C: Taylor Hill Teagarden
1B: Joshua S. Whitesell
2B: Brent Stuart Lillibridge
SS: Clifton Randolph Pennington
3B: James Gordon Beckham III
LF: Aaron R. Cunningham
CF: Jonathan Eugene Van Every
RF: Joshua David Willingham
DH: Thomas James Everidge
BENCH-C: Dustin Eli Whiteside
BENCH-IF: John Joseph Hannahan
BENCH-OF: James Micah Hoffpauir
BENCH-BAT: Robert Michael Aubrey
SP: Justin Brooks Verlander
SP: Chad Ryan Billingsley
SP: Robert Nicholas Blackburn
SP: Adam Parrish Wainwright
SP: Jeremy Allen Bonderman
RP: Jonathan Robert Papelbon
RP: Blake Edward Hawksworth
RP: Kyle William McClellan
RP: Joel Ryan Hanrahan
RP: Nathan Daniel Robertson
RP: Clayton C. Richard
RP: Hayden Andrew Penn
Manager: Ronald Clyde Gardenhire
Pitching Coach: Roger Alan McDowell
Hitting Coach: Donald Arthur Mattingly
Bullpen Coach: John Karl Wetteland
Bench Coach: Alan Stuart Trammell
First Base Coach: Daniel John Radison
Third Base Coach: Timothy Earl Flannery
-----
Depth:
Jason Jerrod Bourgeois
Craig Alan Gentry
Ralph Davis Stoneburner
Mitchell Austin Moreland
Craig Leo Stansberry
Wesley Wade Bankston
Trevor Patrick Plouffe
Ryan Benjamin Rowland-Smith
Grant Robert Balfour
Andrew Michael Sonnanstine
Justin Daniel Masterson
Justin Craig Duchscherer
Brian P. Bannister
Kyle Lynn Farnsworth
Luke J. Gregerson
Mark Allan Hendrickson
Craig Andrew Breslow
Eric George O'Flaherty
Michael Alan Pelfrey
Madison K. Bumgarner
28 recs | 138 comments
Yes!
The middle names are a nice touch.
RunningFool - April 15, 2010
I think they are totally necessary.
TrustBaseball - April 15, 2010
There are so many easy jokes to be made here.
But I love this.
katal - April 15, 2010
I love this so much
this is one of my favorite front page posts ever
seattlebruin - April 15, 2010
I suspect that a Bonderman may be too low of class to be a part of the Jane Austen team.
And an Irishman (O’Flaherty)? Come on.
katal - April 15, 2010
I was afraid of this
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
someones got to be a servant
although I think we have to wait til Bronte for them to have names
Freneau - April 15, 2010
Well,
what did you expect us to do? NOT overanalyze?
Andersean - April 15, 2010
What about Michael Alan Pelfrey
Instead of Bonderman
moyerLIVES - April 15, 2010
Bunch of Irish names in there
Hannahan, Hanrahan, McClellan, Flannery. I’m not sure but possibly Pelfrey as well (I’ve long assumed that anything ending in -ey is Irish). But this is still a funny post.
Suburban Shocker - April 16, 2010
Not a bad rotation there.
What would uniforms for this team look like? I see a lot of billowy pirate shirts. Maybe some pince nez for RRS.
moyerLIVES - April 15, 2010
This team pitches the shit out of the ball
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
Does Mr. Rowland-Smith get relegated to depth due to his uncouth hyphenated last name,
or for the thoroughly distasteful use of a given name so simultaneously modern and Irish as “Ryan”?
harkening - April 15, 2010
It's more like the pitching staff is just really good
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
A hyphenated last name might still be okay if the woman's father was landed.
katal - April 15, 2010
or if anglo welsh
Freneau - April 15, 2010
Blake Edward Hawksworth
Seems like the archetypical Jane Austen character name.
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
This is the one that inspired me
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
Some of these are difficult to believe
royalcurve - April 15, 2010
I went to highschool with Blake Hawksworth!
okdan - April 15, 2010
Nathan D. Robertson was a good friend of mine in high school.
