Lookout Landing

I blame Ken Rosenthal.

This game has been fucking awful so far. Bring back the offseason, I was much happier then!

Opening Day was fun.

Kurt Suzuki needs to play catch with Rajai Davis more.

Runners would help this.

They need to play catch with fucking acid and swords the cunts.

Jesus wears his hat like Felix.

Expectations are high.

Cologne!

What

Heh...

Why

When

What the I don't even

Yay swinging strike at an obvious ball for the not Mariners!

Cabrera hitting .571 this year now that he's off the sauce. Lookout teddy ballgame.

What?

Going for .400 sober

Colome has some decent movement.

Not bad.

Pretty good start Jesus.

This is much better then watching Doug Fister pitch

This is much better then watching Doug Fister do anything.

God we have to play the A's next week too.

Just thought the same thing...

At least it's in Seattle

Nice debut.

Very nice Ms debut Colome.

His parents knew their shit.

Hey, that was actually a quick inning.

drblacknwhite - April 8, 2010 reply

Wow a real pitcher!

Cliff Lee sighting?

I did actually see him when Kurt slid into the dugout and made that catch.

I saw that too.

No facial expression, no flinch, nothing, sat there and just watched. I’m sure he’s been wondering how he got brought to Seattle.

mariseanerhawk - April 8, 2010 reply

How many innings can we expect Colome to go?

rickpo - April 8, 2010 reply

Thinking two.

5

Only threw nine pitches there

So at least one more, I’d think

calim - April 8, 2010 reply

Well if there's one thing this team does well...

it’s be really boring.

dkulich - April 8, 2010 reply

Way to hit in a 2-0 count Adam.

I skipped class for this?

Disappointing.

So are your parents.

What

Yeah.

Works better if he typed disappointed…

If had typed "I am retarded"

Then you could have replied “So are my jokes!”

Nice sentence, Robert

So are your parents.

What

This makes little to no sense.

Uh...

I thought it was brilliant.

Yeah made perfect sense to me.

My parents support my habit.

I skipped 3 hours of my life for this?

How many NL lineps have 8, 9 hitters better than ours?

NL lineups include pitchers,

so none of them would have 9 hitters better than us.

Have you watched Jack Wilson hit lately?

He is in the bottom ten in RAA most seasons.

I know I've seen pitchers hit better than a Johnson/Wilson combo

That's Moore.

Interchangeable in my book.

Come on Jack!

(not that I have faith in your or anything)

More like Jackie.

NO ONE CAN FUCKING HIT.

Note to team

Grounders to Short usually don’t result in hits. K, thanks, bye

You want them to strike out?

x

Damn straight.

Isn't he in jail or dead or something?

We can dream!

I don't see why this can't be done.

Seriously, is there any reason no-one’s signed him to a one-year deal or something?

Collusion

Because he hasn't played baseball in several years and is old as fuck?

I wonder how he'd actually do after being off for a few years?

Couldn't be any worse than our current DH combo.

Technically yes it could.

But it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than tickling.

We have like a 50% shot at being no-hit this year

has any team ever been no-hit three times in a season?

Um. We suck.

Ichiro's been infected!

wilsonpdx - April 8, 2010 reply

This is painful.

SO painful

We’re beyond anemic

This was worth getting 3 hours sleep for.

Kaorikaze - April 8, 2010 reply

So I think we know Pennington can field.

Let’s try something different.

No.

There is no way he gets this next one.

Busy inning for Cliff Pennington

Silver lining: You don't have to watch Hideki Matsui play the outfield for you today.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Well we got Milton

Have you watched Hideki Matsui paly defense?

I know he keeps a suitcase of porn with him at all times.

So that’s a pass in my book.

He fields like he's carrying around that suitcase.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Our BABIP is going to be low if we keep hitting slow rollers to short.

I'm still amused by Brad Adam's reaction to Griffey at the end of the "Unscripted" ad

“two… TWO years?”

Bradley really needs to watch some videos on how to catch balls hit to the wall.

Nvm. That was up on it pretty good.

Langerhans catches that.

I mean, not really.

But damned if I’m not bitter about this nonsense.

More specifically

Mike Sweeney does not.

Milton Bradley hates that wall.

wilsonpdx - April 8, 2010 reply

No chance of getting that one.

I'd rather he played it off the wall

but nothing was keeping that from being a double anyway.

Mark Ellis is easily the second most annoying Athletic.

Cliff Pennington is first.

I think Rajai Davis is first...

Rajai is actually good.

Ellis is just an Eckstein wannabe.

