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Lookout Landing

5/5: Open Game Thread, Part 3

WHY DID YOU BRING BACK THE GOD DAMN RALLY FRIES

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Comments

Why are the threads so short?
BECAUSE FUCK THIS
FUCK THE RALLY FRIES
FUCK RALLIES AND FUCK FRIES
IF ANYTHING THEY SHOULD BRING BACK MLB.TV COMMERCIALS
Or that creepy thing that followed you with its eyes when you moved around the room
YEAH AND THEY MAKE PEOPLE FATTIES TOO
Go eat dinner.
Yes mum?
But not a double down.
I'm so glad that thing wasn't around in 2008
You seem as though you might not enjoy rallies or their consequential freedom fries.
FUCK THIS; REVOLT
Someone please make a .gif of the snarling dude
I'm as upset as you are Jeff >:(
I don't know man.

I just don’t know.

I don't know what is happening!
We have 2 runs!
That's two more runs than I remember ever having!
We only got to 96 on that one.
Why new thread?
Ooookay boss
Well that thread lasted all of 9 minutes
By far the worst consequence of the current offensive futility.
WHAT THE FUCK FSN
Looks like the rally fries still work
Thread #2's failure was simply a small sample set

No conclusions should be drawn.

Ichiro looks stupider than most players when he swings and misses
I'm sure it's been asked before...

but what did we do to deserve FSN’s “Umpire/Catcher” ass cam?

I wonder if rally fries would get more walks than Jose Lopez
Now I know how Scot Bacula felt
Shame for being such a bad actor?
It's got to be awful not knowing if you're next jump will be the jump back home.
I feel like by scoring 2 runs we should have won already
We promise to comment better.
Not a reflection of the comments

Reflection of the OH GOD DAMMIT RALLY FRIES

Yeah, I got it now, but I was just about to bitch about the fact that they were back.
So more double down related jokes boss?
No
Just because your sleeping with the boss doesn't mean you can order me around
Please give the bobbleheads away so Griffey can retire
Jack Wilson has hammy tightness.

Good thing we have a 7 man bullpen!

Jesus Colome would never pass through waivers!
All 30 teams would claim him under a minute after he was waived.

Obviously.

It's ok, we have a deep bench.
On the bright side, it's not Tui backing him up.
What's the deal with corn nuts?
Loud and smelly.

Annoying food.

I'm so confused.
At least they handed them out while we were hitting this time
At least the Jews were dirty when they led them to the showers
Holocaust jokes

verrrry funny

Welcome to the website
They aren't around anymore to be offended.
Think of them as West Virginian miners.
Or oil rig workers.
Hindenburg passengers!
Subject Line

Now I'm trying to think of one that's not funny
Joking about the offense is as acceptable as joking about the Mariners' offense;

There is no proof either of them ever occurred.

God dammit I mean joking about the holocause is as acceptable
Good attempt though.
It there hadn't been that typo it would have been awesome
Aren't you concerned you are turning into Robert and Robert is finally getting his wish?
Considering the day I had today, not in the least

Plus I feel Robert getting one of his wishes would contradict some sort of basic physical and probably moral law.

:(

I'll tell you about it after Griffet hits a HR

I don’t want to be perceived as having broken my lent

*Griffey
The only thing keeping me me going is the slim chance of defeating you and getting my dreams back
You have no chance but I understand that you need the illusion of one to keep going
This is you taunting me.
The holocause... is that some sort of sci-fi rally group?
Fuck I give up on this subthread
But it was going in a great direction!
Because when I'm thirsty I grab a Budweiser.
There are many issues with this statement.
Nothin' better than a cold Bud Light when I'm parched!
Wow, those guys sure looked like they were enjoying the game.
FUCK THIS CAMERA ANGLE WHY ARE THEY USING IT
FSN IS TAKING AN INFURIATING TEAM AND MAKING IT WORSE
Are they actually doing the fries thing, or was it just a hopeful fan?

Can’t recall seeing it all this year

They've done it the last two days
Who cares, anymore
Sad people who like being on tv and/or getting free fries?
Safeco fries are shitty
But man, free fries!
Pretty sure they did it last night for the first time this year
Nope, they're back.
Did it yesterday too
I wouldn't mind the fries so much

If they would wait until we actually needed a rally to give them out

So true story

I was kicking around a USSM post about how much I hated the Rally Fries and everything they demonstrate what’s wrong with broadcasts. Then one day I was in a meeting and going to project a document, but Word/Windows corrupted everything and my doc showed up with a huge chunk of rally fry hatred before the actual release coordination stuff.

I was horrified, it was totally unprofessional. And people were like “yeah, I hate Rally Fries too!”

Sounds like a good icebreaker
See, everyone hates Rally Fries dammit!
Is it bad to like to eat them?
Absolutely.
I fail to see how rally fries are "professional"

So really the unprofessional thing to do would’ve been to not show that.

there was some salty language
Mmm. salty fries.
So assuming Jack Wilson is actually hurt and can't play for a while

What the hell does the team do? They can’t play a bunch of games with a Mike Sweeney/Griffey and backup catcher bench. Can they?

Just watch them try
I really hope we don't have to.

But I have a feeling that we’ll have to.

Education Day pictures

awwww and awwwwww

RRS has huge arms.
Hyphen is a manly man.
He looks even more manly tucked between Figgy & Jack
RRS is a lovable giant.
Chone fits in too well.
New appreciation for RRS

Damn.

I think they are doing the guess which hat has the ball in it

Behind Figgins

Well that almost melts my icy heart
So you'll free Hat?
No, you have to use cool island rhythms to melt her hot heart
You beat me to it :(
I wonder what the prop bet was on Rose's 3000th hit was
Nice play lil' Wilson.
Wilson2!
Wilson1 would have barehanded that and made it look cool
Wilson2 had a fair share of web gems in '09.
I think it's "WilsonS"
I like the idea of calling them Wilson 1 and Wilson 2.
JOSH WILSON!
Wilson 2.0!!
That was a cool play.
I can say with 95% confidence that there is a .85 probability that Jack Wilson plays a better shortstop than me
Not Josh though
I'm liking this new Wilson.
There's nothing wrong with the Garlic Cam, Jeff.
God, I love Kevin Calabro.
I want him to go away.
I do not.
Y'all are insane.
He sucks at everything that does not involve calling a basketball game.
You are right when it comes to basketball.
He's a flaming asshole
I'm seriously shocked at this reaction towards him.
Yeah why?
His radio show is wonderful!
I love it when Katal comes by
He is a better troll than Robert
Most people are better trolls than Robert.
Look do you want me to troll your damn website or not?
Yes?
Then mod me.
No?
Please?
What would you do?

Ban me? Or Aaron?

He doesn't even know.

He’s just chasing cars.

That used to be one of my FB quotes!
Hey sucker.
Sup bitch
Not watching the M's game. Following it via the game thread.

You, ho?

Leaving to go hang out around a bunch of drunk 19 year olds on May 5th

Cause my day cant get anyworse.

End everything you say with "-O"

And generally act as racist as possible, in order to impress everyone.

On the other hand, they're 19 and won't get the joke.
Hey!
The exception that proves the rule.
Mention landscaping.
Didn't go

Instead I celebrated by making a rum tortilla

I'm interested.

Ingredients?

Rum. Tortillas.
I poured a shot of rum into a tortilla. I ate said tortilla. Happy May 5th
And in case you guys are wondering, Yes this is my new food for 2010
Interesting. I'm worried about the lack of any OTC drugs.
He is a master

of baiting.

Boooooooooo!!!
Dammit. I meant to post something high brow there, and ended up totally muffing it up and looking like a cock.

Just anusual mistake.

He lost me by talking shit about soccer on his radio show

while he was under contract to announce games for the Sounders.

He should have stuck with the NBA and shut the fuck up about everything else
His NBA gig sort of went away with that whole "no more Sonics" thing
That's a shame.
Guess he'll just have to chill at home then.
BOOM GOES THE LAY-Z BOY!
Isn't he doing some games for ESPN?
I'm soooooo glad the Sounders replaced him with Arlo.
Agreed there.

He has no business calling a soccer match.

I have such a crush on Arlo.
I wouldn't go that far but I'm pretty fond of him.
He loves trashy tv!
He does?
He shares on Twitter.

I read it in his accent which makes it even better.

HE HAS A TWITTER!?
YES!
http://twitter.com/arlowhite
Gleeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Tee hee

he proudly proclaims he’s a ginger in his bio.

He is one of very few I like.
He is one of very few I like.
Really? You don't like gingers?
I personally love gingers.
http://twitter.com/arlowhite
Weird.
That's been happening a lot at every SBN blog I comment at.
Is there a single person that is invovled with Seattle sports and is good at there job that you don't have a crush on?
Kevin Calabro, I bet.
Ronny Cedeno.

Oh wait.

You are mean.
He's outhitting Griffey.
...

I don’t know that I have a crush on any other Seattle sports people?

The comments I have heard you make about Fredy Montero's sweet ass beg to differ
Are you sure that wasn't you?
He's too skinny for me
Me too.

I prefer Fat Frank.

You do enjoy a bit of cushion.

Hence your Miguel Olivo thing.

But who doesn't feel that way?
Ljungberg?
I bet they bang one another all the time.

