My favorite hockey team, the Ottawa Senators, has a very talented center named Jason Spezza, who has a nasty habit of making some clumsy mistakes. The one he's most known for is that he makes a lot of blind, no-look passes that end up as missed connections or turnovers going the other way. I've always thought the team should film a commercial based on that premise. You know, people ask Jason for things during his usual day, like slippers, or milk, or silverware, and he tosses them over without looking. It would be a popular, funny commercial where the team and player poke fun at themselves and make light of something that often drives fans up the wall.
The Mariners should do something like that with Rob Johnson.
6 recs | 112 comments
Well there goes my next off day humor post
Matthew - June 13, 2010
>: [
Watching this loop is making my blood pressure rise.
Eyebrows - June 13, 2010
Yoga can help.
It cannot fix the anxiety that is Rob Johnson, but it can help relieve high blood pressure. Watching this, though, reminds me that yoga has it’s limitations. Nothing can probably fix this. This is so bad.
TrustBaseball - June 13, 2010
Really? this is like the Byrnes lost ball gif for me
shades of Chaplin
Bearskin Rugburn - June 14, 2010
This is like watching Little League.
JonBBT - June 13, 2010
Brilliant!
Put a little clip in there where he’s part of the birthing process, I’d laugh my ass off.
Kermit. - June 13, 2010
Adorable
BigR - June 13, 2010
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who saw this as nobody replied in the last thread about this moment.
SethGrandpa - June 13, 2010
Ever thought about adding a section on the side of the website with all the Rob Johnson gifs?
chezbergrur - June 13, 2010
Or make them into an IMAX film.
RustyJohn - June 13, 2010
"Robert Johnson: Professional Catcher
."
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
Yeah, Jeff really dropped the ball on that one.
CapSea - June 13, 2010
I get it!
BrettJMiller - June 13, 2010
Rob Johnson, Terrell Owens and Koren Robinson..
Are the only three people available to catch the newborn babies that have to be thrown down from the 4th floor of a burning hospital.
Rob: “Come on guys, catching is our profession, we are the most qualified.”
there were no survivors.
bagsflyfree - June 13, 2010
I'm confused as to if this happening in the future, or if it already transpired.
katal - June 13, 2010
Third Tuesday of every month since Koren Robinson got his OB/Gyn certification and Robert threatened to burn down a hospital if Robinson didn't pan out.
abender20 - June 13, 2010
I missed the game today, and evidently a new Rob Johnson moment as well.
It’s driving me bonkers that we seriously can’t just send him away for good already.
qrsouther - June 13, 2010
This is why I am glad the Angels picked up Kevin Frandsen off waivers.
He is as good as he is bad and that makes him hilariously entertaining to watch.
44FAN - June 13, 2010
This is why Felix likes Rob Johnson
Reporter: “Felix, why do you want Johnson as your personal catcher?”
Felix: “Because he makes me laugh.”
PackBob - June 13, 2010
Rob Johnson is the Court Jester
ermac - June 13, 2010
Every king needs his fool
Gihyou - June 13, 2010
This has been an exasperating season. It has from the beginning because we all knew
so many things had to go right and almost nothing could go wrong in order for us to use the one season of CLIFF FUCKING LEE that we were given. No one could have anticipated that Sweeney would come north with the club, Figgins, Bradley, Brynes, Kotchman, Lopez, Wilson, etc, weren’t going to play to their potential. No one could have anticipated that CLIFF wasn’t going to be available for the opening homestand. Rob Johnson, was an easy scapegoat from day one. He’s the absolutely perfect scapegoat – he’s a catcher who can’t catch and he was going to be our starting catcher. He is the epitome of our 2010 Seattle Mariners.
TrustBaseball - June 13, 2010
We already established Scrappy and Rob Johnson was the scapegoat in case thihngs went bad.
Slurvey - June 13, 2010
I honestly wonder if Garko would have been a better defensive catcher.
Fuckmikereilly - June 13, 2010
The answer is yes
BrettJMiller - June 13, 2010
Seeing this makes me wonder if Rob Johnson is the reason that Brandon League won't throw his splitter anymore
He sees all of the wild pitches/passed balls from Felix et al and it must be messing with his head
tootthekazoo - June 13, 2010
I'm in agreement with this. League won't throw his best pitch, because he knows Rob can't
catch it. Rec for you, but I want to add that League has got to throw the splitter to be effective. He is not going to get the closer job until he can show Wak that he can be effective getting guys out in that situation. And until Wak believes League can be effective with his splitter, he’s has to rely on our current, sometimes ineffective, closer.