Rajai Davis and Kurt Suzuki at least have talent.

But we are making Pennington and Ellis look above average when they’re really not

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CLIFF.

Theres only one real cliff.

Okay, it makes sense when you put it that way.

God dammit.

This is going well

So Colome isn't so good in the 2nd IP.

Yep, fuck this game.

This is just great.

wilsonpdx - April 8, 2010 reply

I hate this team

So where's the pitcher we had in the 5th?

He went into the dugout and sat within 90 ft. of Rob Johnson.

That’ll screw up anyone.

FUCK

Well it WAS a hell of debut.

Colome should take something from Column B it looks like.

Right? Right?

www.instantrimshot.com

Banned.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Everyone needs to be boxed once.

This game is over.

Rather unfair, since Anderson COULD be their #1 starter.

When he graduates high school.

NOOOO IT"s DAVIS AGAIN.

Small Sample Size

Small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small sample size small…

Ike Clanton - April 8, 2010 reply

Eyes don't lie.....

I’m fucking out of here.

Watching this inning is like stigmata.

I can't believe I was excited to watch the game for a while on my lunch break.

I’m going back to work early.

ScottBrowne - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

How sad is it, that 3 runs seems unsurmountable?

I assume that innings 1-5 were just as painful?

worse.

more painful.

We had hope then.

Yep.

Not quite Dallas Braden painful but not very fun.

Worst tag ever

Nice throw Moore.

No.

Ah Lopez, what kind of shit tag was that?

Why the fuck is he nodding while looking back at second?

edddgar - April 8, 2010 reply

Rah!

We can’t start this season 1-2

1-3.

Yet we already have.

Fucking tits

FUCK.

You’re right. It will be 1-3.

You know what the world needs more of?

Taylor Swift

This is a debateable issue.

She can barely sing

And?

Not old enough to bone so I guess I don't get it

She's 20

I thought she was 16

No, just looks it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Swift

.

Have you ever heard her song lyrics?

Her age there must be a misprint

Everyone makes stupid songs about being fifteen and in high school!

Your in luck!

She's plenty old enough.

Subthread closed. Come on.

I don't think that's cause for STC, since Ender was simply stating she's well over 18, which is true

Yeah what the hell?

Piling on - also not necessary

But we love piling on!

No Corco baiting

Fuck you sir.

I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT

I feel so dirty rec'ing a comment by you

Sunshine, lollipops and

bull shit teenage angst.

Wrong.

In what way?

Not good music. Not as attractive as a lot of people my age seem to think.

Taylor Swift is ridiculously hot

I just google image-d her.

I dunno. Seems kinda generic to me, in a Jessica Simpson sort of way.

She looks like she's made out of toothpicks.

If I dated her I would feed her massive quantities of ham salad

Oh god the ham salad

wut

It is astonishing to me that you are single.

I would also make her make the ham salad

http://www.lookoutlanding.com/2010/4/8/1411750/4-8-open-game-thread-part-2#34167645

.

I felt compelled to rec this and I don't know why.

The image of massive quantities did it for me.

'Ham salad'?

Is that like a cobb salad without the egg?

It's some weird Corco obsession.

Don't get him started

coolguyrob - April 8, 2010 reply

Like tuna fish salad with ham instead of tuna fish

Oh no the picture is really gross

STC STC STC

That would probably make her fart a lot

You had to google Taylor Swift?

Do you live in cave?

I don't pay attention to 20yo pop stars.

You should because Taylor Swift is awesome

Are you sure you aren't a 16 year old girl?

Let me check

Yup, pretty sure

You stole my bit word for fucking word

Robert - April 8, 2010 reply

Bullshit

Although I'm voting no on the curly hair

What we really need is more Kanye.

Wrong

Unless he was talking about Angry Milton Bradley.

In that case, please more.

Who wouldn't love a good Bradley explosion.

A water cooler.

Maybe he could take it out on Rob Johnson.

I don't think I'd recognize Taylor Swift if she was singing in my face.

This is unfortunate

She's 10 feet tall

Compared to you, yes

compared to me, she is normal sized

Google is telling my she is 6 feet tall

So she's as tall as me

You'd be overwhelmed by how "cute" she is

Close!

~~Singing~~ sitting in on my face

I hope she farts while she's there.

I don't know what's worse, this game or this subthread?

Subthread

Game is at least baseball

This game inspired this subthread, so the game must be worse

All these people are terrible and you wonder why women largely avoid this place.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

I actually don't understand this comment

I'm disappointed in you, SB.