Who would blame them? Not me!

I don't.

I think Fredy is Hurtado’s bitch

Ashley Young
Wait I'm doing that thing where I get Seattle and Manchester confused again.
You can't even get the targets of your baits right and you expect modship?
We want quality trolls.
Ooh! Ooh! Gimme a chance!
We'd likely take a look at your application.
I need to learn something about soccer, when you don't know anything you can't get pissed.

Makes for terrible flagging conditions.

But makes for amusing ones.
I know John Carew but I want to make sure this bait stays relevent past this next transfer period
I am fully expecting John Carew to be transferred and since it will make the team better I am all for it
I can just post 70,000 pixel tall gifs of Gary Busey
Trolling other SBN blogs gets you banned
Only if the mods here find out!
As though that would ever happen.
THEY ARE TELLING ME TO
You're better than that though
The fact that I hold my trolling to a high standard will finally cause me to give a shit about the EPL!
Winners all around!
What does my rice a roni have in common with Aston Villa at the FA Cup?

They both got burned.

Yes cooking instant rice is certainly comparable to playing one of the best soccer teams in the world.

Well played, Julia Child.

We didn't go, dumbleskins.

Let’s keep our message consistent here.

We didn't go to the Final.

We were most certainly in the tournament.

"At" implied the final to me.
Aston Villa didn't GO to the FA Cup, dumbleskins.
He tries to talk about baseball despite sucking at it

And that pisses me off

He's terrible at talking about any sport that's not basketball.
You might be his only educated fan.
The guy is hilarious!
If you like uneducated shock jocks with nothing to present but dick jokes.
I don't consider him a shock jock.

He’s articulate and isn’t a racist or misogynist. He isn’t the most informed baseball fan, but he seems to respect stats.

He knows nothing about any sport other than NBA basketball.

The other day a caller asked if he knew what a circle change was. He said (and I paraphrase) “Grow some balls and don’t ask about stupid things that make no sense – You can fool a lot of people, but not me.”

I agree, and also greatly respect him for not moving with the team to OKC.

So he’s trying to make the transition to other sports. Give him a chance to learn

It doesn't really work when you talk shit about other sports while under contract to announce for said other sport.
Woah, didn't know he did that.

And that makes me like him alot less. I take back my previous statement.

A Wilson that can use his glove properly!
We're going to score a run here
At least one
I said we were scoring five
You're insane
Comments like that could end you up in a mental institution.
Unlikely
You never know.
We'll have lunch when you get here!
I'm more interested in the when than where given how long this stadium will probably be around
Horseradish
Lee.

60 strikes 19 balls.

Oh lord.

Tightness in Jack’s Hammy.

I really don't care about the fries if we win.

Do you think anyone complained about the Rally Monkey in Anaheim? They probably would have if they didn’t win the World Series.

The smart Angels fan probably did.
No one complained
Which one is that
Eyebrows.
I thought we were talking about Angels fans
Yes let's judge ourselves against the people of Anaheim.

Sounds like a great fuckin’ idea.

You pick strange things to argue about.
What is the point of this statement?
That we should avoid getting mad about rally fries all over again.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate how people with rally fry signs get attention while much more creative signs from classic baseball fans are ignored. That sucks. My point was that who cares about all the stupid promotions or peripheral shit when your team is winning? Constantly playing Zombie Nation, or Who Let the Dogs Out is annoying, but it also was an after thought when your excited about the team and the game itself. Our team is so annoying right now that lame promotions like the return of rally fries are distracting us from the reason we really tune in: entertainment. When you don’t enjoy the game, have depressed hopes for your team, and are on a losing streak with low attendance numbers, I understand why we just want to find things to rag on. But the real source of frustration for most people is the team, the players, even the coaches.

I think you just like to argue about things.
Yeah you do think that.
Stop taking everything so seriously
He asked me to explain.
I am mad at everything always
You should take it easy.

Hypertension’s a bitch.

Oh, to be a Mariner fan in 2010.
Your introduction needs work and another body paragraph could add to your argument

Also you need to integrate your primary sources better.

Maybe I belong at USSM.
Now we're cooking with lard.
*Geoff Baker's blog
Oh god no.

I don’t bother debating with him, or even reading his shit anymore.

You're doing great. Whatever you do, don't go posting at that lame-ass MarinerCentral.com.

Keep all of your wisdom here at this fine site.

That's where I go for my Mariner analysis.

It’s good!

Like your taste in radio!

Tadow? Fuck my life.

Not old enough, clearly not mature enough.
How old do you have to be?
ESPN comment boards
Mariners Revolution
Rally Fries are the tv equivalent of one man's ballsack bouncing off of my own in an involuntary manner
I feel like we should start referring to runs as goals.

Much more exciting to yell, and happen just about as often.

Holy shit Figgins on the Left side.

Just start batting Right against righties. It can’t be any worse.

Stop striking out Chone
Chone just needs to start hitting right handed
He needs to stop hitting and settle for walks...
Goddammit..
Kick his poosay ass Casey
Aw unlucky
How far was Guti's HR?
Barely.
But it was opposite field to right center
Indeed it was.

But still barely over the wall.

I still have tears from it though.

Just over the RF wall.
Opposite field shot that just got over the wall.
Whatever the distance to the wall in right plus one.
If Guti had been playing RF he would have brought it back
It was opposite field though, which spiced it up a little bit.
Aw what the hell you doing there Zobrist?
Don't give up on us yet. Lee, I think we have another doily for you.
I am looking into the future.

I know how this will end.

This Jimmy John's commercial is worse than a puppy extermination farm.
Jimmy John's is terrible
Most overrated fast food place by far
But it's faaaaast
It rates above Subway and Quiznos though.
How?
It tastes better.
Its literally some meat, cheese and a lot of mayo on some bread plus some boring veggies

I don’t see why this is any better than anything else out there.

I think Subway and Quiznos are awful?

Mainly because Quiznos makes me feel like death after I eat it.

It's not exactly a high bar to clear.
Weird, I feel like JJ is less healthy than Quiznos

Well I can’t argue with your GI tract

I disagree
Every day brings new and more imaginative bullshit
I love "nothing beats the sound of pac-10 baseball!" PING PING PING

it’s like they’re making fun of themselves

Why the hell hasn't Major League Baseball subsidized wood bats for the NCAA yet?
Does Lee have a pitch limit?
I don't know, but I doubt it.
i blame rob johnson

for all of it

Please capitalize
Thanks Pat!

1 pitch 1 out.

You aren't anything special Pat
The first thing I heard after they came back from the ad break was Dave Sims talking about MC Hammer.

Why was this?

He's coming to the Emerald Queen Casino!
He's the man who put hip-hop on the map!
Just Sims being zesty? I have no idea
Someone in the stands was wearing his pants.
He came to my friend's Bar Mitzvah

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Was it a Sweet Sixteen type bar mitzvah?
Yeah it was bullshit

But still

Wait I just texted him an realized I was wrong

It was in fact Sir Mixalot

See that completely changes this story
has cliff thrown the curveball yet?
Probably and please capitalize.
Gameday has him throwing 1 so far.
Coors light freezecam

Causes epilepsy

I like how you see the transitions for the same length of time

As the actual pictures (0.5 seconds)

Those freeze cam pictures look like they were taken with a cell phone.
SHUT UP AND DRINK OUR MEDIOCRE BEER
Fuck off CB Bucknor
Strike 3.

Screw you CB!

STRIKE, SHITEYES
One more inning for the Lee-man
Cliff Lee is awfully awfully good.
Lee pitchers like a God when its tied

2 run leads though, another story

14,523 in attendance tonight.

The new second-lowest in Safeco history.

Hey, maybe we should get a team that can score some fucking runs.
14,627 actually.

14,523 is the lowest ever.

Ouch, on Cliff Lee day too.
Does anybody else hate Banner Bank after seeing 34 of their commericals every game?
Yes. I'm totally with you.
I love how Cliff just walked off toward the dugout after pointing out that it was a popup.

“Yeah, that’s an out. Whatever.”

Cool guys don't look at popups
Keyboard solo.... JJ Abrams!
Is it Griffey time?

 IT IS!

Call it, bitches.

I say 4 pitch K.

Three pitch groundout.
I bet he can do it in two
I'm gonna be imaginative and say grounder to second

on 5 pitches.

He got some power on that last one
Lee probably goes 9 innings tonight.
I hate that our DH is worse than pitcher at hitting
I'm ready for the Griffbomb
GriffeyLent was the worst idea of all time
No, resigning Griffdawg was the worst idea of all time
All the cool kids are abandoning it early.
I might have to
You just didn't do it right

I gave up not drinking during the game for GriffeyLent

Go big or go home
Griffey goes one step closer toward hitting for the cycle
Garza chin pubes > Griffey
Lay off. He's just in a 'slump'.
USE YOUR HIPS MAN
Well at least Griffey looks less pathetic tonight
It was hit in the air!
So was PanAm flight 103
Wow that's really insensitive
I'm sure there were Jews aboard the flight.
No they obviously planned it dumbass
I loved it.
I think he meant it as a compliment
Man, he put a charge into that one
Not be awful please!
Well that avoids the pinch-runner dilemma if Griffey had reached base.
Man oh man

I really don’t like Lopez

Maybe tomorrow we can all read about how Griffey snapped out of his slump!

lies

Least our true power hitter is hitting the shit out of the ball.
Wait... we have a true power hitter?
Our true power hitter quit.