TrustBaseball - June 13, 2010
So, to sum up:
League won’t use his splitter because of Rob Johnson.
Wak won’t trust League until League uses his splitter.
Wak also won’t use League in closing situations until League shows Wak that he can do well in closing situations.
League cannot do well in closing situations because he won’t use his splitter.
So we’re totally fucked unless somehow, perhaps using elaborate smoke signals or perhaps complex hidden messages buried inside late night infomercials, League communicates to Wak that the reason he is reluctant to use his splitter, and thus the reason he is not effective, is due to Rob Johnson. Even though Johnson has only caught 60% of League’s pitches and League’s offspeed pitch rate isn’t much different with other catchers?
Matthew - June 14, 2010
Yes?
the other side - June 14, 2010
Yes.
I’m no Brandon League, but I would never throw anything to Rob Johnson that doesn’t move in a straght line.
Jon S. - June 13, 2010 via mobile
My fastball probably has arc on it.
I wonder if Rob could handle that kind of movement.
JonBBT - June 14, 2010
OK, What are some potential "catching" things in Jeff's original post, that RJ would miss?
- A guy on a bus sneezes all over him and he couldn’t catch a cold?
- A man dressed as a bandit walks past him on the street and he couldn’t catch a thief?
- A woman in a bar throws up on his shoes and he couldn’t catch a clue?
I’m reaching here.
As a professional baseball catcher, you are obviously supposed to catch the ball, but what else, in life, are you “supposed” to catch?
TrustBaseball - June 14, 2010
He couldn't catch a bus.
He couldn’t catch a fly.
He couldn’t catch a fish.
He couldn’t catch a rain drop.
He couldn’t catch a break.
He couldn’t catch a hint.
He couldn’t catch a taurus in a ferrari.
He couldn’t catch ’em all.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
He couldn't catch a thing that is generally thought to be caught.
Mariner John - June 14, 2010
Trichomoniasis?
thehemogoblin - June 14, 2010
Drop it.
Slica - June 14, 2010
Like none of these work
Jeff Sullivan - June 14, 2010
Christ you guys
The idea is that he literally drops things that are handed to him. Like fruit, or babies.
Jeff Sullivan - June 14, 2010
A job as a major league catcher?
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
That isn't an actual object that is handed to him.
Chris Hafner - June 14, 2010
Unfortunately this is untrue
His job is the one thing he DID catch. And he will clutch it feverishly until it’s pried from his cold, dead, bumbling hands.
HititHere - June 14, 2010
Catching a bus could be a watch commercial.
A fly could be a bug spray commercial.
A fish could be a fishing pole one.
A rain drop for a rain coat or umbrella.
A break for kit kat bars.
A hint wouldn’t work.
The one about cars for a new ford taurus commercial.
And the last one for a pokemon commercial.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
What?
Seriously I don’t understand.
Mariner John - June 14, 2010
Fuck it.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
Not to be mean, but it's not you that doesn't understand.
There appear to be a remarkable amount of people who are having trouble distinguishing between the subtleties of the different meanings of “catch”, and using the appropriate one.
Terminator X - June 14, 2010
So for all intents and purposes, Jeff's usage is the correct usage for this thread/post?
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
Since it was Jeff's idea and it came out of Jeff's head I think that's a fair assessment
pdb - June 14, 2010
I think it's more about the funny/not funny barrier than anything.
But that’s only me.
Matthew - June 14, 2010
I keep going back to "Jeff's post wasn't actually a problem to be solved"
so the assigning of a “correct” designation to what was something that didn’t really warrant elaboration is somewhat unnecessary. But, as you say, that’s just me.
pdb - June 14, 2010
I agree.
It was unneeded, but I think it becomes annoying because it isn’t funny.
Matthew - June 15, 2010
Why would he be trying to catch a Taurus?
MT Olson - June 14, 2010
Trying to catch a slow car with a fast one.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
I don't know.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
I can practically hear your exasperation when I read this
MT Olson - June 14, 2010
Yeah, because my original reply keeps getting misunderstood.
