SB Nation - Login for mobile commenting

Lookout Landing

5/9: Open Wow Ervin You Are Terrible Thread, Part 2

You can't all be the #1 mom. One of you must be superior to all the rest.

0 recs  |  1006 comments

Comments

ROBOTS?!?!??!
Can you fuck it?
SIT DOWN!
AHAHAHAHA

Gameday says Quinlan K’d on nothing but fastballs.

Vargas fastballs.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
So you're saying Christopher Lambert is the world's best mother?
You know it.
It is the time of the Gathering, when the strike of a sword can unleash the Quickening.

All the mothers should go at it with the pink bats at game’s end. In the end, there will be only one.

I'm having a hard time deciding between you and E-Lizz for rookie poster of the year.
I'd pick E-Lizz.

Because, whoa, hey, a girl!

There aren't many of them around here, but all of them are excellent.
"...what's there is cherce"
Nice to have a lead

Let’s keep it

By more than 1 run
RR-S is going to lose his spot.
As long as he replaces Colome instead of Kelley in the rotation that'll be awesome
Lefty relief specialist!
Gutierrez should dive for everything
You're no Jack Wilson.
Double sided tape for the infielders!
Josh Wilson's mom and Saunders' mom are tied for that.
A home run does not make JoWil as good as the Condor.

Saunders forever!

Well, not forever.

Because dammit we have Griffey for that.

Definitely not.

But without mom’s they would not have existed and we wouldn’t have had the back to back dingers.

Maybe they're all the third best mom.
The WAVE!
The WAVE and Rally Fries in the same inning.

Fuck this.

Vargas, Fister, Hernandez, Lee

4 aces

Bedard! 5 Aces!
The Canadian cometh.
One already did today!
Hey, what's our WE now?
;

Whoa now.

300 pixel height limit.

Yeah, that was a bit bigger than I expected.

Both the picture and the WE

This Ump is weird.
For the record that's still annoying, ump.
We should fire our hitting coach every day!
WAIT A MINUTE

I LEAVE FOR LIKE THIRTY MINUTES AND WE HAVE 5 RUNS

EXPOUND

DINGERS!
Who
Josh Wilson and Saunders of course.
How did I not guess those two?
You missed HR's
You missed back-to-back homeruns.
Once Bedard gets here... 5 ACES!
yay for good pitching
Sorry Ryan :(
2 home runs in one game?

What the fuck is going on?

BACK TO BACK
By JoWil and Saunders!
Vargas!
why are they all striking out looking not swinging?
Deceptive stuff from a lefty!

Also: exclamation points!

Seattle fans are the worst.

The wave on a 2 strike count with 2 outs? Die.

It's weird, because pretty much every other team in the northwest has incredibly rabid fans.
M's fans have a bit of Battered Spouse syndrome from the last few years.
Safeco is a "family" park
Everytime this ump rings a guy up

I think he is going to do a cartwheel or something

Pulling a Frank Drebbin
Ironic that he umped an Angels/M;s game.
I would go to a Houston Astros game just to see that.
Niehaus said earlier, "that home plate umpire has a little Leslie Nielson in him."
Our WE is at 98%! ZOMBIE CLOWN TIME!

You do not want to perform the google search necessary to find this, by the way.
I hope this one comes with a grand slam version too.
I've been hoping that the crap Angels team would finally show up.

Hopefully the crap Mariners forget where the stadium is

Josh is such a fucking pirate
Thats Jack actually, well he was..
Touché
Josh Wilson hitting the SHIT out of the ball today.
He needs what?

A double?

A JOSH WILSON TRIPLE!
Holy shit the Angels outfield is bad.
WILSON!!!!!!

GIVE THIS MAN A CONTRACT!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT JOSH WILSON HAS CYCLE POTENTIAL
Someone loves his mother...
I'd love to see a pink bat cycle
He's going to cycle this shit.
JOSH WILSON??
A DOUBLE AWAY FROM THE CYCLE?
I repeat: JOSH WILSON??
Who the hell is this and what did he do with Josh Wilson?
Careful guys.

We don’t want to regress to the mean all in the same game.

DOUBLE AWAY FROM THE CYCLE
THEY'RE FINALLY STARTING TO FIND GAPS!
NEED A WILSON CYCLE!
HIS OPS IS 1.055!
Annnnnd then he gets picked off.

Hahaha oh well.

I'm laughing my ass off, that poor bastard they fired him a day too soon
Shoulda fired the fucking baserunning coach though
Mike Brumley

Needs a stern talkin’ to

He's the one who should be out of a job.

Since this was nothing more that “we did something”.

Ok, I really want Josh Wilson to hit for the cycle.

Because, really? Josh Wilson?

Probably the last Mariner I would expect to hit for the cycle...
Rob Johnson.
Dan Wilson hit an inside the park home run.

Catchers are full of bizarro potential.

Good call. You win sir
Griffey.
Griffey is more likely to do it with an inside the park home run in which the right fielder drops the ball, picks it up and inadvertantly throws it backwards
He's out of luck now that Eric Byrnes is out of baseball.
I'm going to blackmail Dayton Moore until he signs me to a contract to play against the Mariners and lets me start and play the full game in right field just to make this happen
I look forward to the .gif!
NO

NO YOU IDIOT

WTF? why are you leading off third far enough to get thrown out?
sorry for chat speak
....AAAAND THAT'S THE MARINERS
Stop. Doing. That.
So, does wilson deserve some capital letters in his name now?
Im afraid to turn on the game.