You had to know this would happen when you started it.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Yup.

I started this subthread on purpose

and because I didn’t want to push my hatred for trains down my Facebook statuses

Probably has more to do with this being a baseball site

Disagree

I think Taylor Swift is a total homo

Yay lesbians!

That would be ridiculously sexy

Last I heard, my 20 year old nephew was engaged to Taylor Swift.

don’t think he’s told her yet, though.

I'll fight your nephew to the death

She's a lesbian, remember?

I can straighten her out

Epic double entendre.

ewwww

I'd give it a C+

If she eats all that ham salad what woman would want her

STOP

A rassling match?

Dammit look what you've done.

Like you wouldn't do Taylor Swift

Straight male.

Not ugly young female. I don’t really think that’s saying much about Taylor Swift.

She is not attractive sb. Sorry.

TRAITOR

Admittedly I just am not a fan of blondes or overly skinny women so there is that.

Fair enough

SEE! Toothpicks.

No, she's just not attractive at all

Wrong

Yeah! She has a great personality...

When I think of Taylor Swift I remember that everything is going to be OK

She represents everything that is good about the world- gentle, loving, sweet, peaceful, intelligent, beautiful.

I will marry her.

Stalking is not marrying.

One day we will bump into each other at an airport or something and that'll be that

What airport?

what gate?

Gate 10

It would only be fitting if it were

Seatac Gate B11

Likely on December 21 2012

But the world will have ended.

No people have it all wrong

The Mayans weren’t prophesizing the end of the world, they knew that the day their calendar ran out would be the day I met and proceeded to marry Taylor Swift

The end of the world for all pigs.

Then why the hell are they building those ships?

The Mayans aren't building ships, the idiots that think the world is ending are

Glad we cleared that up.

I thought you only drove.

Which will make it all the weirder

Also a good thing about the world:

overrated.

It fits in your Taylor Swift list!

Exactly!

Should I inform the police?

Personalities don't make sandwiches.

Sweet fucking jesus this game sucks

coolguyrob - April 8, 2010 reply

Fuck this season

Shut that horn off.

Its like a damn Chivas vs Cruz Azul game

HONK HONK HONKHONKHONK

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

I wonder if that's the last thing Adenhart heard.

kentroyals5 - April 8, 2010 reply

BASE HIT!

Does Anderson throw anything that doesn't bend so much?

Ike Clanton - April 8, 2010 reply

A HIT!

Charles Gipson is a Mangod - April 8, 2010 reply

Yes!

I have excite.

... now watch us run out of the inning.

I'm guessing Oakland does not feel they should finish fourth in the division.

Oh god are we mounting something?

I'm on a horse.

Banned.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Somebody make something of this

Torrid - April 8, 2010 reply

This game sucks too much.

I just want something to smile about :(

Torrid - April 8, 2010 reply

A runner on second?

Holy Fuck.

LET'S GO TEAM!

Nicely done Gutz

RALLY TIME BITCHES.

But there have been no fries!

FRANKLIN GUTIERREZ

YOU. ARE. FUCKING. AWESOME.

He's been the one constant this series

Or the closest thing to one

Bad umpiring?

Poor offense?

Positive constant for us

Sorry for being so vague, there have of course been other constants.

I knew what you were getting at

I was just being snarky.

AND HERE COME THE M'S

HIT A FUCKING DINGER

GET ANGRY

Bradley bunt. Huh.

I like that bunt attempt

I'm enjoying this Bradley fellow.

He is quite expressive, isn't he?

MILTON BRADLEY WILL CUT YOU.

You know what a power-hitting .360+ wOBA guy should do with a runner in scoring positio?

Bunt.

That was a good idea given the situation though

Runners on 1+2 with no out yields a higher RE than 2+3 with one out.

The 3B was playing back

If that stays fair the bases are loaded with no outs.

But the surprise element would mean a likely hit.

Take the base if they're going to give it to you.

Didn’t he lay down at least one good bunt in ST?

He was bunting for a base hit.

Thanks Bradley.

Go sit down.

SHIT LUMPS

I almost wish we had Vernon Wells.

C'MON SWEENDOG

Lean into one.

joof - April 8, 2010 reply

FUCK YOU SWEENEY

Mike fucking Sweeney Ladies and Gentlemen.

Well fuck.

SWEENDOG YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Oh Sweeney, you cock sucker.

GO AWAY YOU MOTHERFUCKING GEEZER

Tim Lincecum is filthy in more ways than one.

Five pitches, three outs for Sweeney.

