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Lookout Landing

5/2: Open Game Thread, Part 2

I wonder if our team could score more runs if they literally never swung the bat. Ever.

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Comments

Seems to be what Rob Johnson's going for lately.
The offense is bad but they've had some incredibly terrible luck these past few games as well
And also some hilarious luck. Lopez's double, Griffey's single to short, etc.
One could argue its bad karma rather than bad luck

In which case the Ms ARE to blame!

Working on a post for that right now!
I have a love-hate relationship with that theory.

Let’s practice with Sweeney as a small sample.

Let's just hope his bad back allows him to never swing a bat again. Ever.
He injures himself swinging so I don't like it
Maybe Doug Fister can win the Cy Young award this year
Seriously what the fuck is going on
STEEERRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!
ReJoyce in weird strike zones!
Well that's a ball.
But the chaser agreed with him.
That was a strike.

That fastball has movement. I don’t care what anyone says

Lopez would certainly be more productive
And again!
It didn't work out very well for Murphey.
2-seam for the win?
David Murphy looks like the guy who plays Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
They already decided that he is the Gold Glove winner.
I mean why not
Rob Johnson is calling a heckuva game
Fastball, fastball, fastball, fastball.
"A flybal... for the gold glover... or soon to be later this year."
HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS?
Rob Johnson
First glance I thought this was Fogel
Intense visualization.
Do not question this; follow Doug Fister blindly.
Clubhouse

chemistry!

He does this, and Strasburg gets pummeled today in AA
Looks like the Rangers are trying to follow Matthew's strategy.

 And failing against Fister.

Tougher against a strike throwing machine
The thing is, the guy is throwing ~80% fastballs. You would think they would know what to swing at.
Drayer's poll question for today: Which is more likely to happen?

A. Guti batting title, B. Fister Cy Young, C. Lopez Gold Glove.

A
But only because there's no way Lopez gets that kind of recognition this year even if he is great all year
Why?
That's not how Gold Gloves work

See: Gutierrez 2009

Because the people voting for Gold Gloves are dumb
This is the only acceptable answer.
I think Guti's 2009 season is a pretty good example of why
Because he has a reputation as a kind of poor fielder, he doesn't do anything flashy out there

and he’s against some legitimately great 3B in the AL.

I'd be pretty shocked if it didn't go to Beltre or Longoria
Which is fine because they are good, unlike Adam Jones last year or Torii Hunter
Beltre will cost himself the GG with his early errors.

Writers will care.

Aren't the Gold Gloves based off of manager votes?
BBWA
No it's managers I'm pretty sure

I could be wrong though

You are correct, it is managers.
You're right.
And they're even dumber at things like that than the writers are
Trey Hillman would rather have Chris Getz and Mike Aviles than Alex Gordon, and he likes Yuni.

He isn’t qualified to vote on flavors at Baskin Robbins

Longoria has the bat and the glove

Right now, Beltre’s just got the glove

He's not much of a hitter
He doesn't hit well enough, and Fister probably won't strike out enough guys

Even if by some miracle he maintains. A sub-2 ERA might get him noticed though.

A sub-2 ERA is never ever going to happen
That would be the miracle.
Hate to mention this in a game where he's pitching

But he’s posting a, uhh, 0% HR/FB ratio right now.

It's a miracle!
It's Angels In The Outfield

Mariners style.

Without a shadow of a doubt C
C; at least his looks sustainable.
He won't hit well enough to get it.
He has a nice hollow average and power numbers.

He also has Evan Longoria to contend with.

Probably not, but still most likely
Shockingly, C
At least they are all very unlikely to happen.

I would think C though.

Enjoy it while it lasts

See Zach Duke c. 2005

Did you look at PitchFx?
Well at least we have the most feared 7-8-9 in the league coming up...
That .100 line been breeched yet?
I said it would at the start of the game.

And there it is!

I wish we still have Ronny Cedeno.
Did Sims just call Jack Wilson CJ Wilson?
He was probably referring to CJ Wilson.
Our only run so far has been a doiley as well.

If it stays 1-0, the Rangers will have a taste of how we felt on Friday and Saturday only worse.

Saturday, maybe

There’s no way they’d feel worse than we did on friday.

I wish he dropped it and threw out Byrnes at 2nd
FUCK YOU ERIC BYRNES
Okay, now I'm sick of Eric Byrnes.
I've been sick of him since we signed him.
I got some early entertainment value out of him, but he seems legitimately awful and I don't want him to get a lot more ABs if we start DHing Bradley.
I wasn't and actually liked the signing at first.

Now, not so much. I miss Langerhans.

Fister is currently 1st in the AL in ERA
Well even though Fister obviously isn't this good

He’s 26 and doesn’t even hit arbitration for a few years. Kickass.

He can't keep this up

but it certainly gives me hope that he can be a decent back of the rotation guy for a few years.

(coughWashburnandSilvasigningscough)
Rob Johnson looks genuinely disappointed when he's forced to swing.
I get the same look when he swings to
I now hate Byrnes way more than Rob. It's miraculous.
It's strange not being able to hate on Rob.
I still dislike him strongly. He's just not the Ace of Spades.
That's because he has come to the realization he blows at hitting the ball
Ahaha Michael Young does it again
Good throw Mike!
HOLY SHIT HE SLID INTO FIRST!

