Lookout Landing

Ah, the annual rites of baseball. Pitchers and catchers. Opening Day. The stupidly sort of meaningful All Star Game. Of course none of those compare to the fanfare and joy that accompany today's bit of news, the release of the Mariners' 2012 bobblehead schedule. The Mariners have set dates for four such promotions.

April 20: Ichiro Suzuki
May 25: Dustin Ackley
June 15: Felix Hernandez
July 28: dual Dan Wilson and Randy Johnson Mariner Hall of Fame bobblehead

That final bobblehead will coincide with the induction of the pair during a pregame ceremony which is probably preferable to an ingame ceremony because although I adore him, I'm not sure Randy Johnson has much left in the pitching tank and Dan Wilson... well... probably better than Miguel Olivo!*

*No. No he wouldn't be. You know what's not really a funny joke? The insert-retired-possibly-dead-player-or-generic-person is better than insert-underperforming-alive-Major-League-player joke. See how I just made a formula out of it? That usually means it's not that funny. Formulas are not funny unless they involve Avogadro's number.

It isn't just the bobbleheads that we were bestowed information about however, but some other toy-type giveaways are also planned. Here are some others!

May 4 (Smoakamotive Train Night): Sigh. Smoakamotive. Fine. It's the Mariners collector train series, it's been going for some time. It makes sense since there's train tracks near the stadium. I like the trains. I'm not even that upset by the pun.

May 9 (Mother's Day): Moms get a Mariners' necklace. They also get to attend a Major League Baseball game! Just what mom wanted! She's not disappointed in you, honest!

May 26 (Turn Back the Clock): Just one day after the Dustin Ackley bobblehead day, this festival of the 1950s threatened to overload the public with too much promotion euphoria. That is why the team decided on a 50s throwback since euphoria was banned throughout the 1950s. The Mariners and Angels will wear their old Pacific Coast League uniforms and fans will receive a poster of Brandon League, Miguel Olivo, Brendan Ryan and Jason Vargas wearing said uniform.

One might note that none of those players were alive in the 1950s. It is good that, since they missed out on Jamie Moyer (old joke), the Mariners no longer employ a player alive in that decade, but maybe they could have found still-alive-but-no-longer-playing people from that era. I've seen Jason Vargas a lot. Him wearing a different uniform will not be that novel to me. Show me some players from the division winning 1951 or 1955 Seattle Rainiers! Hal Brown and John Oldham are still alive somewhere, according to baseball-reference.

June 9 (Ichiro Bendy Day): A Gumby version of Ichiro. Frankly, it surprises me that it's taken this long to conceive of this idea, but here it is now. Now you too can twist and contort Ichiro into a variety of poses exclaims the Mariners' promo sheet. Based on how he's performing at that time and the state of his contract, this could get uncomfortable.

June 17 (Father's Day): Dads get a Trader Joe's fishing cap. Like all things from Trader Joe's it will be suspiciously good for the price.

July 15 (Superhero Kid's Day): Kids 14-and-under get a free cape. I hope that doesn't persuade any kids to try jumping from the upper deck and flying using the cape. Or do I?

There are other promotions as well. A full list is readable here assuming you can read English. The King's Court is returning which you'll be able to read and purchase tickets to at this address once tickets are available. March 10 is when individual game tickets are set to go on public sale. There's always been a private, web-only, presale a few days in advance that you simply need to agree to be marketed at in order to receive the promo code. I imagine that will continue if you simply cannot wait an extra two days to get your paying-money-to-Ticketmaster-bastards fix.