Robo Rob

But this is just ridiculous

I can't possibly fathom how

I hated Johjima

with a passion that’s almost holy. That’s why.

Why? He had a couple of the best catcher seasons in Mariners history.

Because he couldn't call a game to save his life.

How do you know this?

By watching the game.

Rob calls a better game. Or at least he did last year.

FALSE!

You're kidding.

Do you not see him looking in the dugout most of the time?

I hear he has a good cERA, too.

Rob Johnson doesn't call the game, he gets it form Wak.

Pitchers choose their pitches, and come up with a gameplan with the coaches before every game.

Why?

You fool.

I can't possibly fathom why

Are you Jarrod Washburn?

If so, fuck you.

WE'RE STILL NOT SIGNING YOU BITCH

Possibly the best offensive catcher in M's history with a good throwing arm

What’s to hate?

Jap

Fair enough

I hope we score exactly 3 runs

Loafie!

A hit! A hit!

as quickly as the gods smiled upon us

Junior will take it away.

Hancock.Brett - April 12, 2010 reply

GUYS WE HAVE ANOTHER HIT

Rizzs sounded genuinely surprised that that fell in

NOW HERE COMES GRIFFEY TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP

Time for a Griffbomb.

Here comes Griffey.

Gonna tie it at 2-2 or meekly K again.

Oh…

So, Jr. GIDP?

Almost, but no! Junior!

Just about

WAY TOO CLOSE

RETIRE

Griffey!

Beat out a DP! Way to run, you fat old man!

OAKLAND STOP PLAYING DEFENSE WE NEED TO CATCH UP

I don't think they need to play defense at this point.

I hope we score exactly 3 runs, and then we load the bases for Rob Johnson and he strikes out on 3 pitches.

I want everyone to hate Rob Johnson.

Everyone.

Mission already accomplished.

The entire Mariners organization begs to differ.

No, I even want casual fans to hate Rob Johnson.

I want Rob Johnson’s mom to hate Rob Johnson.

I have a feeling she already does

For me it's more numb

This would be great.

If everyone already didn’t hate him already.

Fogel

>:(

Griff was out if that throw was on target. That is some amazingly slow speed.

40 years old? Hamstrings shot?

Fucking duh?

But he's really fast

in those Nike shoes. Ask his friend Torii

Ryan Braun agrees,

BBradley!

Milton has like a .250 OBP even with the 1-for-22

That’s awesome.

AA

Two runners!

Kotchman GIDP?

That's my guess

Solid base hit right to an Oakland infielder

He tried so hard to make it happen

Slight OBP boost!

PINCH RUN!!!!

stredarts - April 12, 2010 reply

Man, this team is sure playing like shit. Good thing it's still preseason cause Sweeney's on the bench and

OH FUCKING GOD IT’S APRIL 12 SELL SELL SELL

James F'n X - April 12, 2010 reply

Come on boys, time for a rally.

Time for a what?

Need a Krotchshot here.

Do that again Kotch.

Except this time, fair.

Yay for long foul ball HRs

Jesus Christ Kotch...

STRAIGHTER

He was born that way!

And their just eyes!

Fuck, that was really close to 3 runs.

Do that again, only the other side of the pole.

That is too bad.

I'll name my first born 'Casey', if he hits one out...

Well, that might upset the folks. First dog?

GROUNDBALL OF OUR DOOM

I smell a doily coming up.

I'd love a doily!

Please please please please please

PRETTY FUCKING PLEASE can we drive in these two runners?

Rob.

Johnson.

Oh

Yeah. Fuck.

Pathetic GB.

ROB JOHNSON TIME!

Bradley JUUUST fast enough.

Bradley looked like he was about to lower his shoulder too.

Albert Belle style

I think he should have gone for the A-Rod special and kicked the glove.

YES ROB JOHNSON AT THE PLATE

Here's where everyone falls in love with Rob momentarily

Even if he did get a hit, he cost us 2 runs last half, so no Rob love.

I'm so glad Rob Johnson is at bat right now

ROB YOU BETTER FUCKING REDEEM YOURSELF RIGHT HERE

Oh Christ!!

The Johnson’s back!!!!

Come on Rob, time to try your very best!

This is just perfect

HIT HIM WITH THE BALL!

PLEASE.

God, what's Pat Borders up to.

Double secret back up catcher for the Toledo Mudhens

Then what is Rick Wilkins doing.

DO HORRIBLY

YOU ARE COMPLETELY CAPABLE

SAHHHHHWWWWINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG AND A MISS

Nice to have a quality lefty bat on the bench to pich hit here...

Oh yeah AAA

This feels like one of those times where Rob Johnson hits an inesplicable double.

No it doesn't

Is that like an inexplicable double?

Quite so.

Please be right

I don't feel it.