This is just fucked up to watch

Mike Sweeney really fucking blows

That is true.

But he was so good in spring training!

Ok Milton.

You can go ahead and kill Mike now.

I think Mike Sweeney has seen a total of 5 pitches.

What's Sweeney's BA so far this year?

rickpo - April 8, 2010 reply

You seem capable of using the internet.

Ill give you a hint.

It starts and ends with zero.

0.900!

I thought you weren't helping.

Does that look like helping?

Shove that righteous book up your ass Sweeney!

No.

Don't bring religion into this.

Eyebrows - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Oh I just noticed. Chad Gaudin.

We probably should of tried to get him.

Ugggggggggh

For real?

OceanBird - April 8, 2010 reply

Worthless

THAT DIDN'T WORK

And fuck you Wak for letting him hit

I have no belief system in you

Somewhat predictable.

Was that inning more depressing than the ones before it?

I can’t tell.

WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL HERE

Well that was a superb inning.

I'd rather they didn't even bother with the whole base runners thing if they keep that up.

True Talent?

Is there any on this team?

other than Felix

Cliff Lee

Franklin Gutierrez

Cuz Ichiro and Figgins...

uh no. Fucking hit assholes!

Did you actually just say that Ichiro and Figgins have no talent?

Really?

I'm just pissed.

I’m GTE in Game 4 and I don’t give a fuck. I’m done commenting today before I bring up politics too.

Yes that might be a good idea if you went away.

Ya saying Ichiro sucks.

Classic knee-slapper.

Uggh,

joof - April 8, 2010 reply

Ichiro!

Mike Sweeney

Norm Charlton

Bobby Ayala

Russ Davis

Dave Valle

Butch Huskey

Really, we got this far sans Jeff Cirillo?

Yup.

And Pete O’Brien says hello.

Heathcliff Slocumb

Glenalan Hill

Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek

Oh woops.

Al Martin

Chone Figgins

I love it when people write off a team based on four games.

Then I'm loved. Yay

1/40th of the season.

Equivalent to judging an NFL team after the first 24 minutes.

stupidquestions - April 8, 2010 reply

Except I'd feel pretty confident about that in the NFL.

But the NFL doesn't have a win or loss after 24 minutes

But teams can play well or poorly during that time

stupidquestions - April 8, 2010 reply

It also doesn't have 162 games.

Fuck you.

We still have guti.

I will give you Guti

This game fucking sucks

lailaihei - April 8, 2010 via mobile reply

Colome's slider is pretty ballin

Kaorikaze - April 8, 2010 reply

I think I already fucking hate this team.

SethGrandpa - April 8, 2010 reply

Game off!

Colome's still out?

Where was this the other day with Kelley?

Thank You Jesus.

Just hit him next time.

Baseball is the worst

How the fuck are we letting Mark Ellis hit .467.

Luck

He seems to have hit a bunch of balls pretty damn hard

Fine, we suck then

happy?

Not really.

God we have the WORST catchers in the league.

Fuck this noise, I'm going to bed.

coolguyrob - April 8, 2010 reply

Adam Moore is going to find himself back in AAA if he doesn't stop fucking up at everything.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that's how you win a starting catching job for the Mariners.

Kenji was pretty good.

If Rob Johnson can get away with it I don't see why Moore can't.

We all know the staff has some odd and sick enfatuation with Rob

and I spelled that word wrong

Just remember everyone:

Adam Moore has IMPROVED his defense since being drafted.

Nice work by Colome

Why do we even care?

KarateManChan37 - April 8, 2010 reply

KKKolome!

All things considered Colome seems to have had a decent day.

Is Eric Patterson's position designated pinch runner?

Charles Gipson!

Luis Ugueto!

You can do that when you don't have multiple DH's.

I miss Edgar. : (

He knew when to quit which I'm appreciating more and more.

Realized early in the season he'd lost his batspeed and decided to have a farewell tour.

Yeah, beats sticking around and embarrassing yourself.

Tui, Moore, and Wilson!

Rally Time!

Tui!

Hit, motherfuckers.

Hey hey! Tui's here!

Why is Dave complaining about us not PHing a lefty for these right handers vs Gaudin?

They will just bring in Blevins who will own our lefties

Predicted Winner: OAK (97%)

Le sigh.

We haven't unleashed our secret weapon.

Felix is in the dugout, near bats and helmets.

Finally got one past Pennington.

Moore looks terrible

God.

Fuck Moore.

Har.

Moore is a piece of shit

Kaorikaze - April 8, 2010 reply

Better than Johnson.