That’s usually when the bad things start happening. Still awaiting the patented bonehead 2010 m’s play.

Just happened!
How do you get picked off third?
... By Mike Napolini?!?!?!
Mike Napoli is really good.
Naps isn't that good.

Mike Scioscia doesn’t play him. Managers play their best players. QED

Oh yeah, how silly of me.
Well, that's the common mis-conception.

Napoli must have slept with Sciosca’s sister or something.

That's the uncommon conception?
Yup seriously.
This team's retarded.
He should cycle because it would be so dumb at this point.
FIRE BRUMLEY!
Willits has a bit of Ibanez in him.
A lot, if you were watching yesterday
Oh, wait, Willits?

I thought you were talking about Rivera!

One major difference, Willits does not run like a zombie.
He's younger...give it time!
I BLAME YOU BRUMLEY. I WILL MAKE YOU PAY
I Blame Napoli
I'd put up the Bad Baserunning .gif, but this is just hilarious more than angering
Really, that seems like it was just a well done pick play
It really was, I have no problem commending that throw.
It's hilarious when we have a lead.
More like hilariously irritating.
Our lineup really need to face Ervin Sanatana today.
needed*
Our lineup faced Joe Saunders yesterday.

:(

And we scored infinity more runs then we normally do!
Infinity.

I do not think this word means what you think it means.

Well, we normally score negative infinity runs, so since we scored any runs, we must have scored infinity runs!
Your logic is flawless!

You should teach maths.

I took a million logic classes in school, I'm all about this shit.
Infinity percent
Arguably true.
I teach maths*

*do not teach maths

And we chased him.

So we’re gaining momentum?

Josh Wilson will hit for the cycle and we will lose this game.
Ok, off to the north.

Hope that isn’t the butterfly effect to bring down this fragile ecological structure.

Me too, in about 20 minutes!

PS: LAX sucks.

Mike Brumley needs to be fired.
Should josh wilson bat 2nd tomorrow? and move figgins to 7 slot?
If Jack Wilson is back

I’d consider giving Figgins a day or two off.

Jack Wilson at SS, Josh Wilson as DH
God Figgins can't even fucking play defense.
Uh.

Not a very easy play.

He could of at least stopped it with his face.
Yeah because that was such a routine play.
He doesn't seem to make the play you would expect a top tier defender to make
Really?
Yes, didn't we go over this in the other thread already
He's looked pretty damn good at second to me.
He's been okay, nothing great
Stop trolling.

Seriously.

Yeah, I'm trolling because I'm saying his defense at 2B has been around average

and not great. Okay bud

We're watching two different players.
Rudy4three is apparently is a Gold-glove voter.
Torii is so much better than Gutz.
Sorry that you can't accept that Chone Figgins hasn't been an elite defender

at his new position

Did I say elite?
Actually, you haven't said anything on the topic, other than to

insult me

Eh I said something in the other thread but I'm too happy to argue right now.
I think most people are taking issue with you calling him mediocre in the last thread.
All I said was that he's played a mediocre 2B to date.

I don’t see anything in the data to date to indicate otherwise. He’s been about average defensively. He’s made some great plays, but he’s also had some balls eat him up. Granted they were not easy plays to make, but the great ones make a good number of those plays

What data are you looking at? It's way too early to use UZR

You pretty much have to trust your eyes at this point and to mine he’s looked solidly above-average.

It should be factored in that this is a new position for Chone.
Not really

but even despite that he’s looked to be well above average at second.

I'm just saying if we give Loafie that break Chone should get it too.
I don't think anybody is casting judgment on his long

term potential at the position

Defensive runs saved and my eyes. I think he's/ made some very tough plays

and I think he’s missed a good number of balls that were tough, but that the top guys make.

He’s made most of the routine plays.

Overall, I think he’s been about average or maybe a tad better so far

Pretty rangey, especially into the hole between second and first.
Way to go after that one Figgy...
Our WE is going down!

Fuck.

Oh god, I missed the Condor's first homer?????

Godamnit!

Deep center field!
Does this help?

I actually want Wak to leave him in here...

Low pitch count, soft part of the lineup coming up…he can do it.

Yeah I'd be rather pissed if he got pulled

He’s still in good shape

Vargas always looks like he hasn't slept in weeks.
I'm pretty sure he is a vampire.
Vampire lesbian from New Jersey.
Since he's from New Jersey, I'm pretty sure we should make a reality show about him.
He just looks like it.

He was actually born in Washington and grew up in California I think.

More just commenting on the baffling number of New Jersey reality shows.
Yeah shit needs to stop.
This is great. I might only add, vampire MAFIA lesbian from New Jersey.
We are thisclose to writing Jason Vargas fanfic.

sb, where are ya, bud?

Bong hits pre-game

Gotta fill the BP time somehow

How's Luke French been in AAA?
Flukey.
I see what you did there.
The live look in on MLB.com is 10 seconds ahead of TV

strike out

Swinging Strikes!
Wow Vargas.
I fucking love that changeup
Somebody please get a picture of Napoli's face on that K
VARGAS IS A SEXY ANIMAL WHO I WOULD RAVAGE
Everyone raise your hand who thought that by May 9

King Felix would have allowed the same number of earned runs as Fister and Vargas.