JACK WILSON LISTENS TO THE LL PODCAST

Did you discuss that being the one play where you ever do that?
YES!
You guys are witches
Please

Warlocks

Seriously Jeff finds 5 dollars with Sweeney's name out on it then he just magically gets hurt, now this?
Michael Young.
One of the few times sliding into first is reasonably legit!
Offense...so boring.
Ichiro crappin' it up at the plate today.
"Won't see that often, Michael Young is about as solid as they get."

Career -12.6 UZR/150 at 3B

Mike Blowers "you don't usually see that from Michael Young"

For god sakes Mike

We saw it like three times yesterday
No, Blowers is right. Usually he throws it past the first baseman.
Why does everyone always skip over Michael Young when talking about the worst contracts in baseball?

Almost 4 years left on his contract and by 2013 he probably won’t even be able to play a defensive position.

Everyone doesn't
He's white.
Plus, he can be there DH.
Rob Johnson has the second highest wOBA on the team.
We are terrible, yes.
That is both an indictment of the team and a testament to Rob Johnson
Why the hell does he continue to be borderline mediocre.

WE WANT ADAM

Not is Rob Johnson has a .341 wOBA we don't.

That’s not borderline mediocre, especially not for a catcher.

Or for this fucking team offense

He might as well be the catalyst

He should be leading off!
Just a piece of the bigger picture.
If they fixed him I'm still going to hate him out of habit.
And who will blame you?
There's always that one guy.
I'm right here, you know.
That's why I keep looking over my shoulder
Your hair smells like strawberries.
This seems unlikely.
He should have said my hat, more believable.
There ain't much, but you do have hair.
At least you know you don't have to stab him.
There's always tomorrow!
He's still a liability behind the plate.
The first line I have no idea.

The second line makes sense.

We get it, you really like Rob Johnson
No I don't.

But people should realize that he hasn’t been a problem at all this year.

Well not at the plate at all.

I know there aren’t any defensive metrics for catchers but he looks legitimately terrible behind the plate.

I don't think catcher defense matters all that much.
He's making me hate him less and that bothers me
I'm with you.
I was joking, but you probably knew that.

I also agree that he hasn’t been a problem offensively.

He's swinging at less pitches and walking an abnormal amount, his BB% can't last and he's K-ing way too much.
If he hit like this all the time, I might almost put up with his defense
Or if he walked like this all the time, I should say
Did Rob just get nailed!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fisted, perhaps?
I actually get disappointed when Jack Wilson gets on base with two outs...

Because it breaks up the top of the order for the next inning.

Some people need to learn when to take a strikeout looking.
Jim Joyce never learned how to bend at the knees
I don't think I would be able to resist killing Jim Joyce if I were a player

I wonder if he gets a higher swing% than other umpires?

I'm so glad Garko isn't the Ranger with the hit
Throws to the chest!
Jose Lopez has a hell of an arm.
So how many people are still pissed that we dumped Ryan Garko?
I'd still rather have him than Sweeney.
It depends on how closely related his dumping was to Sweeney being on the team
I like his splits against LH bats

But I don’t know much

Eric Byrnes has good splits against LH bats too

Doesn’t stop people from hating him

LH Pitchers*
At least he can fake a defensive position.

We would never have started Tuiasosopo at first base if Garko was an M instead of Sweeney.

Just be careful with this Smoak guy. Been hitting you hard all day.
Ok that had some crazy movement.
Damit Smoak
Smoak is going to be a problem for a long time.
MLB.com headline writers are all sporting wood.
Unlike the writers for LosAngelesAngels.com
Name puns are generally verboten where I work, but they're so much fun.
I know people that take care of problems
Why the fuck are Sweeney and Griffey still upright then
I need to receive 50% up front
I'll give you 50% of their home runs.

Or 50% of their extra-base hits, rounded down.

$50,000 up front, $50,000 upon completion
Will you solve my kitchen remodellig problem?
Are we speaking hypotheticly

Or should I get my checkbook

Hypothetically you should get your checkbook
What happens if my check bounces?
Bad things!
Oh nevermind.
Come on... I can find decent hitmen for a rack of Bud Light. Seriously.
Liar
Besides decent is a bad standard to hold ones self to
My sister used to work at a jail on an Indian reservation.
She probably deserved it
You know, my life sucks. Both of my sisters can handily kick my ass.

And no, she didn’t deserve it. And the job paid really well.

This sounds like a potential Fanpost topic!
It's not my fault, dammit.
Dayton Moore
Man, it would be nice to have Smoak.
By far and away my favorite draft prspect at the time.
Andrus, Feliz and Holland would be nice too.
Ok this at bat has me all kinds of nervous,
Will Wak let Fister throw 120 pitches?
If he gets to 120 pitches

then he’s given up runs.

He's already at 100.

One more inning

I'm aware of that.

If he throws 20 pitches in an inning, chances are good that runs have scored or are scoring.

Vlad Guerrero - perennial Mariner killer.
BABIP noooooooooooooooooo
Jesus christ.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
It's ok everyone, Borbon is up.
Yikes.