But he’ll be back. No worries.

I hope you're not talking about Jose 'barely cleared the left field fence' Lopez.
This year, it's Jose "barely cleared the left field fence at US Cellular Field" Lopez.
When did Beltre rejoin the team!?
Beltre is killing the ball for Boston.
Baseball is supposed to make me happy.....
I think it's kind of like how people will pay money for a dominatrix to abuse them.
Law school + being a Mariners fan.

I can’t really think of a recipe more stressful than that.

It's a really nice and welcome distraction for me

Except when I have to stay up until 1am to watch Felix and Cliffmass games.

I'm super excited to try it next season
It's not that bad

I’m not the only one who still watches MLB.TV in class

Word. The fact that I'm watching this turd burger of a game instead of studying for finals makes the losing twice as awful.
My last final is on May 14th. 8 more days of distraction and misery through watching this team.

With a few amazing Gutz moments in between.

I will be shitfaced by the 14th

Last final (contracts) is the 12th

Good Luck.
Thank You kindly,

It’s the one I’m worried about, last year’s highest grade from that teacher was a B

It's all about consideration. You know that you're good.
Biz orgs was today, Multinational tax on the 7th, and Bankruptcy on the 10th.
I like this version of Lopez

He works hard at playing third

I love guys who take huge hacks

At least when you suck at hitting it looks like you are trying.

Nicely setting up the Ichiro grand slam!
Yay Langerhans
THIS MAN IS BETTER THAN GRIFFEY
First walk of the game for the M's

YES

You take them walks Langerhans!

Screw you Byrnes!

Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyweeeeeeeeeeee
Now steal a base just to make him angry
Is it too much to ask Josh Wilson for a triple?
That was a huge slide
Seriously. That was like Jordan at the free throw line.
I think he might have fallen
That was adorable Navarro.
Terrific throw, Navarro!
Dioner Navarro is a windmill.
Dioner Navarro is better than Rob Johnson.
Atta boy Langers
You have to have the ball in your hand in order to throw it, Dioner.
Good baserunning.
Vintage Eric Byrnes!
He seems to be losing command
Ryan Langerhans is just super.
BEN ZOBRIST IS SO GOOD
We are never going to catch a break
God I wish we had Ben Zobrist.
Ben Zobrist is too good at his job.
Holy shit Zobrist
Fucking Zobrist
Oh yeah the Rays also have good defense
They have good everything.
They have a terrible fan base
Although, so do we at the moment.
They have less good looking players than us
EVAN LONGORIA VS FRANLIN GUTIERREZ

SEX OFF

Also Josh Wilson seems slow.
Oh god damnit.

Why couldn’t you fall down you fuck!

I thought that was going to work.
I want to punch Carlos Pena

Does he need to try to sell every play?

Langerhans walkoff in the tenth
YES

DINGERHANS

I personally like the Deat to _____ Nicknames

Death to Extra Innings!
Too bad Griffey is Death to Rallies

Death to Sweeney?

But what could that be?

I'm perfectly okay with that.
I hope you're not reading this.
Way to go, Rob
It's not a passed ball if there's no one on base!
Wak is gonna take Lee out as soon as he hits 110.
What of it?
Lee can throw 300 pitches.
This seems like a foolish idea.
Robby Johns to lead off the bottom of the 8th.

:D

Sweeney pinch hit!
Well that's not good news
The Rays don't deserve that kind of luck.
Well that was a shitty hop.
Carl Crawford getting all sorts of bitchery.
Grounds crew needs to do less dancing and more groundskeeping.
Here's where Crawford steals 2nd, then 3rd, then scores on a passed ball
I still have trouble believing that Cliff Lee is a Mariner.

It’s a wonderful feeling every time I see him in that uniform.

I keep forgetting that the Rays acquired Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett in exchange for Delmon Young and Jason Pridie.

Wonder who got the better end of the deal.

Don't forget Brendan Harris!
FUCKING ZOBRIST!
THIS IS HOW WE'RE GOING TO LOSE
Oh good Longoria is up

Wait

Oh Jesus Christ
That is somehow Rob Johnson's fault

I’m sure.

We should've acquired Ben Zobrist
Too bad we couldn't trade Riggleman for him
Hey look it's Sean White
Man fuck you Ben Zobrist.
FUCKING SEAN WHITE
NOT SEAN WHITE YOU FUCKING MORON
If we keep being really bad, does that mean we can become the Rays someday?
Yeah, warm up Sean White! Good call Wak!
Sean White? REALLY?

Time to drink. More.

SEAN WHITE.

FUCK YOU WAK.

This is bigger bullshit than MarioKart.
Dude, PLEASE get off of my son's tricycle.
We need about 3 blue shells right now
But all we get are fucking banana peels.
This should go well
IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, NOT SEAN WHITE!

ANYBODY BUT SEAN WHITE!

Hell yeah Sean White
FUCK THIS SHIT!
CATCH THE FUCKING BALL
I should have given up watching the Mariners for LLent.
FUCK YOU CARL.
Welp game over.

5 in a row?

It matters not now.
Why the fuck does Johnson cut pitches off 3 feet in front of hte plate?
I know Crawford beat the throw anyhow, but you'll never make a play from that position.
I think he may have realized Carl was going to score and was thinking about the other runners advancing

Not that he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

He also didn't catch the ball, so there's that.
Well, time to drink myself into sweet, sweet oblivion.

FUCK.

Word up.
I see what you did there with your name.

I knew a guy named Ian once.

Fuck this.
Rob Johnson couldn't handle that throw
I used to know a bitch named Sean White.

He used to roll around, giving up hits to the Rays all night.

Josh Wilson!
WHAT THE FUCK JACK?
YEAH WHY DID YOU HURT YOUR HAMSTRING AND LEAVE THE GAME
Ok that wasn't Jack.

That’s what I get for not tuning in until now.

This team.

This fucking team.

FUCK YOU JOSH WILSON
Go Mariners
Lopez would have had that
Sorry ignore I thought Figgins did that
Oh my fucking shit
Yeah, let's just hand them the game!
Giant rubber dildos
Thanks Josh wilson. Fuck off and die.
WILSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! >:(
So, this isn't funny anymore
Entire team shitting the bed. Great.
AHAAH, game...fuck this shit.
Josh Wilson should have had a V8 instead.
Alright.

Fuck you Josh.

That was bad.
That was unnecessary.
Poopy

This is.

Another loss
And now the Rays will score on a passed ball
What is the record for most errors in a 3 game series from the shortstop?
Jack Wilson is not playing right now.
I mean from the SS position. Jack has 3 Josh has 1.
Probably more than 4
Yeah, it's 50
Tui would have made a good throw
Tui sucks cocks
I was mocking him dum dum
I know. I was backing you up with messages regarding his love of diznicks.
Remember the Simpsons where Homer gets the Denver Broncos?

That’s kind of like watching this team

I'm going to turn on the Smiths.
Well this is a dilly of a pickle.
Why can we not do this
Theoretical WE ~ 10%

Actual ~ 0%

Well nevermind that, both ~0% now
So is that what it is like to be a real baseball team?
etc. etc. etc.
Fuck it. I quit. Multinational tax has to be more exciting.
aww come on

seriously.. i am getting disappointed

No defense. No offense. HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WIN?
It wouldn't kill me so much if it didn't feel like we've been rebuilding for the past six seasons.
But Adam Jones DOES have a bad hip!
At least Sean White is ready to go
Time to nuke the site from orbit;

it’s the only way to be sure.

Fuck those rally fries.
Tampa has 10 hits now. Jesus.
DRays are way better than us
We're scoring five runs like I said
We'll still lose eventually with five runs!
Too bad we'll be down 8-2.
That means we won't win
Ok, now I don't mind White coming in.
Hey, remember when the Royals beat Felix?

We are so not getting swept.

come on

if Ichiro doesn’t get a hit this game……………….

The world will end?
It really isn't May?
Remember that half-second when they led this game?
Can someone please explain that sequence?

I can’t quite envision a run scoring on a lineout to shortstop, which is how Gameday recorded the play.

Run scored on the throwing error to first
Josh Wilson threw the ball into the stands.
Why was he throwing the ball to first if Carlos Pena was already out?
Runner at first should have been doubled off
Poor Cliff Lee :(

It’s not your fault.

It is a little bit.
This line certainly won't reflect how good Lee was tonight
And how bad the umpire was
Die Bucknor
Wak needs to kill the ump
Oh come the fuck on Bucknor
CB Bucknor everyone!
Of course CB Bucknor has screwed over Lee several times
Come on, CB, don't you want to go home yet?
Fucking Figgins. Make a the damn play on the Crawford ball. Yeah, it's not an easy play

but we’re built on playing above average defense, so make the damn play

I was really kind of shocked when everyone was feeling bad for him earlier.
CB rhyming with TB makes so much sense
Bring in Moore.
I hope his finger is broken.
Just had the same thought.
This game is over.
I hope it's broken
Aw Rob I hope you're okay
PLEASE BE BROKEN
Looked like a career ender to me
That hand looks mighty broken!
Bye Bye Rob!
Twins, Yankees, and Rays are SO much better than the M's.