I'm starting to love you Jason Vargas
Great job Vargas
Runners on 1st and 3rd with no outs....couldn't score.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Who do they think they are, the Mariner's?!?
Add another ace into the fold.
Vargas is the new RRS
He misses bats.
Not Australian enough >:(
Transylvanian.
Vargas you are a swell guy
Dallas Braden is perfect through 7.
Someone cross the mound!
Oh my god that would be amazing
I do not care right now.

5 RUNS!

I would be thrilled if he carries that through and gets the grail.

Because fuck Alex Rodriguez, that’s why.

God I would love to have Alex back.
10 years. 242 million.

Go ahead. Say no.

Also, it was 9 years ago. Let go.

You think that's the only reason I hate Alex Rodriguez?

Then you are not paying attention to anything about that man, my friend.

Like when he saved that kids life by pushing him out of the way of an on coming truck in Boston?
Sounds like something Nomah would do, not A-Rod.
Well, who saves children?

Arod!

What a Mariner like inning from the Angels.
I refuse to ever compare Vargas to RRS
Changeup is looking Moyer-like.

only 20 years younger.

And way less attractive.
2 hit CG shutout!
Imagine if Sweeney had just taken the walk last night...
The Putz trade keeps looking better and better.
So, Putz trade is the best trade in the history of forever and ever.
How are the low minors guys we got in the trade doing?
Whoa I just realized I miss Bartell Drugs

That was a great drugstore

Bartell's is gone? What's going on over there!?
It's still there; I'm not
Ahhh I see. It just seems like everything I remember about Seattle is being destroyed.
Corco is in Wyoming now.
So Saunders is here to stay?
If the gods love us
Griffey and Sweeney!
Maybe the gods are smiting us now so they can reward us for our perserverance later
Adam Moore. Looking very lost.
Yeah, I feel bad for him
It's bad when you'd rather see RoboRob.
Adam Moore needs to shave,

he looks freaking weird.

Yeah, no idea what he's swinging at.
So Adam Moore is terrible.

Makes me sad.

Adam Moore is probably growing it until he gets two hits in a row
How very Rob Johnson of you
Rob Johnson seems to know he sucks, and so he's become more patient.
Since he's not hitting or catching is Moore our second DH?
Not enough hugging or babysitting.
Why do all our highly touted catchers turn out shitty?

Moore, Clement…Please go get Doumit and fix the backstop.

Varitek was a huge bust too
But hey, Heathcliff Slocumb was worth it, right?

This still haunts me…

Moore hasn't turned out to be anything
Way too early to pass judgement on Moore.
Ichiro is doing his best Sweeney impression

swinging at every pitch.

Ichiro is one of the few players allowed to do this.
Except he's better than Sweeney.

A lot.

That was such an Ichiro at bat.
Ichiro: "Bored now."
Wouldn't it be cool if he waved his hand and flayed Santana alive?

Dark Ichiro!

OK, boarding now.

Don’t fuck this up, Mariners. >:

REFUSE TO WALK!
Ichiro in slapping form
Santana's slider can drill 30 ft into the earth.
I love you, Ichiro.

Now steal again.

Beautiful from Ichiro
Does the 1st base person ever try to talk to ichiro?

I bet it goes like this

1st base: Nice hit.
Ichiro: Shhhhh I know.

1 more baserunner and assuming no DP's or pickoffs, Josh Wilson gets another AB
Ichiro's going to bad annoying if he ever gets old.
I'm pretty sure he's already annoying to opposing teams.
Let's go Figgy.

Stop being a shit.

Do something Chone. Get hit by a pitch.

Hit something.

Wait is the banner not up today?
Brett isn't at the game
Brett's an asshole
I don't think I could bring myself to go to every game right now either
For all we know it was overconfident karma of that poster that CAUSED ALL THIS TO HAPPEN
That's very true
Chone Figgins has an OPS of .566 on the season.

It seemed like the right move at the time.

Figgins is going to homer here just to cap the oddities of this game.
I still can't beleive we got 9 walks last night.

9! and still lost.

Mike Sweeney!
God, last night I was just yelling at him to lean into one.

Because nothing else was going to end well.

Really Figgins?
Please start hitting Figgy.
I really want Figgins to start hitting

This is really starting to turn fans against him.

My god, Chone, my god.

OPS .562 now.

Hey fuck you Santana.
DON'T YOU FUCKING EVER DO THAT ERVIN

DON’T YOU FUCKING EVER DO THAT AGAIN

What did he do?
Almost drilled Guti in the ear!
Especially not at the face.
His beautiful face!
I feel like Elaine in that one Seinfeld episode.
DO NOT MESS WITH THE PERFECT FACE
OK YOU CAN JUST BACK THE FUCK OFF SANTANA
To be fair.

The wind was blowing in hard.