TrustBaseball - April 15, 2010
We are so weird.
I love it.
Eyebrows - April 15, 2010 via mobile
Wheeeee
royalcurve - April 15, 2010
This is fantastic
MT Olson - April 15, 2010
Wait, this is basically just a list of white guys with English names
You sir could make anything entertaining to read.
MT Olson - April 15, 2010
Carson Cistulli is jealous he didn't think of this first.
BrianL - April 15, 2010
What about Curtis John Pride?
Or does the owner too prejudiced to hire him as a coach?
Jed MC - April 15, 2010
Dammit Jeff, I hate how much I love this.
Great work.
wyte_lightning - April 15, 2010
It's too bad Madison Bumgarner is still in the minors.
I Lick Squirrels - April 15, 2010
Ehhh I'll add him anyway
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
This is awesome.
E-Lizz - April 15, 2010
BEST THING EVER
Decatur - April 15, 2010
For the owner of the team
would you go with Charles K. Monfort, William O. Dewitt, Jr., Robert Drayton Mclane, Jr. or Theodore N. Lerner?
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
It would have to be Monfort, I'd think
pdb - April 15, 2010
Definitely Monfort
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
He just sounds like a villain, doesn't he?
Wait, who’s that coming into the parlour? MONFORT!!!!!!!!!
pdb - April 15, 2010
Him and his brother as owners of the team.
Charles K. and Richard L. Monfort. I like it.
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
I personally like Robert Drayton McLane, Jr.
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
If the Irish weren't good enough the Scots aren't either
pdb - April 15, 2010
It would be better as a 'the III' than a 'Jr.'
blueside714 - April 15, 2010
Forget the "Jr." then and just call him "the Second."
harkening - April 15, 2010
Objection!
I earned my II. I don’t want any lousy junior tarnishing that.
thehemogoblin - April 15, 2010
This should be called the London Silly Nannies
killer_ewok18 - April 15, 2010
On second thought, I like Jane Austen Team better
killer_ewok18 - April 15, 2010
Jeff, you are exquisite.
Torrid - April 15, 2010
The literature major in me
absolutely agrees with this.
Hilarious stuff!
AMb1valenT - April 15, 2010
This is awesome
bluemax - April 15, 2010
Will McDonald did a write-up about this, and it is currently on the frontpage of SBnation.
http://www.sbnation.com/2010/4/15/1424547/chad-billingsley-and-blake-hawksworth-jane-austen-team
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
How Mitchell Moreland is relegated to depth is beyond me
That is a beauty of a name
Sportszilla - April 15, 2010
This is brilliant
I’ve always said that Cliff Pennington should have been an 18th century British aristocrat
Nick S - April 15, 2010
I feel Clifton Pennington would be the guy I'd want managing my investments if I were rich
Gihyou - April 15, 2010
He'd be too busy sailing his yacht to East Hampton
pdb - April 15, 2010
William Paul Bloomquist?
Astrobiology - April 15, 2010
Too Scandinavian.
Mikky - April 15, 2010
You sure earn your recs
Dewey N - April 15, 2010
If you are seriously this bored Jeff, you need help.
It is an off day though.
the other side - April 15, 2010
I enjoy things like this
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
So did this just come to you or has your lack of recent writing been a result of your intense work on this.
the other side - April 15, 2010
Came to me during the podcast, which you can hear during the podcast!
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
Yeah, this was thoroughly thought out and will end well.
Eyebrows - April 15, 2010 via mobile
You may not mean it this way
but these two comments come off rather dick-ish and demanding
Matthew - April 15, 2010
Not meant that way.
I have developed an intense hate of Jane Austen, having had two older sisters.
That being said, funny stuff.
the other side - April 15, 2010
I don't think I understand this joke.
Did / does Jane Austen always use middle names or something?
Thingray - April 15, 2010
She was an author of romantic fiction in the early 19th century that set her novels in the aristocracy of England
so the names of her characters were usually grandiose. She is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, etc.
Here’s her wikipedia page if you would like to know more.
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
I would not like to know more.
Thank you for the basis behind the joke though!
