If you thought you saw a giant walking banana last night, it's because there was a giant walking banana last night.
Given the species' superior aerodynamic form, threatening pointy bits, and ability to thrive in a harsh equatorial climate, it's worth considering that a mobile and sentient banana might represent the pinnacle of evolution. Note that last night's giant walking banana wasn't the least bit deterred by a powerful thunderstorm, while the humans in the area were compelled to shield themselves with thin sheets of plastic.
I don't know about you, but if last night is a sign of what lies ahead, then I, for one, welcome our new banana overlords.
31 recs | 92 comments
I think in this new post-human era, we need to focus on
moving forward, not backwards; upwards, not forwards; and always twirling, twirling towards freedom.
BWoodrum - April 27, 2010
This only means giant monkeys are coming too.
Sec 108 - April 27, 2010
That's okay,
we’ll build giant robots to quash the monkey rebellion
Matthew - April 27, 2010
But when they build robot monkeys with cymbals,
What then?
jwolf0 - April 27, 2010
Stay low.
Stay quiet.
Bballpitcher2 - April 27, 2010
We escape to a network of underground caves
Matthew - April 27, 2010
CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!
SeaKoala - April 27, 2010
We still have the Energizer bunny...
ToddK - April 27, 2010
Isn't that the plot to the Terminator movies?
Edgar for Pres - April 27, 2010
There was a normal sized ape that I saw with it fleetingly.
Luckily since the banana is so large, I don’t think that it had any fear of the ape.
seattle_since_81 - April 27, 2010
I saw it too!
waldo rojas - April 27, 2010
Confirmed.
Both were there and it was planned, I saw them both together in the bathroom.
hcoguy - April 27, 2010 via mobile
Apes and bananas pissing together? This is a new era!
Rich Langford - April 27, 2010
I'm not going with out a fight. Anyone want to help be build a giant blinder? Banana smoothies for everyone!
InSpokane - April 27, 2010
I giant blinder would be good for M's fans right about now
lemonverbena - April 27, 2010
Nah, we just need a giant shot of whiskey.
InSpokane - April 27, 2010
Everclear might work better for the blinding effect.
JY - April 27, 2010
Everclear always makes me do things that I'm embarrassed about in the morning.
InSpokane - April 27, 2010
Methanol
We need serious blinding power.
Torjazz - April 27, 2010
Or sterno.
Though that might be a bit more permanent.
ToddK - April 27, 2010
You're weird.
seattlebruin - April 27, 2010
Somehow we got six replies without someone screaming PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME
JY - April 27, 2010
Thank God you picked up the slack
Torrid - April 27, 2010
I like to think of myself as treading the line between being a thoughtful contributor and groan-inducing.
JY - April 27, 2010
If I want a comical song vaguely related to bananas I'm singing 'Big Yellow Joint'
ChristopherA - April 27, 2010
I just watched this episode last night!
Torrid - April 27, 2010
What is it from?
Rich Langford - April 27, 2010
Arrested Development.
Hopefulmsfan - April 27, 2010
There was one in the GT.
seattle_since_81 - April 27, 2010
Z
Bballpitcher2 - April 27, 2010
Feel free to hide.
Bballpitcher2 - April 27, 2010
My 3-year-old LOVES to sing that song.
Very glad she didn’t see the giant bananaman last night.
seattlesundevil - April 27, 2010
I could definitely see the apeel.
Hopefulmsfan - April 27, 2010
I love when this happens
Jeff Sullivan - April 27, 2010
I feel like LL would often play this role
And that’s why we are awesome.
Torrid - April 27, 2010
This happened with the SBN fantasy leagues too
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/323027/fantasyleague.PNG
Jeff Sullivan - April 27, 2010
Someone needed to put that smug catfucker in his place.
abender20 - April 27, 2010
Hee hee
royalcurve - April 27, 2010
The best part is that otherwise we have some of the best content on the network.
JY - April 27, 2010
This IS the best content on the network
lemonverbena - April 27, 2010
I don't venture out much.
To many +1s. They scare me.
JY - April 27, 2010
The +1 phenomena is stupid because it has evolved into +.8, +42, +1000000, etc.
Just rec the post and move on. We shouldn’t have to decipher the scale your feelings use.
Wilder. - April 27, 2010
Somehow
“Giant Walking Banana” and “Being Cleveland” next to each other just feels natural to me.
jwolf0 - April 27, 2010
Bananas are also radioactive
Eating 600 bananas gives you the same amount of radiation as a chest X-Ray!!!