I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN
Dallas Braden has a perfect game through seven
Against the 22-8 Rays

Now we all check that game out and there goes the perfect game…

If he pulls it off against the Rays then wow.
Wasn't Buehrle's against the Rays too?
I'm calling Guti to hit one down the RF line
You are entering a world of pain, son. A world of pain.
Every girl in the stands just fainted after that.
Not just the girls.
The Cuti nickname still sucks
I seem to remember Figgy started really terribly 2 or 3 years ago and then hit like .380 after May.
Teach him a lesson

A bullet to the pitchers arm

Why does Santana shake his glove like that before his windup

It’s weird.

Ryan Dempster-weird?
I think its so that hitters can't tell whether he's changing his grip or not.

Sometimes pitchers will not have to move the ball to get a fastball grip, but do to throw a breaking ball. Maybe Santana shakes his glove to cover up whatever difference there may be when he gets his grip.

Must be swing at everything day at Safeco.
Haha. Just thinking about how much it would suck to get beated with a pink bat.
I'd think the color would become irrelevant rather quickly
Beated?
*beaten. My apologies.
Ichiro is godlike so far today
Ichiro runnin wild!
Mike Napoli is going to have Ichiro related nightmares.
So Ichiro is entering God status early this season.
FUCK YOU SANTANA
Go kill yourself, Ervin.
THAT SHIT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN
FUCK YOU SANTANA!

TWICE IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Ok Ervin, time for you to die.
I AM GOING TO MURDER YOUR FUCKING FAMILY ERVIN SANTANA

I WILL KILL YOUR MOTHER IN FRONT OF YOU ON MOTHER’S DAY

FUCK YOU SANTANA

I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES, BITCH!

Vargas better drill some motherfucker
With his 86 mph scorcher
Josh Wilson gets another AB.
Ok no baserunner mistakes

And Wilson will get a chance for another atbat!

Bahahahaha
@mattpitman: NOT THE FACE!!! NOT THE FACE!!!
Wilson will get one more AB!
Braden is 3 outs away
Braden is through 8.
Charge the mound

Seriously.

Let Powell throw the first punch.

Three more outs for Dallas Braden
Braden perfect through eight
OH ERVIN YOU FUCKING BITCH I WILL CARVE UP YOUR MOTHER ON MOTHERS DAY WHICH WILL BE PARTICULARLY DARK AND EVIL
If you can't beat him...

hit ’em.

Wow, Braden is three outs away from the perfecto.
I wonder how much of this is driven by his desire to show Arod that he's not a nobody
It's hard not to want to see him do it...especially against the best team in baseball.
He called himself a nobody.

He himself said “I probably don’t even register on that guy’s radar.” It’s not like A-Rod was being a dick to him.

He’s a self-aware man.

I guess, but Arod also has a history of being an elitist when it comes to baseball.

He always pot shots guys who he feels aren’t in his class of player.

And all of his quotes since the Braden thing, have centered around not giving a no name player any attention or as he said, not extending his 15 minutes of fame

I do whatever Morgan Ensberg tells me to do, and he tells me that Arod is in the right.
His blog is fantastic.
You guys want Braden to get it?

I hate him and the A’s, but I always root for history

With a 4-0 lead?

Yeah. I want him to get it.

If the game was 1-0 I'd be rooting for him to blow it.
Fuck Dallas Braden.

And fuck the A’s.

Fuck it, if they're going to win anyway then I hope he gets it

It’s not like they have Hawk to ruin it for me.

I hope he loses it with 2 outs in the 9th on a HR to a pinch-hitter.

Brian Holman must be avenged.

Yes

Unless its against us, perfect games are cool.

Yes.

It gives him credit for flipping shit at A-Rod earlier in the year.

If the perfect game is ended

then I want the Rays to score a crapload of runs and win, otherwise perfcet game is ok.

He's a douchenozzle, so no.
The A's are my second favorite AL West team

So yes

Well mine too but I still hate them
I'm going to run with the "it's good for baseball" line

It’s good for baseball if a small market team with no fanbase like the Athletics has a pitcher throw a perfect game

My second favorite team in the AL West is the Rangers now, I think.

And that’s a reaaally distant second.

The Rangers are my second favorite team in the AL West.

Which means they’re my 28th favorite team overall.

NO

He’s been such a douchebag lately, I’d love to see him blow it.

Since it's basically out of reach...God I hate the A's though.
Kenji Johjima has back spasms
Quick! Somebody walk all over Braden's mound!
I wonder how we would react when we finally build a good offensive team only to see them get no-hit?
Somebody Jinx it already
Will they celebrate on the mound?

Or is that a no no too.

Hilariously bad play by Gabe Kapler.
Shit, I totally forgot about MLB.tv's picture-in-picture options

I’m now watching.

Hit a 340-ft HR, Jose
Or strikeout.
Just joined the game and I can't believe what I am seeing
Back to fucking back.
And Lopez kills it
I actually think it would be bad for the A's to have a long inning here.
That's what I'm hoping for
I just want the timing to work so Josh Wilson comes up at a different time than Braden pitching the 9th so I can watch both
and Vargas doesn't complete his shutout simultaneously
I hope he gets the chance. 5 run lead Wak let the kid have it.
Picture-in-picture!
I'm old school and don't believe in that fancy technology
That's why I love extra innings
Man alive...

Jose Lopez is HORRIBLE.

Lopez defines consistencey.

If only he can become productive now.