Thingray - April 15, 2010
That's a bit like saying that Shakespeare was an Elizabethan playwright
who wrote histories, tragedies, and comedies. (And one romance.)
pygmalion - April 15, 2010
Wasn't he?
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
Yes
If someone asks you who Babe Ruth was, it is odd to say, “A baseball player who played left field (and pitched a little) for the Red Sox and Yankees.” You say, “The guy who transformed the game of baseball by inventing the home run or at least the idea of a power hitter, a baseball player who was such a character that he has dominated fans imaginations for decades after his death.”
pygmalion - April 16, 2010
He played right field.
Sec 108 - April 16, 2010
I love off days
seattlecougar - April 15, 2010
I miss the Mariners
Dewey N - April 15, 2010
Awww
royalcurve - April 15, 2010
GM.
Neal Huntington, just wish I could find his middle name.
MFAN - April 15, 2010
Neal Alden Huntington
JonBBT - April 15, 2010
Madison K. Bumgarner
This guy’s parents are assholes. He already has to go through life with the last name Bumgarner, and then they go and give him a girls’ name to add insult to injury.
Also, I hope one day to see the headline “Fister overcomes Bumgarner” after a M’s/Giants interleague game.
Vatinius - April 15, 2010
I'd go with "Fister overpowers Bumgarner" myself but I like the way you think.
pdb - April 15, 2010
It's "A Boy Named Sue" Syndrome
If growing up with the name Madison Bumgarner doesn’t toughen you up and give you the drive to succeed, nothing will.
skjes - April 15, 2010 via mobile
Brilliant.
stupidquestions - April 15, 2010
God I hate Jane Austen.
For my summer A.P. project leading up to my senior year, the A.P. teachers made us go see that piece of trash that was Becoming Jane.
It was so god damn boring. Plus, my friend and I were the only two dudes in there sans the one guy who was dragged in by his wife. So, really, the only two dudes who came in on their own free will.
Thanks for the laughs Jeff, and the horrible memories.
beastwarking - April 15, 2010
Oh I get it, this is the woman who wrote the book about zombies.
Teej - April 15, 2010 via mobile
Actually I tried to read that
and I still found it pretty boring. I only made it about 1/3 through.
appleshampoo - April 15, 2010
I understand that Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter is better.
msb - April 15, 2010
THAT I'd read.
royalcurve - April 15, 2010
So read it.
http://www.amazon.com/Abraham-Lincoln-Vampire-Seth-Grahame-Smith/dp/0446563080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1271390720&sr=1-1
harkening - April 15, 2010
Regular Jane Austen bores me to tears.
P&P&Z was a real chore to finish once the novelty wore off.
Benne - April 15, 2010
That's what I always felt like it would become.
Never actually read it for that reason.
Torrid - April 15, 2010
Exactly
appleshampoo - April 16, 2010
First book in the BookcLLub!
And I actually got through Pride and Prejudice for the first time after being driven to it by my disappointment with the zombie book. So now I actually like Jane Austen after hating her when I was younger.
What are we reading next for the BookcLLub, in any case?
Decatur - April 16, 2010
Are you sure
you weren’t inspired by the book next to your desk titled Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict?
Ms. Jeff - April 15, 2010
Damn you
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
Distinguished owner of the highest RPCR (Recs Per Comment Ratio)
lemonverbena - April 15, 2010
So Jeff's fallen off the wagon this week and has been reading Jane Austen the whole time.
That explains the lower levels of Jeff content.
Decatur - April 16, 2010
Oh, snap!
I miss you guys.
Ms. Teej - April 16, 2010
Michael Charles Brantley II
Sure its actually Jr but what the hell. Hey, you don’t have to have an ops over .500 to qualify do you?
coasty141 - April 15, 2010
False. There would never be a person with a hyphenated name in the farm system in the early 1800s.
sirbrianwilson - April 15, 2010
Unless he was an aristocrat
But that might be a later phenomenon.
pygmalion - April 15, 2010
This is a cricket team, right?
svart aske - April 15, 2010
To borrow from Mike Salk
this ain’t cricket.