We could win the west, but I don’t like us in a 7 game series unless Bedard is back strong. The Rays are leaps and bounds ahead of the Mariners.

What about now?
Not sure what you mean.

We can’t beat anyone now, obviously. The question is if we are even capable of beating these teams. Maybe we shouldn’t get too excited about making the playoffs, if our division is the worst, and the wild card team will be the second or third best team in baseball.

Anything can happen in a 5 or 7 game series
Yeah, especially if Bedard is back.

The trouble is that Tampa and NY can’t face each other in the first round. So we will face on of the two first. Anything can happen, but I just think the AL west champ will be a second tier team compared to the others.

This is a controversial statement.
Don't tease me I'm bad with sarcasm.

In case your serious: Minnesota, NY, and Tampa in the playoffs is controversial?

WHO FUCKING CARES IT'S THE PLAYOFFS
But if you're not going to win the world series you should totally just give up.
No but we have to be considerate of our weak division and not sell the farm just to make a brief playoff run.
We sold the farm?
You're drastically underestimating the value of getting to the playoffs
Are you seriously concerned about Jack Zduriencik selling the farm in order to make the playoffs?
Anything can happen in the playoffs. The Cardinals sucked horses and got rings printed.

It’s Indy Jones time.

PLEASE CONTINUE POSTING INANE THINGS!
Insane?
No I believe he did actually mean to type "inane"
It is a word.
And a very good word, at that.
LEARN ENGLISH AND

We're likely to have Felix, Lee and Bedard
during a stretch when the scheduling is stupid and allows you to go with a three-man rotation.
Still though we don't score.
I'm pretty sure we will score if we end up in the playoffs.

Why am I arguing with you?

Better than watching the game?
I guess, but no one seems to want to play good baseball in this division.

Why can’t that keep up all year? 86 wins could do it.

WHO THE FUCK IS SAYING THIS!?
POST BETTER COMMENTS
Actually a lot of people.

Why is it so strange to say a team 10 games over .500 could win the division when the division leader at the moment is only 15-14?

.

Nope. I get too much of joy out of your irrational dislike for every word I right.
Ding ding ding troll ding ding ding
That makes you a troll and trolling is a bannable offense
No I'm not trolling.

It’s not intentional. It doesn’t really matter what I write, SB is going to rag on it.

YES YOU ARE

YOU ARE TROLLING. THIS IS TEXTBOOK TROLLING.

No, it totally matters.

The people that are pissed off at you right (NOTICE HOW I USED THIS ONE IN THIS CONTEXT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER SPELLING WHICH IS WRITE) don’t get pissed off easily. We are pissed off because you are a fucking moron.

LEARN ENGLISH AND

I really don't know why you guys let me be the only to post this .gif

I even disliked it’s original posting because I like Coach!

This saddens me. Your're such an invaluable contributor, too.
The funny part is that people around these parts actually like me because I'm nice almost all of the time!
It's true. You're a sweetie pie.
It's really true!
You know, that is true. You were always polite at the very least when I first signed up.
See what we've driven sb to?
It's true actually

You always struck me as friendly even when I was a complete retard

You're a beautiful woman.
Stop trying to bait people.
You're not helping your cause.
How's Carlos Silva doing?

Still your favorite Mariner?

Proving my point. I'm not trolling, you just hate on me because of that one discussion.
No, because of every discussion.

You are worse than Ian Smell.

No, I hate on you because you continue to post stupid things
This better not have been my 30,000th LL comment
30,072nd
Nope, 29,998.

74 at other SNB sites.

Oh yeah, I forgot about those.
No he hates you because you are an idiot and an asshole
refuse2quit2010
Yes it could

also, 20 wins could do it if the Angels, Rangers and A’s lose ALL THEIR REMAINING GAMES

p.s. has anyone posted the Indy .gif yet?!
I don't think so.
That's your schtick partner
All you buddy!
We almost lost Rob Johnson, so that should improve our chances
I'm thinking we're better than the Twins now
Sadly you could trade Mauer for Johnson and we're still a far worse lineup.
What the fuck that's just retarded
This is false.
Really?

Maybe not far worse, but still worse.

Yes.

Really.

Except for the whole thing where Joe Mauer is awesome
Your reality shocks and scares the shit out of me.
Basically we will probably have to beat the Yankees, Rays, and Phillies to be champs.

Not that facing Minnesota is any consolation.

Yeah so let's just say fuck it and not even try to get to the playoffs.

Jesus fucking Christ what the fuck.

REFUSE 2 LOSE
TWO THOUSAND AND TEN BITCHES
Why waste the energy?
I'm tired of annoying things
I get it. Let's kill Jeff Renner.
Yes I'm tired of the Mariners.
THEN GO AWAY.
EMPHATICALLY, WITH GREAT GUSTO.
I only stay for you guys.

Are you saying you aren’t annoyed by the M’s? Isn’t that the point of this blog? I’m tired of annoying things, and I’m tired of the M’s finding annoying ways to lose.

I am frustrated but the frustration didn't make me a blithering idiot
I am tired of annoying posters making gamethreads worse
That should be our new site tag
But then people might think they can have Felix :(
We would join ranks and kill those people

But first we need to save ourselves.

My frustration

is compounded by the frustrated others that flock to good websites only to frustrate others with their collective observations, of which most are frustrating and fucking useless.

There's 30 solutions to this problem
And we are tired of you!
More like don't waste all your prospects in July just because we are still in contention in a shitty division.
wat
Just because you win a shitty divisioin means you're the best turd in the bowl

or something

Kerm,

YOU’RE THE BEST TURD IN THE BOWL.

Just the last one down the hole my friend, is all that means
And least hairy?
No but we have to be realistic that whoever wins the west will not be a championship caliber team.

We could get hot before the playoffs I guess. Winning the division will be a success, but we still have so much work to do. The Rays are absolutely dominating us.

USSM is your new home. Go.
What have you got against USSM?
The site is fine. The commenters?
The comment section is pretty terrible.
I guess it's a good thing I don't read the comments, then
I disagree.

Not that it matters, but this site is more entertaining, that one more educational. I like them both.

Nothing at all, I think he might fit in better there.
I just don't want to give the USSM mods a headache
Especially because he probably wouldn't do anything that would merit an insta-ban
Yeah that's true.

MARINERS REVOLUTION FOR YOU.

OH SNAP
LOGAN WILL WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS
They're quicker to ban than we are
fuck you
I assumed he'd just get the insta-shitcan.
Maybe Jeff Nye would let him through and the next Baker blogosphere convo would include him!
If I'm not a recurring character in those sketches I'm going to be pissed.
I would seriously pre-ban him if I had enough information

I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

on the other hand

there’s probably a good point about this being exactly the kind of thing that took too much time and energy to deal with, thus eventually forcing retirement

I'm not going to lie, I never commented on USSM and never have had a real desire to do so

but I was pretty saddened by this kind of bullshit causing you to quit the blogosphere. You guys did (and continue to do) a great job promoting advanced baseball analysis and smart fandom.

I just hope that having regulars around to help regulate (and a giant sports blog evil empire) keeps Jeff, Matthew, Graham and Jon from ever experiencing the kind of bullshit you guys put up with.

You really were and still are a huge asset to the best blogosphere in baseball.

thanks dude

That’s really nice of you to say

Not to mention the usenet days.

Thanks for those too!

If it wasn't for your spots on Fox post-game shows I never would have found USSM and modern analysis.

I loved your writing and it kills me that all of the bullshit you had to deal caused you to step away from blogging about the team.

USSM was my initiation into the Mariners blogosphere

I say, without a doubt, I’d still be a more stupid fan without it.

I was on the post-game show?

Another true USSM story: I was once supposed to go on the FSN pre-game with Wil Lelitch the then-Deadspin editor, and Deadspin did something and FSN cancelled the whole thing without explanation.

I have no idea which of Deadspin’s 5,000 daily posts triggered it, but that was my one chance to get on the team broadcast.

I could have sworn you did the post-game stuff on the occasional Fox Saturday games.

I was watching someone having to deal with New York Vinnie.

Ditto -

Best to you.

Next time you go back to the retirement home

Can you convince Griffey to tag along?

<3 you!
I love you too Brian
You think I want to write this?

I’m totally pissed about this because I thought we were much better. Do you disagree?

Contrary to popular belief you do not have to post every stupid thing that you think of!
Actually, that fuck you was directed at me for joking that you should go over to USSM.

Have you heard of 4chan? I heard they love you over there and want to hear more of your thoughts.

.

I am totally imagining you as Indiana Jones in this .gif
Why are you not getting it?
Watch these games we are playing. I think I get it.

Rays : Championship Caliber. Mariners : Not even close.

NO SHIT JESUS CHRIST STOP
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
An entire community is telling you to go away.

We aren’t hinting, we aren’t kidding, we aren’t giving you a spoon full of sugar.
We are saying knock it the fuck off and take yourself elsewhere.

And it's quite fascinating really.
You realize you are a sociopath.
I'm glad you find being an idiot fascinating
Hey

you want to go get a drink? Are you by chance homeless? I LOVE homeless people.

.

Where is the Indiana Jones one?