Vlad.

We should have signed Vlad solely to protect our pitchers
Well, at least Vlad didn't homer right?
Dive for that shit Figgins!
I know it was a bullet :(
COME ON DOUG!
Normal service is about to resume.
Anyone warming up in the pen?
So it it going to be a two run double or a three run home run?
Neither

Suck it Fett.

Fett42 declines
Oh.

:(

Please.
Isn't Robert free right now?
No I don't think he is home.
Well let me know if he doesn't return tonight
Will do.
Somehow throwing almost exclusively fastballs to the Rangers

worked for Fister until now.

So, did Texas lose the DH?
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! FISTED!
Wheeeeeeeeeeee
Wish I was there right now just to give Fister an ovation
WHEW

FIGGY.

Nice game, Fister.
Lopez doesn't have the range to get to that.
Doug Fister does it again!
I LOVE FISTER.
Thank Jesus.

Aardsma. Nervous.

Was it Guerrero that fucked up Soriano?
Tommy Lasorda too.
WOOOOO CHONE!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FISTER!

Judging by the congrats he got in the bullpen

Looks like we will see the DA.

Woops

Dugout…

I love defense.
Hah. Just keep Guti in the OF and play with seven IFs

in Fister’s starts.

That Ichiro fella was pretty important today.
ICHIRO must also play.
He can play short on the right side of the infield.
Fister for Cy Young
We need to score one more run to counter Texas' solo homer off the DA in the 9th.
Oh God, Aardsma to face the top of the order if they go to him
Royals optioned 3B Alex Gordon to Triple-A Omaha.

Make it happen Z!

GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
DH?
I'd go for that
I think I would too.
In half a second
You could use the other half to pleasure yourself at the thought!
You pleasure yourself in half a second?
That's almost impressive

…Almost…

I was implying that OlSalty could
Else I would have said "I could use..."

See the difference?

I hate you sometimes.
That's because you're a cat
I'm not a cat.

Cats dress funny.

It's a lot easier when you're in scoring position.
I've been banging this drum for a week. Chris Getz! Chris fucking Getz!
God I love that team.
Don't we like our infield?
Sure, but we hate our DH's.
We're obviously not going to replace the left-handed part of that platoon.

If we do, we’re obviously going to put Bradley at DH and put in Langerhans or Saunders in left.

Maybe I shouldn’t say “obviously,” given this year’s developments.

I think Griffey to the bench is pretty likely
My point about there being a lack of space for Gordon still stands.
He can be stashed in the minors!
Until we trade Lopez!
We'll cash in on his defensive reputation!

I cannot believe that’s sort of not a joke.

Hey remember the speculation that we hoped moving Lopez to 3B would increase his trade value because he might show he’s able to play multiple positions?

I do!

And I still think he’s likely to be traded.

His defense is actually good, though!
Wouldn't the cost be really high to just stuff him in Tacoma though?
Probably not.

The Royals obviously don’t like him.

It's not like we have a DH prospect who would be a better hitter than him right now
Or a third base prospect that's a better hitter than him
Alex Liddi? Carlos Triunfel?

*Note: I’m not a big follower of prospects, so take this post with a grain of salt.

Only one I could think of is Mangini.
The Rangers are playing real baseball now.

:)

Insurance, PLEASE
Happy Fister Day!
Niehaus says the Rangers lost the DH.
Garko to first?
I can't figure out a good non-political response.

You win.

CJ Wilson back for more?

Bad, bad idea.

4th time through the lineup... Bad, bad idea. Always a bad idea.
It is not always a bad idea
Virtually, 3rd and 4th times through the order are pretty scary, replacement level relievers are usually better.

Unless the starter is exceptional.

Can you back this up with data?
I don't have hard data, but OPS against between all starters the third/fourth times through the order and relievers the first time is quite a spread.

2009, 2008, 2007

Where do you get this from?
Good idea from a Mariners perspective
Padres shutting out the Brewers again.

This is funny.

Are they for real?
Well I haven't personally seen them play,

but I do believe that this is not some massive practical joke and the Padres are in fact real

This is SoCal we're talking about...
Are you saying that the Padres players have fake breasts
Not in so many words, no
Well good, because I take issue with that
At this point I want them to win the division just because of the hilarity of it.
Boy will your face be red

When it turns out it’s an elaborate ruse with a projector and a recording of some old baseball games.

Bonds for DH?
Fishing for a Bradley joke...
In reality, it would take all media scrutiny off of Bradley.
I don't know which is more amazing, Tampa Bay or Boston
I'd go Boston.
Man, Boston are 7 games back. We're only half a game back if we win this and we've sucked
They're also in a much tougher division

I’m glad they’re 7 back though. I’m tired of the Red Sox.

We don't have the Yankees and Rays in our division.
I wasn't comparing us to them in terms of ability, just standings
And Tampa Bay has been rolling. I just didn't expect that much disparity in the standings

I think I agree with the Professor, Boston being that far down

What a lucky steal.
Figgins moves well across spacetime
Did he get a glove full of Figgy?
Figgers on the move today.
Please bunt
I like fast players on base.
GOD

WHY ARE YOU SWINGING

Because he can
Well this is a deep conversation
Why ask questions when we already know the answers?
Because you can
Well this is a deep conversation
Well that sucks
Sweet, more bad luck!
NOOOOooooooo!
FUCKING LOPEZ!