I didn’t reply or try to add onto Jeff’s joke.
I answered what Trustbaseball said and just brainstormed.
“what else, in life, are you "supposed" to catch?”
chezbergrur - June 16, 2010
Yeah, that's kinda what I figured.
Ended up being blown out of proportions a bit.
MT Olson - June 17, 2010
It's the only thing worth catching at the Safari Park
seattlebruin - June 14, 2010
Well, now this is what I was looking for, thank you, Mr. Chezbergrur.
The Bret Boone bat flip was classic. Any RJ commercial has to do with “not catch” those classic things. I still don’t know what “catch a taurus in a ferrari” means. In any case, thank you. I’ll get on this for next year although I hope we’re not dealing/trying to sell RJ next year.
TrustBaseball - June 14, 2010
No no no no no no no
You are ruining my commercial!
Jeff Sullivan - June 14, 2010
He could endorse soap on a rope, maybe
Jeff Nye - June 14, 2010
To be fair, I like the last one.
If he were a Pokemon Master he’d be Ash Dropum.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
My oh my, I believe I started this and I'm so sorry for that.
TrustBaseball - June 14, 2010
I guess like racing, a slow car and a fast one.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
But he did catch herpes.
Can this be the punchline?
JonBBT - June 14, 2010
I don't think you understand the commercial idea very well
Jeff Sullivan - June 14, 2010
To restore your faith in humanity:
Rob Johnson gets a part-time job at the Pike Place Market at the place that throws fish. Rob Johnson does not catch many fish. Hilarity ensues. Maybe Felix works there too and is throwing the fish to him, and shakes his head in disappointment at the end.
Terminator X - June 14, 2010
Thank God
Jeff Sullivan - June 14, 2010
I imagine those fish are a tougher catch than a straight 90 MPH fastball.
JonBBT - June 14, 2010
I would imagine they both take practice.
the other side - June 14, 2010
I'd love to see the kind of movement Felix could get on a large chinook salmon.
Chris Hafner - June 14, 2010
Now there's a Mariners commercial.
JonBBT - June 14, 2010
?
Eyeball Kid - June 14, 2010
He couldn't catch gonorrhea from a 2 dollar hooker
Unfortunately :(
Fuckmikereilly - June 14, 2010
It's amazing how big of a response replying to your last question got.
chezbergrur - June 14, 2010
I was pretty skeptical of the whole "hey I think I have adult ADD too!" period a few years ago
Seemed like a bunch of players all the sudden realized they had ADD (my conspiracy theory: with all the performance-enhancers stuff going on, they just wanted an easy way to get their amphetamines)
But does anyone else think that Rob Johnson might actually have something like this, legitimately?
I mean I love all the .gifs and laughing at his incompetence, but it’s getting to the point where I’m convinced there’s something wrong with him, like his ability to concentrate.
And hey, if he’s all hopped up on adderall, he might walk more too!
Karma Police - June 14, 2010
I don't think anyone with ADD would lose focus literally mid-pitch
Jeff Sullivan - June 14, 2010
If this is true.
It seems the Mariners have had their share over the last few years. (Lopez/Yuni)
But as Jeff alluded to…the catcher position would require loss in focus mid-pitch, which is a bit more unlikely.
Slica - June 14, 2010
Yeah, no.
abender20 - June 14, 2010
Which is it
Bearskin Rugburn - June 14, 2010
I don't think that the reason Rob Johnson occasionally has trouble catching low pitches with a lot of movement on them is because he has ADD and loses focus in literally a split second.
It’s probably more likely that catching low pitches with alot of movement on them is extraordinarily hard to do, and there’s only a few dozen people in the MLB capable of doing so with an extremely high success rate.
Terminator X - June 14, 2010
Did you just compare Rob Johnson
to somebody with talent?
Schaefer - June 14, 2010
The umpire was clearly trying to cross Johnson up with an eephus pitch.