Ichiro has 3 hits and 3 SB, and only 1 run

Let’s go CFig you gotta step it up and get way past 0.200

Is that a midget?
Pretty sure those are just children.
I want Braden to pitch a perfect game so Hawk Harrelson can be miserable.

Fuck you for the worst play by play of a perfect game ever.

That's a good reasoning for anything.
I must be one of the few who doesn't mind Hawk on that call.
YEES YEESS YESSSSSSS YESSSSSS YESSSSSSSSS YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS

Fuck Hawk.

Well it was a good thing
Oh Jason... don't walk Willits
Wow this ump is horrible
Woot! Taking Vargas out at a good time!
Wak hesitated on his way out of the DO
I think Wak is channeling the spirit of Mclaren.
Good call Wak. I really expected it to be White.
And I don't mean to take out Vargas. He could have finished the 8th.
WHAT THE FUCK WAK

SCREW YOU

WHY THE FUCK
Why is Brandon League up?

Are you trying to ruin his arm so that Sean White can pitch more often?

THAT'S SUCH HORSESHIT

LET HIM PITCH THE COMPLETE GAME

I'm starting to love Jason Vargas.
I don't fancy your chances much.
If only I were a gay woman
I said the same thing earlier.

I just want to see him smile once in a while.

Good stuff, Jason.
I don't like when Rizzs stares into the camera
That was really creepy.
So let me ask - I'm not the only one who wouldn't leave my daughter alone w/Rizz?
Daughter, sister, grandmother, pet ferret....
Fixed!

I don’t like when Rizzs stares into the camera.

Two of those pitches were on the line, but none were blatant.
Sorry RRS. Hope you enjoy the BP when Bedard comes back.
Vargas, I'm legitimately proud of you
Heading to the 9th in Oakland.
7-8-9 up...

This is gonna be hilarious if he fails.

The rays are a good team you realize?
Yeah, it's pretty much hilarious either way.
Using League correctly, woo
Everyone check out Braden!

If you want…

Braden time!
Time to watch the 9th for Braden.
Inning Over

Braden’s coming up

THIS IS IT FOLKS.

Top of the 9th

Switch to A's Rays
Any of the networks carrying it?
MLB Network if you get it.
Got it, thanks.
MLB.com has a free look-in
THANK YOU!
Braden will dedicate this game to A-Rod.
That's the only reason I want him to get it.

But on the other hand, fuck the A’s.

Atta boy League. Own those bitches.
Bwahaha, nice swing.
I completely forgot that the Rays got perfect game'd last year.
US Route 209 is in Pennsylvania
Brandon League doesn't make me forget Brandon Morrow.

But he makes me happy in his own way.

Vargas allowed 0 runs, he is under 100 pitches

just let the success of this game finish up and enjoy it, questionable call

League is back.
God I love Brandon League.
I wish Josh Wilson could play defense
He's not Tui!
What the hell Wilson!
2 more to go.
Aybar line out to first.
Aren't they all pretty much bad hops, eh Blowers?
1 more out.
One out left holy shit
ONE MORE HOLY SHIT
Here we go.
Braden 1 out away. I thought that line drive was it.
Damn!

I thought that was it

Navarro line out to left.

ONE OUT AWAY!

Aybar struck out swining and lined out on the same at bat
Hooooly shit.
Nice play by the As

1 left.

Gabe Kapler up.
Come on, Gabe
Draw a walk. That would be sweet.
Braden does look like a douche
It is safe to judge this book by its cover!
Just draw a walk or something, Kapler
You fucking idiot
What the fuck just happened in the M's game?
Now there's an Angels run.
That was a fucking stupid throw
He was probably scared shitless...
yes yes yes
Wow!

Congrats to Braden

Wow he did it.
HOLY FUCK
I'm SHAKING
I fucking hate you, Oakland.

But that’s awesome. Congrats, Braden.

FUCK YOU PAY ROID

YOU LITTLE BITCH

Meh, Braden is the one who went overboard.
Wow what a clever nickname

did you think of that yourself?

Braden did!
Pay Roid? Really?

Grow up.

Make another fucking Jesus Colome joke
Dallas Braden has been the little bitch in this whole scenario.
It was kind of a joke and meant to be overboard because of Braden being Braden
Nicely done Braden

Only the 17th perfect game since 1900 and the 19th in MLB history.

Two in the last two years

both against the Rays.

Holy Shit.Gotta give it up to Braden.
GET OFF HIS MOUND!
Nice job, Braden
Now please get out of this League
US 209 IS IN FUCKING PENNSYLVANIA DON'T MISUSE THE US ROUTE SHIELD
The need for Catchers is apparent.

Why did you throw to first Moore?

Oakland just keeps pumping them out

Amazing

I don't like Braden and wish it didn't happen to a division rival, but fuck that's sweet
I really don't mind. That was exciting.

I’d be pissed if it happened to us. But against Tampa Bay? That’s pretty incredible.

Kinda hard to hate a guy after his grandmother comes out to hug him on the field
He's still a jackass, though.
I feel sorry for the rays

two years, two perfect games against

I don't.

They’re 22-9.

Awwww

I wanted us to pitch a shutout.

Congratulations to Dallas Braden.

But you’re still a whiny little bitch.

That about sums it up
Too bad Oakland fans suck

And there aren’t many there to see that epic performance.

Happy Mother's Day Grandma Braden.
Awwwwww Dallas and his grandma
LEAGUESEX!