Two Rs and Two Ls - April 15, 2010
To borrow from Casey Jones
You gotta know what crumpets are to play cricket.
RunningFool - April 15, 2010
Actually, that was Raphael TO Casey Jones.
When Casey took out a cricket bat to assault him (after Raph said “A Jose Canseco bat? I hope you didn’t pay money for this.”)
harkening - April 15, 2010
You jerks.
Now I have to Netflix TMNT,
James F'n X - April 15, 2010
Amazing.
RunningFool - April 15, 2010
I am a vat of useless trivia.
harkening - April 15, 2010
Wow
That was one of my favorite movies growing up, and I don’t even remember a line about crumpets.
appleshampoo - April 16, 2010
It's rounders, dangit.
pygmalion - April 15, 2010
I like how James Beckham goes by Gordon
Corco - April 15, 2010
This is too awesome
Poochie - April 15, 2010
I can’t believe you missed “Richmond Lockwood Sexson.”
salb918 - April 15, 2010
Unfortunately you missed the subject line.
seattle_since_81 - April 15, 2010
He doesn't play anymore
Jeff Sullivan - April 15, 2010
There's also...
Robert James Livingston. And, on a semi-unrelated note, did anybody know that the Kansas City Royals are currently employing a coach by this wonderful name?
srm07 - April 15, 2010
You don't recall when he coached with the Ms?
msb - April 16, 2010
After checking a little bit, I see he coached here from 1989 to 1992.
Being that I was between the ages of 0 and 3, kinda hard to remember. Definitely Exhibit A for getting your last name legally changed though.
srm07 - April 16, 2010
This reminds me. I may need to write the second part to the Eli Whiteside Saga.
Fin - April 15, 2010
And here it is
for reference.
Fin - April 15, 2010
Clifton Phifer Lee
A gross miscarriage of justice that our own Mr. Lee was left off the Jane Austens. Motivation!
lemonverbena - April 15, 2010
Jeffrey Whatever Sullivan
Would fit nicely on this list as well. Blogger/ Beat.
Pete_ - April 16, 2010
I think his middle name is either Aloysius or Menzies
pdb - April 16, 2010
Can Alois Terry Leiter be the color analyst?
msb - April 16, 2010
Ohhhhhh goodie, Deadspin linked to this.
OlSalty - April 16, 2010
We have a 24-hour comment waiting period
Jeff Sullivan - April 16, 2010
They didn't choose very good example names
Dewey N - April 16, 2010
I may not be well read,
but George Kenneth Griffey, Jr. doesn’t seem too out of place on this list.
yuniform - April 16, 2010
Chad is the worst Jane Austen name ever
Graham MacAree - April 16, 2010
I wish so hard it were Chadwick
Jeff Sullivan - April 16, 2010
James Chadwick Pennington
westbrook - April 17, 2010
Where’s my boy Colbert Richard Hamels?
yosoysean - April 16, 2010
Probably ran off with your subject line.
Eyebrows - April 16, 2010 via mobile
Subject lines are overrated.
yosoysean - April 18, 2010
Like this team needs more pitching
Jeff Sullivan - April 16, 2010
This team pitches the shit out of the ball
Dewey N - April 16, 2010
This made Deadspin
Looks like our little boy is about to hit the big time.
Robert - April 16, 2010
Deadspin linked to this very post
Dewey N - April 16, 2010
Awesome
westbrook - April 17, 2010
Smashing.
Jolly good show chap!
Fear - April 17, 2010
Middle names make it too easy
And Lastings Milledge should be the MVP .
And Heathcliff Slocumb starred on the All-Emily Bronte Team.
Brian Cubbison - April 18, 2010
I don't know if this comment will be read
since it’s so late. But does anyone know if/where there’s an available list of MLB players’ full names? Unless Jeff just has every player’s name memorized and that’s how he did it.
rolando74 - April 22, 2010
Baseball-reference.com has full names
Jeff Sullivan - April 22, 2010
You must Login with your SB Nation account and be a member of Lookout Landing to post a comment.