Fuck catchers

Damn he looks stoned in his gameday pic.

That was ugly.

I am so happy Tui got a hit

FUCK YOU JACK

Our bottom of the order literally makes me sick.

Our entire offense does the same to me

Blevins has pitched in all 3 games so far

isn’t it time we fuck him up?

All 3?

We won't. Ichiro will roll one to 2B.

Why change anything?

He’ll hit it to pennington.

Wow man. Nice call.

Thanks, Mystic Meg.

There have been four games

This is game four now, yes?

He didn't pitch the second game of the series.

Had him confused with Breslow. My bad.

It's alright, they're pretty similar.

Yes, and when this was posted, Blevins hadn't pitched in it yet.

Ichiro! is hitless today and against Blevins.

And has a reverse platoon split against lefties.

What a terrible game this has been.

Positive luck come on!

Oh okay nevermind

An Ichiro! roll out to Pennington.

Gripping television!

Seriously?

What’s the point

So, any other team, and the ball going past the ump would cause the infielder to lose it.

Not Kansas City!

Yuni would’ve been all over it.

Are we being punished for something

For having hope.

Back to pessimism!

We say the f-word a lot

We have Rob Johnson, Mike Sweeney, Eric Byrnes, and Griffey.

What aren’t we being punished for>

That would make us charitable

That’s not a punishable offense

Unless you want to be competitive...

I was kinda under the impression that was the general idea.

I seem to be mistaken.

I was starting to feel bad about the Royals blowing 3 leads in a row.

Then I turned on the Mariner’s game, and realized that they are about to lose 3 of 4 to the A’s. Which cheered me up. So thanks guys.

slayor - April 8, 2010 reply

Yeah, but you guys suck.

We aren’t supposed to.

Yeah, but our starting pitching has given up 2 earned runs in 19.2 innings!

And Mike Aviles is riding the bench over Betancourt.

Maybe Dayton will send you guys Aviles for a bag of balls or something.

slayor - April 8, 2010 reply

You can have Sweeney!

Yeah, Having our Griffey on the team is bad enough, we don't need yours too.

Fuck you.

You started Willie Bloomquist.

Just one of Trey Hillman's many brilliant moves

slayor - April 8, 2010 reply

That's not "Fuck you." worthy, that's hilarious

I'm pretty sure it's both.

Dayton Moore

The A's aren't bad.

ICHIRO'S GONNA BE HORRIBLE THIS YEAR! OH NO!

THERE IS NO FLOOR!

That Jimmy Johns ad is very peculiar.

Does Jimmy Johns exist on the west coast?

Who cares? It's awful!

False

False. False. False. False.

Incorrect.

Not True.

Wrong.

You like ham salad from Walmart and drive 600 miles for tacobell.

You’re not exactly Rick Bayless.

Steak 'n Shake or Maid-Rite, not Taco Bell

Oh my apologies that's perfectly logical.

Seriously, you turn a shitty 5 dollar meal into a 65 dollar one.

SPEND THE MONEY ON A REALLY GOOD MEAL.

He is in Wyoming.

A great steak or something?

3 great steaks?

Granted not a vast amount of experience here since I stay close to highways,

but every restaurant in Wyoming was a vague representation of Denny’s.

When a fellow wants to take a dame out to a nice dinner in Laramie

You take her to Applebees or Chilis, or if you really want to impress her you take her to Olive Garden in Cheyenne.

I’m not joking.

Thank you for confirming my culinary experience in Wyoming.

There is some good food in Fort Collins, Colorado, which is only an hour away

But that’s it

Ft. Collins is nice, reminds me of Pocatello

I like to think it's nicer than Pocatello

Compared to Laramie, FoCo feels positively cosmopolitan

The one time I was in Ft Collins they were bailing hay.

The smell, farms and lack of Kansas humidity had as much to do with my impression as anything

How long ago were you in Fort Collins?

July '99.

I think it has grown a lot since then

That little downtown area was pretty sharp, looked fairly new.

That part was very unlike Pocatello. Couple decent restaurants, outdoor seating. My comparison was more off the surrounding mountains, farming. All the times I’ve been through Pocatello it left very little impression.

I can see the comparison now that I think about it

Free range ranchers abound!

Good steak, dammit!

65? That's a serious understatement

To get to Steak ‘n Shake I log 1400 miles, which at 22 MPG and $2.50 a gallon costs $159, plus plus half an oil change which is $25, plus a night at a hotel which is $40, plus food consumed in transit is $30, plus $15 at SnS since I load up, so it’s about $279 for a Steak ’n Shake meal

Well that sure helped your case

Suddenly, the fact you are so attracted to Taylor Swift makes perfect sense

Taylor Swift is ridiculously hot

I agree at all times except 3:30 AM

There's two in Seattle. So yes.