HEY BATTER BATTER HEY BATTER BATTER

SWWWWING BATTER BATTER

Why does it seem like Rob comes to the plate

every ninth time?

Density

Rob Johnson is a lucky twat

NOW STRIKE THE FUCK OUT FUCK HEAD!

Is this really happening?

Walks are good.

Walks are good!

OH C'MON THAT WAS STRIKE THREE, UMP

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

Way to lean into it! I likey

Shawn Kelley in the pen.

Rob Johnson and Jack WIlson?

Pinch-hit Tui for Wilson after Johnson walks please.

Tui for Johnson would be a wiser offensive investment.

Defensive too, probably.

That's true. If we had Langerhans a Tui PH then Langerhans PH would be pretty cool.

WHY IS MIKE SWEENEY ON THIS TEAM?

Ice cream pies>a real bench

GOD

Oh my FUCKING god.

There's a shocker.

SHOCKING

THERE IS NO FLOOR

FUCK

That's the Rob Johnson we all know and...

well, y’know.

FUCK

Maybe we don't all know.

Because I do not have the required amount of affection for Rob Johnson to do that. Quite the opposite, in fact.

You could do it to him in surprise!

EMBARRASSING K

WEAK GROUNDOUT CLOSE ENOUGH

That has to be the worst bottom of the order in the AL

Expected

Gold star for effort

I FUCKING HATE ROB JOHNSON MORE THAN I HATED ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING

THIS ALMOST MAKES ME MISS RENE RIVERA

Jesus Christ. I can't even take any more of this.

Padres are winning 14-0.

Why do we suck so fucking much?

Because the baseball gods hate us

ONE LESS RUN THEN WE'VE SCORED

ALL SEASON

Wrong

Thanks, because that wasn't hyperbole

Well, it's reasonably close

So I wasn’t sure

It's 21 entering today

Which means, hey, 21!

And this is why they're our hated rivals!

The Royals are better than us

aussie_chop - April 12, 2010 reply

The Rainiers are better than us

Next LL fundraiser:

Hiring a professional assassin to rub out Rob Johnson.

$10

Tanya Harding?

*Tonya

We really don't even need to go that far.

He’s so brittle, we just need someone to hit him with a pillow and then he’ll break 2 bones and need another hip replacement.

BRING UP BARD

Fiddlesticks!

Justice, thy name is Rob Johnson

MORE BOOS I WANT TO HEAR MORE BOOS WHEN ROB JOHNSON FAILS

ROB JOHNSON BOOS ARE MY RAISON D'ETRE

We're going to go through a hot stretch at some point.

There are 162 games in a season. We’ve played about 8.

Where the fuck is our offense?

Seriously. D is fine and all that but really?

We need to bring the THUNDER back to Seattle.

I don't think they'd be any better at hitting than our current line up.

True, true

Great word choice.

Find some insipration.

FREE JOSH BARD

This game is making me nauseous.

God I hate Rob Johnson

This game has successfully converted me to hating Rob Johnson

ARock - April 12, 2010 reply

Then we can list this game as a small victory!

Welcome to enlightenment.

What took you so long?

I’m genuinely curious.

You didn't already?

You must have the patience of a saint.

I'm with you.

Quick someone clone Joe Mauer

Or Matt Wieters!

Harper's going to the Nats.

Not if the Astros can help it

Harper is getting drafted this season.

I wonder what the threshold has been set at internally

Below which this team will no longer play Rob Johnson. I’m thinking like a solid .125 BA with 2-3 passed balls/game.

*Wild Pitches

Johnson doesn’t give up passed balls, silly.

That was a strike.

Shawn Kelley!

Woo, AAA pitching!

So you guys remember when we had this on guy named Varitek and we traded him away?

Wasn't that neat?

It's a shame he passed on

for Heathcliffe Slocumb!

I forget, which one is still playing???

One won lost won - April 12, 2010 reply

Can I link youtube videos on here?

It is baseball related.

No.

Ok well it had to do with Chan Ho Park and Diarrhea as an explanation as to why he pitched so poorly on opening day.

At least he was honest.

Well, since Kelley is throwing!

I dont know if I want to rec this.

It makes me offended and mad just watching it.

Now there's a Rob Johnson gif!

This gif completes the highlight reel of Rob Johnson's life.

Can someone kidnap Felix's dog or something and frame Rob Johnson?

That fucking changeup is nice.

My girlfriend tells me that all the time

Jesus Christ Barton... swing at SOMETHING.

10 walks now!

bluemax - April 12, 2010 reply

Yeah, like all those strikes the ump is calling balls!

What the hell!?

Remember when the Mariners were supposed to be annoying to other teams?

Looks like that backfired towards us.

I hope Rob Johnson

… Pulls an Adrian Beltre. Y’know, with the penis and such.

Stupid cups.

Ummmm

Oopsie dasies!