I think it is appropriate right about now.

SB, you are needed for a non-Twilight related mission.
How did you know I was here?!
My SB sense was tingling.
Vampire.
If only Ashley Greene had that same sense...
god dammit you idiot corco

Not the same.

You hit on an imaginary person.

Ashley Greene is not imaginary at all
Who doesnt post here
You are ruining my dreams, Kirsten

oh well, time to drown them out with that bottle of Black Tuesday I was saving

I looked! Didn't find it.
I was wrong. USSM would welcome you.
DON'T GO TO USSM, THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN THEY GET GO SOMEWHERE AND BE NOT TERRIBLE
This is a controversial statement.
Vacation in Spain is WAY better than vacation in Kosovo.
Rob Johnson's hand is swelling profusely.

I sense a DL stint!

That didn't look good
Oh hell yes
That has got to be broken
Josh Bard to the courtesy phone.
One-way ticket for Kenji please

we assure you Washburn is gone.

He's hitting .189 with a .520 OPS in AAA
Christ. Well, who else would we call up, Quiroz?
Quiroz is killing it in AA
Peguero is also murdering AA. Same with Wilson.

Let’s call them both up too!

Alright, done.
Rob's .642 is steadily falling.
Well, that kinda sucks.
Cliff Lee helps this team in SO many ways
I hate Rob Johnson; but Damn...I don't like to see that.
Yeah, none of this borderline shit. Knock his hand clean off.
Rec'd for going far and beyond!
Think the runner is going here?

I would.

He's a tough kid.
He clearly is going to need a new hand in the off-season.
No ACME shit like they did with his hips and wrist.
Stop fouling them off you fat fuck.
You guys are assholes

I’m impressed by Rob’s toughness

He's still shitty.
He's the best we've got

and whether you like it or not Rob Johnson is not what is wrong with this team and never be.

You might be right.

But he’s still really shitty.

He's a robot now. He just hasn't passed the QC checks yet.
LL, assholes?

Hah, I knew I'd get something good like this

I just needed to say something. Its pretty fucking impressive to be nailed like that and be able to stick around and do your job.

Sometimes gutting it out is stupid and is bad for both you and your team.
That depends on whether or not he can do his job well after that

If he can stick around but play like shit, he’s just Griffeying it.

Well if he comes out then we don't have a backup catcher

I’m assuming his hand isn’t broken since he is batting.

I believe not having a backup catcher isn't a huge concern for us at this point
Yeah I didn't really mean to end up defending Rob Johnson this much, just tried to think of a good reason

I don’t like Rob Johnson but having Rob Johnson is better than not having him because if he’s gone then our catching situation is gonna get bad real fast.

Not if you were shit at your job in the first place.
Never

Been Met one of those…

The legend grows
His finger is already purple. Who wants to take bets on a break?
Seriously, that shit is broke.
That would be the best news we've heard in a while.
Because Adam Moore is so great?
He deserves a closer look
His face doesn't piss me off,

And more importantly, his bat might bring a smile to many faces soon.

Did Cliff really have to throw this many pitches
hahahhahahaha

Cliff Lee is the man

So the best defense in baseball

Is starting to look like the 2005 Mariners

Totally how they're going to play all season.
Do we have Sexson to hit a 3 run homer?
Why the fuck is he still in the game
Wak is letting Rob Johnson hit.
He's given up already
What in the fuck?

He’s batting?

We're going to win the division with 77 wins
Disagree.
Agreed, it'll be 79
Definitely less than 80 is all I'm saying.
Give up Rob.
come on Ichiro

get a hit!!!!!

Non-veteran Grit!
Cue the love affair with Rob Johnson's grit
Well, this is going about how I expected it to.

We're the Empire?
So lack of power causes stuff to blow up?

Interesting

Having said that, still a sexy .gif
Just ask Milton!

Too soon?

I'm surprised it's taken this long for me to see this.
Rob swinging mostly one-handed. He's in trouble.
Figgy swinging mostly left-handed. He's in trouble.
ICHIRO ICHIRO

ICHIRO ICHIRO only you can save us now

RALLY RALLY THE PITCHER'S NAME IS MATT
Please draw a walk Figgy.
I think, in order to have a chance, Chone Figgins needs to avoid striking out
Alright, Ichi hit. End the game now.
Crawford didn't get it, he should have. But it works for me.
Do it for Rob's finger!
Figgy to GIDP.
See this is where you should give out the fries
NO
I'm just saying

if you’re gonna give them out at least do it when it makes some damn sense.

Figgins strike out right here
What an outlandish prediction!
Woah! Was that sarcasm?
Please don't K or DP Chone.
Damnit Figgins; stop that stupid shit.
For possessing such a selective eye Figgins sure swings at a lot of awful pitches
Wow good wood Figgy.

Ya fuck.

So Angels fans, how often does Chone go through stretches of shittiness?
Come on Cosey
Casey homers

you heard it here first

Guys, RELAX!

Langerhans has a walkoff HR on lock.

Not to worry, Dave, the Angels won't be struggling any longer after they visit this weekend.
Mighty Casey

Just don’t strike out.

Throw the fucking ball.
Kotchman swings 3-0 and grounds out to first.
Almost.
Close enough...
3 games back

It’s not the end of the world yet.

Our offense sucks more penis than Andy Dick.
WAAAAAAAALK
WE HIT A HOME RUN TODAY!
Tied for last at least!
Guti has hit all 3 of our last 3 homeruns.
Well how exciting.
Oh boy, Sean White time.
Back to Halo Reach

God dammit Mariners

awww come on

that sucked

Man, it's going to be hard to bring myself back to the TV tomorrow night. This is

just ugly baseball

Did you just realize that now?
I'm going to miss the next 2 games and I'm kind of happy about it

Although I think I’ll record Felix day

The team is 3-0 this year when I don't watch or Gameday the game.

Maybe I should take a break as well?

Sean White.

<3

seriously

There is something wrong with this team

There are several
The Rays are good.
Also the Mariners can't hit.
Fuck life
It could be worse.

No it couldn’t.

The Sean White Flag of Surrender
towel?
dont forget to bring a towel
You too.

Please capitalise and use proper punctuation.

that was actually clever

and painfully accurate

ok the only ones batting over .300 are

Ichiro (surprise!) and Guti.
come on M’s what are you guys doing?

Please capitalise properly.
You've been told to capitalize.

Please listen and respect our rules.
Thanks.

I hope Sean White gets shelled here

That’s the only way Wak is ever going to realize that he isn’t good

All he sees is the shiny ERA.
You may get your wish.
Woo this could not be going better!!
Hahaha Sean White.
Check this out;

Milton.

The pope died?!
Sweeney!

“The way we’re going to do that is just, to love on him,” Sweeney said. “His track record shows he’s had some ups and downs. But we can embrace him and get him to click the way he did in Texas”

The best part:

“As Bradley sat down, Sweeney hugged him.”

It's a good sign that he's just frustrated with himself rather than frustrated with the team
Sure is nice to see Sean White again.
Sean White gets groundballs.
Groundball off the warning track!
Hey there, Sean White. Was that a ground ball? No.
All right, let's hear it

Gimme a list of bad commenters.

Robert
He may have been provoked.
Well that guy katal like Kevin Calabro
Jeff Sullivan
Me, especially when I beat memes to death.
I blame it on humor through repetition.

In addition, I blame humor through repetition. Ask Section 331.

COME ON MOTHERFUCKERS
Wait you really want a list?
If so, I have flagged your comment with a pair of names.
He is serious damn it
It's a long fucking list, give me a minute
I thought you were joking
Why?

This is easier for me and I mostly trust you guys.

We didn't know if you meant publicly or not.
That would help them get the message
Oh in that case.

Ian Smell and Refuse2Lose2010 suck.

Just couldn't get past the name pun.
He's awful besides that.
Thats what I'm saying. He had a lot to get past.
I don't mind Ian Smell
Refuse2Lose2010 sucked.
Your taste in posters is questionable
It's his website so I'd say it's perfect
I don't pay close attention
What about "Adrian Smelltre"

Because he said it was a coin flip between the two.

See this is why no one wanted to post their list publicly
I mostly didn't want to be an asshole. Plus I figured your list and some others' lists would echo my sentiments
I question ever agreeing with you on anything.
GOD!

We should never have traded Washburn, amirite!?

Fuckin finally people are starting to get it
I'm sure your poll answers say otherwise.
Jeff doesn't vote in polls.
He votes in the slam dunk ones
There are no slam dunk polls.

230 people don’t love Franklin Gutierrez!

Jeff doesn't like basketball.
Yes I do
*Jeff hasn't voted in a poll since Greg Norton and Cha-Seung Baek were the talk of the town
Never mind the recent activity doesn't work well.
QUESTION EVERYTHING
Why?
The Internet said so
Snopes says Seattle has a baseball team.
Rainers are still in Tacoma, right?
Wikipedia will tell us!!!!
Bullshit.

I don’t believe it until it rapes me with happiness.

How do you tell a happiness rape from a rape rape?
The cuddling afterwards?
After one you call the cops, the other?

You call them back or buy a jersey.

That sig is looking appropriate right now.
My sig at MarinerCentral.com is an OLD anonymous suicide letter that reads:

“All this buttoning and unbuttoning.”