Jesus H.

How is that his fault
Acblue, you just don't understand baseball.

Maybe if you spent a little more time on the diamond and a little less time in your mom’s basement, you’d get it.

My parents don't have a basement
Fine, subterranean ultrafort.

Whatever it is you nerds call it to make yourself feel better.

You must have had a horrible childhood.

(Don’t worry, my houses all had axles.)

My parents have a very nice house but the land it is built on is not conducive to basements.
Sort of like the Lopez siblings' houses.
But the siblings themselves are in the ground's basement this very minute.
Multiple houses, huh?

Rich kid.

Divorced parents.
Those aren't mutually exclusive
I'm learning we suck.
I'm going to gut you like a goddamned fish

for saying this to my frie— Oh. I get it. You’re making fun of the fact that his parents don’t have a base—- wait — I’m still going to gut you like a goddamned fish, you GIF WIELDING BASTARD.

Oh fuck that
That was literally the worst thing that could happen
Nah.

Triple play would have been the worst thing. That was the second worst thing to happen.

He's right, you know.

You should think these things out, TWownsU.

I guess Ichiro self-combusting in the dugout would have ranked up there, though.
That would really cement his legend-status
I would hate for this to happen

but I would love to see a photoshop of gif of this.

OH COME

THE FUCK ON

Well that was fucking retarded.
Wow, fuck you Ryan Garko.
Of course.
Ryan fucking Garko
Wow what the fuck Garko.
Are you going to add that to your post about the bad luck of the offense, Matthew?
Should've bunted
We do people get mad at a player when he gets unlucky?
I like At Bat's / Game Day's batting info on Lopez.

Loves to face: 4-seam Fastball
Hates to face: Fastball

At least that wasn't a triple play?
Meh.

99 times out of 100 that’s a base hit.

Fewer, I'd think
But 99 time out of 100 that hit to Ryan Garko is a basehit.
Probably more like 80-90
Still unlucky though
Not relative to, say, a Virgina or Utah miner

I feel we throw around the word luck to haphazardly on this site!

LOPEZ

Why do you hate it when our team is doing well?

Tough break, don't hate on Loafie.
That wasn't his fault in the slightest.
That was about 2 inches away from probably being a 2 run double
Still

Except for his grand slam earlier this year, I havent enjoyed Lopez playing. The only player I dislike more is Tui.

He has been awesome in the field!

Come on now, struggling at the plate, but just a tad unfounded.

Sure, his fielding has been great

But he needs to hit just a titch better for me not to dislike him.

Holy fuck stop the bitching, Lopez hit a line drive.
DA PLEASE DO NOT BLOW THIS.
Here...we....go...
Good thing I wasn't paying attention because that inning seemed frustrating
Game terrifying
Oh my god Aardvark time.
Please DA.

Close the case without theatrics!

Extra innings!
Oh my god, you just jinxed it!!
Shut your damn fool mouth.
Good news!
More innings for the money!
We must be getting the same feed
We're not playing in U.S. Cellular, so I'm at a 6 out of 10 on ther nervous meter
I'm at about 2 out of 10. After the last 2 games, I've used up all my nervousness
I hate those fucking Miller Lite commercials
Elitist.
I don't understand why being and/or prefering something that is elite is bad.
Well aren't you all hoity-toity.
That term is too unsophisticated for me
It's all about the common man, man.
He must be a terrorist.
This is definitely correct
9/11 was not an inside job.

I know you did it.

Actually that would make it an inside job
The subject line and content of this--what acblue said
I didn't say it was!
I didn't say you said it was!
Agreed.

I can’t actually see them on the MLB.tv but they’re on ESPN Player all the bloody time.

Four more comments, and you'll have 6666
You're a regular detective, mattlock!
Remember the tip I told you about last thread?
Sorry, didn't realize that was a not ok thing to say

Won’t happen again.

It's just inane
Ok, sorry about that.

In complete seriousness, where is the line between inane and not inane? It seems like a lot of inane happens on these threads. Though I do remember your post about cutting down on the comments in the game threads, and that would definitely include comments like mine.

There is no line

but that wasn’t part of any subthread and nobody cares about someone else’s post count

Point taken.

Thanks Matthew.

Here comes the panic now.
Hey guys remember that one time against the White Sox when I pretended like I was five minutes ahead of everyone?
Well, Genie, what do you see in the Mariners' future?
We already won

The walk didn’t matter

How about that steal?
Nope
Whew, that's a relief
You sir

Are a liar

No

I’m just really far ahead

Well now I'm just intrigued
If you want I can send you an IM and spoil it for you
Tempting...

But I wanna watch us lose first

We didn't lose
YOU'RE SCARING ME DAVID
That only requires that he walk near the mound.
We have got to win this damn game.

Rays coming.

THROW SOMETHING OFFSPEED!
He tried. It went in the dirt.
Have any of our starters thrown (significantly) more than 100 pitches this year?