More!

It's spelt with two 'o's

Well put good sir.

Pitch 5 and Pitch 8 to Barton are both strikes.

I actually hate Daric Barton more than Rob Johnson.

WHAAAA?

I know it's blasphemous, but seriously, even his name makes me angry.

Who spells derek, daric?

Daric Barton's parents do.

ToddK - April 13, 2010 reply

Tim Tschida, is that you?

So much for the generous strike zone this ump had been giving earlier

Where the hell was that, asshole?

An out!

Okay, I give up.

I’m going to watch a Don Bluth movie and drown my sorrows.

Ready for giant computers and no more humans behind the plate.

We already have Rob Johnson back there

Disk drives would have fewer passed balls.

Oh shit

A real catcher is up to bat.

UGH NOT KURT SUZUKI.

Jermaine Dye is a free agent, right?

Yep.

Yes.

I don't think he can play catcher.

Neither can our catcher, coincidentally.

Neither can Rob Johnson.

Late.

It's a sentiment that deserves an echo.

Just what we need, another DH

Even if signed with us he'd suck

Let him sign with Oakland or someone else and hit 20 homers.

We don't have room for another DH.

Nice pitch

Eat slider, assbag.

Another nice pitch.

Suzuki looked silly on that second strike pitch.

Kelley!

TAKE A SEAT KURT!

OKAY. NOW DOES ANYONE WANT TO FUCKING SCORE RUNS?

Does anyone even know what those are?

Cool down.

Jack Wilson coming up.

It’s all good!

The things you let the other team have.

Because your mom said only sluts score runs.

If we're going to produce

Now’s the time.

Time for Jack Wilson strikeouts!

Ichiro popups!
And Figgins failure!

Please, top of the lineup, do something, once…

This game sucks.

Why can’t we do what the almighty predicted and win 90 – 95 games like he said?
I’m a sad panda who is trapped in a box

You're a bento?

James F'n X - April 12, 2010 reply

I have no clue as to what that is...

and with family in the room, I am not sure if I want to look

It's a Japanese lunch box.

Japanese pre-packed lunch box.

Ah. Then that probably describes what I said so yes.

Half-innings without Rob Johnson related incidents: 1

Well they just replayed some Rob Johnson fuck ups.

Not so free.

PLATE TOUCHING. NEED TO TOUCH MAD PLATE

Let's see how few pitches the top of the lineup can take while still going down in order

My guess: 6.

I'll take the under.

Going with 7.

And Jack just hit the first fucking pitch.

Jack Wilson: 2 pitches, right on target!

Oh, thought that was the first pitch.

Thank god it wasn’t.

ESPN had us @ 58% chance to win this game.

Before the game?

bluemax - April 12, 2010 reply

Yes. Before the game.

SSS? Also, that means that you’ll still lose the game 42% of the time…

speckops - April 12, 2010 reply

Please remember to use the subject line.

Subject line, please.

Look, it's a Rob Johnson pussy montage.

Oh yay. A game recap. Exactly what we want to see right now. Fuck you FSN

We've got the chance to be the best 1-2 in baseball history!

I hope!

Not great timing by FSN, I should say.

NOT ONLY DID HE DROP THE BALL, HE FUCKING JUMPED UP AND CELEBRATED.

That was 100% my favorite part

I hope he tries to cut himself in the hotel bathroom after today

That's what I'm going to be doing, anyways.

WHAT?!

Already one out? You’re kidding me.

Did they even show it?

I wasn’t paying attention but I’m pretty sure they didn’t

They did.

Great, so we're going to get shut out in our home opener

Nice….

Nah. Mike Sweeney's good for the meaningless 9th inning RBI.

True

This asshole better be the next A-Rod but a switch hitter.

I HOPE ROB JOHNSON DIES FROM A PERFORATED COLON

I can arrange that

Is there really a commercial going on right now?!

FUCKING SHIT.

Gah!

DAMNIT! SO CLOSE!

Ichiro!

Foul by an inch.

THE UNIVERSE HATES US

Sigh.

All right gents let's win this baseball game

That was close

Good thing its spring training

This is setting up perfectly for the Rob Johnson special

Good stuff.

Fucking Wow.

And another Out

Ichi-d’oh

Shitty popups woooo

Eric Byrnes Disease is contagious

Why the hell am I still watching?

Ugh.

For the 5 run 9th?

It feels like I'm watching a little league game.

With each inning we don't score, I die a little inside.

You'll be dead by May

Unless Cliff Lee revives me.

You're a lot dead, then.

At least I'm getting paid to be here.

Cause this pretty painful to watch

Ryan Divish - April 12, 2010 reply

Who's paying you?

Google.

I feel for ya, Divish.

Ugh, wrong "reply"

The McClatchy Company, owner of The News Tribune of Tacoma.

I'd give the money back.

