Biggest Contribution: Franklin Gutierrez, +15.7%
Biggest Suckfest: Josh Wilson, -21.7%
Most Important AB: Gutierrez homer, +19.3%
Most Important Pitch: Longoria single, -25.0%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -15.6%
Total Contribution by Lineup: -38.3%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +3.9%
(What is this chart?)
0 recs | 60 comments
Wow. Looks like a giant middle finger
Yeah fuck you too, universe.
Karma Police - May 5, 2010
Baseball season is a marathon, not sprint, right?
(right?)
bamassippi - May 5, 2010
Less like "marathon" and more like "The Long Walk by Stephen King"
And we’re the kid that got diahrrea and then got shot.
Karma Police - May 5, 2010
Death march also works.
ErictheRed - May 5, 2010
If Bradley wants to help this team as much as he says he does he should threaten to kill themselves if they ever score less than 10 runs in a series
Robert - May 5, 2010
Your grammatical error amuses me but I have no idea how to mock it
Griffin Cooper - May 5, 2010
So you say they have no idea how to mock it, huh?
Karma Police - May 5, 2010
In fairness, Milton's forthcoming "professional help" may show that there's more than one Milton Bradley.
harkening - May 5, 2010
This was clearly what I was getting at.
Geeze
Robert - May 5, 2010
I'm here to help.
harkening - May 5, 2010
Milton Bradley is a switch-hitter.
thehemogoblin - May 6, 2010
What was Vidro's alter-ego? Pepito?
so now we got Milton Bradley and Tyrone X.
Bearskin Rugburn - May 6, 2010
Fudge this team
Dewey N - May 5, 2010
I like Sean White's new nickname
Mariner John - May 5, 2010
How about "Don Wakamatsu's Bitch"?
.Taylor - May 5, 2010
In my opinion you got it backwards
“Sean White’s Bitch” = Wakamatsu
Cantu Easley Winn - May 5, 2010
I recommend a new promotion
Link
Cantu Easley Winn - May 5, 2010
I plan on doing that myself.
Slowly over the course of the season by way of liver failure.
FairWeatherFred - May 5, 2010
A wait 'til next year reference in early May? Say it ain't so. Not in this division.
I
TrustBaseball - May 5, 2010
A total reply fail. This was meant as a reply to "It's pretty much season over"
4 entries down.
TrustBaseball - May 6, 2010
I like the way the two Wilson's are differentiated.
ErictheRed - May 5, 2010
Cheer up, everyone!
This team is only one Griffey hot streak away from being right back in it!
Rich Langford - May 5, 2010
Ugh.
That meaningless double made me wince.
I was hoping Bradley would take like 4 games off, M’s would split while Hannahan would go on a tear that’d somehow force Wak to keep him in LF and bump Bradley DH. Yes, it was a little unrealistic.
hova9 - May 5, 2010
Hannahan has literally never played OF in the majors.
appleshampoo - May 6, 2010
This game fucking sucked
These games are brutal. I almost want to break up with the team and tell them to call me back when they are ready to actually put some effort into this relationship because right now I feel like I’m the only one who cares.
Edgar for Pres - May 5, 2010
It's pretty much season over
I don’t actually expect the year to end at 11-151, but whenever the 12th win comes, when one of our pitchers throws a no-hitter or near it and the opponent walks like six guys in a row, I’ll be very surprised that they won another game. .500 will be a jaw-dropping shock. Blow it up and start over.
Aly Edge - May 5, 2010
Burn the tree!
Brian Floyd - May 5, 2010
We're 3 games back in early May and have been unlucky
There is no reason to write off the season yet, as terrible as we have looked.
OlSalty - May 5, 2010
There is no floor
Cantu Easley Winn - May 5, 2010
Granted though, we do need to turn this around pretty soon.
The offense can’t keep performing this crappy if we’re going to stay in this, but the luck stats suggest we won’t.
OlSalty - May 5, 2010
We also have one of our key players (if we were going to contend) in the process
of battling emotional demons… It’s quite optimistic to think he’s going to reach the level of production we penciled him in for.
Rudy4three - May 6, 2010
Oh-no!
We can’t beat one of the best and hottest teams in baseball while we’re offensively struggling and at less than full strength. What ever will we do?
ThundaPC - May 5, 2010
Blow it up and start again
He made it quite clear.
Eyeball Kid - May 5, 2010
Possibly she
Eyeball Kid - May 5, 2010
Sexist
Cantu Easley Winn - May 6, 2010
Yes, that was a little melodramatic
But in all seriousness, how the fuck is Alan Cockrell still employed?