I’m guessing Felix’s complete game. But that is it.

No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy
Don't you dare walk this fucker.
He walked that fucker!
If you are walking towards your car

count to 10 first.

MORE FASTBALLS
More fastballs?

MORE FASTBALLZ!!!

I don't have a belief system in DA right now.
Stop fouling off pitches you annoying bastards
Damn it David

I can throw a changeup.

At least fucking learn one to keep them honest.

Fuuuuuuuckk
HOW IS THAT A BALL?
God fucking hell
Oh my Godddddddddddddddd
Elvis you dick
No.

No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.

Gameday has that pitch in the middle of the strikezone.
It was definitely low in the strike zone
I was about to say the same.

Was it that close?

You're a right cunt, Jim Joyce.
Hamilton 2 out 2 run homer?
Here we go!

Thanks for the call ump. Oh joy Michael Young!

I really hate that prick
Where the fuck was that pitch?

Sure looked a strike on At-Bat

Game over!

Ack!

Watching this from gameday is just painful
That was a strike, shiteyes.
We're going to blow it
AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Pitch 9 is clearly a ball!
It wasn't there.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE!
That's definitely wrong
Can't get much worse than that
This must be what it looks like to get hit by a paintball shotgun
It was definitely lower than that.

But a wider zone and Aardsma probably gets the call

It wasn't THAT much of a strike
EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART!!
Is MLB.com gameday lagging for anyone else?

Or is it just me.

Gameday is lagging for everyone everyday.

How are you not on justin.tv?

Good question.

I was for the first few games of the season, but then they weren’t on for a few days so I kind of gave up.

Yeah, I definitely don't like David Aardsma.
That was a strike and we are quite probably boned.
Note to people: gameday was wayyyyyyyyy off on that ball to Andrus

It was a legit ball.

Is it common for gameday to be off?

I was under the false impression that it was as good as pitch FX.

Yep, figures
Great, Fister's gonna get gypped.
The Rangers may be a roving band of people, but they're hardly gypsies.
My nervous meter just doubled
12 out of 10?!

We’re boned.

When I die of a heart attack, Aardsma,

I’m having my estate fucking sue you for damages.

Great view of the banner there.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Jesus fucking christ.

We’re going to blow it.

Thanks, Michael Young!
Oh thank goodness for MY.
Aardsma being Aardsma
YES EMBARRASSING STRIKEOUT

SUCK ON IT MICHAEL YOUNG

How can he suck on a strikeout?
Eat dick, Michael
I love luck
I'm still afraid.
FUCK ME
This had only ever worked once in this history of LL
I'm just crying out for affection.

Oh, the Rangers just scored? Cockmuffins.

I know

It’s only worked once as a cry for affection. At least on this site.

FUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKK
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lights out ..... Aardsma
Except the opposite of that
SHIT TITS
Shitting dick nipples?
FUCK THIS FUCKING TEAM

WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT THAT BLOWING EASY RUN SCORING OPPORTUNITIES WOULD HURT US

FUCK ME UPSIDE DOWN

DAVID GODDAMN MURPHY

I'M SO SORRY DOUG
DAVID FUCKING AARDSMA EVERYONE
Can't expect him to convert every save when we keep only giving him 1 run to work with
And he just throws fastballs
Ah, fuck, now I'm going to be late to work because this game is running into extras.
We all have seen the ending to this movie before
I get unceremoniously fired, have to drop out of school because I can't afford it, and end up panhandling on the streets exchanging proofreading for half-eaten McDonald's hamburgers.
OF COURSE.

OF FUCKING COURSE.

Can the Rangers FUCK OFF?
IT SUCKS TO ROOT FOR THIS TEAM
Fuck you, Aardsma.
I don't think Fister likes Aardsma that much.
Here comes the part where we get swept.

And I’m not watching it.

The DA just Fisted Fister.
Man it sucks to be David Aardsma
CASE DISMISSED!
Mistrial!
Poor Doug, gotta feel for him.
Fucking AMAZING.
"It's enough to make a grown man cry."

Damn straight Dave.

Damn straight…

Newsflash: Everything is still horrible.
Good thing we're at such an advantage with a DH
DA is stupid.
POOR DOUG FISTER

LOOK AT HIS FACE DA. LOOK AT HIS FACE AND SEE HOW YOU FAILED HIM

ROB'S THE MAN.
Does that count as redemption at all?
Appropriate?

I think Griffey needs to update Carl Everett.
Griffey, Carl Everett. Same difference at this point.
Does Carl Everett even believe Griffey exists?

I thought he didn’t believe in Dinosaurs.

Or the Dinosaur
Somehow comforting
Game over. Fuck this shit.
Bad decision by Murphy.

But good throw RJ.

Whatever

Just hit a walkoff

SOMEONE BETTER HIT A FUCKING WALK OFF HOME RUN.
I vote Kotch Rocket.
Home run?

AHAHAHAHAHA!

Havent hit one in a week.
WE'RE DUE.
We're due for a lot of things on the offensive side.
When was the last time this lineup had one go over the fence, in fair territory?

Seven days ago?

We'll get a run

… Next week! Hey-oh!