And go home.

I wouldn't.

Roy Weaver Stuckey - April 12, 2010 reply

ha

pretty bad when even the local media needs a channel for venting

Gekko Mojo - April 12, 2010 reply

Div can come vent here anytime he wants.

If he doesn’t mind the whole universe seeing it.

Not much you can really say, is there?

Yeah, my Bill Bavasi comment from spring training pretty much sums up my willingness to say anything

Ryan Divish - April 12, 2010 reply

I must have missed that one.

What was it? (off the record of course… hurr).

.

Here

Technically, Divish's mother said that

Oh wow.

No, I bet that didn’t make work uncomfortable for a bit.

90mph?

LOAFIE!

I'm glad it seems slightly less suicidal over here than on USSM.

Jeff Nye - April 12, 2010 reply

We all just want to put a hit on Rob Johnson.

Dropping that ball won't show up in the WE, will it?

It will in RRA

Rob’s Runs Allowed

Nope

I really doubt Rob would still be around, even with the org's baffling infatuation with him,

if he played a quantifiable position.

It's actually quite quantifiable

He plays catcher; He does not catch the ball.

Does the FO not watch the games?

its not ...

… are suicidal candidates have already committed the deed.

Gekko Mojo - April 12, 2010 reply

We're more bloodthristy, though

Yesterday was much more suicidal.

I think the most volatile ones are dead already.

Loafie!

New scoreboard is really green.

I don't see any solar panels

Like it

Now if only we’d replace our really tiny jumbotron.

But where would people advertise!?

On the screen

Enter the 21st Century Ms, junk the matrix board and go with the mega jumbtron like they have at Qwest.

Milton makes a catch!

Anyone else think Sean White looks like a monkey?

He's white though.

...a bit.

Hah!

I was just thinking that.

If he was better at baseball, I’d probably avoid such commentary. Alas, he is not.

He looks like a white dude to me.

That was a strike.

More computers, less umpires.

89mph?

God damn, I just saw the score

And we are a fucking minor league team

Had to step out for a little while

I see we still suck balls.

I wonder how pitchers feel when Rob Johnson comes out to the mound to assure them, only to later find out Rob Johnson isn't capable of catching a baseball.

Third game I'm shutting off before completion and it's the first damn week of the season.

This is depressing

Rudy4three - April 12, 2010 reply

Andrew fucking Bailey!?!?

C’mon it’s not even a save opportunity!

That's respect.

We’re contenders, remember?

Epic comeback time.

And by epic comeback I mean Mike Sweeney.

Griffey:

5 run homer next inning. You just wait, you.

PICK TO CLICK, BABY

I predict a 3-run Griffbomb followed by Rob Johnson making the last out.

Sounds about right.

If only we were that good...

Geoff Baker was right.

Sean White is magical. The way his pitches come up to the plate spin so that it creates one of those swirly hypnosis thingies. The batter is lulled into swinging at it and not hitting a home run.

They then cluck like chickens back in the dugout.

"Productive out"

I hate that phrase

What an oxymoron

COME ON BITCHES LOAD 'EM UP FOR A BRADLEY SLAM

Welp this one is over.

Oh yeah, Bailey is good

Forgot about that

Guti that wasn't sexy at all what the fuck

DOS MAS

An auspicious beginning.

LETS HIT BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK HOME RUNS AND BRAKE ANDREW BAILEY

BRAKE???

disc, or drum?

One won lost won - April 12, 2010 reply

Compression

ToddK - April 13, 2010 reply

That really wasn't a strike.

Loafie going back to his 'take the first pitch regardless' mentality.

Way to be patient, Lopez.

Griffey better not get out

Rob deserves the honor

Well now a Griffey K is the most predictable outcome ever

More than a loss?

Can we do worse? Is there nowhere to go but up?

Well, we could be 0-7, so, yeah, there's still room to devolve.

we haven't set the all time loss record yet...

… it would look nice right next to our all time wins record, don’t you think?

Gekko Mojo - April 12, 2010 reply

What's our team BABIP? .150?

Balls in play, hard or not, are right at people. Or robbed by non-Gutierrez centerfielders.

Besides this game our opponents seem to have all their hits dropping too (fangraphs says .348).

My brain is trying to bargain with me that at least we’re getting bad luck out of the way first, then I remember that logically it doesn’t work that way.

ChristopherA - April 12, 2010 reply

No, but regression back to the mean will be fucking sweet.

If things go like they are, that should happen right about the time Cliff Lee comes back, which means Cliff Lee will get major credit for helping turn the team around…. etc.

Besides this game our opponents seem to have all their hits dropping too (fangraphs says .348).

My brain is trying to bargain with me that at least we’re getting bad luck out of the way first, then I remember that logically it doesn’t work that way.

