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Series Preview: Kansas City Royals @ Seattle Mariners

Seattle: 40-69
Kansas City: 46-62

MARINERS Δ Ms ROYALS EDGE
HITTING (wOBA)
-129.2 (30th) 1.7 -17.7 (22nd) Kansas City
FIELDING (UZR) 14.2 (10th) 0.0 -10.3 (20th) Seattle
ROTATION (tRA)
1.8 (17th) -4.5 -52.1 (28th) Seattle
BULLPEN (tRA)
-26.4 (29th) 0.0 -30.1 (28th) Kansas City
OVERALL(RAA)
-139.6 (28th) -2.6 -110.2 (26th) KANSAS CITY









Oh, hello there. What's up? A series preview? Is it that time again already? It is huh. Well, I suppose. No no, it's fine. I got it. It's just... you know sometimes you just want to take a break from chronicling how bad this team is over and over again. I remember even in May and early June I could sustain myself with the thinking about how it will be nice to watch them regress positively.

And I got through late June and July with the World Cup distraction and trips to Portland and LA. Now it's August and our team is legitimately pretty awful and there's over 50 games left to go and I just want it to stop for a few weeks so I can mentally prepare myself. We got thrown into a marathon of suck without adequate preparation and right when it feels like it should be over soon we pass the 17-mile marker. We're momentarily proud of that, - 17 miles is a long run. But oh god that means there's still nine more miles to go!

Fri Aug 06, 17:10: Luke French* vs. Zack Greinke

Sat Aug 07, 17:10: David Pauley vs. Bruce Chen*

Sun Aug 08, 13:10: Jason Vargas* vs. Brian Bannister

In the late 80s and early 90s as the Soviet Union was crumbling under the weight of years of economic neglect, the coal miners perhaps had it the worst off. Notably in the far eastern provinces and areas such as Sakhalin, the mining infrastructure were so poor that it would take workers upwards of two hours to get through the tunnels from topside to the actual coal to be mined.

They weren't paid for that time, as it was considered a commute. Some workers crawled and shimmied for two hours each way through rocks likely to someday collapse and crush them all for the privilege of being able to inhale large amounts of coal dust, commute another two hours and then go home to almost nothing.

Compared to that, the Mariners aren't so bad I guess.

This is a depressing preview. I apologize and will now attempt to mitigate those feelings with pictures of baby animals. Always end with a high note.

Cute_puppies_t3510_medium Images_medium Image2_medium 46562-bigthumbnail_medium 1269036782-cute_puppy_medium

4 recs  |  35 comments

Comments

God our wOBA is so ba- d'awwwwwwwwww.
And tomorrow after we run the marathon we decide to run again further injuring ourselves.
Whohooo!

Now we get to face bad teams that are better than us!

Fuck Hamsters

Whoever domesticated those finger eating assholes needs a swift kick in the balls. Now baby seals and puppies, those are cute.

The Mariners have hardened my heart.

I re-read the paragraph about Russian coal miners a couple times, but only gave a cursory glance at the cute animals.

He's biting the other dogs nose!
And husky puppies are adorable!
This is my favorite series preview since the one where you mentioned my testicles.
Looking over the pitching matchups

and thinking that at least we might win the Vargas game is sobering. Even worse is expecting to lose to Bruce Chen.

How does this relate to the cute puppy biting the other puppy's nose?
I got distracted and started thinking about baseball.

I’ll try not to let it happen again. Combining thoughts, analogically, is the big puppy eating the other puppy’s face Zack Greinke to Luke French or the Royals to the Mariners?

The Mariners are the chicks the white cat is about to maul.
Yeah, that's better. Or the Ms are the kitten with no body next to the rabbit.
Don't think about sports.

Way to lower the bat, Matthew.

So the stuff about the miners was your sunny, pollyanna-ish side?

Someone doesn't seem to be acquainted with Pictures for Sad Children.
Wow, that's almost as bad as Buddy Holocaust

I can only find one of his sunnier ballads, “We Will Retake Saigon” online.

You have to be optimistic to truly adore dark humor
Thanks Matthew. Those baby animals have successfully neutralized the rage caused by the realization that we're worse than Kansas City.
I think I can only come up with misleading captions for 2 or 3 of those pictures

Well done Matthew.

Scratch that

I can do everything but the baby seal.

Imagine the baby seal as the Mariners and the rest of the AL as a baseball bat and I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Wrong kind of misleading.
Like so?

Jokes are usually best left without full documentation
If there is one thing that a large chunk of LL could learn from this site this should be it
I thought the image was striking enough to be worthwhile

but here I am explaining a joke so obviously I missed my mark.

No I think we got the joke without seeing the picture of someone clubbing a seal.
He's not gonna club the seal.

look at his foot position relative to it.

So the Battle for Grass Creek is pretty much turning into a fight over who wants to own a Superfund site.
Kitten! Bunny!

I feel like if I keep watching they will sync up
Anyone else bothered by the fact that the seal image is named "cute_puppies?"

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