I was full on expecting Byrnes to do a backflip there.
This weekend fucking sucks
Should of just left Fister out there.

Such bullshit.

And the offense fucking sucks for not scoring more runs when we had men on 2B and 3B with 0 outs.
Brynes blew it again, the retard.
Put him in a Rocket and fire him into the sun.
You would need that dimensional thingy they put Zod into in Superman 2

to hold Eric Byrnes.

He took two unhittable pitches that were not in or especially close to the strike zone.
What was his pitch count?
100

I would have left him in

Who cares?

Matt Harrison threw like 130 pitches yesterday.

127 to be exact.
Oh ok everyone should throw that many then.

Nice reasoning.

Oh it's not going to kill Fister to throw 20 more pitches.
Do you really believe that 100+ pitch Fister is better than David Aardsma?
Yes

Yes I do

Then you are silly.
Next time Fister gets to pitch the 9th.

I don’t care what his pitch count is at the time.

Who hit the last HR?

I honestly don’t remember.

For the M's? Guti
Guti in Chicago, a week ago today.
It was Guti I believe

in Chicago

What's a HR?
Fuck the cokehead Rangers!
At least their pitcher has to hit in extras
Aardsma for Alex Gordon.

Woooo!

We could probably also get Soria.
Fister for Gordon and Moustakas
I'm gonna call it here and now.

If we don’t walk off next inning, we lose the game

So we haven't hit a home run since last Sunday

Now would be a good time for our weekly home run.

DA CAN'T EVEN LOOK DOUG FISTER IN THE EYE.
I have never watched the M's hit a walk off homerun live. Today would be a nice day to change that!
That can't happen here :(
So this is what "small margin for error" means...
Eric Byrnes walkoff
Just kidding, he doesn't walk anywhere
He rides his bike.
Walk back to the dugout
Eric Byrnes bikeoff
GOD I HATE YOU ELVIS
Eric Byrnes. All my hopes and dreams are crushed before he even gets to the plate.
Hey look a line drive that isn't a hit
Kotchman

Is really good at those

This is just the fucking worst
God hates us

And we didn’t even put Jesus through waivers…

Seriously, Mike Sweeney can't even pray properly.
Byrnes gonna stare at 3 pitches again.
DFA Byrnes now.

He’s proven himself entirely useless. There are a multitude of better options out there.

SHUT UP HE PUTS A SMILE ON SOME OF OUR FACES
Can one be flagged for absurdity?
Someoner with an average over .100 would put a smile on some of our faces.
There is a much better option inside the organization itself

Two, even.

Would Arizona still pay his contract?

Minus the ~400k we’re paying now?

And he is the ultimate competitor...
Byrnes the lefty masher!
I'm not surprised
God that's shocking.

Byrnes looks terrible.

BYRNES!!!!

shakes fist

Get the FUCK out of Seattle Eric Byrnes.
Wow that was ugly
At least you're smiling for some reason
Byrnes should ride his bicycle back to the dugout
I've been thinking this.
He should ride it into a volcano
Byrnes' bicycle could probably hit better than him at this point
No.. Rob Johnson will not hit a HR right now..

he sucks

Most hitters are unlucky when they hit below .100.

Byrnes appears to have earned most of that.

Byrnes is now hitting below the Byrnes Line
Why do we even bother....
My love affair for Eric Byrnes is increasingly looking like it might be short lived
At least Byrnes is the fans' new whipping boy instead of Milty
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
Mariners.
WHAT A BOUQUET OF BULLSHIT
YES YES RUN WITH THIS ONE
ME LIKEY
THIS IS SOME SERIOUS SHIT STAIN
GOD WE CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING RIGHT
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS AMIRITE
YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT IS, KERMIT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND WHY THESE COCK SMEARS CAN'T HIT THE BASEBALL
Not really. Griffey is old, Sweeney is old, Byrnes is a bucket of tard, and Loafie has learned nothing in 5 years.
YOU ARE AMAZINGLY GOOD AT THIS AND I CAN ONLY LIVE IN YOUR SHADOW
I AM GOING TO GO KICK A CAN DOWN THE STREET
I'M GONNA FIT BYRNES WITH A SET OF CONCRETE GALOSHES, SEE?
The belief system happened
The Rangers Mariners'd us
Aardsma happened.
Oh, just the usual
Aardsma gave up a run.

The first batter walked and stole 2nd base. Then Young struck out. Next batter singled home the run.

On the bright side Texas' bench will be emptied as of next inning
Ours was empty at first pitch
I predict this game ends on a Rich Harden walkoff home run
*not walkoff
You know what this team needs:

Scott Spiezio

I have a feeling we lose next inning, and I'm usually an optimist
The DA didnt have the evidence
Whatever happened to Brad Fullmer?
Old player skills and got past 30?
Yeah but what is he up to these days?
Dave is begging for a HR
If Rob Johnson walks here, we will pinch-hit for Jack Wilson and no runs will be scored.
And thank goodness we managed to avoid that.
That was the douchiest kid I have ever seen
At least Ichiro bats next inning
At which point we will be trailing.
All aboard the extra inning train!
Good AB at least Rob Johnson

Did I really just say that?

Cameraman had me convinced that was in the gap
Rob should DH.
Yes.