ChristopherA - April 12, 2010 reply

Besides this game our opponents seem to have all their hits dropping too (fangraphs says .348).

My brain is trying to bargain with me that at least we’re getting bad luck out of the way first, then I remember that logically it doesn’t work that way.

You're not Corco.

You’re ChristopherB

LEZZGO GRIFFDAWG

WOOF WOOF

RETIRE

YOU’VE HAD YOUR OVATION ON OPENING DAY, YOU ARE OF NO FURTHER USE

Please..

It looked weird to see him standing in uniform with The Big Unit, Edgar, Jay and Wilson during the pregame…

voltron27 - April 12, 2010 reply

Griffey:

5 run HR on an 0-2 count.

BELIEVE BIG (that having nothing to do with Griffey’s waistline).

CMON MAN A WALK IS FINE HERE

DAMMIT GRIFFEY HIT ONE OUT!

He was trying

WOW WHAT A HUGE FOUL HIT

THAT WAS THE HOME RUN SWING

What a fucking embarrassing game.

JUST GET A HIT YOU CAN'T DRIVE IN FOUR RUNS RIGHT HERE

Fuck a duck.

or an elephant

Jumping off the cliff later, who wants to join

Mike Sweeney might join you out of politeness if you asked him.

HE'S GOING TO SWING AND MISS ON A BIG UGLY SWING

STOP BEING OLD GRIFFEY

IN Z WE TRUST!

Fuck you, Rob Johnson

Hey Ryan?

You can go home now.

First shut-out of the year.

Held that one off as long as we could.

GOD!

He hit that right on the screws =/

AEIOG;AIOGHE;AOGFN;AKJDLBN;AEWJRF;IL ADVLJAHE;RLIUAEWIPOFJ; ALEJ

:(

Look on the bright side.

We have the best under performing team in the league.

This is probably the worst Mariner offense I've seen.

Superlative.

It isn't.

Getting owned by shittastic Quad-A right handers because we had a hacktastic team of mostly righties was much worse.

MUCH worse.

This is just frustrating because the guys we know can hit good aren’t, aside from Franklin, and it’s not like the rest of the team is good enough to carry us.

This team exhausts me.

I hope we can get it together here in the next few games. It’s too early to press the panic button… but eventually it will be too LATE not too.

I dunno; I have a hard time being harsh re: that Griffey AB.

He swung pretty well, connected, got around on a couple pitches…

He’s just old now…RETIRE.

I don't think the people taking part in the Griffey challenge would like that very much

Time to bring back a good old 2008 meme

There is no floor

http://www.lookoutlanding.com/2010/4/12/1417082/4-12-open-game-thread-part-2#34538442
http://www.lookoutlanding.com/2010/4/12/1417082/4-12-open-game-thread-part-2#34536534

Late

This makes me more depressed

WOOOOOOOOOOO!

ANOTHER LOSING STREAK STARTED!

Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee Cliff Lee

Cant help on offense.

We could always use the DH for Rob Johnson.

Is he a good hitter?

Cause it doesn’t matter otherwise.

Yeah,

but it’s Cliff Lee.

Felix can hit.

I think the Mariners should go without the DH on Felix day.

Completely serious.

Well these last two games have been tonsa fun...

Cliff Pennington went yard today?

Man, this game was more of a hilassacre than I originally thought.

He's doin' his Joe Morgan imitation

Watch out for Pennington. I predicted 13-17 HRs for the guy this year. The ball really flies off his bat when he gets solid contact.

One won lost won - April 12, 2010 reply

Pennington should be easy to watch out for seeing as how I am taller than he is.

Oh well,

Time to read Dave Cameron’s recap.

I don't quite see a point in living anymore

It’s been real ya’ll

Stormton - April 12, 2010 reply

Griffey needs to go on the DL and only get reactivated if he loses 20 pounds.

He needs to give up his plate appearances for the Griffey challenge.

I don't think any amount of weight loss is going to help at this point.

I’d rather he come back as an obese fat load so fans have mixed feelings about rooting for him.

Liposuction on Griffey and we might be on to something.

Or lose 10 years.

urchman - April 12, 2010 reply

I doubt he'll be better when he's 50

Will everyone please shut the hell up about Griffey

At this rate everyone on this team should fucking retire. At least Griffey almost gave it a ride there at the end. And he’s not Rob fucking Johnson. He’s got that going for him.

No, only Griffey and Sweeney should retire.

And Rob Johnson.

What I'm saying is if everyone is so concerned at the lack of hitting, please get pissed at EVERYONE in the lineup, not just Griffey.

Except for Guti.

But I don't expect everyone else to be above average hitters, and the ones I do expect to be above average have a track record of being good.

Griffey’s only role on this team is to hit, and there’s little evidence that he’s good at it anymore.

Most of the Mariners have spent time in the last decade not being a below-replacement level player.