Or more than two. There's like 10.

Last time I was in Seattle

I had Jimmy Johns (didn’t pay for it)

That is not Adrian Beltre.

Wow. He fielded it with his mask.

Adam Moore is on his way back to Tacoma isn't he?

Josh Bard future!

Don't make this day suck worse.

Nevermind, thats impossible.
Go ahead.

Good thing we weren't planning on winning anyway.

What the fuck were you doing, Moore?

That was silly.

Adam Moore is a retard

Rainman practically bankrupted a casino and he was a ruh-tard.

Then maybe Moore, should play cards and not Baseball.

This has just been an awesome all around day.

Heydude - April 8, 2010 reply

FUCK YOU ROB JOHNSON

Well I've never seen that happen before.

Adam Moore should try not being worse than Rob Johnson.

It's funny because Adam Moore is the new Jeff Clement

There goes our WE like 1 percent.

What just happened?

We lost.

Obviously.

When does the regular season start?

moyerLIVES - April 8, 2010 reply

Monday in Seattle.

Daric Barton is becoming the bull?

Revolving door time?

I'd like to slam Mike Sweeney in one, yes.

I'd like to second that idea.

Heydude - April 8, 2010 reply

6-0!

Go A’s!

Put a fucking fork in this steaming pile of shit.

So wait, what happened?

I’m on Gameday, so…

Bunt down the third base line.

Lopez tried to barehand it but failed. Moore came up the line with his mask in hand and touched the ball with the mask.

Adam Moore had his mask in his hand, reached out and snagged a ball with it. Interference.

Niehaus is still explaining it, sounds like there might be some confusion with the official scorekeeper.

So they score that as a hit, no error on the catcher.

Loafie missed the brehanded roller and Moore fielded it with his mask

Runners moved up a base.

Thanks, guys.

Fuck this team, already.

It’s day fucking four. Would you mind showing a couple signs of life?

This feels suspiciously like most of my life watching the Mariners

Steve Baron here we come!

This would've been okay if we had won those other two games.

Not sure how much painful it would’ve been if we had lost the first.

Sigh...

Oh well,

Time to read Dave Cameron’s recap.

Dave sucks

100% false

I'm using sucks as a euphemism

and apparently above space-time

He's getting so fast at those

Pretty soon there are gonna be recaps before the games have even started.

He's on east coast time, this game has been finished for hours.

He must have DirecTV

I have DirecTV and 687(FSN) is on west coast time.

I will finish watching this game

out of nothing but stubbornness

This is how I am with terrible movies.

30 ft double!

Pennington gets a double because Moore used his mask to pick up the ball?

That is really dumb scoring.

Its the rule.

Seems to me it happened at Safeco one time...

Bad scoring rule then. Picking up the ball with the mask didn't prevent a bunting double.

Should be a single and an incredibly stupid error on the catcher.

Jack Wilson hurt?

No need to kill Wilson, Barton

Dick.

Yeah, fuck up our injurable shortstop breaking up a play in the 9th inning when you're leading by six.

fuck Oakland.

And fuck Tony Phillps, since I'm on the subject.

And fuck typos.

Especially when it's actually interference because he never touched the bag.

So, where did the two new runs come?

I had to flip the laundry

RBI single to center field by Daric Barton.

Adam Moore's mask.

So this is where Seattle ties it

so the A’s can walk off.

This is where we pull to within one and lose because Eric Byrnes is on our team.

THIS TEAM SUCKS DONG

So can Figgins hit or did we just get him to try and get walks and steal?

He'll be fine

He has 2 hits today.

Hey, remember when Ichiro! and Figgins were supposed to be good?

Those were good times.

"It's not been a good-hitting series for the Mariners"

Dave Sims, with that update from No, Duh Magazine.

We've apparently struck out a lot in the series.

Didn't this happen in 2007 as well?

We were consistently shut out by ~average to below-average pitchers?

Brett Anderson is not average

Brett Anderson is really good.

Huh.

Wasn't referring to today.

Mostly Tuesday. ;)

Brett Anderson is really good.

Brett Anderson is really good.

Brett Anderson sucks

Brett Anderson is really good.

Okay then.

Really good is Brett Anderson.

I love Johjima!

Me too!

Especially after a game like today’s.

Guti!

We love you so hard.