He actually should.

Kudos to the camera guy for showing the left fielder, on a fly ball to the center fielder.
Rob Johnson has hit the ball hard.

I will temporarily stop ripping on his offense.

Johnson has a couple long outs today

He actually hasn’t been that horrible

All I have to say about this weekend in sports is :(
I'm going to go take a shower.

Too scared to watch League.

League is good though
But that will destroy the evidence!
Rob Johnson has the best AB of the day

there is your nutshell

Hey, a flyball.
Lee and Fister are going to start a support group
Zach Grienke will never miss a meeting
Unless he's crying in his basement while norting Xanax.
So is it just what I am now comparing him against,

or has Rob Johnson actually looked like a decent ballplayer today.

He has indeed looked decent.
Whoever decided on Safeco's dimensions knowing the Pacific Northwest climate is not conducive to HR's sucks.
Yeah, clearly a bandbox would have been better

We’ve seen how good Cincy has been since GAB opened…

I'm thinking Safeco's dimensions has saved more games for the Mariners than lost it.
Easily.

It turns pitchers like Doug Fister into very good pitchers.

Do you feel the same way about people who decided on the Mariners lineup?

Because I feel that has a larger effect.

This is a simple question but I'm not sure which way is right

In a low scoring environment is batting at the end of the 9th more of an advantage or less of an advantage compared to the current run scoring environment.

Is this team gonna wait 'til we are 5 games back

to make any changes?

No, they're going to wait until we are 15 games back.
Yep, it'll be this inning
This will end well.
I see what you did thar
Nice to have Ian Kinsler back so he can murder us
Let's bring back Richie Sexson. He produces on par with the rest of the team
I hear Al Martin is in the best shape of his life
not sayin much
He's been playing for USC
Routine GB for a hit

meanwhile our last two LDs have been right at someone

I don't want another condescending post after this game about how now is not the time to get angry about the team.

This team has problems that need to be addressed, stat.

I already wrote a venting thread
My bad, missed it.
There it is.

Thanks for saying what you did.

Time to bump that shit up.
Doesn't the team look kind of "hangdog"?

That looks like the prevailing chemistry to me. Hopeless looks on their faces,

Hmmm. Which M should I vote for for the All-Star game?
Can you vote for the Moose?
Write in vote.
I doubt Sweeney's still around by the All-Star Game.
You can vote Ichiro for the Home Run Derby, right?
Sweeney, for old-timers sake.
I did Ichiro, Guti, Bradley, Figgers, and Griffey for hilarity.
Byrnes for sure

He’s SO good

Franklin and Ichiro.
Griffey if I'm a fan of an NL team that wants home-field advantage in the WS
And now time for a GB up the middle to bring Kinsler home

Either that or a jam-job blooped into RF

Throwing error by the pitcher.
Can we ever catch a break?

Over the past decade it seems like we’re always losing these games we absolutely need.

You're right.

The Mariners just couldn’t win any games in 2001.

Must have been all those bad breaks.
And they had such a terrible record in one-run games last year.
Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll, we didn't win the last game of the regular season, which would have pushed us to 117.

And then there were all those October games in NY.

Or the Indians game that we were up by 13 runs.
Does this qualify as an "absolute need"?
Yes, being 1.5 games back with 135 games or so to play is insurmountable.
Honestly, it's starting to feel that way.
Atleast wait til we lose this game!
That sac bunt raised our WE by 2%
If we can't retire Garko/Treanor/Blanco

We deserve to lose

You mean bunting is stupid about 95% of the time? Huh.
This is a reply to Griffin Cooper
Pleeeease do not give up a run.
Why not?
Because a lose would have been the result.
Oh that makes sense.
Just came in, Doesn't seem like we miss much did we?
It's like a "choose your own adventurer" novel

that always leads to the same ending.

Yeah

always ended up in that damn alligator pit.

Fister was his usual self

unfortunately so was the Mariners’ offence and Aardsma

It's scary we can call this "his usual self" now
Ichiros got it
Crisis averted

?

If I had a library of Simpsons JPGs

this is where I would post the one where a dog saves the Power plant while Homer is sleeping.

Isn't it just maddening when you want to post a Simpsons image but just can't find it?
It very much is.

I can’t even figure out which episode that was in. What possible search terms could I use to figure that out? Just hopeless.

It's a shame you don't because I would probably rec that picture if I saw it.
Thank Christ
I don't see what Colome had to do with that...
Please stop
Wait - I'm the one who gets called on the incessant Jesus/Colome routine?
This one doesn't even work.
My heart stopped
Well that terrified me

We’ve gotta get it done this inning. Seriously.

That almost gave me a heart attack
Sometimes it makes me really happy when Gameday is ahead of the audio stream.

Seeing in play (out) helps a hell of a lot in these situations.

Phew.

I thought that line drive was going to touch down.

Whatever happened to "Ef the yankees"?
Suffering from PTSD?
We haven't played them yet this year

Which means we hate them 12.8% less than usual

I'm talking about the commenter
He probably got mad that we jacked his Off Topic post about Cal Ripken, Jr. wanting to come back to play.
Oh, right. Forgot all about that
DO NOT PINCH HIT FOR JACK WILSON
No, don't.
How will we ever see Griffey do something awesome if we never let him play?
I want to see Griffey at short. Oh God that would be amazing.
It would be amazing if Griffey

let us never play him

You mean that he retires? Yes, that would be awesome.