Griffey, not so much. He’s had one good season since 2000, and everything else is varying levels of injured or garbage.

The only reason he has a MLB job in 2001 is he’s ZOMG JUNIOR, instead of Carl Everett.

Er, strike 2001 for 2010, and "below".

Is he the worst problem on the team? No.They are all playing badly right now, save Felix and Guti. But I think Ichiro, Figgins and others are tons more likely to bounce back a lot as opposed to Junior, since they aren’t 40 and fighting through a decade of injury.

2003 and 2005 say hi.

They say hi from 7 and 5 years of injury plagued career ago, respectively

Well, yes.

Griffey is not good anymore. We know this. But the point is he’s had more than one good season since 2000.

Fangraphs has 2003 and 2005 as seasons over +1.0 WAR, and Smith’s WAR database has every season in that span except 2002 valued at over +1.

Alright, but he only played in 53 games in 2003.

Not exactly an adequate yearly sample.

I wasn't defending him; I was pointing out inadequacies in coward's evaluation.

I mean, it’s one thing to say “He was injured and would have easily outperformed that level” (and it’s probably true), but the truth is he didn’t and the injury affects our idea.

But then we have Rob fucking Johnson on this team, who can’t even produce 1 WAR in a whole season. The evaluation has to be taken in context. Is Griffey worth 2 million this season? Well, he’d need to be worth 0.5 WAR to hit that…so, probably not, but it’s believable seeing as his .230 BABIP last year contributed to 0.3 WAR (only 0.2 off his necessary production to match his paycheck).

Paying full value for a half a win player is bad

Because there are so many hitters capable of matching that available for the league minimum. He’d need to do better than that to justify the contract, and he won’t. Because he hasn’t for many, many years and is only going to get worse with age.

"I wasn't defending him."

What part of this statement do you not understand?

I don’t actually buy into the “In Z We Trust” mantra here and at USSM. Griffey signing, Sweeney’s continued presence, passing (albeit successfully) Langerhans through waivers, Rob Johnson…the roster construction in total is not something I like.

But like E-Lizz, who launched this sub thread, I just can’t stand the Griffey hate when taken along with the rest of the roster.

Griffey is annoying because he's one of the team's three worst hitters

and he’s slotted into a position where he is incredibly replaceable.

I'm quoting myself via USSM:

The Fangraphs leaderboard for designated hitters has Junior with a .347 wOBA over the last three calendar years, which is quite literally a league average DH when sampled over 500 PA’s.

He’s due for some regression. Will he be great? No. But he is not this team’s biggest problem on offense.

A three year average with all 3 years equally weighted is VERY misleading.

You’re discussing a 40 year old player who, as was pointed out, is sliding very badly downhill each year.

The reason Griffey’s BABIP sucks is the same reason Richie Sexson’s BABIP sucked: they both can’t hit any more.

The other problem is Griffey’s contribution is ALL with a bat. Wilson can’t hit, but he can field. Ditto Lopez and so on.

I was just responding to your comment that Griffey needs to be worth 0.5 WAR to be worth his contract

There's a few dozen better investments we could make.

I am not picking on you, but people need to realize that a bell curve distribution is not the same as the straight line that straight up Win Value at fangraphs suggests

The closer you are to replacement level, the less valuable your WAR is, and the farther away from it you are, the more valuable.

Yup.

0-0.5 WAR players are figuratively a dime a dozen. A lot of random AAA players could come in and give .5 WAR over a full season. Hell, Princess Willie could be a replacement-level 2B over a year.

"Hey, this argument didn't fly on one site, let's try it on another!"

Jeff Nye - April 12, 2010 reply

It's sort of hard to mistake LL for the Times or PI comments section.

Hey, the conversations were going on simultaneously!

It’s almost like I was having a discussion with different people about the same topic! Crazy talk!

Understood.

Talent is in a bell curve, but payroll increases at a fairly linear rate once you hit league average.

"He’s had one good season since 2000, and everything else is varying levels of injured or garbage."

53 games seems to count in the “injured” pile.

Griffey has a track record of suck.

Lame

Well, that sucked.

I’m gonna go eat junk food as a form of self-mutilation. How about you guys?

I'm eating easy mac and studying for a test.

Fun.

I was so excited to watch Baseball and study

My first go at it was on Friday. I got halfway through the chapter and ended up spending more time with bourbon than my book.

I don't even try. I just rearrange my day around the baseball games.

That’s why I’m writing an assignment for my reporting class at 11 PM.

I hate leads.

thehemogoblin - April 12, 2010 reply

Gonna go beat Duchscherer myself in MLB 10 The Show.

I hope you put Rob Johnson on the lowest minor league team.

Or deleted him.

He is somewhere in Double A. I use Josh Bard.

Depending on the algorithm the computer uses for evaluating trades, you might be able to deal him for some interesting pieces.