Apropos as well.

The safety word is "banana"?
I'll keep this all in mind.
NO!!!! ATACK WORD!!! GAHHH!!!
.

I'm gonna have to check this one out...
XKCD is one of those webcomics I lost track of all the time

Now I really wanna know how it ends

Right-click on the pic and select 'view image'
Well I feel dumb...

nice signature though!

Can no one else see it?

I can see all three panels on my monitor, and I even formatted it until it fit.

He got better midway through
I will e-mail you because I don't think it's fair to call everyone out in a gamethread
I nominate seattlebruin for being a pussy
Seconded.

Motion carries?

Robert's rules of order are a little sketchy here.
See what happens when you want a democracy? Somebody nominates you for pussy
I respect that
What about that guy that said something like

“I want Oakland to win the division if that means the yankees are in last place” or something fucking stupid like that. Like a week or two ago.

This is all probably just GTE and wont matter but damn that still pisses me off.

There were a half dozen idiots saying that.
Oh

fuck it, ban em all then

That was Johnny Slick and I got 30+ recs for telling him to stop posting
All deserved
And I didn't even blink at that
Me

except I rarely do.

Basically what everyone has said should give you a basic Essence of what's going wrong.
I love when they call him "Mr. White";

makes me think of Reservoir Dogs.

Isn't he supposed to be our SS?
Does Sean White throw anything other than a 92 MPH fastball completely centered in the strike zone?
I think he threw a curveball out of the zone once.
Well now is as good a time as any to turn off the game

and watch 80’s East German porn instead.

Why do the M's do this?

Do other teams stomp on the hearts of their fans like this?

TAKE HIM OUT
No, ruin that fucking shiny ERA.
OH, fantastic.
Sean White

Why you so bad dude

WHAT A NEW AND ZESTY FLOCK OF ASS
I do not get this but I sure do love it.
I'd be interested in seeing a new Fan Gauge

Who do you dislike more: Sean White or Rob Johnson?

Sean White is fine if used properly
Cue Benny Hill music.
There we go

It wouldn’t feel like a Mariner game without a Rob Johnson PB

Crawford Bomb
Or walk...seems more likely I guess.
We are so bad

Disney straight to DVD sequel bad

WWE Films bad.
Leonard Part 6 bad.
Rob Schneider bad

although he could probably walk as much as Rob Johnson

Joel Schumacher bad
Seriously, put a pitching machine on the mound.

Maybe even a nice one that throws curveballs and stuff.

Too bad Colome isn't ready to go.
Come on Zobrist!

DOMINATE HIM.

Belief system!
At least we didn't have a lead this inning.
My girlfriend:

“You’d think just by CHANCE he’d throw a strike.”

You'd think so, wouldn't you?
Even on accident
Hit a grand slam
That would be pretty hilarious.
KILL WHITEY!!!!
Hey Sean White apologists, where are you now?

Still think he’s above replacement level?

K/BB is 1/6
That's what I thought.
Yes I still think he above replacement level.
What makes you think that?
Partially his stats and partially that much smarter people than you or I have made a compelling argument that he is
He is coming back from injury and has struck out ONE of FORTY batters faced while walking six.

He may have been above replacement level last year, but I don’t think his true talent is that high any more.

"Poor kid, just can't throw a strike here, your heart goes out to him"

no, not really, Dave.

WHAT THE SANDWICH
I chuckled. Thanks!
SEE WAK?!?! SEE!?!?
ONE STRIKE!
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Nothing’s beter than sarcastic cheering for the guy that can’t throw a strike.

Better*

I need to drink more.

Hey a strike!!

And the crowd goes wild!

THE CHEERS HE JUST GOT FOR THAT ONE SPARKLY STRIKE WERE PITIFUL
It's the crowd reaction I expect in my mind for sex.
I expect sad trombone
For me? That's far more than I...

Never mind.

The best part about it was that it probably should have been a ball.
I'm thinking it was sarcastic from the boos he was getting before that.
Even his out was crushed
WE ARE GETTING LIT UP AND WE CAN'T HOLD GRIFFEY RESPONSIBLE
And importantly:

This obviously was not Milton’s fault. Still, I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon Milton!

IS YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM SHAKEN YET WAK!?

IS IT!? HOW ABOUT NOW!?

Griffey's double was too encouraging to dampen the belief system
Sean White meet Strike Zone

get to know it, you’ll need to use it

He is so bad today that Wak will be able to rationalize that it was 'just one of those days'
Pitching and Defense

Ha

BOOOOOOO!

Fucking pathetic.

Cliff Lee pitched today :(
Do you think Wak got the picture?
Take a wild guess
Hell no he didn't.

“White didn’t have his best stuff tonight, but boy did he battle. You just got to have a belief system that he will get back to where he was last season.”

Kanekoa Texeira is not our worst nor second worst reliever.
Third worst.
Indeed, but who expected that when we picked him up off of Rule 5?
I hope we hit a grand slam in the bottom of the inning

and lose 7-6.

That would be diarrhea icing on the shit cake.

I smell it.

The way the shit clings to the air. The shit blizzard’s coming.

My TV went to commercial, please God tell me it's over!
Sorry, it keeps going and going and going...
I think Lopez just forgot how many outs there were
Good ole Loafie.
Loafie seems to be having trouble getting the ball out of his glove today.
Take your time Loafie
FIRE OUR HITTING COACH!

And demote Kenekoa!

Why?
Because our offense still fuckign sucks
Demoting Kanekoa means he's offered back to the Yankees.
In that case, fuck no
What?
It does
How?
Our offense can't score runs

Or haven’t you noticed…

What does Texeira have to do with any of this bullshit?
Just gave up more runs

I’m fucking pissed right now, I’ll lash out at anything.

Nope...that would be White's fault.
Yeah, White would've mowed 'em down.
What the hell did Teixera do?

He got a groundball and a strikeout.

I know

He doesn’t deserve it.

At least spell his name properly
This team needs a SHUTDOWN closer.
SHUTDOWN
There's plenty of shutting down going on.
There was somebody a few weeks back, going on about SHUTDOWN closers
HEY YOU GUYS THIS IS OUR BASEBALL TEAM
I know. K-Mart wouldn't let me take them back.
You can have it
I thought we were finally getting along
Aren't we?
Oh wait, we are
don't rub it in

We love the Mariners, we just aren’t proud of them

Hey remember that time we had a lead in this game?
This could be a hell of a come back

Doubtful, but possible

We score 6 runs a series at best;
So, time for the exorcism?

Sacrifice?

Something?

Burn down Safeco
crucify Jesus

Colome. DFA

I'd settle for Griffey and Sweeney coming to their senses.
REFUSE TO LOSE!! JUST LIKE '95 HELL YEAH!

My money is on a 1-2-3 9th

Refuse to Lose to this team is having a 12 pitch inning to end the game.
They are going to stage just enough of a comeback to make it disappointing when they lose
Word

This team brings my hopes up again and then grounds into a DP and crushes them.

This 6-run deficit is easily surmountable!
Holy shit when did they score 3 more runs
Sean White happened
REMEMBER LAST TIME WE WERE HYPED UP TO GO TO THE PLAYOFFS

THAT WORKED OUT WELL TOO

Shut your mouth
I love angry Jeff.
RALLY RALLY
I can't wait till the shitty Angels come here and somehow beat our asses.
Fuck no...

I want Milton to come back and destroy the Angels…they’ve been playing even worse than us.

IT BEGINS
I can never be mad at Guti.

Ever.

Look at these system believers battle
And THAT

is how a 7-run rally starts.

7 runs incoming!

…over the next week

you're an optimist
...or next month
Here we go

We had a 7 run inning once before remember

Double play!
Okay, just five more errors by the Rays and we so got this.
Omg, consecutive base runners
God I wish that went down as a DP in Griffey's line
Loafie GITP.
Make it happen, Jose.
Rally Time, Bitches
This failure is just resplendent
Dammit pull more!
What the FUCK are you swinging at.
Pinch hit Milton!
he's in time out
In a mental institution
Ball 3 but whatever

You fat motherfucker

Lopez loves the fastball at the eyes.
and there we go
Kick ass Langerhans!
Wooo Josh Wilson
Please homer, Langerhans.
Mariners' offense!

Please for the love of god draw a walk.

Langersex hears.

And obeys.

I got a feeling that my dreams tonight will have Cliff Lee and Indiana Jones in them.
Cliff Lee in the hat.
And what happens when the Mariners fill the bases?
One out, too.
Grand Salami Time!

…are we talking about the 2001 Mariners? No? Oh, damn.

Come on Wilson
When the hell did the bases get loaded?
Single, error, walk.
I have nightmares that the bases are loaded and Rob Johnson is batting

any variety of J Wilson is no better

Think we can draw walks until Guti is up?
He's on base
Yeah, I know. Until he's up again.
Draw walks to get to the Langerhans walkoff
So have we won this bitch yet???
We're going to win
OH DAMN DEFENSE
No worries...

6-4-3 is on deck.

His foot came off the bag?
Wasn't he safe there?
Brignac was off the bag.

Fucking A.

We got a run!

They should add Handicaps to baseball so that would count for like five runs.

His foot wasn't even close to the fucking bag.