Those were filthy.

Now that was an awesome splitter.
Impressive especially against the Rays - Mother's Day Miracle
Five outs woooooooo
FUCK ME LEAGUE
Struck out 3 in 2/3 of an inning.
Nice

thats a rare feat aswell. Probably never happend in the same game where a player hit a cycle.

Josh up third next inning.
If Josh Wilson hits for the cycle within ten minutes of Dallas Braden throwing a perfect game against the Rays

the universe may explode.

Worth it
I'm not sure which was more unlikely
implode actually
I'll be past caring at that point.
Alright, back to the Mariners.

Let’s go Wilson!

Brandon League is a fucking ridiculous man.
Okay after hearing his interview I've decided he really is a douche and I wish he didn't get it
What did he say? I didn't get to hear, just some yammering from Nomar on ESPN.
His inflection just sounded douchey and he called his perfect game "perfect"
He's pretty well known to be a little bitch after all the nonsense with Rodriguez

The moment with his grandmother was nice, but beyond that, it’s going to be pretty annoying.

Wait what?

Willits scored from 2nd on the wild pitch?

On a wild pitch strikeout
There was an error too.

Bascially league got 4 outs in those 2/3 of an inning.

Our catchers are not very good.
I'm willing to give Moore more time
I think he'll do a saunders
Hey, thank you,
So am I, but holy shit.

Also, it’s widely acknowledged that his potential with the bat far, far outpaces his potential behind the plate, which is how a run scores on a WP. His defense.

His defense has always sucked.

The best he can hope for is to be passable.

And I don't mean passed balls.

Heyoooooooooo

So, again.

In the context of a run scoring on a wild pitch, “our catchers are not very good.” I wasn’t saying “give up on him.”

Man, the Mariners snap their losing streak and Dallas Braden steals the show.

What an Asshole

Lets not get ahead of ourselves
Great, you jinxed us.
Didn't we just see right here how well all this jinxing works?
The A's announcers said Braden had a perfect game going at least 3 times since I turned it to their broadcast in the 8th.
Texas gets the sweep
Morales doesn't get an RBI for striking out and helping the run score?
Griffey should be banned from hitting balls to right field
Well then he just won't hit anything.
Bahaha Rizzs that's Dallas' grandma
Damn, I had that ready to go, too.
That's his grandma Rizz.
There needs to be a "shallow right field derby" just so Griffey can win something.
I want a Mariner to throw a perfect game :(
Fister or Vargas will at some point
I want the Mariners to win a game.
RETIRE

Replace that with some Henice

Or maybe a 40 of Old E

Josh better hit for the quad cycle
Let's go Josh!

Hit that double!

DO IT JOSH

DO THIS SHIT

How was Josh _Wilsons 3rd hit scored a triple. Didn't Willits fumble the ball picking it up?
It got labeled as a bobble.
Who gives a fuck?
What is that Langerhans song?

I’ve wanted to know since last year

Woo-who- you-who, er..
Love you, Langerhans.
My god I love Langerhans
If Josh Wilson doubles, I'll flip something
I'm going to buy a lottery ticket
I forgot about Beltre's cycle.
Sweeney has to go once Milton is back.

Saunders and Langerhans need to be on this team.

Ryan Langerhans is what we hoped Chone Figgins would be!
LANGERSEX

WHY WERE YOU NOT IN THE MAJORS THIS WHOLE SEASON

Because Mike Sweeney.
Holy shit that Beltre cycle was awesome
Huh. Maybe this is why they benched Napoli
If he hits it out of the park is he allowed to stand at second and not advance?
I think so acctually.
Conor Jackson a couple of years ago went 5-5 with a homer, 2 singles, and 2 triples.

His last at bat was a triple that he could of stayed on 2nd for to get the cycle, but he didn’t. I was pissed.

C'MON PAPERBOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYY
Langerhans batting just barely above Byrnes but man o man do I love him so much more.
His OBP is like a bajillion.
Only hey four walks in the last two days
This is a hell of an at-bat
He should consciously go up there thinking double every time
Leading th PCL in doubles!
In 546 career MLB PAs, Wilson has 4 triples and 5 homeruns coming into this game.

He has one of each so far tonight.

More Langersex!
NO DON'T WALK HIM YOU STOKES YOU PEICE OF DOODIE
DIE STOKES
So it just goes without saying that I love Langerhans.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Booooo to that pitcher.
They were scared of him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lets bat around bitches!
Just like when Ichiro was going for the cycle.

:(

REDEEM YOURSELF ADAM MOORE!
Damnit I'm a batter early.
I'VE NEVER HATED A WALK MORE
Guess we'll just have to bat around to get Wilson the cycle
Unbelieveable
Do you know what this means?

Time to bat around!

Awwww, now we have to bat around.

This is going to suck.

Don't worry, we're going to bat around.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Let's get this shit tied up so it can go into extras
or bat around
Paging Mr. White.
We're going to hit 8 homeruns in a row to get back to Wilson.
GriffLLent will be over!
I meant 7. Griffey will be out number 2.
Then we'll be disappointed that his double didn't make it nine in a row.
BOOOOO, be less awful, Stokes.
LET'S LIGHT THIS COWARDLY BUTTFACE UP, SAUNDERS
C'mon Condor...
When Stokes misses, he really misses....
Can we call that an Icicle when they walk you to avoid the cycle?
A bicycle, maybe?
SEVEN MORE
Haha!