I just trade him to the Royals for a rookie league player.

In OOTP.

Do they end up starting him?

They rated him pretty high and depends on what the AI does.

He starts out 20/80, but has 50/80 potential which is way too generous.

Goddamn fuck this team.

Goose - April 12, 2010 via mobile reply

How was that play by Bradley not an error?

It was, according to the MLB boxscore.

Teej - April 12, 2010 reply

So shouldn't some of the runs been unearned?

I need to check the box score elsewhere, I guess.

I'm pretty sure those runs would have scored even if Bradley fielded it cleanly.

Two Rs and Two Ls - April 12, 2010 reply

Two runs were pretty much scoring on that single.

The only base that was given up on the error was allowing the batter to get to second.

I just wanted to blame someone.

Blame Rob Johnson.

Maybe only the runs that would have come after the error would have been unearned.

That's how I understood it.

Depends.

There was no out to be made there, so if the next hit was a single or a double it’s probably an unearned run. If it’s a triple or a home run, it’s earned (he would have been at first regardless).

Or some such bullocks.

Two Rs and Two Ls - April 12, 2010 reply

If he had advanced to third and scored on a sac fly

then the run would have been unearned, I believe.

The error would have had to have made a meaningful contribution to the run scoring.

So it seems my theory was confirmed.

Don Bluth movies—more entertaining than Mariners games.

FUCK YOU, ROBERT JOHNSON.

You son of a shunned nun. You don’t belong in Seattle… hell, you don’t belong on the Clinton fucking Lumberkings.

Ian Smell - April 12, 2010 reply

Inform Z. And Wak. And the whole fucking organization.

So tired of it.

Two Rs and Two Ls - April 12, 2010 reply

So I was in class.

How did Rob fuck this one up?

the other side - April 12, 2010 reply

Dropped a strikeout, leading to Gabe Gross's two-run single+.

thehemogoblin - April 12, 2010 reply

He did actually block a small handful of pitches, though.

I was surprised and vaguely excited.

Rob is our scapegoat for the game.

We were shutout and we’re ticked off that we don’t have an offense.

TrustBaseball - April 12, 2010 reply

I'm still going with Scrappy

That works too.

TrustBaseball - April 12, 2010 reply

Rob is terrible.

I don’t know if he’s exactly a scapegoat. But absolutely everything bad that can and has happened is Rob Johnson’s fault.

On the bright side

Joe Mauer seems to be a nice guy.

Slow Country - April 12, 2010 reply

Sure, we lost today...but today ruled!

People I met today (in order):

1. Howie Lincoln (I know, I know..)
2. Gov. Gregoire
3. Mayor McGinn
4. Jack Wilson
5. Randy Johnson
6. Edgar Martinez
7. Dan Wilson
8. Jay Buhner
9. Red
10. Red’s girlfriend (fiance? wife?)

So that made today AWESOME! Best home opener EVER!

sirbrianwilson - April 12, 2010 reply

Red's wife.

1. Opening ceremony was the high point of the day.

2. The home plate umpires’ lil’ Michael Jackson strike dance was really, really annoying.
3. This game made me sad.

sanford_and_son - April 12, 2010 reply

At least the bullpen helmet is back!

Mikky - April 12, 2010 reply

I'm sure that won't last long.

sanford_and_son - April 13, 2010 reply

Lame

Why the hell was this rec'd

I don't know, but run with it

You logged in at 1 in the am to state the obvious?

Kotchman's play at first made the number 9 play of the day on Sportscenter, not too shabby.

sanford_and_son - April 13, 2010 reply

Number 9??

Lame. That was a fantastic freaking play.

It was #9 for all the plays, (all sport)

It was webgem #2 also, I believe.

doublemazaa - April 13, 2010 reply

Thats a bit better.

I did see that Crawford play. Ridiculous.

Everyone needs to calm the fuck down

It’s the second week of baseball and the M’s first home game. Give them a break. Last year we started off hot and cooled down; perhaps this year we’re going for the opposite effect. If you guys were actual Mariners fans, you wouldn’t be assholes to all the players. Come on, at least give them a month before you start with this nonsense.

I don't think you understand how game threads work.

Oh no, I realize everyone's trying to be funny,

but it gets to a point where it’s just rude and pointless. I doubt the M’s would look at this thread and be thankful for their “fans.”

Grown men getting paid to play baseball shouldn't be wasting time on the internet anyways.

But if they read this, I’m sure they think it’s hilariously retarded.

sanford_and_son - April 13, 2010 reply

If people suck, we don't want them on the team anymore, the more people who suck you have on your team the less likely you are to win

Therefore, seeing people who suck remain on this team makes people angry, because we want to win. Those are the people who really get piled on (Griffey, Sweeney) and I don’t think it would be a bad thing to have that displeasure communicated to the people who run the team. If more people did it, one or both of them might not even be here right now.