Futile Guti hits make me happy sad.

RALLLLLLLLY

AND

HEREWEGOHEREWEGOHEREWEGO

Together we can win?

COME ON SWEEN DOG LET'S HAVE A SIX RUN HOMER

Adam Moore is the fuckin man.

He was like “this game fucking sucks, so I’m just going to pick up the baseball with my mask!”

To be honest, I thought that was pretty funny given that this game’s result isn’t in doubt

Every game is in doubt. No clock!

Is it still funny?

Gutz still cares about baseball

I know this has been painful, but there is good news.

We are not starting Carlos Silva tomorrow unlike some other team…

Yeah, we are starting Jason Vargas who stinks too

Nevermind.

You just killed it.

That does make me more that a little happy.

I'm not super excited for Vargas in Texas.

You guys think we can get Jamie Burke back?

He sucks

Pat Borders?

Don't we have Josh Bard for that?

This catcher defense thing makes me think the M's should sign Luongo from Vancouver.

How about we just steal Kurt Suzuki while we're there?

Safeco Field internment camp!

Er

You do realize he's Hawaiian

SHHH

This is funny.

You do realize his last name is Suzuki, right?

You do realize almost all the Japanese interred during World War II were American?

But he's not Japanese

He’s Hawaiian

Japanese ancestry, Hawaiian born

Yeah we were real thorough in checking how Japanese people were during WWII.

...I don't know how to say this.

Except that you’re historically ignorant.

So, Suzuki is a Norweigan name then?

At least you're still awesome Guti.

You too Milton.

So Freddy Couples is winning the Masters right now.

zeeehjee - April 8, 2010 reply

Greg Norman has been winning the Masters a number of times

And Tom Watson is 2nd.

Old guys rule. Well…not in baseball.

SethGrandpa - April 8, 2010 reply

It has to be the shoes

Mike Sweeney DP time.

Sweeney gets into a double play on the second pitch

Please please please.

He tried so hard to hit it to the SS too.

Colby Lewis scares me.

SWEENDOG TIME

Sweeney HR time

Actually, double into the left-center gap

Sweeney, I'm probably going to want to kill you after this AB

After this AB

why wait?

See? Reprieve.

One of these days, I really want to see the hidden ball trick after a mound meeting.

Mike Sweeney is really fucking bad still

Sweeney will get a worthless hit now, and the M's brass will pat themselves on the back

Bingo

Winner!

Good call.

A miracle.

Yay a run.

Sweendog!

Now retire, you bastard!

SWEENDOG!!

VETERAN

Way to hit when it counts Sweendawg

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Sweeney lives!

Kill Griffey

God damnit

Now he'll never go away.

Mike Sweeney. Hurray.

Super Enthusiasm.

Sweeney is swinging at everything.

What?

Does that really qualify as a "big moment", Sims?

yay.

SWEENDOG!!!!

Not a shut out.

Cause that means so fuckin much right now.

I feel a lot better now, actually

WE'VE ONLY GONE AND SCORED A MOTHERFUCKING RUN!

OK guys we're winning this shit

I guaranteed this last game thread

Try being original

Quit stealing my act you meanine!

And now Andrew Bailey will get a save. Woo fucking hoo for him.

Uh oh.

Please hit a home run, Loafie

He's trying to prevent you from being an alcoholic!

HE DOES IT OUT OF LOVE!

Would it be cause for concern if we head home 2-5?

Or is it still way too early?

If we look like this the next three games it is

Seven games is 1/23rd of the season

Red Sox started off 2-6 last year.

Okay, I won't sweat it that much then

The Red Sox didn't win the championship.

The Red Sox are a better team too.

They won 95 games.

That's some counter-argument.

Still way too early.

Not a concern

because on the home opener we have RRS taking on Justin Duchscherer, and that s a guaranteed win.

Well this is one gamethread that nobody will look back on for fun.

A's fans would probably enjoy it

DO NOT SWING

Hey the double play just got more improbable!

although the walk fixes that....

TAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

Well Fuck

Can Tui hit the Grannie?

Lopez walk?

What is that, 49 to go?

Check out that plate discipline for Lopez!

If we hit a grand slam here we can lose another 1 run game!

Sweet mother of god

Damnit, now I actually have hope, only for it to be crushed momentarily

Mariners games have made me numb now.

Nice stuff Tui

This is gonna piss me even off if we score 3-4 runs and still lose.

Grand slam, M's lose, 6-5.

Someone earlier suggested that Tui would hit 4 grand slams today.

Now would be an okay time to start.