Perhaps these new Bananites are forcing us to eat their young in order to X-Ray our insides?
RubioNubio - April 27, 2010
What was Ben Rothlisberger's penis doing at a Royals game
lemonverbena - April 27, 2010
Wrong color
Sorry for the Deadspin link
Sportszilla - April 27, 2010
Better than a Meatspin link.
RunningFool - April 27, 2010
Can't argue with that
Torrid - April 27, 2010
Truth.
seattlesundevil - April 27, 2010
At least it wasn't Aardsma's penis.
JY - April 27, 2010
Pittsburgh figured the best way to keep Rothlisberger out of trouble was to ship his penis to Kansas City.
InSpokane - April 27, 2010
Closer in size
to Greg Oden’s
appleshampoo - April 27, 2010
Couldn't be Oden's though--his is in rehab after a ligament tear suffered during peanut butter jelly time.
Rich Langford - April 27, 2010
I blame the banana for the loss.
It’s the only rational explanation.
Hopefulmsfan - April 27, 2010
Giant walking bananas are a jinx to modern living
lemonverbena - April 27, 2010
In college, we made and wore giant walking banana suits to promote a party.
There is video evidence hanging around here somewhere. Yellow felt. Quite tasteful.
Pete_ - April 27, 2010
A buddy of mine would always wear one to ASU football games a few years ago
Also saw a bananaman walking down the street. It appears as though they are spreading!
seattlesundevil - April 27, 2010
At least I have something to look forward to.
Jesus Jones - April 27, 2010
I don't welcome them and will express my displeasure by refusing to buy their manufactured goods
Corco - April 27, 2010
I, for one, am afraid that we didn't listen to Stephen Hawking.
“Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they could reach,” Hawking said. “If so, it makes sense for them to exploit each new planet for material to build more spaceships so they could move on. Who knows what the limits would be?”
lailaihei - April 27, 2010
I think he just watched Independence Day for the first time.
Crystal for DH - April 27, 2010
Maybe it was someone heckling Yuni.
MFAN - April 27, 2010
Or motivating Yuni to stretch out his hits for an extra base
by standing in the stands behind third base.
Eyebrows - April 27, 2010 via mobile
That equatorial environment is pretty harsh
Frankly, I’m surprised anything can survive in that climate.
MT Olson - April 27, 2010
Don't ever change Sullivan, don't ever change.
BigR - April 27, 2010
The job of a banana is to be consumed - to provide sustenance to an animal in exchange for dispersing the plant's seeds.
The skin color was clearly chosen to be visible, not to hide, and the ‘pointy bits’ you speak of are more or less harmless.
I suspect that bananas grew larger as part of some evolutionary arms race wherein only the most noticed fruits were consumed (and thus had seeds distributed around an ecosystem). If that still didn’t work, and people/animals still preferred the giant watermelon, the singing apples, or the pomegranates that increase the size of one’s penis, sure, you take the next step and evolve a means to move to where potential consumers are.
All of this means that I find your theory that they’re going to take over LUDICROUS. This species of banana is desperate to be eaten, and is now wandering around a god damn ROYALS game because midwestern families are generally kind, and would be less likely to rebuff a stranger’s request to eat of his flesh than would people along the coasts. If they DO show up here, they’ll be tired, beaten down from thousands of rejections, but still needing our assistance.
Hell, they’ll probably do menial yard work or something in exchange for a promise to eat them. This is essentially the opposite of an existential threat, but leave it to the big blog media to gin up a scare story. Hope you got page views for this rubbish.
marc w - April 27, 2010
Stephen Jay Gould would love you.
InSpokane - April 27, 2010
An average normal-sized banana packs around 450-500mg of potassium
The recommended daily intake of potassium is in the 3000-4000mg range. A potassium overdose can have sweeping and severe consequences, including palpitations, anxiety, heart failure, and death.
DEATH
How can you be so blind as to the banana’s true intent, here? We have been conditioned to assume that bananas are here to be eaten, but humanity’s tendencies toward the excess have also conditioned us to never leave a meal unfinished. How big do you suppose this banana is? 100 times larger than an average banana? 500 times larger than an average banana?
What you and others fail to understand is that this banana is giant walking poison. It’s because of people like you that our assumption that bananas are here to be eaten will prove to be humanity’s undoing.