Jeff Nye - June 14, 2010
Rob Johnson would have a hell of a time in prison.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
Rob Johnson hopes that someday the ball that drop might be his own.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
Interestingly, when Rob Johnson plays basketball, all he does is travel.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
Rob Johnson once played goalie for the UK soccer team.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
The UK doesn't have a soccer team
Aaron Campeau - June 14, 2010
They will for the 2012 Olympics
pdb - June 14, 2010
They have several
Bearskin Rugburn - June 14, 2010
FUCK YOU
Eyeball Kid - June 14, 2010
Rob Johnson's dad made one throw before walking sadly back into the cornfield.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
I'm getting the feeling that this thread is turning Rob Johnson into a dead meme.
Hopefulmsfan - June 14, 2010
.
/THIS IS WHY WE CAN"T HAVE NICE THINGS/
Bearskin Rugburn - June 14, 2010
Rob Johnson is bizarro-cinderella because the balls are always running away from him.
CapSea - June 14, 2010
Sad but true story...
When I was in Dallas last week for a few games, I watched batting practice from above the dugout. The players were gathering up the balls around the cage. I watched Rob bend down to pick up a ball and then he just… missed it. It was sitting right there on the ground and he got distracted and just couldn’t pick it up. It was the highlight of my trip.
E-Lizz - June 14, 2010
Hey everyone, here is an idea:
when a site author makes a joke, don’t try to improve upon or add to it.
Aaron Campeau - June 14, 2010
Doesn't... doesn't that make it funnier?
Bearskin Rugburn - June 14, 2010
If you find a horrifically mutilated horse carcass to be amusing then by all means continue to pinata all over it
pdb - June 14, 2010
;)
CapSea - June 14, 2010
I can only remember one instance of it working.
And that was changing the axes to “soda” and “pop” on the Griffey chart.
JY - June 14, 2010
Scene: Rob Johnson family Thanksgiving dinner
Rob is seated at the head of the table table.
RJ: “Hey Cliff, pass me the carving knife please.”
Cliff Lee to RJ’s left hands him a carving knife. Rob tries to grab the knife, but flings it into the air and it lands, point straight down in the table.
Neihaus (previously off screen, now shown standing near the table with headset and microphone): “To be fair, that cutter had some late break on it.”
Scene change to RJ and Felix are having a picnic in a park. Both are sitting on a blanket.
RJ:“Hey Felix, how about some food?”
Felix reaches into a cooler and throws a plastic wrapped sandwich to RJ using a pitching like motion.
RJ tries to catch it with one hand but misses. Before it hits the ground, Guti grabs it with a diving catch.
Neihaus (again, standing nearby):“Looks like he was expecting a slider there.”
Scene change to RJ and Bedard fishing on a lake.
RJ:“How are you doing so far?”
Bedard holds up a string of fish.
Bedard:“Not too bad. You catch anything?”
Cut to a beaming Rob. He holds up a baseball attached to a fishing line. He goes to grab it and the baseball falls off and disappears into the water.
Neihaus (standing nearby in waders):“Rob let that sinker get away from him.”
Mariners baseball.
PDXTai - June 14, 2010
Well done.
Neihaus in waders is a great touch. Gives me a sort of Shatner-esque vibe.
Terminator X - June 14, 2010
Shatner?
I barely know her.
Bearskin Rugburn - June 14, 2010
Maybe a bit of a reach, but in the context of the rest of these comments I guess it's pretty good.
Terminator X - June 14, 2010
Works better in the joke
Q. Why did Uhura leave Star Trek?
A. Because William Shatner.
Eyeball Kid - June 14, 2010
You people are fucking horrible.
Gif = funny
Random fucking things that Rob drops in life = not funny
the other side - June 14, 2010
So.. what are the chances that his laser surgery actually made him worse at catching things?
It was bad last year, but this bad? Or is it that we’ve caught on and now that it’s a joke every time he misses the ball we notice?
JonBBT - June 14, 2010
I can't imagine he was grossly lacking in vision, so I can't imagine the correction would be a major help.
He doesn’t need to pick up spins and grips because, hey, he’s calling the pitches.
abender20 - June 14, 2010
Rob Johnson, Mariners #Cantcher.
Pete_ - June 14, 2010
the last time there was a Rob Johnson thread, I got a warning.
so I will not be posting further in this one.
dantheman3k - June 14, 2010
We thank you for posting about how you will not be posting.
Consider this a warning that you will not be warned unless you break a site rule.
Matthew - June 14, 2010
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