How odd.

DON'T MAKE AN OUT YOU QUEEN

Damnit Tui.

Oh God bottom of the lineup

Don't worry we have a spectacular bench. Nice bats, good defense.

HOLY SHIT

just keep it in the fucking air Tui

Tui!

ARE YOU FUCKING ME TUI???

YESSSSSSSSSSSS

TUI!!!

Ah man fuck my life if we keep scoring.

TUI TUI TUI HOPE???

It's all up to Adam Moore.

Or Kotchman.

DINGER TIME

Yay for making A's fans nervous.

HOLY TITS

SWEET MOTHER!!!

I LOVE THIS GAME

Wow Tui is pretty good.

GRANNY TIES IT!

Kotchman up, GIDP pending.

Damn it Brian.

Oh come on we were all thinking it.

Granted.

But we’re blaming you.

Damnit

CASEY TIME

Ken Griffey Jr time?

Zack - April 8, 2010 reply

Darn it

Zack - April 8, 2010 reply

Goddamnit now I have hope.

Stop it. You will on hurt yourself.

FOUR SINGLES! WHAT'S THAT EQUAL?

DINGERS

Four hits.

Would of been nice if Adam Moore used his glove last inning.

TUI!

Goddamn Mariners and their false hope.

COME ON KROTCH.

GIDP :(

C'mon Screwface be a hero

OH GOD JUNIOR NOOOOOOOOOO

TIME FOR KOTCHMAN TO PROVE HE DESERVES TO BE ALIVE

Here comes the Casey roll over to second base

And Griffey's on deck

Game over.

Oh good Junior on deck. Here comes the Kotchman walk and Jr DP.

Sounds about right.

What a cocktease this is.

Casey Kotchman will prove he's a boss right here

oh for real

Outside

Crystal for DH - April 8, 2010 reply

Not a strike!

Not a strike

That was not a strike.

Bendy thing, yes. Strike, no.

Could that be any more outside +!?!?!

Oh hey Chandler.

FUCK YOU CLIFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And there was no joy in Mudville.

Grounded into a double play doesn't fit as well into meter.

God damnit

Stupid false hope

FUCK THAT.

God dammit!

Fuck you, Kotchman.

There it is!

Now that was predictable.

Aw shoot!

Aww.

Kotchman, haha

Welp

That’s that.

Oh well.

JESUS FUCKING ROBOTS

FUCK YOU KOTCHMAN GO ROT IN HELL

Fitting

Fucknuggets.

There's the Kotchman I was expecting

Crystal for DH - April 8, 2010 reply

GB Rate 100%

Yeah, that's about right.

Way to fucking go, Wak. Put in the guy who hits everything into the ground.

Too bad we didnt have a guy who hits left handed and has had walk off home runs on the bench.

I probably would of pinch hit Griffey honestly ....

Yeah, that would have gone so much better.

It couldn't of gone ANY worse.

K

russak - April 8, 2010 reply

I agree

Give him another chance to hurt himself.

Goddamn redneck.

russak - April 8, 2010 reply

Well at least the next umpire crew can't be as horrible, right?

Right?

That game and this gamethread have been just one big abortion.

Be better Mariners.
Be better commenters.

Abortion omelet, anyone.

russak - April 8, 2010 reply

AT LEAST BYRNES WOULDN'T HAVE GIDP'D

He would of popped out to 3rd.

THAT'S NOT A DOUBLE PLAY

But then Griffey...

Can't GIDP with two outs!

He'd find a way.

Ye have little faith in the Grand Slam potential of Grif?

He did it in the spring…. we’ll never know now.

mariseanerhawk - April 8, 2010 reply

Oh, I could say the Mariners went quietly, Brad Adams.

Krueger pre-game thought Anderson vs Fister was a good match-up???

Krueger thought Fister and Anderson were a good match.

Bwahahahahahaha.

Matt Tuiasosopo has a 1.000 OPS!

Tui and Rob Johnson! Carrying the offense!

This is what I like to hear

This offense is going to be awesome when everyone starts hitting like Tui and Rob!

Rob Johnson has a 1.299 OPS!

I'd just like to say fuck you dave.

Its not funny anymore.

Which Dave?

There are like 4 of them that do Mariners related stuff.

USSM

Cameron.

With his insta-game recap.

It's been up for at least half an hour

Nothing to be mad about. It’s not trying to be funny, it’s just getting them done and up. It’s exactly how a beat writer works.

Actually that does make it less annoying.

I thought he was still posting them the minute after the game ended, which I thought was douchey.