Other times there are just frustrating moments in a game where people need to vent over a play. And sweet holy hell this team has been frustrating so far.

OlSalty - April 13, 2010 reply

Personally I'm mad because the team is willfully not putting their best players on the field, and for an obsessive diehard fan, it is a frustrating helpless situation

When we lose in painful fashion, people tend to focus their frustrations on our worst players. I love Ken Griffey Jr., but he’s been beyond finished for some time now, and the nostalgia of him being in back Seattle wore off sometime back in 2007. I would hope he would retire with some dignity before it’s too late. Ken Griffey Jr. should not be remembered to a generation of fans as someone who should be booed when he comes to the plate, he shouldn’t be remembered as the guy who is literally the worst player in baseball.

Accusing us of not being "actual Mariners fans" is a very, very poor idea.

royalcurve - April 13, 2010 reply

I just don't see how saying "fuck this M's player" or "fuck that M's player" constitutes one being a Mariners fan

Why don’t we just stick to fuck the Angels and call it good? Oh and IT’S ONLY THE SECOND WEEK.

Because the Mariners make us mad sometimes

And Griffey sucks

Because we support an organization and the team they put on the field to play baseball.

We want the Mariners to win. Certain players are not good at baseball, and therefore do not help the Mariners win.

And by “certain players”, I mean Rob fucking Johnson. And Mike Sweeney, but he’s such a swell guy that we don’t hate him—just his presence on the team.

I don't think you understand quite how fandom works

The only player I seriously feel this way about is Rob Fucking Johnson.

And thats is totally fucking justified.
Get off it.

Can we please be a bit more civil?

To Rob? No.

To other posters? Ya, I know. I’m really pissed off right now.

Because we care

If we didn’t care the team wouldn’t piss us off

So here is the thing.

I have had season tickets for longer than you have known how to not shit your pants. Get to know the people here before you start shouting all high and mighty at us.

Sec 108 - April 13, 2010 reply

Okay, I'm not saying Rob's brilliant,

but would you rather have Moore step in? Because that didn’t work out too well last week either. And if everyone weren’t so obsessed with the Kid then the M’s wouldn’t have brought him back in the first place. It isn’t our fault that most M’s fans are still living in the 90s. Sure, we don’t have a perfect team, but no one does. We need to support the players we do have because treating them like shit isn’t going to help them play better.

It's going to make them play neither better nor worse

I still don’t think you quite understand how fandom works. When you care about a team and they do something bad, it’s upsetting. When you get upset, you say things you may or may not mean. When you say things you may or may not mean, they tend to come out angrily.

Thus, fuck Rob Johnson

Also, we aren't treating them like shit.

We are venting about them. They do not experience this in person.

royalcurve - April 13, 2010 reply

Wait, so just because you don't have the opportunity to say this to their face it doesn't count as badmouthing?

Are you honestly saying everyone that types “fuck Rob Johnson” on fandom wouldn’t say it to Rob’s face or scream it at home games? I find that hard to believe.

Well I boo Rob Johnson everytime I go to the park

I do the exact opposite!

Dewey N - April 13, 2010 reply

Believe whatever you want to.

I cheer for them at games.

royalcurve - April 13, 2010 reply

I openly boo Rob Johnson.

I openly turn to other fans and insist that Rob Johnson really sucks at his job. But when Rob does something right—like, I dunno, gets an XBH—I cheer. Why? Not because of Rob Johnson, but because it’s helping the Mariners.

I want the Mariners to do well, and by extension I want Johnson to do well. But I think the Mariners would do better with an alternative to Rob Johnson.

Why would we want our own team to be unsuccessful (Strasburg aside)?

that’s the whole point. When you care, you get upset. When you say upset you say irrational things

"would you rather have Moore step in?"

500% YES!!!!!!!
I have no idea what the fuck the CI was about but his defense is so much better its not even funny. And he’s a freakin rookie people, the hitting will come around.

http://www.lookoutlanding.com/2010/4/12/1417082/4-12-open-game-thread-part-2#34600547

.

We have a statistically insignificant small sample size with Adam Moore.

We have 3/4 of a season of Johnson blocking a clearly superior catcher in Johjima. And sucking at it. He can’t catch, he can’t hit (even if his .269 wOBA regresses toward league average, this tends to stabilize around 500 plate appearances. He’d have to hit .370—better than Ichiro!—over his next 200 PA’s to be league average).

Good God I’d rather have Adam Moore.

Catchers who are league average hitters are 3.5 WAR players

Johnson is not league average, though.

Nowhere close.

Yes, that's correct

Which was sort of the point.

“Would you rather have Adam Moore?” was the question, with an appeal to his ridiculously small sample size of the last week. The answer here is “Yes, and here’s why: look, Johnson sort of sucks.”