Jesus Christ

30,000!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations!
THAT IS ALL
I'm not trying to get banned like Robert's 15,000th post fucktacular celebration
15,000 Post Craptaculur*
Oh Mike fucking Sweeney.

First pitch?

HEY LOOK IT'S MIKE FUCKING SWEENEY EVERYBODY
If this team rallies around a broken Milton Bradley and each of them discovers something about themselves in the process.

That would be really sweet and even if they fail to win the division each of them would be a champion. A champion in life, which is what really matters. Muahahahaha MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA SWEEEEEEENEYYYY

Come on Sweendog!

Oh yeah we so got this now!

Oh fuck yeah Sweendog
If they would just kill some people we'd have a murderer's row.
Even though we have no chance WHAT THE FUCK AT MIKE SWEENEY COMING IN?
Love the shit out of this eventual double play Sweeney!
God Damnit..
Draw the walk Sweendog!
And Mike Sweeney comes in to fuck it up
Dammit that was well hit :(
LAST CHANCE

With any luck.

That looked pretty nice.
And then....that happened.
I hope they tie the game and have nobody left on the bench.
Have Felix and Aardsma play the field!
MIKE SWEENEY IS THE WORST
THE WORST
WORSE THAN SEAN WHITE
Is that better or worse than Jesus Colome?
WAY FUCKING WORSE
Alright. Just needed to establish my hierarchy of suckitude
WORSE THAN ROB JOHNSON
WORSE THAN IDI AMIN
WORSE THAN POL POT
Hold on -

You’re from Yakima. Your suck meter is broken by proxy.

Hey they have Miners Burgers.

Other than that it kinda sucks.

Miner's Burgers are spectacular.

I used to drive from Ellensburg over to get their food all the time.

Minor burgers are the only retribution.

Spent 18 fucking years there.

I stop every time I'm close.

The rest of the town is shit though.

True. Best burgers in WA. They even beat those panda burgers in Spokane.
I don't know... Campus-U-Tote-Em in Ellensburg is pretty damn good.
Respectfully disagree, Red Mill all the way.
Bullshit.
Red Mill really is wonderful though
You don't like Red Mill?

What’s your objection?

Like it, but it's no match for Miners.
I've never tried Miners, so I want to now.

Red Mill’s have been the best I’ve had in maybe 20 states. Miners’ must be tried this summer.

Miners is worth whatever drive you must take to try it for the first time.
Will do, I'm only coming from Seattle so

the drive would appear to be managable. Always looking for the best burger.

Red Mill is good, but Miners is like crack betwwen buns.

Shut up, Kermit.

It's the sauce (personal opinion), lov/hate for a lot of people

Someone that knows help me out, it’s white so I assume it’s loaded with mayonnaise? This is probably incorrect so don’t take my word on this.

I'm not a fan of Mayo at all. So please say

it isn’t so.

Mayo sucks but Miner's Burgers are the best

So it might not be mayo.

I wonder why they don't try to expand since they are so popular.
They did somewhat recently, with "Majors."
Ya they put a Majors in Kennewick and it failed.
I'll give it a try.
If for some reason you're driving through Yakima, its worth trying once
You're right.

He’s never gonna make it there.

Depends on where he's coming from

If you’re driving from Spokane, its all pretty much the same and only takes one wrong turn to end up heading for Yakima.

One wrong turn to hell.

Theres washington for you.

No, that's Michigan.
Nah once you hit Michigan you're already eyeballs deep in shit.
Not Idaho?
Idaho has relatively nice scenery.
Are you guys talking about the same Idaho?
Toto, I don't think we're in Idaho anymore.
Fucking tornadoes.
I DEMAND MY MILITIA BURGER NOW!!!
Although the "secret sauce"

from most places involves mayo, only Miners and Arctic Circle thrive there.

I eagerly await the chance to taste these other burgers.
They're good, but not that good
Not even Yakima

Closer to the Tri-Cities, but still a tiny-ass town.

A fellow tricitian eh?
Sort of. Originally from Prosser
They still have a tough football team?
Not so much this year, but I don't follow to closely anymore

Don’t live there and keep visits to a minimum.

That last year was the first time in a long time they didn't dominate.
The longtime coach retired to watch his boy at Boise State

So its that rough transition period.

I do remember that now. Hmm that must be it.
They won state for like 5 straight or something ridiculous.
Only seemed like it.. I think they won 4 or 5 since 1990
You lives sucked only slightly less than ours! You had a MALL!
Your childhood would've had a mall
It did and fucking sucked.

To have to drive to the Tri for fun means your town sucks.

Well then, my town sucks.
Yes it does.

I’ll come back and die there soon, I’m sure, if that makes you feel better.

Not really.

We’re all essentially salmon. We spawn there, we leave for a while, then come back to die.

I fear this will happen to me.

Hey at least the Tricities have a minor league team.

Go Dust Devils~!

Except when they play the Aquasox.

And the Tri-Cities ballpark isn't nearly as gimmicky as Yakima's
I really enjoy it.

Cheap too.

Thirsty Thursday was nice

Especially when they blew all of the cheap beer early and ended up selling the not-cheap beer for a dollar.

Ya they seriously under estimated peoples alcohol consumption.
I learned to drink away the pain in Yakima.
But did you drive 5 miles out into the middle of nowhere to do so?
Someone just reminded me of the Little Dutch Inn

Ahahahaha what a shit hole.

Suicide hill.

six of us drinking around three burning cans of Sterno. God I love the memories more than the reality.

The only time I go to our mall is for the theatre the rest of it sucks.
Federal Way isn't in Yakima.

Weird.

Huh??
The Commons at Federal Way, formerly SeaTac Mall

is a tremendously terrible shopping outlet. But they do have one of the best movie theaters in the south Sound.

It was humor by point of comparison. And it failed. I AM NOT A FUNNY PERSON!

Sorry I don't know Seattle terribly well I'm sure it was funny.
Actually, that was amusing.
You're a writer, so you've got that going for ya
The Commons is a douchey name anyway

And so is Federal Way.

shit, and so is SeaTac.

I refer to it as "SeaTac" among friends, and whenever someone calls it "The Commons", I say:

“I refuse to call it by its slave name.”

Haha somehow that makes perfect sense

Like Chad Pennington. Every time I see him I think “goddamn your family owned so many slaves I just know it.”

Seriously? Holy crap.
And I still think my suck meter is fine.

I’ve at least got suck standards built in.

Fuck Mike Sweeney!
Hahahahaha!

Fuck you Sweeney.

WAY TO GO SWEENEY YOU DID IT
Way to finish strong Sweeney.
What an unexpected outcome!
Why Mike! WHY!
How fitting.

I can’t wait to go to my first game so I can boo Sweeney or Griffey. I hope both are playing.

You boo Griffey I will fucking cut you

You do not screw with Griffey, Sweeney on the other hand.

Fuck Griffey.
Why can't we boo Griffey
He's terrible now
I find it hard to boo one of the team's most iconic players ever

Seems wrong.

I find it easy to boo players who strike out 2 times a game and ground out to second base the other two times they're up.
It's oh so right.
Is it ever!
Here's what you do: boo the inept batter ahead of him

It’ll feel perfectly normal, well-deserved…

… and then you just keep booing.

Pretty soon, you’ll be able to do it without prompting or prep.

No one would boo him if he retired and joined Buhner in the broadcast booth for chuckles
People are already booing him.
Wrong?

What’s wrong is trying to mind fuck your life long fans when you know for a fact your dick fell off years ago.

I love Griffey and I will still boo him if he is terrible

last year he got his swan song and got to have everyone cheer for him. There was no excuse for coming back this year and saying he’d play for a different team if the M’s didn’t want him

IT WAS THE PERFECT ENDING

GOD WHY DID YOU COME BACK

Money can buy many sodas
I used to drink way more soda than I should have, I've since cut it out of my diet

but good god twelve cans a day?

it's okay because he works out so much
I don't think he knows

Has anyone told him? He needs to know!

I sincerely thought Griffey was smart enough to retire of his own accord

rather than have the game force him into retirement.

True

He had some sweet hits last year, now it just sucks.

Worth it
I boo Griffey all the time
Yeah, I'm gonna boo him anyways
The DH platoon lives on!
Zombie platoon. Dead long ago.
Great game, fellas.
HUG IT OUT SWEENEY

HUG IT THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN

Do we know if he's a pilot? I sure hope so on the next road trip to NY.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Someone hit these guys over the head or something, they suck right now.

Fuck it Dude, lets go bowling.
Yes!

Where?

The Holly Star Lanes near Santa Monica?
...that's a bit of a drive for me.

Saturday afternoon?

This used to be painful, now it's downright excruciating.
I will now post a chart.

Nobody else will post a chart.

Yeah, fuck DMZ
Yeah, fuck that guy
I will chart my own sadness

and how the Mariners reflect the voyage and sinking of the Titanic almost perfectly.

We're not the Titanic until we surge ahead in July and then stagnate in August.

Before sinking extremely fast in early September.

Yeah you have to have hope before you can fail.
I was more going with the journey being 2/3 complete when they hit an ice berg after lighting additional boilers.

And then slowly took on water before over-balancing and plummeting. But, yeah, hope works, too! It makes me seem far less of a historical pedant at the same time.