That’s what I was thinking

Saunders can stay.
Saunders is so much fun to watch
Ichiro RBI this season-5, Josh Wilson RBI this season-4 (3 today).

There is a lesson to be learned here.

Ichiro is a leadoff hitter though
Don't hit behind Jack Wilson and Rob Johnson if you want RBIs?
Condor strikes again!
Saunders!

Stay forever.

The Callups

rocking the whole day

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Canadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HE's BACK!
Saunders is the man!
SAUNDERS!

Please do not leave us

Powell's last name isn't on his jersey yet

It just says 30

Works for me.
Go away Sweeney
I think we've met our new LF
Welp, that settles it.

When Bradley comes back, he’s fulltime DH, Saunders is fulltime LF, and Langerhans is our permanent and only backup OF.

Saunders!! ok, let's bat around.
So Saunders should totally stay on this team.
Give him the LF job!
Please Adam Moore!

Don’t GIDP!

Adam Moore redemption time.
WEEEEEEEE!
HAHAHAHAH BOBBY ABREU!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
YEAH YEAH YEAH ADAM MOORE

THANK YOU BOBBY ABREU

HAHA FUCK YOU ANGELS
Abreu 4 Defense!
Bobby Abreu is a fantastic outfielder

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

His eyes were closed!!!!!
Outfield suckery for LA
Moore runs!!!
I just woke up. Saunders!

And he hit one out? Jesus.

BROKEN BAT!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Aaaand the wheels are falling off for the Angels today
Finally it happens to someone else.
Felix is smiling!
SEVEN RUNS!
Felix is smiling. This is good.

Pump it loud tonight, boys.

See, that's why Ichiro pulls up on those kinds of plays.
Three little words:

In play, runs(s)

I love seeing it.
That's well and good

but I was always partial to “in play, run-scoring play”

Those are three words that matter a lot to me.

Seeing as how I can’t watch any games…

I hate seeing that

I’d rather have to read the full line of the play that happened then right away knowing if its an out or a run…

It's the suspense that makes it for me.
MOORE MOORE MOORE!
5 more hits needed!
Come on Ichiro

Bring home two more.

Ichi-fail.

:(

Hey guys! Chone will get a hit here!
Ichiro sucks
You are foolish.
Here's the part where Chone kills the rally.
Is it a rally if he comes up to the plate with a six run lead?
Cmon Figgy ride the comeback train
C'mon Figgins
Cmon Figgy

Build up some confidence in yourself

Chone Figgins redemption time.
We need to with pink bats the rest of the year!
I feel like we say this every year
And they never listen!

See what happens!?

When will we learn?
Five years running I bet.
The Mariners love their moms more as a team than any other club in the league.
SEX SLAM TIME!
HOLY SHIT

FIVE MORE

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Angels bullpen!
Ah, all set up for a Guti

Grand Salami.

Figgins doing the only thing he knows how to do!

Besides K.

I'll take it
LETS DO A GUT SLAM
Figgins greated strength is not swinging.
Is that like Parmesan cheese?
Wilson might actually have a shot at this again
Griffey still has to come up :(
Christ, lady, put your arms down
It's not her fault she got on the roller coaster with the Western Kentucky baseball team.
How many more runs until we double our runs-scored for the season?

Two?

This is hard to believe, but we scored 11 runs in a game earlier this year!
I guess all this proves is that the Mariners really love their Mothers'...
It proves that Alan Cockrell was the cause of our offensive woes.
And the Angels don't
Guti looks even sexier with that pink bat.
Someone wins money if the M's score exactly 7 runs.

Guti says: Fuck that guy.

I thought it was seven runs in the seventh?
They changed it this year.
FUNK WALK!
HOLY SHIT WE WALKED A RUN IN
Loafieslam?
Loafie's second career slam (and of the season!) + Braden perfecto + Wilson cycle...

This day would be so fucked up.

That'll work Guti
Guti walk!

Let’s get Josh Wilson back up.

Holy shit, Josh Wilson just might get another chance.
Not if Jr has anything to do with it. :(
This is more like it.

Yes, indeed.

I'm loving the walks
I predict that we will win this game
Way to go out on a limb there.
Fucking Lopez

Don’t swing for Christ’s sake

Lopez is ambitious
THAT'S A DISCIPRINE
Jose Lopez, you lack a disciprine!
Is he turning Japanese?
No, he is just ronery out there

The other guys more or less have the discipline now…

South Park reference.
I never get these.
There was reason there were no takers for him last winter
How is all of this happening in a single game?
MORE POWELL
Loafie you are a retard
Oh Lopez.

Bases loaded walk and Lopez swings at his eyes.

Leaving Stokes out to dry
Yeah I almost feel sorry for him

But then I remember he plays for the Angels so fuck him.

Fuck you, Loafie!
Whats a DISCIPRINE?
THE FUCK ARE YOU SWINGING AT?
LOPEZ IS A COCKWAGON
Lopez looked like he wanted to end the inning, ASAP.
He's worried Josh Wilson might take his job
Jose Lopez takes pride in his defense?
Fucking Lopez

Why do you have to swing at every goddamn pitch?