Aly Edge - May 7, 2010
The thing that sucks the most is the team isn't even amusingly awful right now.
I mean even in 2008 there was a bit of fun in that. They were comically bad. These guys just suck. Weak.
SethGrandpa - May 5, 2010
To whom is the snowy mountaintop surrendering
lemonverbena - May 5, 2010
Milton Bradley because he's a badass
Brian Floyd - May 6, 2010
Love lower-case wilson.
Eyeball Kid - May 6, 2010
Yet another way to distinguish between them.
I’ll give you that. Jack was right about the first game against the Rays. He had a serious case of bad luck and it’s hard to play with a case of anything in your back pocket.
TrustBaseball - May 6, 2010
I don't think that a team that looks this hopeless deserves playoff baseball.
I knew our offense wouldn’t be anything special, but this? A two run inning was cause for genuine disbelief here. I remember all those posts about our offense scoring less runs than the team’s wOBA would predict and that this year would be better. Seems like the team has responded by posting a wOBA that looks and smells like they fished it out of the toilet. I know there will likely be regression, but my gut tells me that this is what we get for being the only team with a real-life DH platoon (and giving both spots to players who really have no business playing major league baseball anymore). A lot of teams are moving away from the full-time DH alltogether. Why do we need to give two roster spots to useless players, and then start one of them EVERY DAY? Pitching against the Mariners must be like frakkin’ Christmas. And pitching against our DH (whoever it may be at the time) in a high leverage situation must be like winning the lottery. I hate this. My interest in the Mariners is in serious jeopardy as long as our designated whiffers get to play on a regular basis. If nothing is done about this, my Mariners coverage may go back to being the top right corner of the Seattle Times. I’m not hat a fairweather fan. I just don’t care to follow a team that won’t even put it’s best lineup out on the field most games. Please, Wak, try harder to lose. I’d love to see what that looks like. We have two DHs who can’t H, a C who can’t C, our third best reliever demoted to the minors while the current seventh(!) reliever never pitches, seven relievers when one bench spot is already a black hole, and a lineup that until yesterday looked like some kid made it with those fridge magnets. What would our team look like if Wak was secretly trying to lose? Much the same?
Rant over. See y’all on the next gameday open thread.
Sukafish - May 6, 2010 via mobile
IT'S. FUCKING. MAY
Brian Floyd - May 6, 2010
Also, wow
You posted all of that using mobiLLe
Brian Floyd - May 6, 2010
Christ, if you're going to write a novel at least use paragraphs.
sanford_and_son - May 6, 2010
Fair point but he is on his mobile where it is sometimes difficult to format correctly.
EnglishMariner - May 6, 2010
Formatting a rant just doesn't seem right
Nothing frustrates me more as a fan than a potentially good team setting itself up to fail on a regular basis. After a week+ of futility, I needed to get that off my chest if I was going to wake up this morning and care.
Sukafish - May 6, 2010 via mobile
I enjoyed that rant
Even though it’s all pretty obvious. Also props for typing that out on a phone.
appleshampoo - May 6, 2010
Thought of the day
Could you imaging us losing 11-straight games in which the team scores 3-runs or less in all but one game? Somehow, this happened to the Rays last year.
ThundaPC - May 6, 2010
I wonder what would happen to the clubhouse if they replaced Sweeney with Jose Guillen
Having Bradley and Guillen on the same team would at least be entertaining.
houseofprime - May 6, 2010
One of them wouldn't survive.
ignacio - May 6, 2010
Or else they'd become a two-man gang.
ignacio - May 6, 2010
Form a crime-fighting duo, "Hugger and Slugger"
DMZ - May 6, 2010
Best Saturday morning cartoon ever!
pdb - May 6, 2010
.
msb - May 6, 2010
The win percentage graph looks like a giant middle finger
How appropriate.
PDXTai - May 6, 2010
That was literally the first comment of this thread
Jeff Sullivan - May 6, 2010
Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.
Lesson: don’t post before noon.
PDXTai - May 6, 2010
Looks like a stubby mangled middle finger if anything
Even more appropriate.
lemonverbena - May 6, 2010
They gave out the rally fries one section over from me.
I was so confused. Then shocked. Then in denial. Then just really angry. I haven’t reached acceptance yet. That was like, the one GOOD thing about this season. GOD DAMN IT
appleshampoo - May 6, 2010
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