And he takes out Sweeney on his way out of the building.

ICHIRO!
walk off HR, calling it
Rich Harden is going to hit the home run that wins this game

I’m positive of this

Nice call.
I'm so glad you did this
Jack Wilson walk off HR.

If he actually gets to bat that is…

Little short...
PLEASE DO NOT PINCH HIT.
Griffey Sighting? Nahhh
Griffey needs more ABs, to reach that 650 HR goal

by 2015

Sounds like a good time for SWEENEY
DO NOT TEMPT HIM
Im suprised those fan comments don't mention griffey or sweeney
What the hell is this Fan Pulse thing...?

This looks incredibly fake.

ICHIRO IS UP.

Pretend he’s Mariano Rivera.

Incoming Ichiro solo bomb
Or strike out on three pitches, that works too
Why didn't we pinch hit Junior?
Deep fly ball out > ground ball out?
So, why isn't FSN showing negative comments about the lineup on the "Fan Pulse?"
One of the texts showed a person saying

Fister looked like a young Randy Johnson. I puked.

Because they have a vested interest in selling the team as a product
I just sent in an encouraging text.

I hope it shows up!

Well that was a buzz kill...
Wooooow. 3 pitches?
One of which was not a strike.
TWO GAMES WITHOUT A HIT

DFA ICHIRO

Nice 2nd strike shit for eyes
DAMMIT SHITEYES
Wow Ichiro.
Dustin Nipper just struck out Ichiro. This just isn't our game.
Baseball in general or today?
Holy god damn.
THAT WAS A STRIKE
I hate Joyce
I see that Jen wants us to have a fun-filled season.

Darien is encouraging some “Sodo Mojo”, and Mike reminds us that our starting pitching has been exceptional.

I love these scrolling fan-text comments.

Kaylee loves Ichiro!

Riveting.

Katal, they forgot the damn hyphen between fun and filled.

COMPOUND MODIFIERS NEED TO BE COMPOUNDED!

And they are surely representative of Mariner Nation et al.
Figgens bomb coming up

Then a Guti double to bring him home.

Hmm...

What do you consider a “bomb” in baseball?

I believe he is saying

that Figgy is incapable of hitting a walk-off

So you are saying a Figgins bomb

would be a double? And it’s Figgins with 2 i’s, no e.

Figgins!

I am getting pretty fed up of correcting people on this.

We should reply to Sam Regins.
Hey that looks better
Sorry about it, but Yay! he walked.

Guti double please!

Figgins

He has been in the league for years now. They show his name on the screen. It is sewn onto the back of his jersey. F-I-G-G-I-N-S

Rally caps don't seem to be working kids.
Are the Rangers bribing Joyce with crack?
I fucking hate rally caps
Better than...you know
I like them

as much as I like The Wave.

I'm not gonna lie, I kind of like the wave

I don’t like it when it goes around 10 times or when I miss important events and people need to give up when they try to start it 18 times but there is something about the wave that makes me smile.

Not that you can't, but why?
Just makes people look stupid
It looks like there's a chance we could have a historically HR-less offense.
NL for the win!
I would take most NL pitchers over our *DHs...
Kids find baseball to be boring, we get it.
PLEASE WALK

THIS IS WHEN GUTI SHINES

And figgy walks.
Steal

Base hit
Fuck the Rangers

I read the last line of this comment as if it were coming from Snoop Dogg in Dre Day.
Time for some of that Guti sex magic
Unsatisfied
Fuck that slow curve
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.
I CAN'T FUCKING STAND THIS SHIT
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
That was SO well hit... FUCK
Fuck you horseface

Fucking David Murphy bullshit

I want this game to last 20 innings so Joyce blows out his vocal chords.
On the plus side, the banner got some nice face time
Really not our day.
*weekend.
Well, we just sucked in the previous two

but we’ve been really unlucky today.

I'm gonna go get a sandwich

Someone hold down the thread for me

This is like a play by Samuel Beckett.
Waiting for the Go-Ahead?
Crappy Days? ENDGAME?
Catastrophe?

You just had to get the goddamn theater major going…

Should we even be surprised anymore?

This series is like some sort of cruel torture experiment

I think if a team plays the majority of it's games at a place like Safeco, it makes it okay to use steroids.

Who’s with me?

Call it an equalizer....
No
But it worked for Bret Boone?

For one season anyways.

Also, is this no joke Sunday or something?
Hopefully a Texas Ranger catcher gets injured and has to come out of the game and is healthy again tomorrow
Because I want to see Garko behind the plate
All this pain would have been averted (and Fister get the win) if Brynes had got the man in with bases loaded and 1 out
Or if Brumley had sent Guti on a ball he could have scored on
Looks like we agree.
Did you copy and paste that from Friday?
That's impossible?
Or if Aardsma did his job properly.
He sucks at his job.
They should have sent Guti on the fly ball before that.
We've had some crappy breaks today.

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