Oh yeah

BECAUSE HE’S TERRIBLE

Way to deny Josh's hopes of a cycle you dickbutt
Well fuck they tried.
Everyone but Lopie...
Lopez is late for his mother's day party.
Is she even alive?
He's always on time for a FAT toad party.

Piece of shit.

GODDAMMIT LOAFIE >:(
We should move Saunders up in the lineup
Lopez isn't a team player

He just wanted his own.

Look at his fat ass

He’s had plenty of his own

More ROOKIES!

(Is Fister a rookie?)

Fister is not a rookie.
No

Had 6 starts or so last year.

Walkamatsu Ball!

Except Lopez. You suck Lopez.

Someone just got drilled with a foul ball.
Oh god that little kid in the crowd got hit in the head.
Hope he's okay
Because this game would have otherwise been far too positive
Surprised no one's picked up on it yet
Should've been paying attention :o
Shawn Kelley is not Sean White.

This is a good thing.

A wonderful thing.
It's a seven-run lead, which means the better one is being used in low-leverage situations

This is not good.

Fister is a pornstar in baseballl clothes.
Mariners: .363 with 2 HR, 8 RBI, and 7 BB today
Bliss.
I guess he really was the problem
16, count 'em, 16 walks in the last 2 games.

16!

Stone's twitter:
RT: @susanslusser Dallas Braden’s grandmother is here and speaking to the press. She says, and I’m not joking, “Stick it, A-Rod.”
Fuck yes.
So douchebaggery runs in the family?
I see she's a douchebag just like her grandson.
In the Battle of Douchebags

I’m with Braden on this one.

Pretty safe to say they're both self-absorbed assholes
I would of been. had he just said one thing about it and then that's it.

But he keeps mouthing off about it. Him and his grandma need to shut the fuck up already.

Seriously. if it's not a bid deal, then shut the fuck up, Dallas (and family).
Betty White on SNL and this...

The old folks are getting restless

I hope A-Rod kicks his whole family's ass.
Bradens Grandma woud kick A-Rods roided ass. She knows proper mound etiquette.
Except for the whole not being a rule thing, yeah!
A-rod is a sure fire hall of famer, your grandson is not.
Loafie is not Beltre.
Thats for goddam sure

I just Hate toad, no real reason why, I just do.

I really thought he was gonna be traded. I thought some NL team with a short leftfield wall
No. He jumped late.
Saunders just Rivera'd it!
was that a byrnes impression?
Hmmm that was a familiar event
No Saunders no

I like you too much

Holy shit we're about to win.
Wait are we going to WIN???!!!
Hopefully playing time

For some of the guys that are hungry. . . no not Jr, Lopez, and Sweeney.

Why are we walking Michael Ryan?
There we go.
WIN!!!!??????
HANG ON TIME
A win! A win! I'm gonna cry!
SUCK IT LOSING STREAK
WWWWIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!1!!!
THANK GOD!
MARINERS WIN!
It'zzz ALLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVEEEE~~~
YES YES YES YES

It’s fucking over.

WE WON?????
MY GOD! A WIN!
THANKS ALAN COCKRELL FOR YOUR INSTRUCTION LEADING TO THE TWELVE HITS ACQUIRED TODAY
This feeling is odd
1-8 HOMESTAND
Let's have a parade!
WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MARINERS ACTUALLY WIN

It's been far too long.
We need more opportunites to use this.

Also Scruffy’s version.

For some reason, it makes me sad in a way
Oh how I've missed you Fiddle Cat
Playoffs?
Back on the wagon everybody!
CLIFF LEE NEXT GAME!
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
I forgot what this winning thing felt like!
Mariners 1-0: .363 with 2 HR, 8 RBI, and 7 BB today since firing hitting coach
We should fire Powell tomorrow!
I hope we can keep this up
And yet, Griffey and Sweeney still blow and are taking up two roster spots for no reason
Suck it Angels moms!
Woot! And Cockrell called himself a hitting coach
Josh Wilson actually acknowledges that he knew he was a double short of the cycle.
I'm sure every player knows...it's stupid how they say those things.
It's OVEEEEEERRRRRRRR.
Leeeeeeeeeet iiiiit go.
I'm reccing this because I suspect it's referencing a tune I quite enjoy.
I suspect you are right.
Good man.
WE WIN!

Hopefully we can be like the Rockies (from last year), and win like 13 in a row or something like that

"Alonzo's here now!"
Firing people works!

Quick Z, fire someone else. we need to get to .500.

3rd base coach?
I wonder if Griffey or Sweeney

would have any 3rd base coaching ability.

Bad Idea

They’d probably grab the runner and give a big hug.

Mascot experience, perhaps?
I definitely vote 3rd base coach
Two bad calls today.

Waving Franklin around was pure stupidity.

All of the above.
We already switched once. Let's do it again!

After all, this guy hasn’t exactly been lucky or anything

Hire Byrnes back

So we can fire him again.

FIRE MIKE BRUMLEY!
Dammit, we won.

I guess Lookout Landing is about to get 73% less funny.

Michael Saunders has power!
In the last 2 games combined the Mariners have walked 16 times.

16!

You must Login with your SB Nation account and be a member of Lookout Landing to post a comment.