Mariners History 101

Expect your team to find a way to fuck it up.

I lived through the Golden Age.

They’ve only been letting me down for half my life. Anyone over the age of 30, who has been a fan since the beginning and remains a fan today…I admire them like I might revere a saint. The passion is almost unbearable.

It was only a golden age

AFter the LONGEST TIME WITHOUT A WINNING SEASON OF ANY EXPANSION TEAM IN PRO SPORTS HISTORY! Ugh.

Not to be defeatist....

I thought he died the way Josh Hamilton lived?
When I first saw John Conner I thought it was a .gif from the Crossfire commercial
Our offense

I wasn't here when that first aired but thats a great gif.
Things seriously soured after Byrnes' retarded play over the weekeend cost us 2 losses

And Wak was a moron for trying to overmanage and sending Byrnes out there.

The wheels really started falling off this goddam ship after that.

You cannot possibly still be blaming that one play for this
The team just hasn't been right since 9/11.
1995.

Get it right.

Since David Bell left
Hey that's my line
I remember listening to the radio like three games into 2002

Cirillo grounded into a double play with the bases loaded and I was convinced that trading for him had cursed the franchise. Huh.

Cirillo was the first player I truly hated.

Memories…

Always with the spitting
I really don't know what did it for me but it was even worse than this RJ thing.
Yeah, 2001 fucking sucked!

God dammit!

Those two walkoffs in a row in Chicago hurt too
Do ships need wheels?
Blowers thinks Sean White hasn;t pitched in 10 days.
Can hardly call that pitching.
On a brighter note, the MLB.tv on the PS3 is really awesome and the picture is a lot better than I imagined it would be.
I'm really really happy with that app.
I can actually watch the game and have a gamethread open at the same time.

It’s amazing.

I could have been watching Bubba Ho Tep.
DON WAKAMATSU'S EYES ARE FREAKING ME THE FUCK OUT
Dude stop being so racist.
THEY WERE BLACK AND SPARKLY
HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS HE IS THE ANTICHRIST
That was the vampires, Aaron
Black and sparkly? Really? This doesn't sound good dude
This happened yesterday too
It is terrifying
He doesn't even look asian.
Wak says pitchers not getting consistent work in the bullpen

LET’S NOT HAVE SEVEN PITCHERS DOWN THERE THEN

Let's get some runs to help support our pitchers
Let's have pitchers not named White.
Oh, they just said no Sean White bashing session on KIRO post game. No please do!
His runs were meaningless, didn't hurt as bad.
Ugly line for a reliever though. Your down by 3 runs a bit and walk three?
You're
Grammar naziing is funny in this case.

Is nazi-ing a word?

If not, you just invented it.
I will totally take credit for this.
I would if I were in your shoes;

I think the franchise right on this will be huge.

It's gonna be trademarked by tomorrow so don't you assholes get any ideas.
If you played football what position would you play
I think I'm totally OK with you sticking around if you change your screenname to refuse2rose2010
Ian Smell may be opening up.
we should not have decanted him
*Ian Smerr
I hope EequalsMc2 is reading this thread so he can know just how much I hate those fucking slanty eyes
OVER THE GODDAMN LINE.
Clearly you don't know sb.
Nah I was just feeling all caps.

I get the whole ironic racism thing.

I would take offense but I know you're a nice guy
These new posters need to die faster than John Brown's kids in an armory raid.
Faster than John Kitna's sperm, even.
Well now I feel unwanted.

Are you allowed to use the same historical deal twice?

Has anyone posted the Indy .gif to you yet?
(you're probably OK if not)
I have to say the Indy .gif would be my favorite if it wasn't from the 4th one.

But no, not yet.

Totally o.k. I wish I'd gotten off to such a great start.
My god you're a prick.
Was Nero?

I kid.

I get it.

Funny shit.

I didn't like Wak's use of Byrnes, however, it has to be said Wak seems to be an excellent manager of men

By taking Milton Bradley out yesterday in the middle of the game before he could do something crazy to the ump, I think Wak may have nipped a major incident in the bud and just made it minor.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=5166796
Reading this article it seems Milton Bradley is reacting in a more constructive way than his meltdowns before.

This is Wak’s strength, how he handles people well. Eventually players in slumps will start pereforming again.

Jeff needs to lead the troops against the new posters much like Robert E Lee led the forces to Harpers Ferry.
We're getting Pompeii'd by new posters
Don't forget Cold Creek. Something like 5,000 in 5 minutes or something something something.
Always about goddamned ice cream with you.
I want an Independence Day speech before we're led to war. .
I would appreciate that also. I need something to get me riled up
Like Will Smith movie or just any old speech?
If we don't be careful Refuse2lose2010 is going to be the spark in the powder keg that starts the CiviLL War.
I think that's already started
Johnny Slick was our Fort Sumter
Wait, why are we the south though?
Yeah fuck Texas

Who’s with me??

Fuck this, I'm going to go start my own country

With hookers, and blackjack. In fact, forget the country and the blackjack! Eh screw the whole thing

It's been done, there's a map and everything

Amazing thread

Umm... so you're reinventing Aurora Ave?
Weed.

Legalize that shit and you will have something popular going.

No, then you just have the Netherlands
Well they have cheese and shit, it's not so bad.
Never said it was bad

Just that it’s been done.

You don't fuck with Texas.

I’m pretty sure I saw that on a bumpersticker.

Yeah, FUCK THEM FOR CHOOSING JUSTIN SMOAK.
Funny accents?
Plus good food.
The North had Philly.

I really like cheesesteaks.

They used to have the whole brotherly love deal too.

Cheesesteaks are great though.

I have two brothers.

Brotherly love is overrated.

Sorry about the whole shitting the bed and blaming on you thing...
Alliance with the empire.

SBN = UK.

You've never heard of the famous Rally Hardtack at Pickett's Charge?
People took sides? Just seemed like the normal trainwreck.
It started a few weeks ago
I've followed

It just seemed it was most of LL vs. the one person who’s pushing it.

Can the sides form alliances with the rest of the blogosphere?
Is anybody else watching the documentary about John Brown on the History Channel right now?
This makes more sense now.

Is it any good?

Sadly no

On History international I have “The Next Nostradamus”.

and “Modern Marvels”. On the history channel. Modern. Marvels. History. Channel.

Goddamn it…godDAMN IT!

I'd rather watch Modern Marvels than Apocalypse Island

Apocalypse Island isn’t even some weird new reality show.

Wow I never realized that before.
I love Modern Marvels!

At least it’s not the Hitler Channel anymore.

Do you know how god damn annoying it is to know that missing a game thread means the game thread will be terrible?

I feel like Milton Bradley here.

Sorry Captain :(
Not your fault
Even so. I want the management to be happy. I feel like Mike Sweeney :(
You have inexplicable urges to hug people?
This wouldn't surprise me with RC.

And I’ve only been here a few months.

She's the reason people around here wear smiles.

BIG ONES.

Cliff Lee style smiles.
Looks like you and harkening get where I'm coming from!
A smile that breaks planes and fucks people up!

And pretzels! Oh, Lisa I miss you.

Is this leading to more 9/11 stuff?
NO.

It leads to pastries and Bo Jackson on Tecmo Bowl-type goodness. Motherfuckers testify.

If theres pastries I'm fucking in.
Hanging out with RC

 Is like milking a unicord that secretes quarters, gambling your riches away at an Aurora casino, then fucking little Debbie in the ear by saying, “Bitch – you ever tried comfort food this good?”

Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

That sounds frightening and awesome all at the same time.
Other than the typos, it's awesome.
I do have urges to hug people, but they aren't inexplicable.
You should be fine then.
You should design some kind of robot or clone Jeff to take your place in your absence

Or just a program that makes you post nonsensical random comments throughout the gamethread automatically.

We had one but it had an unhealthy obsession with dead Holocaust survivors.
That's how he feels? Yikes.
I feel like we really do our best

It just isn’t good enough. We’re kind of…. we’re kind of like Eric Byrnes

Self awareness really hurts :(
"Eeeverybody huuuurts...."
Eric Byrnes is happy
I think we're a pretty jolly bunch
Speak for yourself sunshine.
Go fuck youself.
Fuck off
Fuck your goddamned sunshine that RC called you.
Fuck everything you stand for and believe in
The Mariners are already fucked.
What does Turbonegro have to do with this??
You've lost me so I'm going to bed
Goodnight.

May visions of Dungaree High flash through your head.

Byrnes got to play in a softball league tonight.

Lucky bastard.

I wonder how much better Byrnes is than amateur softball players.
He's prancing circles around them.
I hope he sees a butterfly
He would of done that anyways.
Give me guns and I promise it won't happen ever again.
I have something more effective for you.

Hey guys! What did I miss?

(reads thread)

Oh…..ohhhhhh…….

I’m so sorry guys.

I think I'm a worse commenter than refuse2lose2010.
Sure, but MUCH better looking.
Isn't there more to life than being ridiculously, ridiculously, good looking?
Really, really, ridiculously*
God I should see that again it's been awhile.
LL needs a Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.

Edumahcate the readership, so to speak.

Did I fuck that up?
ZMOG - No Politics!
What is this a centre for ants?
I like what you did there.
Stop it, Taylor

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