Jeff Sullivan - April 27, 2010
Let me just see if I have this 'theory' of your right:
You’re saying that once you’ve got a banana hacked open, its tasty innards half in your mouth, half strewn across the lawn or whatever, that it might suddenly get uppity if you don’t clean your plate? Is that really what you just wrote?
How might it show its displeasure with your wasteful eating habits? Kick its legs in futile defiance? (I remind you, that portion of its flesh you haven’t consumed is exposed and you’ve removed its skin). Would it frown at you disapprovingly?
Look, this is wasteful from an energy standpoint, but so are the antlers on a moose. Natural selection works in mysterious ways, and not all of them involve mortal threats to human life. I suppose you’re terrified of peacocks, too.
There are real threats out there Mr. Sullivan, and I fear that by distracting the people with whatever kind of trendy fruit-bites-man story you come across, we’ll ALL be more vulnerable to them.
marc w - April 27, 2010
Plus, if a banana has developed a means of locamotion (eg. legs) then it no longer needs to be eaten.
It can spread its seed on its own once it develops the ability to move. It either has some misguided want to be eaten or is up to something we can not exactly pinpoint.
Edgar for Pres - April 27, 2010
Well now my cover is blown.
I sent that banana to Yuni as a present.
Sec 108 - April 27, 2010
Why would a big banana looking to get eaten hover around Yuni?
No, no this story doesn’t add up at all.
OlSalty - April 27, 2010
I know, right? It's too perfect! This banana stumbled upon a giant monkey with appetite control issues.
One thing that occurs to me now that we have photographic evidence of these walking bananas in the KC area is that the symptoms of potassium poisoning that Jeff mentioned line up pretty darn well with Zach Grienke’s supposed ‘mental’ issues. Anxiety/palpitations? Check. Hell, he probably told the training staff that he’d eaten of a giant walking banana, and they just chalked it up to mental illness – it’s not like this’d be the first time the Royals training staff flubbed a diagnosis.
marc w - April 27, 2010
So if the banana shows up today and we win...
Is that a banana split?
Ok I’m done.
Hopefulmsfan - April 27, 2010
All Hail our Banana Overlords!
Menthu Ra - April 27, 2010
according to someone on RR
there was also a Gorilla (suited man) at the game, chasing the banana
Freneau - April 27, 2010
So Gorilla FC are in Kansas City now?
marc w - April 27, 2010
People don't swear as often in the midwest
Aaron Campeau - April 27, 2010
Somehow I think this Giant Walking Banana would be a better DH than our current ones.
E-Lizz - April 27, 2010
I like to think he was walking around singing this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH5ay10RTGY
Phil Hatzenbuehler - April 27, 2010
Don't forget the Down Under Banana
msb - April 27, 2010
Oh my God! They're everywhere!
Decatur - April 27, 2010
I've been there, its not that great
The big pineapple on the other hand….
aussie_chop - April 27, 2010
That's weird. Bananas are smoother, though.
seattle_since_81 - April 27, 2010
I have a soft spot for "Around the world in 80 ways"
which features another Big Banahnah
msb - April 27, 2010
What you all don't understand
is that the giant walking banana is the newest weapon in our arsenal. Yes, yes you should welcome your new overlords, because we’re about to airdrop 80,000 giant walking bananas right in the middle of Grass Creek unless you agree to trade us Jack Z for GMDM.
jonfmorse - April 27, 2010
I would rather die from potassium overdose than give up Jack Z.
I’ll be the Mariner Martyr. Anyone down for some banana cream pie?
Hopefulmsfan - April 27, 2010
This saddens me.
It’s clear to me that the good old days when enemies would exchange hostages in order to secure a brief truce has truly passed us by.
Sadly, we’re not airdropping 8,000 boxes of Nilla Wafers along with the bananas. David Glass wouldn’t authorize the purchase. Damnit.
jonfmorse - April 27, 2010
Considering that the mutant banana is now man size,
bipedal able to spread it’s own seeds around (as eloquently pointed out above), the term banana cream pie doesn’t quite seem to be working as well as it would normally.
MarioVanPeebles Republic of China - April 27, 2010
If there isn't a guy at the game tonight wielding a large spoon there will be hell to pay
Kouvre - April 27, 2010
My spoon is tooooo big.
Phil Hatzenbuehler - April 28, 2010
Kaorikaze - April 27, 2010
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